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| The Last Babysitter | Gallery | Transcript |
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[The episode begins with a view of what appears to be a volcano in a foggy landscape. The camera slowly zooms out to reveal that the "volcano" is a pimple on Alyssa's cheek. Susie looks at the pimple curiously.]
Susie: What's that?
[Alyssa gasps and covers her cheek with her hand. She picks up a mirror and looks at her reflection.]
Alyssa: Oh no, a zit! This is awful!
[The camera cuts to show Alyssa, Susie, and Tommy sitting on Alyssa's bed in her room.]
Susie: Alyssa, aren't you going to finish reading us the book?
Alyssa: Okay, okay! [picks up a book titled "The Big Book of Monsters"] Now, where were we? [turns two pages of the book] Oh, yeah, the Glorgle. [drags her finger under the Glorgle's name on the page. The camera pans to show a picture of a troll-like monster sitting on a rock in a cave on the opposite page] This is a very sad monster. He lives in a dark, damp, smelly cave all by himself.
Susie: Doesn't he have any friends? [the phone rings]
Alyssa: Nope. No one likes him 'cause he's got lots of zits. [puts her hand over the pimple on her cheek again]
Randy: [off-screen] Alyssa, it's Rebecca!
[Alyssa smiles, then gets off the bed and goes over to her phone on her vanity desk. She picks up the receiver.]
Alyssa: Hi, Bec. [Rebecca says something in gibberish] Oh, my gosh. No way. No way, no way! [sits on the stool at her desk and turns her back on Susie and Tommy] You are totally...
Tommy: [flips through pages of the book] This book is really neat!
Susie: Yeah! It's got every monster there is.
Tommy Wow!
[They look down at a page showing a picture of a monster wearing a tutu and ballet slippers dancing in a field of flowers.]
Susie: Some of them are really good. And some of them are really bad. [turns the page to show a picture of a demonic-looking monster standing on a pile of skulls] And some of them are really ugly! [turns the page to show a picture of an ugly green monster with giant feet]
Alyssa: Ew! [Susie and Tommy look over at her; she's still on the phone] Oh, that is so like her! [stands up] But can you believe my life? I mean, I am like fully Cinderella or something. My mom won't even let me go out for pizza with Todd tonight 'cause [imitating her mom] "it's a school night." Ugh, they treat me like I'm still a baby or something.
Tommy: Do any of these monsters live around here?
Susie: Nah. My mom and dad keep them away.
Tommy: Whew, that's a relief.
[Downstairs, Randy is dressed in a tuxedo and looking into the hallway mirror, putting on a bow tie.]
Randy: [glumly] Oh, I hate going to these functions. [finishes and turns away from the mirror] I always feel like an idiot in a tux.
[Stu walks in, dressed in a blue suit.]
Stu: [happily] Man, I feel like a million bucks in this thing. Just think, the first Dummi Bears rock opera and we got front-row seats! [looks in the mirror and smooths his hair back] Hurry up, Rand. Lucy and Didi are waiting in the car. [goes over to the front door, his hair springing up back to normal. He looks up at it and frowns]
Randy: Now, where did I put my walkman?
[The phone rings. Randy answers it.]
Randy: Hello. You're calling for Alyssa, I presume. [the person on the other line says something in gibberish] Oh, Gary, it's you. [more gibberish] You can't make it? That's great-- I-I mean, that's too bad. [Alyssa comes downstairs] Oh, okay, well, don't worry about it. Bye-bye.
Alyssa: Was that for me?
Randy: [hangs up] No, it was the babysitter. Seems he busted a ligament or something playing chess. [smiles and rubs his hands together] Well, I guess we'll just have to stay home.
Stu: Oh no, Randy! Say it ain't so! [grabs Randy's jacket and sinks to his knees]
Randy: You really want to go, don't you? [Stu looks up at him desperately. Randy pulls Stu to his feet] Well, I suppose we could ask those odd friends of yours, the DeVilles.
Stu: Uh-uh. Howard's off in the woods somewhere with his male bonding group, and Betty's taken the kids to Vegas for the weekend.
Alyssa: Dad, I could babysit.
Randy: I don't think so, sweetie. Babysitting is a big responsibility.
Alyssa: But I'm almost sixteen! Why are you always treating me like a little kid?
Stu: She's got a point, Randy.
Randy: [sighs] All right. Your mother keeps saying you deserve a chance. [Alyssa smiles] The emergency numbers are by the phone, [gestures to the phone] and if absolutely necessary, you can page us at the theater.
Stu: Come on, let's roll.
