| The Rugrats Movie (1998 film) | Gallery | Transcript |
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Title Card
(Opening: The second half of the "Rugrats" theme song plays in a small rectangle in the center of the screen. Captions "Paramount Pictures and Nickelodeon Movies Present" "A Klasky Csupo Production" fade on and off on top of this rectangle. At the end of the intro, where Tommy squirts his bottle. The streams of milk cover the entire movie screen, then drips down with a stereophonic crescendo to reveal "The Rugrats Movie" logo. Fade to black.)
(The camera is in a jungle and move in the direction of a mountain in which their is a temple surrounded with Reptar statues. The Rugrats climb the cliff and are at the cave's entrance. The temple is dark and gloomy inside, as we are there, looking towards the outside, as the Rugrats race in. Once in the cave, Chuckie stops.)
Chuckie: Aah! This place give me the juicebumps!
(A group of bats fly out of the mouth of one of the Reptar statues.)
Phil: Maybe we should go back!
Lil: Very back!
Tommy: No, We can't go back now, you guys! Okey-Dokey Jones never goes back!
(The Rugrats move near a door-shaped like Angelica's head. They act surprised. Inside the "mouth" is a bright, orange-colored light.)
Tommy: Hang on to your diapies, babies, we're goin' in!
Chuckie: (voice over) That's Tommy Pickles. He's the bravest baby I ever knowed!
(As Chuckie talks, Tommy races toward the door. As he gets there, the door slams, while he raced in there once it's open, and after he enters, it slams shut again. Phil and Lil look surprised.)
Chuckie: (voice over) And that's Phil and Lil. Uh, uh, well, they--they like worms.
(Phil and Lil hold hands and rush in through the door, which closed behind them.)
Chuckie: (voice over) And I'm Chuckie. Uh... I'm not so brave.
(Chuckie was hesitant to enter, but was whipped in by Tommy.)
Chuckie: (voice over) But that's okay, 'cause I got Tommy, and he's my bestest friend. (giggles)
(The Rugrats run to a tower on which is perched an idol. They climb the tower to reach the idol. While trying to take the statuette, the idol becomes a banana split and a trap is released, which causes a rock to roll towards them.)
Chuckie: Watch out!
(The babies starts to shout while running like the wind to try escape the rock.)
Tommy: Keep moving it's right behind us!
(Suddenly, the floor open itself in front of them. Tommy, Phil and Lil made the jump, but Chuckie misses his, hanging on the brink.)
Chuckie: Tommy! Help me!
Tommy: Come on, Chuckie!
(Back to reality: The rock was Didi's stomach.)
Didi: Tommy! (The babies scream and run away.) You kids shouldn't be playing in here!
(The Rugrats run away at full speed.)
Chuckie: (voice over) We thought the fun times would last forever.
(Rugrats run into glass patio door and fall on the floor.)
Chuckie: (voice over) But we was wrong!
Didi: Oh, my.
(Betty holds onto Didi as she picks up the Rugrats.)
Betty: Upsy-daisy, Didi.
Didi: Thanks.
(Betty opens the patio door and let the Rugrats go out. The grown-ups are having a baby shower for Didi.)
Susie: Thank you for inviting me to your baby shower, Mrs. Pickles.
(Camera zooms out for a panoramic shot of the whole party.)
Didi: Glad you could be here, Susie.
Woman #1: What a pretty party dress, Angelica.
Angelica: Thank you. My mommy's assistant bought it especially for my Aunt Didi's party. (Susie laughs while making fun of Angelica's dress.) Don't say a word.
(Along the fence, Aunt Miriam is in front of a blackboard, taking bets on the new baby's weight.)
Aunt Miriam: All right, I got $20 on 8 pounds, 6 ounces. 8 pounds 6. Who's got 8-7?
Man: 12!
Aunt Miriam: 12 pounds? What are you, crazy?
Chas: Gosh, you can hardly tell she's gained any weight.
(While turning over, Didi knock over the table with her stomach.)
Woman #2: Oh, don't worry.
Chas: I mean, you know from behind.
Minka: There you are, Didala. Come. Look what we got for you. Boris, move your tuchus.
Didi: A goat? Oh, Mom, you shouldn't have.
Minka: Nothing better for the little bubula than goat's milk.
Boris: Except maybe yak. But you try finding good yak these days. (The babies run and bump into the goat and it bleats.) He's saying, "Hello". There you go, kinderlach, some chocolate coins.
(The Rugrats take the coins and hide their selves under the table.)
Woman #3: Everything I, oh...
(On way to table, Chuckie bumps into ladies, they all gasp.)
(Pan to bottom of table.)
Phil: Aren't you gonna eat it, Tommy?
Tommy: Nope. I'm saving it for my baby sister.
Chuckie: Oh, you mean, she finally came?
Tommy: Not yet, but they're giving her this big party, so I'm pretty sure today's the day.
Lil: Do you think she got losted on her way to the party?
Tommy: Hmm, I don't know. Maybe we better go look for her. Come on!
(Rugrats climb out from under table.)
Chuckie: Uh, but, Tommy, she could be anywheres.
(Chuckie bumps into Didi's stomach.)
Betty: Watch it, pups.
Didi: Careful.
(Charlotte arrives as per usual, she's talking to Jonathan on her cell phone.)
Charlotte: (on phone) I'll get back to you, Jonathan. I've got to say "hi" to the life of the party. (to Didi) How's our little man?
Didi: I told you, Charlotte, Dr. Lipschitz says it's a girl.
Betty: Ha! That windbag thought Phil and Lil were intestinal gas.
Aunt Miriam: Face it, dolly. Riding high, it's a guy.
Charlotte: Well, you know what they say, "Born under Venus, look for a..." (Her phone rings, interrupting her conversation. She immediately answers.) Hello?
Didi: Now, now, Dr. Lipschitz is the expert. I don't see any of you with a PHD in latin.
Betty: Yeah, pig Latin maybe. Well, let's just hope for Tommy's sake it's a girl. I'd hate to think how much my pups would be squabbling if they were both boys.
Didi: Uh, uh, uh. Let's not do any gender stereotyping. After all, Stu and Drew are brothers, and they get along just fine.
(Cut to basement, where Stu and Drew are arguing.)
Stu: Pushy!
Drew: Lazy!
Stu: Bossy!
Drew: Inconsiderate!
Stu: Nosy!
Drew: Good for nothing!
Stu: Busybody!
Both: WHY CAN'T YOU LISTEN TO ME?!
Drew: We're talking about a real job, Stu, with benefits!
Stu: I'm not going to waste my life as a clock-punching, paper-pushing, bean-counting... (Drew gasps in shock) Oh, no offense.
(Stu pulls down his welding mask and proceeds to weld)
Drew: You barely make ends meet now. You've got no insurance, no savings, and another kid on the way!
Stu: For your information, bro, I am working on something right now that is going to put this branch of the Pickles family on easy street. (he puts down his welding mask, but Drew lifts it up again)
Drew: What is it this time, huh, an electric sponge?
Stu: Of course not! That was last year. (reveals his skeleton of the Reptar Wagon) This, this is the Reptar Wagon! The ultimate in toddler transportation! The perfect children's toy!
(Grandpa fixes an old radio as he talks.)
Grandpa: In my day, we had plenty of fun just throwin' rocks at each other. Big bag of dirt clods, that's what the kids want.
Stu: The Reptar Corporation is holding a toy design contest and the winner gets $500!
Drew: (sarcastically) Ooh!
Stu: And there'll be plenty more if this toy's a hit, and I'll be famous!
Drew: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what you said when you built that stupid thing.
(Drew points to a Dactar glider, which is hanging suspended from the ceiling.)
Stu: Maybe Dactar was a little bit complex, but... this... this...watch! (speaking into a microphone with his normal voice) I am Reptar! Hear me roar!
Reptar Wagon: (Stu's voice, distorted) I am Reptar! Hear me roar!
(The Reptar Wagon spits fire across the garage. Drew jumps out of the way while Stu runs up and puts the fire out with his extinguisher.)
Grandpa: (putting out some flames on his sleeve) Con-flam it! Can't a man work in his own basement without gettin' barbecued?!
Stu: Okay, so maybe real fire isn't the best idea for a children's toy.
(Drew's shirt is smoldering as he glares at Stu, who quickly sprays him with the fire extinguisher.)
(Cut to Tommy's room, which was remodeled for the new baby. One side is blue, for Tommy's side, which has a Dummi-bear bed, a "Smile!" poster and a trunk with smiles painted all over, The new baby's side is pink, with a crib festooned with balloons and an "It's a girl!" banner on the wall. The Rugrats enter the room to their amazement.)
All: Oh!
Chuckie: Tommy, somebody's been coloring your room.
Tommy: Yep, it's for my new sister.
Phil: How are we gonna find her, Tommy?
Chuckie: Yeah, we don't even know what she looks like.
Lil: Well, she's a girl like me, so we know she'll be prettyful.
Angelica: (enters, carrying a big bunch of cookies using the lower part of her dress) Oh, brother! You dumb babies got a lot to learn about the facts of lice. (shoves Rugrats en route to table) Now, get out of my way. I gotta get back to the dessert table before the grownups get all the good stuff.
(Angelica dumps cookies on a table.)
Tommy: Angelica, can you help us find my baby sister?
Angelica: I wouldn't be in such a big hurry if I was you, Tommy. 'Cause when the new baby gets here, she's gonna gets all the toys and the love and the attention. And your mommy and daddy'll forget all about you. It'll be like, "Look, Deed... there's that little bald kid in the house again."
Tommy: My mommy and daddy won't forget me.
Angelica: That's what Spike said before you were born. Back when his name was Paul.
Tommy: Paul?
Angelica: Yeah, but, then you came along and they put him out in the rain and he turned into a dog.
Tommy: That's not gonna happen to me, Angelica. My mommy and daddy will love me no matter what!
(Voice over: Susie is outside, singing to the tune of the first couple of lines of "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star", "The ABC Song" and "Baa Baa Black Sheep". Boris accompanies her on accordion. Angelica looks on from Tommy's room.)
Susie: (singing) A baby is very neat, a baby is a special treat.
Angelica: Ugh! Who does Susie Carmichael think she is?
Susie: A baby has lots of toes, a baby has a tiny nose.
(Angelica leaves while the other Rugrats watch from inside.)
(Cut to outside. All are singing, unless specified.)
Susie: A baby is a little dickens, a baby is a cuddly chicken.
(Angelica is next to Didi's belly, chuckling, as she plans to make her move.)
Susie: A baby is lots of joy.
Angelica (barging in) A baby will get all the toys!
Susie: What are you doing? (continues singing) A baby has a smiley face...
Angelica: A baby is from outside space!
Susie: Angelica!
Angelica: Susie!
Susie: A baby is extra fancy.
Angelica: A baby poops in his pantsies!
Susie: Cut it out!
Angelica: No!
(Music switches to a Tejano beat, using different arrangement.)
(The Rugrats climb outside to watch.)
Susie: Like a birdie, singing in a tree!
Angelica: More like Reptar, screaming in your ear!
Both: A baby is a gift, a gift from a Bob! A baby is a gift from a Bob, Bob, Bob! A baby is a gift.
(Angelica does a gagging gesture.)
Susie: A gift from a Bob!
(Cut to under table, where the Rugrats crawled underneath. Tommy and Chuckie are talking, while music continues under.)
Chuckie: Do you really think babies are a gift from a Bob?
Tommy: I don't know. Why?
Chuckie: Because if Bob bringed a gift, it's probably one of them. (points to the baby shower gifts on a nearby table)
(Return to Angelica and Susie, music reverts to "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star", though the Tejano flavor remains.)
Susie: A baby is very special!
Angelica: A baby is, is NOT!!!!!
(Song ends, Angelica's screaming has induced Didi's labor. Didi groans in discomfort.)
Didi: Oh! Betty, it's time!
Betty: It's time? Oh, boy. Everybody to your stations, people! Howard, get Stu. Charlotte, call the hospital. Deed, start your breathing. Come on, good girl.
