A man at the mall operates the snowflake machine
"Then, the grown-ups start acting real nice, and smiling all the time."
"And that's not the worstest part! One night, he comes."
"The scariest guy in the world,"
"Chuckie, you can't be scared of Santa! He's big and fat and jolly and gives you presents!"
"That's not what I heard!"
"Ho ho ho! And, uh, how are you today, little, um..."
"A Rocco Mr. X exploding smash-up doll, a Beverly Hills Cynthia lunch box,"
"And a 9/11 emergency surgical kit with working stethoscope!"
"I don't know if Santa..."
"I thought he only gave you stuff at Christmas."
"Nah, you just gotta know how to work him."
"Stu, can you imagine how upset Angelica must be finding out that that department store Santa was a fake?"
"She doesn't look that upset to me."
"Do you think toys can compensate for what she's been through? She may be traumatized for life!"
"Hey, this is a bunch of junk!"
"They didn't give me any of the stuff I wanted!"
Phil and Lil run away when Angelica swats at them
"She'll still have a better christmas than I ever had."
"What do you mean, Charles? Didn't you ever have a big special dinner with lots of family and presents?"
"Well, when I was a kid, Christmas was always kind of... disappointing."
"The best gift I ever got was a rubber glove and a tongue depressor. I'm just afraid it'll be the same for Chuckie!"
"I just wish I could do something to reaffirm Angelica's faith in Santa."
"Hey, I know! Lets rent a place up in the mountains and do it up right!"
"We can chop down our own tree, and sing carols, and open up presents there on Christmas morning!"
"I'll drink a couple of quarts of eggnog and fall asleep in front of the TV!"
"Just my luck! I get a whole bunch of toys, and not one of them is any fun!"
"And what's this? A Reptar space helmet?"
"I'm telling you, Tommy, that Santa's a bad guy!"
"What's the matter with you?"
"I just wish I could figure out what to give Lil for Christmas."
"Gee, thanks, Angelica! What a pal!"
"You can have em', all right,"
"But it's gonna cost you!"
"Not a lot, just your Reptar doll."
"My Reptar doll? But that's my favoritest toy ever!"
"Okay, okay, Lil's my sister."
"Oh boy! It doesn't get any better than this!"
"I know it's only a few days till Christmas, but don't you have anything?"
"No, I don't think Tijuana's the right location."
"Poor Angelica. Christmas is ruined forever!"
"Hey, I got an idea!"
"Hey, I got an idea!"
"Okay, I was thinking, why don't I dress up as Santa, and come down the chimney on Christmas Eve?"
"And get a glimpse of old St. Nick!"
"Hi, Lil. What you doin'?"
"Trying to figure out something to give Phil for Christmas?"
"Mmmm... his building blocks?"
"His stuffed alligator with the missing eye?"
"A Reptar on Ice sing-along record?"
"Hey, that's a great idea, Angelica!"
"But where am I gonna get a Reptar space helmet?"
"What a great trick, Cynthia!"
"But he doesn't have his Reptar doll!"
"Now maybe you heard folks say he's not real, just a fairy tale. Well, it ain't the truth."
"St. Nick is as real as you and me!"
"That's right; I've seen him with my own two eyes."
"Yep, and here's the point of my story."
"You see, Santa may be old, but he's as sharp as a toothpick."
"And if you've been bad, you don't get that special doll you wanted or that fine-lookin' electric train."
"Instead, you get a great big, ugly lump of coal!"
"Of course, none of this applies to any of you sprats! You've all been good as gold!"
"Guess what, everybody? We got a cabin!"
"Is it true that if you're a bad little kid,"
"Santa Claus will give you a lump of coal instead of presents?"
"Sweet dreams, Princess."
"I don't care what they say, Cynthia, that guy Santa can't possibly know that trick I played on Phil & Lil. Can he?"
"Dumb old Santa. Great trick. Can't know."
"It can't be! It just can't be!"
"Santa's just a smelly old guy in red pajamas!"
"There's just no way he could have known!
"Phil got a new Reptar doll, Lil got a new coloring book,"
"Daddy! Daddy! What day is it? Is it Christmas?"
"It all started when the first present was given by the Pilgrims a long, long time ago."
Phil and Lil watch Angelica sled down the hill
"Wow. It was only your dad, Tommy."
"Boy, for a minute there, I was gettin' really scared."
"I thought it was Santa."
Chas is trapped in the fireplace
Chas scares Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, and Lil
"Little problem with the chimney, hmm?"
"Merry Christmas, Tommy!"
"Phil, Lil, aren't you guys up past your bedtime?"
"Well, gotta go. Another 900 million children on my list."
"You mean you..."
"Did you trade Angelica your Reptar doll just to get me these crayons?"
"And you traded your coloring book to get me my Reptar space helmet!"
"Ewww, baby germs!"
"I'm calling from my car phone. You see, my car skidded off the road,"
"Angelica, is that a lump of coal?"
Santa flies off into the distance.