[Stu grabs Randy's arm and they walk towards the camera, their jackets filling the screen as it fades to black. It cuts to a shot of the living room, briefly through the perspective of a wiffle ball flying through the air. The camera pans to show Edwin sitting in an armchair reading a book, Buster hitting the wiffle ball with a baseball bat, and Susie playing with a toy plane as Tommy watches, then starts to crawl to another part of the room. Buster's friend Sticky picks up the wiffle ball as Alyssa walks into the room.]
Alyssa: Okay, you guys. [the kids keep playing noisily, not noticing her] You guys! [the kids keep playing, and Sticky prepares to throw the wiffle ball to Buster] HEY!
[Sticky throws the wiffle ball and accidentally knocks over a lamp. Edwin, Buster, Susie and Tommy all stop what they're doing and look at Alyssa.]
Alyssa: This is really, really important, okay? [all the kids stand in a line] This is my chance to prove I am responsible, and mature, and all that other stuff. So here's the thing. [points to all of them] You guys got to be good, okay? [Edwin and Susie nod]
Buster: Aw, you mean we got to listen to YOU? [points to Alyssa]
Alyssa: [pushes Buster's hand away] Yeah, Buster, you got to listen to me. I am the oldest and I am in charge. [looks at Sticky] And Sticky, I think you'd better go home.
Sticky: Aw, do I have to?
Alyssa: [points to the front door] Goodbye, Sticky!
[Sticky walks out of the room with his head down, and Buster follows him. Sticky starts to open the front door, but Buster quickly closes it.]
Buster: [whispers in Sticky's ear] We'll show her.
[Sticky smiles. The screen fades to black, then fades to a shot of the hallway, later that evening.]
Alyssa: [off-screen, frustrated] Oh, I can't FIND your Einstein pajamas, Edwin! Can't you just wear THESE?
[The camera pans to the living room to show Susie playing with her toy plane again, and Tommy playing with a toy car.]
Tommy: Hey, Susie, I was thinking. Now that your sister's in charge instead of your mom and dad, do you think those monsters are gonna come out?
Susie: Nah, Alyssa's pretty big. I think she'll keep them away.
[Alyssa walks into the room and lies down on the couch with a groan of exhaustion. The phone rings.]
Alyssa: Oh great, that's probably Mom and Dad checking up on me. [rolls her eyes, then gets up and goes over to the phone] They don't think I can do anything. [answers the phone] Hello? Hello? Hmm, no one's there.
[Alyssa hangs up and starts to walk away. The phone rings again, and she answers it.]
Alyssa: Hello? Mom? Hello? Hello!
[Silence. Alyssa slowly hangs up and starts to go back to the living room, but immediately turns around as the phone rings again. The camera pans to Tommy and Susie watching as Alyssa picks up the receiver a third time.]
Tommy: What's going on?
Susie: I don't know.
Tommy: You don't think it's the monsters, do you?
[The lights suddenly go out.]
Susie: Oh no, the light's gone!
Alyssa: A blackout? Oh, why does everything always have to happen to me?! [takes a deep breath] Okay, first we got to find a flashlight. [her footsteps are heard, followed by a loud thud] Ow!
[The lights come back on. Alyssa is on the floor, having tripped over the baseball bat. She sits up and looks around.]
Alyssa: Well, that's a relief.
Buster: There sure is some weird stuff going on around here. [the camera zooms in on the back of the armchair he's sitting in. He leans over the armrest to look at Alyssa] I don't like it.
[Alyssa stands up and starts walking away as Buster settles back in the chair, smiling mischievously to himself. The lights go out again once Alyssa goes into another room.]
Alyssa: [off-screen] Oh no!
[Rummaging sounds are heard in the other room, then Alyssa walks back in holding a lit candle and a flashlight.]
Alyssa: Relax, everyone. [sets the candle on top of the fireplace mantel and turns on the flashlight] There's nothing to worry about.
Buster: Maybe you better call Mom and Dad.
Alyssa: Well, I could have them paged at the theater-- [starts heading toward the hallway, then stops] No. If I call them now and ask for help, they'll treat me like a kid forever.
[A loud crash is heard off-screen, which startles Alyssa and makes her drop the flashlight.]
Buster: Oh no, what was that?
Alyssa: [points] It came from the basement.
Susie: It's a monster!
Buster: I'm gonna go down there and find out what's going on once and for all! [gets off the armchair and picks up the flashlight, then runs out of the room]
Alyssa: Buster, be careful!
Susie: Yeah, Buster. If you get eated, Alyssa's gonna be in a lot of trouble!
Buster: Don't worry.
[Buster opens the basement door and runs downstairs.]
Tommy: There goes one brave kid.
Susie: Yeah, he's my brother.