(Didi begins her rhythmic breathing.)
(The other grownups pick up the Rugrats.)
Grandpa: Up we go, sprout. We got a Pickle to deliver.
Charlotte: Let's go to the car, kids.
(During the rush, the goat broke loose and destroyed the party. While the goat destroys things, it sets off the sprinkler system.)
Charlotte: Would somebody turn that sprinkler off?
(The goat comes inside, dragging a chair on his leg.)
(Grandpa and Tommy look on.)
Grandpa: Now, that's what I call a "baby shower!"
(Cut to exterior of the "Lipschitz Maternity Arts Building", 3 cars race to the front entrance. Cut to interior, looking at a bank of monitors with Dr. Lipschitz's image on each monitor.)
Lipschitz: (on monitors) Welcome to the Werner P. Lipschitz Center for Holistic Birthing, offering the modern parent the state of the art in primitive birth alternatives.
(While Lipschitz speaks, a statue with Lipschitz holding several babies comes into view. Then, cut to a board that displays the names of mothers giving birth, in a fashion of the "Arrivals" and "Delays" board at airports. The gang arrive at the reception desk.)
Nurse: Oh, Mrs. Pickles! You weren't due till next week, now, dear. Geez well, I guess we could try and squeeze you in somewhere, huh?
Didi: But Dr. Lipschitz promised us the all-natural Zen experience in the Tibetan terrace room!
Boris: In my day, a woman just dropped her baby in the potato field and kept going.
Nurse: Ah, yes, the old country room.
(Nurse opens door to a room that has maternity equipment in a middle of a potato field, complete with cows and a farmer.)
Didi: Do you have anything a little cleaner?
Nurse: We could try the aquatic immersion room.
(The gang looks at a window of a tank that has fish, a sea turtle and ruins, plus the pre-requisite maternity gear. The new mother pictured is in scuba gear, while her doctor is in an old-fashioned sea diver's outfit.)
Minka: She's having a baby, not a gefilte fish!
(A couple of doctors enter; one of them is Dr. Lucy Carmichael.)
Dr. Lucy: Oh! Stu, Didi, Randy called to say you were on your way. (laughs) I didn't realize you were bringin' the whole party! How far apart are the pains, hon?
Stu: Oh, they're... (Didi squeezes his hand very tight) pretty much constant.
Dr. Lucy: Okay, Didi, let's go and get you settled in, huh?
(The Rugrats are placed in a playpen.)
Grandpa: Here you go, sprout.
Didi: Don't worry, sweetie, mommy's going to be okay.
(Grown-ups leave; Didi continues her breathing exercises. Grandpa and Boris sit nearby, preparing to play cards.)
Chuckie: Oh, gosh, Tommy, your mommy sure seems upset.
Lil: Maybe your baby sister really is losted.
Tommy: Whoa! Maybe we can buy her a new one.
(Tommy pulls out his chocolate coin.)
Chuckie: Where're we gonna find a baby in a place like this?
(Pull away to reveal several doctors walking around, carrying babies. The Rugrats, in the usual fashion, break out of the playpen, and crawl out without being caught by Grandpa and Boris, who are too busy playing "Fish".)
Grandpa: You got any queens?
Boris: Go fish!
(The Rugrats enter the newborns' nursery.)
Phil: Hey, a baby store.
Lil: Nice and wiggly.
Tommy: You guys help me pick one my mom will like.
(The song "This World is Something New to Me" begins as babies cry and Chuckie steps on one of the light switches on the floor. For your convenience, the newborns' lines will be identified by the artist singing it.)
Lisa Loeb: Where am I?
B Real: How did I get here?
Patti Smith: Today is very different than yesterday.
Lou Rawls: So this is the world?
Laurie Anderson: I miss my old womb.
Gordon Gano: The wallpaper here just ain't the same.
Fred Schneider: This word is something strange.
Loeb: I'm wet,
Phife: I'm cold!
Lenny Kravitz: (waggles a diaper) I need a change!
All: (tosses the blankets in air) This world is something new to me.
Phife: Oh, my head! What is this? I can't take it!
Dawn Robinson: (on an adjacent monitor) Me either!
(Robotic camera zooms in on next baby.)
Beck: I'm hungry.
Rawls: I'm tired.
Jakob Dylan: (pounds a crib floor to make a pacifier bounce) I'm irritated!
Rawls: But I love the extra leg room.
Smith: (Points to her bellybutton) Man! They cut my cord!
Iggy Pop: (Looks in his diaper) Consider yourself lucky!
Dylan: This world is way too big!
Pop: (baby points at Chuckie) And populated by fuzzy pigs.
All: This world is something new to me.
Schneider: This world is such a gas. (passes gas)
Kate Pierson and Cindy Wilson: P.U., where's your class?
All: This world is something new to me.
(2 baby carriers collide with each other as the Rugrats push them around.)
Beck: Quiet! can't a guy get some shuteye?
Smith: It’s so noisy in here.
Pop: I can barely hear myself suck.
(baby grabs a bottle from Chuckie.)
Dylan: The food here tastes pretty good,
Phife: My compliments to the chef.
Robinson: And you gotta holler to get fed.
Rawls: But I could get used to that.
(babies cry, Chuckie falls on floor onto a light switch)
Loeb: This world is way too bright,
Beck: Can't somebody turn down the light?
Gano: (looks inside his diaper) So that's what that thing looks like.
Dylan: All things here are meant for play,
(throws a pacifier; robotic camera follows it.)
Schneider: It's gonna be a real cool day.
All: This world is something new to me.
(Newborns pee in the air to make a fountain, while unidentified babies sing: "da-de-da-da-da", etc.; one of the female babies say "Real cool", while another one says "Look!")
All: (as rainbow forms) This world is something new to me.
(Robotic camera retracts and monitor shuts off as number ends.)
(Grandpa enters the nursery.)
Grandpa: There you are.
Boris: Oy, gevalt! You kinder gave my ticker such a scare.
(They pick up the Rugrats and leave the nursery. As they leave, they shut the light out, and the rainbow from the musical number fades away.)
(Cut to Didi's room. Apparently, the room she has chosen is the usual, ordinary birthing room. Didi's rhythmic breathing continues, though it's now at a faster pace. The staff work on Didi while Dr. Lucy gives orders.)
Dr. Lucy: All right, Didi, you can do it. Push now! (to the staff) Have we got a good reading on the EFM?
(Didi screams. We cut to what seems to be a graphic representation of a baby being born, from a baby's point of view inside Didi's body. In order, we see a blast of blue light, a group of planets, a school of fish mingling in aquatic plantlife, dinosaurs, dolphins and monkeys, stonehenge, the sphinx, atoms and finally, bright light, all of them rendered in CGI. These items zoom by while the baby is born. A grand version of the "Rugrats" theme song plays under. After the bright light, we cut back to outside Didi's body, still looking from the baby's point of view, which starts out as out of focus.)
Dr. Lucy: Here it comes.
Didi: Gorgeous!
Stu: Didi, she's so beautiful. She's...she's a boy!
(The baby's eyes are now in focus, as he is handed to Didi. He starts crying very softly, and kind of adorably.)
Didi: Hello, my wonderful, sweet baby boy.
(Switch back to audience's point of view, where we now see the new baby in Didi's arms softly crying and hiccupping. Stu wipes the tears from his eyes as Didi lets him grab her finger.)
Stu: Well, I guess we won't be naming him after my mother.
Didi: He doesn't look much like a trixie. What about my cousin Dylan?
Stu: Dylan Prescott Pickles. Hmm.
(The nurse is writing down the name, as the baby is sucking on Didi's finger.)
Nurse: Dil Pickles.
(Stu and Didi hear what the nurse said, and realize what a great name it is.)
Stu: Yeah... I like it.
(Stu and Didi look at their new son Dil, who looks up at his father and smiles at him.)
(Grandpa takes Tommy into Didi's room. After being placed next to Dr. Lucy, Tommy gives her his coin.)
Grandpa: Here you go, sprout.
Didi: Tommy, I want you to meet someone very special. This is your brother, Dylan. Dil, this is Tommy.
(Dil, sucking on a pacifier, looks at Tommy.)
Tommy: (gasps) Baby...
Didi: See? They already love each other.
(Dil hiccups before he tweaks Tommy's nose. Tommy starts crying.)
Tommy: Waaaaaahhhhh! Aaaaaahhhhh!
(This in turn causes Dil to start crying.)
Tommy/Dil: Waaaaaaaaaaaahhhh! Waaaaaahhhh! Aaaaahhhh! Aaaaaaahhhh!
Betty: Well, that's a start.
(Cut to exterior of the Pickles house. Caption "Four Weeks Later", a gong sounds. Cut to the kitchen, where Stu and Didi are in their morning clothes, and the kitchen is a big mess. Didi is literally sleeping in the kitchen sink, among the suds. Dil is crying continuously.)
Stu: Didi, what are we gonna do? He hasn't stopped crying since we brought him home!
(Pan to playpen.)
Phil: Somehow it's not as much fun around here anymore.
Chuckie: Yeah! What is your brother so sad about?
Tommy: I don't know! But whatever it is, it must be really bad.
Lil: Maybe he's broked!
Tommy: What?!
Phil/Lil: BROKED!
(A monkey's head on a cymbal doll that Lil was holding pops off.)
Tommy: Broked? (Stu, Didi and a still-crying Dil walk by.) He's not broked! He's a... just a little loud!
Angelica: Ooh! That baby's getting on my nerves!
(Angelica goes into another room and slams the door. Grandpa is in his char, sleeping as a fishing show is seen. The goat is next to him, also sleeping. Angelica changes the channel and turns up the volume. The first thing she sees is a commercial. Caption: "Coming Soon". The commercial featured monkeys and two ringmasters in a circus ring.)
Commercial: Direct from Moscow, the Banana Brothers Monkey Circus! Featuring the most amazing monkeys since Brezhnev! This is real monkey business, so Trotsky on down. The Banana Brothers Monkey Circus! (circus logo slides into view.)
Angelica: GRANDPA! CAN WE GO TO THE CIRCUS?!
(The goat bumps into the armchair's back.)
Grandpa: It's enough of a circus around here already!
(Cut to black, then fade to the exterior of the Pickles' house at night. Dil cries.)
(Caption: "Four O'Clock In the Morning")
Stu: (exhausted) Oh, for the love of Pete. What do you want from us? What? What?
(Stu lays on the floor with Dil. An American flag is waving on the TV.)
(Didi looks in the Lipschitz book.)
Didi: Oh, there must be something in here we missed. Somewhere, somehow, something!
Stu: There must be. Let me see here!
(Stu grabs the book from Didi and looks inside.)
Stu: Cats, colic, Creole baby food. Uh, oh yeah, here it is. Crying...
(We skim the text of the book as Stu reads it. After the second "infant", we cut to Stu's blood-shot eyes, then to an exhausted Stu and Didi on the couch.)
Stu: Although a baby's crying signifies a disruption in the infant-parent matrix, the good-enough parent pacifies the infant during this period of primary narcissism, foregoing their own needs, sublim-, sublimating, sublimating all their own needs too.
(Stu and Didi fall asleep. Dil stops crying, only to see a giant Dr. Lipschitz rotating up from behind the couch. Two babies, with books for wings, fly off of the doctor, as he is lit up. He starts to sing.)
Lipschitz: Raising a baby is a serious venture.
(Stu & Didi "wake up"; one of the winged babies take away the Lipschitz book, while the other baby picks up Dil and takes him away.)
Lipschitz: Not to be embarked upon by the faint of heart.
(Lipschitz plops dunce caps on Stu and Didi.)
Lipschitz: Parents must make choices that are perfect and wise, For you're doing something wrong when the baby cries.
(A book on top of a pile of books opens, and Lipschitz picks up the couple and drops them into some sort of netherworld.)
(In that world, Stu & Didi races up a "staircase" of books.)
Lipschitz: You must consider, the psychology of an infant,
(Stu and Didi then appear as small babies -- Stu in diapers, and Didi all wrapped up, sucking on a pacifier.)
Lipschitz: Nature vs. Nurture,
Feed the ego; starve the mind.
(Twin Lipschitz' appear on either side of the crib. They embrace each other, then turn into a Rorschach print, which Lipschitz holds, while sitting in a chair.)
Lipschitz: You must anticipate each crisis sure to arise,
For you're doing something wrong when the baby cries.
(As Lipschitz sings, a saw saws a hole underneath Stu & Didi, then, they fall through. They are picked up by a giant stork by its claws, holding Lipschitz inside its beak, while flying with a flock of storks.)
(Cut to a puppet theater, with puppeteer Lipschitz holding Stu and Didi puppets. Tommy and Dil snatch the puppets from Lipschitz, and fight over them.)
Lipschitz: Don't forget the older when attending to the younger,
Sibling rivalry can damage all of you.
(The Pickles' house plops on top of them. As its walls bulge, Stu & Didi rush out with Dil, dodging falling giant baby items -- rattle, baby bottle, safety pin.)
Lipschitz: Be a mother, don't smother,
Why do you want a neurosis?
(Dil grows unbelievably large, crushing Stu & Didi.)
Lipschitz: Failure to oralize can lead to toilet training disturbances.
(Dil's diaper bulges, then explodes.)
(Cut to Stu, changing Dil's diaper. Lipschitz pops out of a diaper pail, yelling...)
Lipschitz: Wrong!
(Cut to Didi, rocking Tommy & Dil to sleep. They start to cry when Lipschitz rolls up a window and shouts...)
Lipschitz: Wrong!
(Cut to Stu, strolling Dil with Tommy on his back. Lipschitz looks with a magnifying glass, as Drew, Betty & Charlotte look on.)
Lipschitz: Careful, now!
(Cut to Dil crying, in an auto carrier. Stu & Didi rush to his aid, when Lipschitz, with Chas, Grandpa & Howard looking on, opens the roof and says...)
Lipschitz: No, no, no! Bad parents! Bad parents!
(Cut to Stu, Didi & Dil rushing through the city. The winged babies picked them up and flew them to a temple of justice. Lipschitz appears as a "lawyer".)
Lipschitz: Raising a baby is a complicated venture.
Not to be embarked on by a weaker constitution.
(Lipschitz then appears as a giant baby, standing on the table, between Dil & Tommy.)
Lipschitz: It's really something different, from what we fantasize,
You are doing something wrong when the baby cries.
(Lipschitz leaps to the couple. Then, he goes to a jury of Dils, which gives "thumbs down" . The couple magically appears in prison garb, and a ball and chain.)
Lipschitz: It's really very different, from what we fantasize,
You are doing something wrong when the baby... starts to... cry!
(Tommy plops a giant book on top of the couple.)
(The dream ends, waking up the couple. They look at each other as Dil cries.)
(Cut to an old steam train, which pulls into a station. 2 men, Serge and Igor, leave the locomotive.)
Igor: Serge, you stay here and watch monkeys, I get us coffee.
Serge: No, Igor, you stay and watch monkeys and I get us coffee.
Igor: Nyet! Monkeys watch you, I GET COFFEE!
(Cut to interior of diner, where both men are enjoying their coffee. Igor drinks from a cup, where Serge drinks from a dish. Both are also eating donuts. Their train is in view through a window as monkeys climb out and on top of the train.)
Serge: I think coffee's better in St. Petersburg.
Igor: Nyet, is better in Kiev.
Serge: No, it's better in St. Petersburg.
Igor: Nothing is better in St. Petersburg!
(While the men argue over coffee, the monkeys commandeer the train, and were able to move it. Serge does a "spit-take.")
Serge: Look! The train!
(The men rush out, bumping over tables and other customers.)
Serge: Let me out! Stop!
(By the time Serge and Igor get out of the diner, the train's already racing off into the distance; Igor rants angrily in Russian and throws his hat to the ground and stomps on it.)
(Cut to the train still rolling off. Inside the train, it's revealed the monkeys have commandeered it. The lead monkey who is driving the train puts on an engineer's cap and smiles. Another monkey pushes a lever that increases the train's speed. After it passes a flashing "Danger, Slow Curve" signal, the train derails and crashes into a vast forest. Before we fade out, one of the monkeys climb out, bewildered.)
(Fade into a night scene, where Didi is reading a bedtime story to Tommy.)
Didi: And then the wizard looked down at the little boy and said: "your wish has been granted". And the little boy looked...
(Dil starts crying again.)
Stu: Deed! Help!
Didi: I'll be back, sweetie.
(Cut to Stu, who's holding Dil at his crib.)
Stu: All I did was cough, Deed. I tried not to, but I had a feeling in my throat. And then I coughed! And now he's crying! (Dil hiccups.) And now he's got the hiccups!
(Stu sobs.)
Didi: Oh, Stu.
(Didi places a baby pacifier into Stu's mouth. Didi cranks a baby mobile; Stu spits out the pacifier.)
Didi: Stu, why don't you sing Dil a lullaby?
(Dil hiccups.)
Stu: I'm too tired to sing...
Didi: All right. I'll make something up.
Stu: Good.
(Tommy holds up his book, but he's ignored.)
(The couple starts to sing, ad-libbing as they go along.)
Didi: Baby, please, rest your head.
Stu: Yeah... now it is time for bed.
Didi: (spoken) That's good.
Stu: (spoken) Thanks.
Didi: You're cuter than...
Stu: Uncle Ned!
(They both giggle.)
Didi: Our little...
Stu: Uh... quadruped?
Didi: (spoken) Oh, Stu...
(Dil is whimpering, as if he's scared.)
Didi: (spoken) It didn't work. He's still awake.
Stu: (spoken) I got one. I got one.
Didi: (spoken) OK.
Stu: Twinkle! Twinkle! How times flies...
Didi: Slowly in the starry skies.
Stu: Baby, please, close your eyes!
Didi: S'hh, shh, shh...you're as sweet as...
Stu: Apple pies!
(Tommy holds up one of Stu's slippers, but he's still ignored.)
Didi: As you grow, and love and play...
(Didi tucks Dil in his crib.)
Stu: In our hearts, you'll always stay.
(A dejected Tommy walks away with his book and Stu's slipper. Stu kisses Dil.)
Didi: So sleep and dream the night away... ayy...
(Lights are turned out. Dil falls asleep. Didi kisses Dil.)
Stu: (spoken) Ah, that was good.
(Stu & Didi walk out of the boys' room. Tommy is in the closet, holding one of Stu's slippers. He sings his own line of the lullaby, to himself:)
Tommy: Baby, please, rest your head. Now it is time for bed. Please stop. Don't you see? I want mom and dad for me.
(Tommy sheds some tears. Camera is focused again on Dil, who hiccups a little.)
(Cut to outside, where Spike is also forgotten, in the rain. He howls.)
(Fade in to next morning, Dil cries, the Rugrats are playing inside a crate to be used to ship the Reptar Mobile to Japan. Grandpa finds them playing among the foam peanuts.)
Grandpa: Hey, sprouts, crate's no place for you to play. You wouldn't want to get shipped to Japan with Reptar, now would you? (Grandpa dumps the babies out of the crate, picks it up, and moves it to the next room.) I better put this where I can keep an eye on it.
(We see Dil nibbling on what was Tommy's blanket.)
Chuckie: Dil, that's Tommy's blankie.
Tommy: Yeah, it used to sleep with me before we even got you.
(Dil hits Tommy with his rattle.)
Dil: My blankie!
Chuckie: He's not very nice. (Dil hits him with the rattle.) Ow!
Lil: That's not how you get things from a brother, Tommy.
Tommy: It's not?
Lil: No, it's not. Here, watch.
(Lil shoves Tommy and Chuckie, then tries to take a Reptar doll from Phil.)
Phil: Hey, that's my Reptar, Lillian!
Lil: Is not, Phillip!
Phil: Is too, Lillian!
Lil: Is not!
Phil: Is too!
Lil: Is not! (Lil tosses Phil to flo. Arguing immediately stops.) See, Tommy? Now you try it.
(Tommy walks over to Dil and smiles innocently at him, before grabbing the bear, trying to yank it out of Dil's hands.)
Dil: Teddy mine!
Tommy: Mine!
Dil: Mine!
Tommy: Mine!
Dil: Mine!
Tommy: Mine!
Dil: Mine!
(Dil hits Tommy on the head with his rattle. The babies continue to tug at the teddy bear.)
Phil: Gosh, Tommy learns fast.
Lil: Yeah.
(Grandpa and Stu take the Reptar Wagon from the basement.)
Stu: Hurry, Pop, they'll be here to pick it up any minute.
(Angelica and Drew come over.)
Angelica: Daddy, why can't I watch Shirleylock Holmes at our house? I'll never be able to hear it with that new baby squawking the whole time!
Drew: Now, sweetheart, Daddy's gotta put in a little overtime today, so that Mommy won't be so ashamed of his quarterly earnings.
(Stu answers the door.)
Angelica: Hi, Uncle Stu. Sorry to hear your pony is so slow.
Stu: Uh, we don't have a pony Angelica.
Angelica: (to Drew) Then how come you told Mommy, Aunt Didi got saddled with a loser?
Stu: "Loser"?
Drew: (laughs nervously) He--he... I...
(Dil's crying is heard from upstairs.)
Stu: Excuse me, bro. My tax deductions are CRYING!
(Stu slams the door. Drew opens it again and puts Angelica's things inside.)
Drew: YOU CAN'T DEDUCT THEM IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANY INCOME!
(Drew slams the door.)
(Tommy and Dil are still arguing over the teddy. The other Rugrats watch, while Chuckie is exhibiting signs of boredom.)
Stu: Tommy! Dil! Boys, what are you doing?!
Chuckie: Ohh...
Stu: Dil... let's say we give Tommy a little turn with the bear, huh? (Stu tries to take the teddy bear, causing Dil to usual cry.) Or not. (Stu returns the teddy bear to Dil this stopped Dil's crying, but now Tommy cries) Hey, champ, why don't you come with me for a minute? I got something to show you that's even better than your old teddy bear. (Stu picks up Tommy and takes him to his workshop. After setting him on the workbench, Stu gives Tommy a pocket watch) We weren't going to give you this until you were a little bit older, but I think now's the right time. (Stu holds out a pocket watch and gives it to Tommy) Shiny, huh? (He opens the watch to reveal a taped photo of Tommy and Dil inside.) And Grandpa Lou put your picture inside. (Tommy looks at it, intrigued.) I know it's hard, Tommy. You have a little brother now, and that's a big change. (Tommy scowls and puts down the watch.) Uh, Dil can be pretty tough to get along with, huh? But sometimes little brothers, they aren't everything you'd hoped they'd be. (Stu opens a drawer, then pulls out a picture of himself and Drew, when they were kids.) That's why big brothers have got to have faith. And one day, you'll see... he'll change. After all...(He puts a chain on the watch) you've got responsibility now. I know I can trust that you'll stick by Dil's side and be a swell big brother.
(Stu puts Tommy on his lap. Tommy looks at the watch in his hands.)
Tommy: (thinking) Sponsatility...
(Cut back upstairs, where a goat is eating sleeping Grandpa's newspaper. The Rugrats stand and look at the Reptar Wagon.)
Phil and Lil: Wow!
Chuckie: What is that, you guys?
Lil: Reptar!
Phil: On wheels!
Chuckie: What do you think it's for?
Phil: I don't know.
(Lil climbs into the wagon.)
Lil: I bet it could take us to the baby store.
Phil: Great idea, Lillian. We could take Dil to the hopsicle and get Tommy's money back.
(Lil climbs out.)
Lil: Yeah, it's money back bearanteed.
Chuckie: Guys! Guys, Tommy's not gonna be happy about this.
(Phil and Lil lug Dil towards the wagon and places him in there.)
Lil: Well, he's sure not happy now.
Chuckie: Well...
Lil: You watch. Once Dil goes back to the baby store, Tommy will be happy here.
Chuckie: I don't know about this.
(Tommy enters the room.)
Tommy: What are you doing?
Phil: We, uh, actually, Lillian was, uh...
Lil: We're taking Dil back to the hopsicle, Tommy. We're gonna get your moneys back.
Tommy: What?! You can't do that. My mommy and daddy wanna keep him!
Chuckie: See? See?
Phil: Why? All he does is cry and poop.
Tommy: Well, so do you.
Phil: I don't cry that much!
Tommy: Well, you poop an awful lot!
Phil: Look who's talking, Mr. Chocolate Pants!
Tommy: I am not a poopie monster!
(Angelica is in the living room, watching "Shirleylock Holmes", it's about to go to a commercial, when the title sequence for that show is displayed.)
Announcer: ..."Shirleylock Holmes, Girl Detective", right after these messages.
(Disturbed by the babies' noise, Angelica goes and ask them kindly to make less noise...)
Phil: What are you happy, Tommy?
Tommy: Well, I'm not!
Angelica: Hey, babies. Knock it off! Cynthia and me are trying to watch TV! (Dil swipes Cynthia from Angelica.) Hey, hands off the merchandise, pinkie.
(Angelica and Dil tug at Cynthia, only for Angelica to lose her grip and fall into the crate.)
Phil and Lil: Pretty good.
(Angelica brushes off some foam peanuts and growls.)
Tommy: Be nice, Angelica. He didn't mean it.
(Angelica grabs Tommy by his collar.)
Angelica: You wanna ride in a wagon? I'll give you a ride... (drops Tommy into the wagon) to outside space! (She kicks the Reptar Wagon, hurting her foot.) Ow! (Hopping while holding her foot in pain, Angleica hears on the TV that the show is out of commercial.) My show! Next commercial, you babies are in big trouble!
(Angelica slams the door.)
Lil: All aboard!
Chuckie: (to himself) Just walk away, Chuckie. Walk away. (to the Rugrats) Ooh! Wait for me!
(Chuckie climbs into the moving Reptar Wagon, which has now left the house, down the street.)
Phil: Which way to the hopsicle?
Tommy: We're not going to the hopsicle!
Chuckie: Well, we're going somewheres!
(Cut back to house, the goat is eating the foam peanuts. A delivery boy for United Express arrives to pick up the crate. Grandpa is still asleep.)
Delivery Boy: Uh, pardon me. Pickup for Pickles to Japan?
Grandpa: (half-asleep) Take it away, take it away.
(The delivery boy seals up the crate and carries it out on a hand truck. He tosses a receipt on sleeping Grandpa's lap.)
Delivery Boy: Yeah, have a good day.
(Cut to Angelica, watching TV, while outside, Spike barks loudly.)
Angelica: Pipe down, Spike! Me and Cynthia are watching...(She notices that Cynthia is missing) Cynthia? (Angelica proceeds to the living room.) Nice try, babies. Now gimme back my... (gasps) (Angelica sees that the Rugrats and the Reptar Wagon are gone. She only sees Cynthia's shoe on the welcome mat.) CYNTHIA-A-A-A!
(Pull away from front door and pan to Dil still holding Cynthia, as the Rugrats driving the Reptar Mobile on the street. It careened away from a car, which causes it to crash. Then, the wagon flies down a wooden staircase, nearly hitting an elderly woman, who leaps out of the way. It burst through the rails and and getting back on the street, swerving away from another car, which also crashes with the sound of glass smashing.)
(Cut back home, where Angelica enters the yard in her "Shirleylock Holmes" costume and skates.)
Angelica: They took Cynthia, Spike! Come on! You're gonna be my butthound! We gotta search every doghouse, playhouse, tree house and doll house! I want those foogitives back in custardy! (Spike runs off, with Angelica in tow.) Whoa! Bad dog! Bad dog! STOP!
(Back inside, Stu enters the living room, talking to Didi on a cordless phone.)
Stu: Deed, just go to the spa and relax. Pop and I are doing fine taking care of the, uh... (Stu sees that the crate's gone.) Pop, where's the crate?
(Grandpa wakes up.)
Grandpa: Oh, I guess the delivery folks must've come.
Stu: Wow. They loaded her up and everything, huh?
Didi: Stu, let me talk to Tommy.
Stu: Sure, I'll let you talk to Tommy. Pop... uh... uh, where are the kids?
Grandpa: That's funny. They were here a minute ago, playing in the...
(Stu and Grandpa look outside the open front door, the camera pulls away from them.)
Both: THE CRATE!
Stu: Uh, Honey... I'm gonna have to...call you back. (Stu hangs up then glares at Grandpa in anger.)
(Cut back to the Rugrats and the wagon, as they tear through the streets. During the course of their run, they knock over some garbage cans, knock over a trash collector and caused a plated glass truck to crash. As the wagon shakes, Dil's cheeks puff up and he vomits on Chuckie's shirt. They head up a ramp into a moving truck where they smash trough a box of wine glasses. The wagon barrels into a play park. It scoops a kid off a swing, then zooms across the tops of monkey bars like a roller coaster. It goes down a slide and lands on a see-saw. The kid from the swingset lands on the opposite end, launching the wagon. It rolls through a restricted area and approaches an overpass that's still under construction! One of the twins quickly hits a button and a robotic arm grabs a post, and swings around the pole, sending Dil's pacifier falling out of the wagon in the process. They narrowly miss a huge truck. The Wagon rolls into a into a mattress factory, toppling mounds of mattresses like dominos. It lands in a "Nighty Night Mattress" delivery truck, and the driver closes the back door. While all this happens, Busta Rhymes' "On Your Mark, Get Set, Ready, Go" plays in the background.)
(Cut to Stu and Grandpa speeding on the road.)
Stu: How could you fall asleep when you were supposed to be watching the kids?! (Grandpa sleeps in the passenger seat. The mattress truck is right in front of Stu and Grandpa. The back door opens with the Rugrats in view, jumping on a mattress. However, Stu isn't watching the road at that moment, as he's talking to Grandpa.) We'll never find the babies with this jerk in front of us! (The truck's back door closes shut just as Stu returns his attention back to the road. Trying to pass, Stu honks his horn.) Whoa! (Stu narrowly misses an oncoming car and inadvertently cuts off the mattress truck, causing it to swerve and crash through the guard rail and plunge into the forest. The truck driver leaps out just in time. The oblivious Rugrats are still inside the truck, having fun.)
Phil: This is more fun than picking noses!
Lil: Or making bubbles in the bathtub!
Chuckie: I don't know if I should throw up or throw down!
(The truck driver looks down as he wipes his brow, then runs off.)
(Fade into the "United Express" plane, the crew has opened up every package and crate on board, finding nothing unusual, except for the goat.)
Pilot: I've turned this plane upside down, and I assure you there are no children.
Co-Pilot: No.
Pilot: We found a kid, but he's not the one you're looking for.
(Cut to Stu and Grandpa at the controllers' tower, listening as the goat bleats on the other side of the radio.)
(Stu and Grandpa return home, resuming their search there.)
Stu: (looking in the closet) Tommy!
Grandpa: (looking under the bed) Sprout?
Stu: (looking down the basement) Dil!
Grandpa: (searching in a cookie jar) Angelica?
Stu: (searching under the kitchen sink) Where can they be? We gotta find them!
Didi: (entering) Find what?
(Stu bangs his head under the sink.)
Stu: Ow!
Grandpa: Einstein here lost the kids.
Stu: I lost the kids?!
Grandpa: See?
(Didi gasps in shock and drops her bag of groceries on the floor, with the bag opening on impact and the goods falling on the floor.)
(Fade back to the forest. The Rugrats got out of the truck, unhurt and started roaming around.)
Chuckie: Where are we?
Tommy: I don't know. It looks kinda like the park.
Lil: Only biggerer.
Chuckie: Biggerer? This place is bigger than the park and the backyard all put together. This is bad you guys. This is bad.
(Dil begins to grunt and grimace. His face has turned a dark pink.)
Lil: Oh, oh, Tommy, I think your brother is broked again.
Tommy: Oh, no. Dil, are you okay?
Phil: I think he's gonna explode.
Dil: Poopie.
Tommy: What?
Dil: POOPIE! (A plopping sound can be heard.)
All: (gasping) Eww!
Tommy: Well, I guess we'll have to change his diapie.
Phil: What do you mean, "we"?
(Cut back to the Pickles house, where police cars and news trucks crowd the front lawn. Inside...)
Didi: I can't believe you left them with your father! The man slept through Pearl Harbor, for heaven's sake!
Grandpa: I sounded the alarm as soon as I could!
(Lt. Klavin, a police woman, is there, asking the Pickles various "important" questions.)
Lt. Klavin: Uh, Mrs. Pickles, did your son have any enemies?
Didi: Oh...
Lt. Klavin: Uh-huh. Any underworld or mob connections?
Didi: He is a baby!
(Meanwhile, back at the forest, Tommy tries to change Dil's diaper. Tommy is powdering Dil's bottom, they all cough as the baby powder clouds up.)
Lil: The powder goes on his bottom, Tommy!
Tommy: Well, I'm doing the best I can.
(Dil hits Tommy with his feet.)
Dil: Pee-pee!
(Dil pees.)
Phil: Look out!
Chuckie: Stop it, Dil!
Phil: Get him off me!
(Chuckie falls, then a frog jumps on his head.)
Chuckie: AAH! FROG! FROG! AAH! (Chuckie runs around and falls face first in a pile of leaves. The frog hops away.) Your brother made a frog jump on me!
Dil: Stop it!
Chuckie: Stop it!
Dil: Stop it!
Chuckie: You stop it!
Dil: Stop it!
Chuckie: Stop it!
Tommy: Hey, guys, maybe we should stop playing around and figure out how to get home.
Lil: But, Tommy, we don't even know where we are.
Tommy: I know! I've got my sponsatility!
(Tommy pulls out his pocket watch.)
Lil: What's a sponsatility, Tommy?
Phil: Sounds yucky.
Tommy: No, it's what you get for being a big brother. It's just like Okey-Dokey Jones uses when he has to find his way home.
Phil: I thought that's called a crumpass.
Tommy: Well, my dad gave it to me, and he called it a sponsatility.
Phil: Where's it say to go?
Tommy: Well, um, uh, hmm. This way. Uh... That's the way! Straight up that hill!
(Meanwhile, on the interstate, Angelica is still being towed on her skates by Spike.)
Angelica: Aah! Bad dog, bad dog! STOP! (They approach the scene of the mattress truck's crash, complete with tow truck and flares. Spike finds Dil's pacifier on the ground and stops. But Angelica keeps going, and Spike is tugged along on his leash as he and Angelica plummet into the woods. They bounce off several tree branches. Angelica screams as she trips on her skates, then falls and lands upside down against a tree, knocking her unconscious. We fade out, then fade back in again once Angelica comes to. As soon as her vision clears, the first thing she sees is Spike, holding her detective hat.) You know, not all dogs go to heaven.
(We pan across the expanse of the forest, where we see the mattress truck accident scene overhead.)
(Cut to Tommy, holding the lead connecting the Reptar Wagon.)
Tommy: Forward, march!
(Tommy pulls the wagon up the hill, while Chuckie, Phil & Lil push from behind. Dil is inside the wagon, drinking his juice box. They sing in an Army Chant.)
Tommy: We are going up the hill!
Lil: We go back there without Dil!
Tommy: But you guys, he's not so bad.
Chuckie: A frighty thing, he needs a bath.
Tommy: Nah-uh!
Others: Uh-huh!
Tommy: Nah-uh!
Others: Uh-huh!
Tommy: Sometimes, he is lots of fun.
Phil: He's a big pain in our buns!
Tommy: Chuckie, do you think so, too?
Chuckie: I just got a big boo boo!
Tommy: Nah-uh!
Others: Uh-huh!
Tommy: Nah-uh!
Others: Uh-huh!
Tommy: He's just a baby, don't you see?
Lil: We love to leave him in a tree!
Tommy: He'll get better when he's grown.
Phil: We'd like to feed him to a toad!
Tommy: Don't you think he's kind of sweet?
Lil: All he does is poop and eat!
Tommy: Chuckie, don't you like him too?
(Chuckie takes off his right shoe and pulls out a rock.)
Chuckie: I got a rock inside my shoe!
(The Rugrats continue towing the wagon while Chuckie puts his shoe on.)
Tommy: Nah-uh!
Phil & Lil: Uh-huh!
Tommy: Nah-uh!
Phil & Lil: Uh-huh!
(The Rugrats reach the top of the hill -- they struggle to put the wagon there.)
Tommy: Nah-uh! Nah-uh!
Phil & Lil: Uh-huh! Uh-huh!
Tommy: Nah-uh! Nah-uh!
Phil & Lil: Uh-huh! Uh-huh!
(Dil squeezes his juice box; the sides burst open and squirts Phil & Lil. Song ends.)
Phil: Hey! Stop squirting.
(Phil & Lil fall to the ground. Tommy lets go of the lead. The wagon rolls down the hill, narrowly missing Chuckie.)
Phil: Oops.
(Lil waves.)
Lil: Goodbye, baby.
(The wagon crashes in some bushes. Dil looks around, then sucks his thumb.)
(Cut to the Pickles' house, which is jam-packed with police cars and news trucks. Stu, Didi and the other parents rush out the door. The reporters and cameramen gang up at Stu and Didi, grilling them with questions.)
Channel 3 Male Reporter: Mr. Pickles, is it true you shipped your own children to Tokyo in a wooden box?
Channel 11 Female Reporter: Is it true a dingo ate your baby?
Black Female Reporter: Mr. Pickles, how many pecks of pickled peppers did you pick?
(A helicopter lands in the yard and the crowd scatters. News reporter Rex Pester and his camera man rush up over to towards Stu and Didi, shoving the other reporters en route. We see Rex through his camera.)
Rex Pester: Childhood, a time of innocence, a time of joy. A time of unspeakable, unrelenting tragedy. Mrs. Pickles, tell us how it feels to know you may never see your children again.
Betty: (disgusted) Criminy! Can't you pit bulls show some compassion?
Rex Pester: I'm so sorry. Forgive me. (back to Didi) Please tell us how it feels to know you may never see your children again.
(Betty glares. She charges at at Rex. Grandpa and Stu hold her back.)
Betty: Augh! Get him! Let me at him! All right!
(Cut to the interior of Charlotte and Drew's car. Charlotte is on the phone with Jonathan. The car stops at Stu and Didi's house where they see the commotion.)
Charlotte: Hold on, Jonathan. There's an alarming crowd at my in-law's indicating either a yard sale or a family tragedy. Let me get back to you.
(They get out of the car, when Rex hounds them.)
Rex Pester: Hey, Mr. Pickles, how does it feel knowing your brother lost your only daughter?
Drew: (furiously) HE WHAT?!
Rex Pester: Share your pain.
(Drew's face boils red. He lunges at Stu and fights him.)
Drew: YAAA!
Stu: YOU'RE BREAKING MY ARM!
Drew: ONLY 'CAUSE I CAN'T REACH YOUR NECK!
(While the other adults try to break up the fight, Rex goes back to camera. He displays the pictures of the Rugrats, one by one, while incorrectly saying their names.)
Rex Pester: And there you have it. 2 sour Pickles and: young Tammy, baby Dale, the twins Bill and Jill, little Chunky, and poor Amelia, all vanished without a trace. (caption "Rex Pester, Big Action News") I'm Rex Pester, and I'll be back with more "Big Action News"!
(Chas rushes in)
Chas: Mr. Swenson said he saw Angelica and Spike run through his garden and head north on I-99!
Charlotte: My baby!
Didi: Let's go!
(The parents and reporters rush to their vehicles. Grandpa breaks open the front door dressed in his military uniform.)
Grandpa: Private First Class Pickles reporting for duty!
(Stu shrugs uncertainly at his father's appearance)
Chas: Just get in! Come on!
(The vehicles drive away towards the forest.)
(Cut back to forest. The Rugrats are pulling the Reptar wagon, with Tommy pushing it and Dil inside.)
Tommy: Good job, you guys. We're almost there. Good, Dil. Now, play nice. (Dil hits Tommy with his bottle.)
Phil: Not much fun back there, is it?
Tommy: Oh, we're doing okay. That's some good hitting there, Dilly. (Dil hits him again.)
Chuckie: I'm hungry. Right about now my daddy would be making me a fried baloney sandwich. I can almost smell that burning. Ooh, it tastes all crunchy.
Tommy: Stop it, Chuckie. You're making me hungry. (Dil hits him again.)
(The Rugrats reach the top of the hill and gasp.)
Chuckie: Oh, no!
Lil: We can't see our houses from here, Tommy.
Phil: We can't see any houses from here.
(View of the panoramic forest from the top of the hill.)
Chuckie: We're doomed! Doomed. Doomed, I tell you!
(Pull away to the distance where a wolf growls and perking up its ears.)
(As a helicopter flies over the woods, Stu and Didi, and the other adults are at the mattress truck accident site. Lt. Klavin finds Dil's pacifier on the side of the road.)
Lt. Klavin: Mrs. Pickles, I know this is hard for you, but can you identify this binky?
(Lt. Klavin holds Dil's pacifier. Stu and Didi gasp in shock.)
(Cut back to the Rugrats. Chuckie is crying.)
Phil: This is all Dil's fault! Right, Chuckie?
Chuckie: Uh...
Tommy: Uh, uh! This never would've happened if you hadn't putted him in the wagon in the first place, right, Chuckie?
Chuckie: Uh... no! Uh--uh...
Lil: It's not our fault you got a bad, naughty, stinky baby for a brother!
Tommy: He's not naughty. He's just a... he's just a... a baby! How could you be mad just because you're... (Dil rips a tab on Tommy's diapar and it drops. He looks down shocked and embarrassed but plays it off to defend his brother. The others stare at Tommy's exposure, with Lil in particular giving a peculiar creepy smile before looking away.) ...um... standing there all nakie? I mean, I'm sure he's trying to help. And side's, it's hot, phew, 'sploring in the woods all day. Ah! A little breeze feels good. Just what I needed. Oh, thank you, Dil.
(Tommy picks up his diaper and Dil hiccups.)
Phil: Those hiccups are really starting to bug me.
Lil: Face it, Tommy. Having a baby brother just isn't what you expected.
(The Rugrats then see a small house at the bottom of a hill.)
Chuckie: Hey, you guys, look. Somebody's house. Tommy was right.
Tommy: Wow. My sponsatility does work.
Phil: Yeah, but who'd have a house way out there in the forest?
Tommy: Maybe a lizard lives there.
Chuckie: A lizard?
Tommy: You know, a big guy with a pointy hat that grants wishes. All's we got to do is knock on the door and say we wanna go home. See? Then everything will be back to norman.
Phil: Thanks, Bob!
Lil: Thank you, Bob.
Tommy: Come on, guys! We're off to see the lizard!
(Tommy trips on something. Chuckie goes to help up his friend)
Chuckie: Oh, Tommy, are you okay?
Tommy: I'm fine. I just tripped in a little hole, that's all.
(They see a large animal footprint on the ground. Chuckie is the first to study it)
Chuckie: Gosh, it looks kinda like Spike's feet; only if he was a giant.
Phil: I saw feetprints like that in our storybook. A wolf made them, and then he ate that Little Red Riding girl.
Chuckie: The wolf ate a girl?
Phil: They got her out.
Tommy: I don't think it's a wolf, Chuckie. If it was, we'd hear him say...
(The wolf howls in the distance as Tommy prepares to mimic such a sound.)
Phil: That was pretty good.
Tommy: I didn't do anything.
(The wolf howls again.)
All: WOLF!
(They all get into the Reptar Wagon and take off.)
Tommy: Do you see the wolf?
Chuckie: I don't know what he looks like.
Phil: Teeth! Teeth and fur! And teeth!
(Dil pulls a lever to make the Reptar Wagon move.)
Tommy: No, Dil! Bad Dil! No!
(We cut to a Disney-esque forest scene, similar to "Bambi", where we see a couple of deer eating off the ground, a pair of chipmunks and rabbits kissing each other, a couple of birds on a branch singing and a raccoon scampering about a squirrel and a skunk look on. This serene scene is disturbed and the animals run in panic when the Rugrats and the Reptar Wagon crashes on through, this movement obviously being an insult to Disney from Nickelodeon.)
Reptar Wagon: I am Reptar! (roars)
(We then cut to a forest road, where forest rangers Frank and Margaret are driving around in a Jeep. The radio is playing.)
Ranger Frank: Margaret? That's your name, isn't it? I'm sure you've run afoul of many a scary pedestrian. But out here, we have what you might call... hmm, how should I put it? Actual danger.
Ranger Margaret: (gasps) Danger?
Ranger Frank: Grizzlies that'll rip the top off your car. Bobcats, wolves, wolverines, which are something entirely different.
(Just then, the Reptar Wagon crosses the road in back of them. Margaret turned around and caught a glimpse of it.)
Ranger Margaret: And dragons. Ha!
(Cut to Reptar Wagon.)
Chuckie: Tommy, I saw some grownups! Stop! Stop!
Tommy: I don't know how!
(Tommy pushes several buttons in vain.)
(The Reptar Wagon is barreling toward a cliff at top speed.)
Lil: Well, I hope you figure it out, 'cause I didn't bring no bathing suit!
(They all scream. Tommy pulls a lever. The wagon swerves to a complete stop at the edge of the cliff. It teeters forward and pebbles roll into the river far below. The wagon levels out, flinging Tommy to the back seat, leaving Dil at the wheel.)
Phil: Any further, and I would've needed a fresh diapie.
(Dil plays with the brake. The wheels move and the wagon moves slightly over the cliff's edge.)
Tommy: Dil, no!
(Too late, Dil releases the lever and the Rugrats slide down the cliff into the river. As water splashes on them, the bottom of the wagon inflates into a raft, keeping the wagon afloat. The tip of its tail doubles as a propeller.)
Reptar Wagon: Aqua Reptar, engaged.
(As the Rugrats coast under a wooden bridge, the park rangers drive over it. Fade to ranger station.)
Ranger Margaret: I'm telling you, I saw a dragon.
Ranger Frank: Margaret.
Ranger Margaret: A big green, fire-breathing dragon. I've got to call headquarters. (rushes to the phone)
Ranger Frank: While you're at it, you might ask for a new assignment, say, a city park. 'Cause, you see, out here in the country, you have to be just a little tougher. (Frank sees the Reptar Wagon in his telescope. The wagon floats with the current in the water. He screams like a little girl and backs away from the telescope.) AAAH! AAH! THE DRAGON! I JUST SAW IT! I SAW IT!
Ranger Margaret: Where? Where? (looks through the telescope, but the wagon is nowhere to be seen) Here? Where?
(We rejoin the search party. Grandpa finds a clue on the ground.)
Grandpa: Bingo! Lookie here! A wrapper from a Cynthia Sweet bar.
Drew: My Angel! She's been here!
Grandpa: Yep, I figure she's tracking the sprouts. It's the Pickles' blood. I myself spent 15 days tracking Sitting Bull through the Northwest Territory. The year was 19--
Howard: Over here!
(Chas and Howard return with news of another clue.)
Chas: We found some wheel tracks and baby footprints heading into the woods. Well, actually, Howard found them. Honestly, I saw them.
Stu: They must be in my Reptar Wagon.
Drew: (sarcastically, mimicking his brother) "It's the perfect children's toy!" You and your stupid inventions!
Stu: (thinking) My stupid inventions? That's it!
(Betty grabs a bullhorn from a policeman and speaks into it.)
Betty: All right, the pups are in the woods. You men follow those tracks. We'll head to the ranger's station and start the search from there. NOW MOVE! HUT, HUT, HUT!
(Stu, Chas and Grandpa get into the car.)
Didi: Stu, where are you going?
Stu: Trust me, Deed. I have a plan!
(Stu drives off.)
(Cut to the river, where the Rugrats are floating along in the Reptar Wagon. They play pirates.)
Tommy: Slob the poop deck, Mr. Phil. Hoist the ankle, number one.
(The Rugrats sing.)
Tommy: A pirate's life is a life for me!
Lil: Yo ho ho and a bottle of yum!
Chuckie: I get seasick on the sea!
Phil and Lil: Yo ho ho and a bottle of yum!
Phil: Hoist the Reptar flag real high!
Tommy: My sword is pointed to the sky!
Lil: You need a patch across your eye!
(Chuckie groans nauceously)
Lil: From Zanzibar...
Phil: to candy bar!
Phil and Lil: Yo ho ho and a bottle of yum!
Tommy: We search for treasures near and far!
Phil and Lil: Yo ho ho and a bottle of yum!
Lil: Beware your ship should cross our path.
Phil: We'll shoot a cannon through your mast!
Chuckie: Remove your gold baboons by half.
Dil: Yo oh oh oh!
Tommy: A pirate's life is the life for me!
Phil and Lil: Yo ho ho and a bottle of yum!
Chuckie: Adventure on the open sea.
Phil and Lil: Yo ho ho and a bottle of yum!
(Song ends when the wagon hits a rock; this causes Dil and Chuckie to teeter over the edge.)
All: Oh!
Tommy: Dil!
(Tommy was able to save Dil, but Chuckie falls overboard into the water.)
Chuckie: Help me, Tommy! (Chuckie notices the water is shallow only reaching his hips. He stands up with a relieved smile. Suddenly, he feels a wiggling sensation in his pants and pulls out a fish.) Fish!
Phil: Man overboard!
Lil: Hang on, Chuckie!
(Lil throws a life ring to Chuckie, which he was able to catch. The wagon tows him as if he was water skiing.)
Chuckie: Aah!
Phil: Look at him go!
(Lil laughs and Chuckie screams. The twins got Chuckie back on board.)
Chuckie: Tommy, why didn't you help me?
Tommy: I'm sorry, Chuckie, but, Dil, he needed me and he's just a...
Phil and Lil: Just a baby!
Lil: Uh-oh!
(The Reptar Wagon is approaching the brink of a huge waterfall!)
Tommy: Hard to port side. Turn! Turn around! Help me, you guys! Help! (Chuckie and the twins grab the wheel and just manage steer the wagon away from the falls. Dil grabs a lever.) Dil, no!
(He pulls it and the propeller lifts out of the water. The wagon swerves toward the waterfall. Tommy switches another lever to steer the wagon away from the falls and onto the bank. The wagon hits a stump, sending the Rugrats flying and they thud to the ground. Tommy's watch falls out of his diaper, but he catches it before it hits the water.)
(In the Pickles basement, the Stu and Chaz lower the Dactar glider from the cieling.)
Stu: I knew my Dactar would come in handy. (A pully breaks from the ceiling and Dactar, and debris collapse on Grandpa. Stu and Chas flinch as dust fills the room) Pop, are you okay? (Grandpa is sleeping under the wreckage, unharmed) Oh, Pop.
(Cut back to the forest.)
Chuckie: Do you think we'll still be able to find the lizard's house, Tommy?
Tommy: Sure, Chuckie. Long as I got my sponsatility, we'll never be losted.
Phil: Which way are we apposed to go?
(Tommy uses his watch to find his way.)
Tommy: Um... uh... um... that way.
(The Rugrats follow a trail. Time passes and a view shows the babies circling a large tree.)
Chuckie: Hey, lookie, footprints. Maybe there's other babies around here.
Lil: Those are our feetprints, Chuckie.
Phil: You're leading us around and around, Tommy.
Tommy: But it was working before.
Lil: I don't think it ever worked. I think your sponsatility's broke, just like your brother.
Tommy: My brother is not broke!
Lil: He pulled the lever!
Phil: He tried to send us into the big Jacuzzi!
Lil: We could have been drownded.
(As Chuckie covers his ears to avoid the argument, he spots something and points in fear)
Chuckie: Hey, you guys! Clow--clow...
Lil: What is it, Chuckie?
Chuckie: CLOWN!!
(Chuckie points to a rail car with a clown's face painted on it.)
Phil: What's a train doing in the middle of the forest?
Lil: Maybe some giant baby losted his choo-choo.
(The door of the rail car slowly opens. A figure, which looks like some sort of mysterious person, appears. In reality, it was actually 3 monkeys hiding underneath the clothes. From here on, a sense of mayhem prevails while Devo's "Witch Doctor" plays over.)
Monkeys: Eee! Eek! Ooh-ahh-ahh! Ting, tang, walla walla bing bang!
(4 more monkeys emerge from the top of the car, one of these was wearing a yellow hat, another was wearing a pink dress and carrying a parasol and the 3rd monkey who is an infant wearing a diaper.)
Monkeys: Ooh-ee! Ooh-ahh-ahh! Ting, tang, walla walla bing bang!
(The top monkey, the one with the starry hat, razzes.)
(The Rugrats try to run away, but found themselves surrounded by a circle of six monkeys.)
Singer: You want to learn something that I can teach to you. You want to know a secret that I swear is true.
(A monkey holds onto Chuckie while another monkey, in a tree, pulls by its tail.)
Singer: Monkeys, we have more fun than humans ever do!
(The monkey swings from the tree and crashes through a picture of a palm tree. He, then, crashes back through the picture, banging on a drum. A compartment opens, with another monkey, with another drum. In that drum, yet another money with yet another drum exits, though this time, it's an upright snare drum. A fourth monkey burst through the top of that drum and "drums" on the 3rd monkey's head.)
Monkeys: Ooh, eee, ooh ahh ahh! Ting, tang, walla walla bing bang!
(A monkey takes Tommy away in a trike. 2 more monkeys, one of them with a bow on her head, walk on their hands while Phil & Lil ride on their feet. They crash down.)
Monkeys: Ooh, eee, ooh ahh ahh! Ting, tang walla walla bing bang!
(Chuckie and another monkey are up in a tree. The monkey steals his glasses, causing Chuckie to fall down. The monkey with a wizard's cap pulls put a pillow to catch Chuckie, but them pulls away. As Chuckie is about to crash, a monkey in a tree being held by its tail by another pulls Chuckie back up, tosses Chuckie up in the air, and lands in the arms of another monkey, which gave back Chuckie's glasses.)
Singer: We learn to climb and swing before we learn to run. We like to party and there's room for everyone. Come by and see us if you really wanna have some fun.
(2 monkeys fight in front of the Reptar Wagon, they run away after Dil bonks them on the snout with his bottle.)
Monkeys: Ooh, eee, ooh ahh ahh! Ting, tang, walla walla bing bang.
(The parasol monkey parachutes off the top of the car, with her baby holding on. Phil and Lil follow with a skeleton of a parasol, but crashes.)
Monkeys: Ooh, eee, ooh ahh ahh! Ting, tang, walla walla bing bang!
(A monkey in a tree wearing tennis shoes peels bark from a branch and eats the bugs inside. 4 other monkeys line up behind him eating the bugs off each other’s backs. Lil takes a bug off the 4th monkey's back, but Phil swipes it from her, then eats it.)
Singer: You'll never see us tired 'cause we're way too smart for workin'. A monkey knows a lot more than a man.
(3 monkeys hold onto Chuckie as he dives down; his glasses land onto Dil's head, then promptly stolen by the parasol monkey, along with Dil's bottle, which was given to the monkey's baby.)
Singer: We love swinging in the trees and eating our bananas. Don't you know we never need a plan?
Dil: Mine! Mine!
(Instrumental portion of song plays under while the Rugrats continue prancing with the monkeys.)
Dil: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh!
Tommy: What? What do you want?
Dil: Hungry, hungry.
(Tommy goes to tend to Dil as the song continues; Chuckie slides to the ground off a monkey’s back and lands on the back of another monkey. The monkey rides Chuckie off somewhere.)
Monkeys: Ooh, eee, ooh ahh ahh! Ting, tang, walla walla bing bang! Ooh, eee, ooh ahh ahh...
Tommy: Oh, but I really wanna go play with the monkeys.
(Tommy opens a jar of banana baby food and gives it to Dil, which feeds himself. While doing this, the monkeys caught a whiff of the banana aroma and smile.)
Dil: Hungry, hungry.
(Dil eats the banana baby food and makes a mess of himself. Tommy tosses the jar away and was about to get another one when 3 monkeys run across the Reptar Wagon. 2 of them steal the diaper bag, which Tommy attempts to tug back but loses his grip. Many of the other monkeys follow.)
Tommy: Watch my brother. I gotta get the diapie bag.
(2 monkeys start to lick Dil, who is now covered with creamed bananas.)
Chuckie: Hey, leave him alone. He's not a nanner. (Chuckie tries to pull Dil away from the monkeys.) Oh, no! Hey, guys, help! There's a monkey who's trying to take Tommy's brother!
(The twins just stare)
Phil: So?
Chuckie: Oh, just help me, okay? (to the monkeys) Don’t touch my hair! Hey!
(Dil flew into Phil and Lil's arms, but a monkey in a tree tries to steal him. Meanwhile, Chuckie tries to take his glasses back from the baby monkey.)
Chuckie: Let go!
Phil and Lil: Okay.
(Phil and Lil mishearing what Chuckie said release their grip on Dil, the monkey takes him away. The other monkeys follow. The baby monkey takes off Chuckie's glasses and tosses them to the ground. Chuckie ambles around near them)
Chuckie: Oh, this is just great. I tell you, it can't get any worser than... (accidentally steps on his glasses, cracking the lenses) ...this.
Phil: At least the monkeys are gone.
Lil: Yeah. And they took baby Dil with them.
(Chuckie gasps in horror and watches as the monkeys climb a tree with Dil.)
(Meanwhile, in another part of the forest, Spike continues towing Angelica by his leash)
Angelica: Hey, Spike! Where are you going, you dumb dog? (She trips on a stone and falls, the force sending Spike toppling backwards. Angelica checks her skate.) Hey! My rolly blade is cracked! (She takes it off and cradles it in her hands.) Oh, Cynthia. Are they taking care of you? Will they know to comb your hair, or change you into your sports jumper with matching neckerchief at lunch time? (The wolf slowly creeps up behind her. The oblivious Angelica sniffs the air.) Pee-yew, Spike! Dog breath! (She tosses her skate over her shoulder and it hits the wolf on the head. The wolf snarls) Spike?
(Spike notices the vicious wolf and quickly drags the unsuspecting Angelica from the wolf's jaws. The wolf growls as he watches them escape)
(Back at the Pickles residence, Stu stands on the roof as he prepares for takeoff with Dactar.)
Stu: Don't worry. This time she'll fly. I'm facing into the wind.
(The handlebars come loose. Dactar is attached by rope to Stu's car, driven by Grandpa.)
Grandpa: He's ready?
Chas: No.
Grandpa: Go?
Chas: NO!
Grandpa: Alright, then!
(Grandpa drives off; the rope snares Stu's foot, dragging him off the roof. Stu screams as Dactar flies haphazardly.)
(Back in the forest, the Rugrats, minus Tommy, are replacing Dil with something.)
Chuckie: Oh! This is bad! Bad!
Phil: Shh! Here comes Tommy.
Lil: Put the blankie on him.
Tommy: Okay, guys, I got it.
Chuckie: Um, I think it's gonna rain, Tommy.
Phil: Oh, yeah, we better go.
Tommy: I gotta finish feeding my brother.
Lil: I don't think he's hungry.
(Lil tosses the jar inside the wagon, rolling under the seat)
Chuckie: Yeah. Besides, he's, um...
(Tommy lifts the blanket to find the baby monkey drinking from the bottle.)
Tommy: A monkey?
Phil: Wow! Look at that!
Tommy: My brother turned into a monkey?
(Thunder from a distance.)
Chuckie: Come on, Tommy. We gotta get out of here.
Tommy: I can't go home with my brother being a monkey!
Chuckie: Oh, but, Tommy, we gotta get to the lizard's house.
Tommy: That's it! I'll get the lizard to wish him back into a people!
Phil: The lizard's only going to give us one wish.
Chuckie: Yeah, and if you use it up on Dil, how are we gonna get home?
Tommy: He's my brother, Chuckie! I have to wish him back!
Lil: You can't do that!
Tommy: Yes, I can! What would you do if Phil turned into a monkey?
Lil: That's different. I like Phillip! Besides, you'd be wasting your wish anyway, 'cause that's not even your brother. (Lil quickly covers her mouth, realizing she accidentally spilled out the truth to Tommy. Tommy and Chuckie gasp.) Wait a minute.
Chuckie: What Lillian means is... um... the monkeys kinda took baby Dil, and we just--we thought you wouldn't mind a baby monkey instead.
Tommy: What?!
Lil: Look it, Tommy, nobody likes him!
Phil: We're gonna find that lizard, Tommy. You can find your brother by yourself!
Tommy: Will you help me, Chuckie?
Chuckie: Sorry, Tommy.
Tommy: But--but you're my bestest friend.
Chuckie: Yeah? Well, if--if I'm your bestest friend, then how come when I got throwed up on, you didn't help me? Huh, huh? And when I falled overboard, you didn't help me. And then when the monkey grabbed me, you didn't even care about my boo-boo.
(Tommy slumps)
Lil: Face it, Tommy. You don't got a bestest friend no more. All you gots is a brother!
Tommy: (dejected, close to tears) Oh, um... fine. I'll go find him by myself.
(Tommy sadly goes off to find Dil, leaving the other Rugrats behind. With another crack of thunder, it starts to rain. The baby monkey escapes, leaving its a diaper behind.)
(In another part of the forest, Spike is afraid to go any further.)
Angelica: You dumb butthound! Fine! I hope you turn into a frog. (makes a face) Nyah! I'll find Cynthia myself!
(Angelica sings "One Way or Another".)
(During the song, Angelica crosses a creek, rides a log in the water, climbs a mountain, then a tree, then goes through some sort of canyon with Tommy and Dil's heads chiseled on, before climbing another mountain, imagining that Cynthia's on the top, when it's actually Spike.)
One way or another
I'm gonna find you
I'm gonna get you, get you, get you, get you
One way or another
I'm gonna win you
I'm gonna get you, get you, get you, get you
Cynthia, oh, Cynthia
I need to see you
I need to see you, see you, see you
From that kid or his brother
I'm gonna get you
I'm gonna get you, I'll get you
I'll find the full diaper bag
And if you're ripped or you're hurt
I'll push them in dirt
Yeah!
(Angelica stamps her foot into the handle portion of Spike's leash, which causes Spike to run, dragging Angelica along the way. Music continues under while Angelica yells at Spike.)
Angelica: Aah! Ooh! Oh! Stop! I said stop! CYNTHIA-A-A!
(Back in another part of the forest, Tommy finds Dil with 2 monkeys. Dil is crying.)
Tommy: Hey! Gimme back my brother! Shoo! (tries to tug Dil away from the monkeys.) Oh! Get outta here, you monkeys! Go! (The wolf howls offscreen. The monkeys leave in fear.) Come on. Let's get outta this rain.
(At the ranger station, a nervous Frank is talking to Margaret.)
Ranger Frank: I know you rookies can get excited and lose your heads, but veterans like me know the key is to remain calm and cool and collected.
(The door swings open and the Rugrats' parents enter, panicking. Frank collapse from his chair.)
Didi: Please, our kids are lost in the storm. You've got to help us!
Ranger Frank: THERE'S DRAGONS OUT THERE! I'M A PARK RANGER! NOT A KNIGHT AT A ROUND TABLE! GO FIND SOMEBODY WITH A LANCE!
Ranger Margaret: Never mind him. Come with me.
(Margaret leaves with the grown-ups, leaving Frank alone, whimpering and sobbing hysterically.)
Ranger Frank: W-what are you-come here, I got the dragon...
(Margaret shakes her head at her colleague as she closes the door behind her)
(Now at a tree root hollow, where Tommy and Dil has taken refuge.)
Tommy: We'll just have a little bottle and take a nice nappy, and everything will be okay.
Dil: Mine! Mine!
(Dil steals the bottle.)
Tommy: But, I'm hungry, too. (Tommy tries to grab the bottle from Dil.) Stop it! Dil, that's enough! Stop it! Unh! (Dil laughs and finishes off the bottle.) You didn't leave any for me!
Dil: (burps) All gone. (giggles)
(Tommy tosses the bottle to the ground, then gets a blanket from the bag, covering both of themselves with it. Tommy and Dil try to sleep. Dil, however, sticks his leg out.)
Tommy: Dil. (Tommy puts Dil's leg back under the blanket. Dil rolls his eyes and then sticks his arm out.) Dil! (Tommy puts Dil's arm back under the blanket. Dil grabs the blanket from Tommy and covers himself with it.)
Dil: My blankie! My blankie!
Tommy: DIL!
Dil: My blankie! My blankie!
Tommy: I need some blankie, too.
(Tommy and Dil pull on the blanket on opposite ends in a tug of war fashion)
Dil: Mine! Mine! Mine!
Tommy: Mine!
Dil: MINE! (The blanket rips in half, sending Tommy falling into a mud puddle; Dil laughs) Yucky lookie!
(Tommy glares and furiously snaps)
Tommy: You think it's funny?! (grabs Dil by the pajamas) Phil and Lil was right! You're a bad, naughty baby, and you're never gonna get any better! I'M THROUGH BEING YOUR BIG BROTHER! I DON'T WANT MY SPONSATILITY NO MORE!
(Tommy tosses his watch against a tree; As it falls, it opens to the photo of Tommy and Dil. Two monkeys look on from nearby trees.)
Dil: Monkey! My monkey! Mine!
(The monkeys grin in response to what Dil said.)
Tommy : You want monkeys? Oh, okay. I'll give you monkeys. You'll have a monkey mommy and a monkey daddy and a monkey brother! I should've let my friends take you back to the hopsicle, but, no, I said, "He didn't mean it," I said. (He kicks a mushroom with a frog sitting on it) "He was only playing!" (He kicks a bottle) Well, I was wrong! Now I don't even have friends! (He tosses supplies out of the diaper bag; a diaper, a container of baby powder, baby wipes, and a pacifier, which the monkeys curiously grab. Tommy then throws out Cynthia, hitting one of them in the face. Another picks her up and fights over her with a third monkey.) Dil wants monkeys, and monkeys want the nanners. SO, EVERYBODY GETS WHAT THEY WANT! (The monkeys stop fighting to watch.)
(Tommy brings the baby food to Dil, and in his rage, prepares to use it to cover Dil. He slowly tilts the jar over Dil's head)
Dil: My nanna! My nanna! (Dil looks at Tommy, who looks frightening as lightning flashes above, emphasizing his anger. Dil is suddenly then very frightened and his eyes start tearing in horror to see Tommy this angry.) T--T--T--
(Tommy's expression slowly changes from a vengeful one to a shocked and scared one. Dil clings onto Tommy's shirt, begging for mercy. Tommy slowly puts the jar of baby food down and pulls his brother into a hug, both of them shaking, while the Monkeys look on with genuine sadness.)
Tommy: I'm sorry, Dil.
Dil: Toto...
Tommy: It's okay, Dil. Everything is gonna be okay.
(Tommy brings Dil back under the tree, as the camera zooms in to Tommy's watch, which is still on the ground.)
(In another part of the forest, Phil and Lil pushes a frightened Chuckie on, even though the lightning makes the trees resemble monsters. Then, lightning strikes one of these trees. They all run for cover, with Phil accidentally leaving his blue shoes behind near a fallen tree trunk.)
Chuckie: Phil? Lil? (Chuckie sees Phil's shoes, making him exclaim in shock.) Aah! Ohh! Oh. Phil.
Lil: (emerging beside her friend) Chuckie?
Chuckie: He always loved climbing on trees. Now a tree's climbed on him.
(Lil is crying, while she holds Phil's shoes.)
Lil: He was my favoritest brother. Speak to me, Philip!
Phil: Have you guys seen my shoes?
Lil: Philip! (Lil hugs Phil.) I don't like this adventure anymore, Philip.
Phil: Gosh, Chuckie, this time we really are doomed.
Lil: Doomed! Doomed! Doomed! (cries)
Phil: Snap out of it, Lilian! We gotta find the lizard!
Chuckie: I don't know, guys. If we find the lizard and Tommy doesn't, how's he ever gonna get home?
Phil: What are you worried about him for? He's the one who was gonna let you get eated by a fish!
Lil: All he cares about now is baby Dil.
Chuckie: Yeah, well, somebody has to! Don't they?
(Back at the tree, Tommy retrieves his watch out in the storm. He holds it and gazes at the photo with a smile. A crack of thunder hits and Tommy hears Dil cry. He places the watch around his neck and goes back into the tree. Dil wails loudly, terrified and homesick. Tommy calms his brother down, tucks him in, and softly sings him a lullaby, similar to what he sung earlier in the film.)
Tommy: (singing) Baby, please... rest your head. Soon we will be home in bed. Until then, I'll protect you like no other. You're okay for a little brother.
(Dil whimpers a little, with a few tears coming out of his eyes. He then grabs Tommy's hand, smiling at him.)
Dil: My Tommy.
(Tommy holds his brother's hands, smiling back at him.)
Tommy: My Dil.
(Dil hiccups. The two are about to fall asleep, when Dil notices that Tommy isn't covered up. He reaches over and grabs the other half of the blanket, and puts it over Tommy. The two of them fall asleep as the camera pulls away upward from the tree, the storm ends and the sky begins to clear.)
(In another part of the forest, the grownups are still looking for the Rugrats. The Jeep that they were riding in got stuck in the mud.)
Didi: (sobbing) Oh, we'll never find them. Can't you do something?
Ranger Margaret: Come on, baby. Come on!
Stu: (on radio) Sky Pickle to ground Pickle.
Didi (grabbing the radio): Stu, Stu, is that you?
(Cut to Stu, now flying in his Dactar glider over the woods.)
Stu: Roger that, Deed. We have aerial search!
(As Stu flies, he crashes through a flock of migrating geese but continues flying on as one goose flies into and gets stuck in his face.)
(Back to the forest; the monkeys gang up on Tommy and Dil.)
Tommy: Oh, no. Nice monkeys. Ohh.
(Out of nowhere, Phil and Lil come to Tommy and Dil's rescue.)
Phil: Not so fast, you monkeys!
(Phil and Lil pull 2 monkeys away by their tails. Tommy runs over excitedly and hugs the twins.)
Tommy: Lil! Phil! You came back! Oh, but--but where's...
(They hear a growl, as Chuckie makes a savage entrance from out of nowhere, driving the Reptar Wagon at full speed. The monkeys get out of the wagon's way.)
Reptar Wagon: I am Reptar, the perfect children's toy!
Tommy: Chuckie!
Chuckie: Hi, Tommy!
(Chuckie reaches for a jar of baby food in the wagon, and removes the lid)
Chuckie: Hey, monkeys! You want nanners? Well, come and get 'em!
(Chuckie runs with the banana baby food, with the monkeys following him.)
Lil: Gosh, I never knowed he was so brave.
Phil: Yeah. We're gonna miss him. Well, we better get in the wagon and get outta here.
Tommy: No! You guys take Dil and go look for the lizard. I gotta go help my bestest friend.
(Tommy starts walking around with his watch.)
(Cut to Angelica, who's at the site of the train wreck, still being towed by Spike.)
Angelica: Ohh! Aah! Ooh! Dumb dog. There's no babies around here. Aah! (Angelica crashes into Chuckie.) There you are! Hand over my Cynthia, Finster!
Chuckie: Run, Angelica! The monkeys is coming! The monkeys is coming!
Angelica: Huh? (Chuckie runs from Angelica; a herd of monkeys follow. One of the monkeys conveniently drops Cynthia near Angelica.) Cynthia! (Another monkey tries to steal Cynthia.) Hey! Ohh! STOP!
(Angelica grabs the monkey by the tail and is once again towed away.)
(Spike finds Tommy and licks him.)
Tommy: Spike! You found me!
(Chuckie runs from the monkeys. He trips on a rock and slides across the grass. Lying at the edge of a cliff, he gasps. The camera pans away to show the rickety bridge and waterfall below. On the other side of that bridge, the wolf stalks off. Tommy rides Spike towards Chuckie, who is cornered by the monkeys. Chuckie throws the jar of stewed bananas into the river, but the wind slops the food onto his face, making him recoil. The monkeys look on in horror as the empty jar Chuckie tossed hits the water below, then they catch a whiff of bananas. Chuckie cleans off some baby food from his glasses, and puts them on to see the monkeys approaching him. They surround him.)
Chuckie: Ugh! Oh! Ohh! Nice monkeys. Nice monkeys. I was only kidding. Don't be mad at me. Please? Okay. Help (The monkeys pounce onto Chuckie and begin to lick the food off. Tommy and Spike come to the rescue, they chase the monkeys away.) Tommy! Thank goodness!
(Spike licks Chuckie.)
Tommy: Come on, Chuckie! (Tommy helps his friend onto Spike. Tommy pulls out his pocket watch it at the direction of a lookout tower on the other side of the river.) Chuckie! The lizard's house! Let's find the others! We gots a lizard to see!
(Tommy and Chuckie ride on Spike's back. Camera pans in the air to the Reptar wagon, parked at a distance.)
Chuckie: Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey. Ohh! Ohh! Spike! I can't look! I can't look!
(A low branch knocks Tommy and Chuckie off. Spike runs off.)
Tommy: Spike! Spike!
(The monkeys find Tommy, Chuckie and the gang up on them.)
(Meanwhile, back at the Reptar Wagon, Dil plays with the brakes, thinking that its round handle is a ball.)
Dil: My ball!
(The brakes disengage, and the wagon rolls off.)
(Back with the monkeys. One hair pulls on Chuckie's orange hair.)
Chuckie: Don't let them take me, Tommy! I don't wanna be monkey-boy!
(Phil and Lil sees Tommy, Chuckie and the monkeys.)
Phil and Lil: Aah!
Tommy: Aah!
(The twins pull Tommy and Chuckie in as the wagon rolls by.)
Reptar Wagon: Hang onto your diapies, babies.
Phil: Good one, Dil.
Tommy and Lil: Thanks, Dilly. Whoo-hoo!
Tommy: Thanks, Dil.
Lil: Dilly, you're my hero! (kisses Dil) Bye-bye, monkeys!
(Meanwhile, Angelica is still being towed by a monkey, her clothes now torn and tattered from being dragged around.)
Angelica: Aah! Oh! Stop it! (She bites the monkey's tail. The monkey runs off in pain, leaving Cynthia behind. Angelica picks up Cynthia and kisses her.) Cynthia! (She sees Reptar Wagon passing by.) Hey, you stupid diaper bags! Wait for me! (Angelica hops on while Phil and Lil fend off 2 monkeys.) Dumb monkeys! (The wagon bounces onto some railroad tracks but eventually reach the end of the line. It smashes through a "Do not Enter" sign into many pieces and going through a tunnel, then clatters on the the rickety old bridge over the river.) After all I've done for you babies, you were gonna leave me and Cynthia beh-- (The Reptar Wagon hits a missing board on the bridge. Angelica, who was sitting on Reptar's tail, catapults off into the air.) I-I-I-I!
Phil: I didn't know she could fly.
Lil: I think it's 'cause she's a witch.
(Angelica dangles on a broken board by a strap on her jumper.)
Tommy: Hang on, Angelica!
(Angelica's other skate comes loose and goes over the falls.)
(Fade to Rex's helicopter. A pilot is flying the chopper over the forest while Rex is both reporting and videotaping with his camera.)
Rex Pester: A truckload of babies and their pet horse lost in the woods. Our hearts go out to their grief-stricken parents...
Pilot: Look out!
(Stu's Dactar glider suddenly appears and crashes into the chopper, making it violently spin around by the tail, and making Rex drop his camera. Stu shrieks in panic.)
Rex Pester: Pickles! Now look what you've done! (Stu grunts. He and the chopper pilot fight over their aircrafts' controls.) Are you out of your mind, Pickles?!
(Rex uses both his legs to push Stu and Dactar out of the chopper--but Stu accidentally rips out the helicopter's control stick in the process, sending the chopper into a violent tailspin and causing it to crash-land into the forest below.)
Stu: Whoa!
Rex Pester: (sobbing and screaming as his chopper crashes) And I never won an Emmy!
(Stu is flying again on his Dactar, though haphazardly.)
Stu: Oops. (drops the chopper control stick and continues flying) I'm coming, Tommy. I'm coming, Dil. Oh! Ah!
(A couple of screws come loose, though Stu still flies.)
(Meanwhile, back on the bridge, the Rugrats are still trying to rescue Angelica.)
Angelica: Ugh! Hurry up, babies!
(The monkeys return.)
Chuckie: Don't let them take me!
Angelica: Don't let them take Cynthia!
Lil: I don't think they're gonna take anyone. Look!
(The monkeys flee.)
All: Yay!
Lil: Yeah! Go home, monkeys!
Angelica: Hooray! Dumb-dumb monkeys!
(The cheering stops when the Rugrats hear a growl behind them. They turn around and gasp in horror. The huge vicious wolf is at the foot of the bridge! He slowly stalks toward towards the babies!)
All: Oh!
Chuckie: We wanna go home. We wanna go home.
(The wolf gets closer, snarling. The kids cling to each other, ready for the end)
All: Aah!
Dil: Yuckies!
(Spike arrives to the rescue. Fearlessly, he lunges at the huge wolf and pins him to the ground!)
All: Yay!
Tommy: Yay, Spike!
Dil: Spike, Spike!
(Spike continues fighting the wolf. The wolf rips off Spike's collar. Spike pins the wolf again. The wolf forcefully swats Spike, sending him to the edge of the bridge, hanging for dear life!)
Tommy: Oh, no, Spike! Spike!
Lil: You gotta get outta there, Spikey!
Angelica: Yo, dumb wolf!
(Angelica blows a raspberry, in an effort to distract the wolf from killing Spike. The wolf turns his attention to Angelica and starts to go toward her! Spike leaps up and bites the wolf's tail and the wolf's jaws slam shut inches from Angelica as Spike drags him down as they both slowly go through a hole in the bridge.)
All: Spike!
(Spike continues dragging the wolf down the hole. The wolf loses his grip, and both canines plummet into the river below.)
Dil: Spike?
Tommy: Oh, Spike.
(All the kids cry over the loss of Spike.)
Angelica: Dumb dog! (tears fill up her eyes) Why'd you have to go and... (sobs)
(Cut to Stu and Dactar. Stu is flying by the ranger station when he suddenly spots the kids and the Reptar Wagon on the bridge)
Stu: Deed, I found them! They're over by the ranger station! I'm going in-n-n-n!
(Stu crashlands Dactar into the ranger's station shed, which disintegrates into a pile of rubble from the impact. Stu, all woozy, gets up on his feet, "wearing" Dactar's remnants, and walks towards the bridge.)
Stu: Ahh!
All: The lizard!
Stu: (groaning) Ahh! Ahh! Ohhh!
All: Ohh!
(Tommy pulls up his diaper and speaks to the lizard.)
Tommy: Please, Mr. Lizard, we wish we could go... (Tommy stops and looks at Spike's collar, then at the others who are still crying over Spike) No...We wish we had our doggy back.
Stu: Ahhh.
(Stu's foot busts through the bridge and he falls through. Then a familiar barking is heard. Tommy and his friends look through the hole.)
Tommy: Spike!
Phil: He's alive!
(Spike licks Stu, who lies on one of the bridge's support arms below.)
Lil: Thank you, Mr. Lizard!
(Tires screech and headlights shine. The other grown-ups run towards the babies. Then, their parents pick up their babies and embrace them.)
Didi: My babies! My babies! Oh, Dil! My Darling
Betty: You rascals!
Chas: Daddy's here. Oh, Chuckie!
Charlotte: Angelica, sweetheart, everything's going to be okay.
Angelica: Oh, mommy, oh, daddy!
Chas: Did you miss me? You okay?
(The monkeys look on in bewilderment. Charlotte's phone rings. Instead of answering it, she tosses it into the water. Grandpa pulls Stu up with a rope.)
Grandpa: You've got the Pickle spirit, son. Maybe not the brain, but the spirit.
Didi: Oh, Stu, you did it! You found our boys.
(Stu picks up Tommy and Dil. Tommy drops his watch; Stu picks it up, and smiles at it still in perfect shape.)
Stu: Yeah, I guess I did.
(Tommy and Dil hug each other.)
(Igor and Serge arrive in a police car to recover their monkeys.)
Igor: My little furry comrades!
Serge: Splendid monkeys, come to papa. Who's your daddy?
(The monkeys happily run towards their circus owners. The others get out of the way to avoid them. One monkey kisses Serge on the lips)
(We look through the viewfinder of a reporter's video recorder.)
Reporter: Babies and monkeys, both lost. Now both found!
Rex Pester: This is my story, pal! (An injured Rex shoves the reporter out of sight.) I'm Rex Pester. Stay tuned! (The monkeys gang up on Rex and harass him. Camera cuts to static.) Aah! No, not the toupee! Nooooooooo!
Betty: (laughs) Go get him, you little simians!
Charlotte: (laughs) Hey, Rex, time for your close up!
(Angelica, Phil, Drew, Lil, Howard, Chuckie, Didi and Stu join in laughing.)
Chas: Oh, dear, too bad.
(Dil drinks his bottle, then shares it with Tommy.)
Stu: I'm sorry about all this Drew.
Drew: It's all right, little brother. For a nincompoop, you're not half bad.
(Everyone walks away from the bridge and talks amongst themselves. Margaret pulls the Reptar Wagon.)
Angelica: Honestly, Grandpa.
Stu: Remember there was Swamptar?
Drew: Oh, yeah, I remember that. Got mud all over...
(Fade back to the Okey-Dokey Jones sequence, where the Rugrats enter the temple.)
Chuckie: (voice over) And that was our big adventure. The Monkeys founded their daddies and we all gots to go home and have fried bologna sandwiches. Expect Dil, 'cause he gots no teeth.
(Dil, wearing a Viking helmet, rides on Chuckie's back. They climb and grab the icon as before, but this time, Dil got a hold of it.)
Chuckie: (voice-over) But if you think thing went back to the way they was before, you're wrong, 'cause now, thanks to Baby Dil, they was even better! (laughs)
(After Dil grabs the icon, they all start to topple. Before they hit the ground, we go back to reality in the kitchen with a banana split. After the fall, Dil slides to the stove with the split, when he hit the stove, the split remains intact. Dil smiles as he holds it above his head. Cut to the Rugrats cheering.)
All: Way to go, Dilly!
(Freeze frame, then fade out.)
(Fade to closing credits, when stills of the movie's scenes flash in the background while the credits are seen in the foreground. Credits from "Directed by" to "Additional Music by" are flashed on and off, with one background per credit. From "Production Manager" on, credits scroll, with different lettering and fonts, while the background changes. During the credits, portions of "Take Me There", "Take the Train" and "I Throw my Toys Around" be heard. Fade out.)
Post Credit Scene: The Goat accidentally knocks the Reptar Wagon with Grandpa Lou inside. Here we go again...
(After the closing credits, there is a bonus scene where Boris' goat returned, eating flowers while Grandpa rests in the Reptar Wagon. The goat accidentally pushes the wagon with Grandpa inside, leading to a wild goose chase as the goat tries to rescue Grandpa and Edwin watching. "On Your Marks..." plays as Grandpa rolls down the hill. Fade out.)