[A thud is heard in the basement. Buster quickly runs back upstairs without the flashlight, looking scared.]
Buster: [panting] There's something down there! [the camera cuts to the basement stairs and pans upward as something begins climbing them] Quick, close the door!
[Alyssa and Edwin quickly close the door. They drag the coffee table over and set it down in front of the door as Buster lays on the floor, catching his breath.]
Alyssa: What was it, Buster?
Buster: [breathing hard] I don't know. It might have been a person or... it might have been something else. I didn't stick around to find out, I just know I never want to see anything like it ever again! [stands up and backs away nervously as Alyssa walks over to the phone] Are you sure you don't want to call Mom and Dad?
Alyssa: [holding the receiver] The phone's dead. [hangs up, looking scared] What is going on?
[The camera pans over to Susie and Tommy watching from the entryway. They look at each other and crawl back into the living room.]
Susie: This is terrible, Tommy. This baby-sticking job is the most importantest thing in the world to Alyssa and it's all gonna get ruined!
Tommy: Yeah, and we're gonna get eated!
Susie: That, too. So you know what we gotta do?
Tommy: Yeah! ...What?
Susie: We gotta investigate. Come on!
[Susie and Tommy stand up and walk out of the living room. They start to climb up the stairs to the second floor.]
Tommy: Do you think that's really a monster in the basement?
Susie: Well, sometimes monsters live in caves, so I guess a monster might live in a basement.
Tommy: Do you think that's why the lights went off?
Susie: Yeah, and why the telephone's not working.
Tommy: Hey, Susie, if the monster's in the basement, why are we going upstairs?
Susie: We're going up to Alyssa's room and get my monster book.
[They continue up the stairs, and a cat suddenly yowls. They both scream, and Tommy clings to Susie fearfully. Susie opens her eyes and looks down.]
Susie: It's Chowder. I stepped on his tail. Sorry, Chowder.
[Chowder runs up the rest of the stairs toward the bedrooms. Susie and Tommy reach the top of the stairs. A broom suddenly falls down in front of them, making them both scream again.]
Tommy: Phew. How did that happen?
Susie: I don't know. It must have been Chowder again. Yeah, that's it. It must have been Chowder.
Wow, who's that?
That's gafigan.
He's a monster who lives on an island
And plays loud music.
I don't think he's in the basement.
This is nemerid.
He eats bones.
Like a dog?
No, Tommy.
Not like a dog.
But don't worry.
He lives on another planet.
I don't think he comes here.
Good.
The oo-oo-mort.
He likes the dark.
I bet that's him in the basement.
Uh, I don't think so.
He hasn't been seen for about kajillion years.
I think he fell into a volcano or something.
Oh.
Hey, Susie, What if it was a volcano.
With a tunnel to your basement?
Both: The oo-oo-mort!
Come on, we got to go after it.
If you want to catch a monster,you need bait.
Can't catch a monster without a net.
What's that for?
Nothing, really.
I just think it looks neat.
Now, let's go get that monster.
Yeah!
[Both scream]
It's the vacu-cleaner.
Come on.
Buster, what was that noise?
Something funny's going on.
[Alisa gasps]: Oh, no!
Susie and Tommy are gone.
Phew.
It was just a lamp.
Look!
Come on!
Roar!
[Both scream]
Susie! Tommy!
Oh, I lost them.
I can't believe I lost them.
Mom and Dad are going to be so mad.
Do you think he'll find us?
We better hope not.
I thought the monster was in the basement.
How did it get upstairs?
I don't know, Tommy.
The monster couldn't have
Gotten by everybody
Without them seeing it.
Maybe there are two monsters.
Two monsters?
Maybe we should get another net.
Whatever's out there
We'll never find it hiding in this closet.
You're right, Tommy.
Let's go back and find that monster.
Look!
It looks like the monster's hair.
Do you think he's going bald?
I don't know.
Hm... Come on.
Where did you guys go?
Never mind that now.
Have any monsters come through here lately?
Monster? Susie, what is going on?
We were upstairs and we saw
The monster.
We even found his hair.
You found the monster's hair, huh?
Buster, this looks like your wig from halloween last year.
Um... I don't know anything about it.
Hey, I was down here the whole time.
Hmm, I think we'll just have a look upstairs.
Susie, Tommy, come with me.
And this time, don't go getting lost.
You, too, buster!
Why don't we just look in here?
[Snickering]
Aha!
It was all buster's idea.
He forced me into it.
I think you'd better come with me.
Sticky, go home
And terrorize your own house.
I'll call your mom.
To tell her you're coming.
And you, Buster.
I think it's time for bed.
Aw, can't you take a joke?
Move it!
Good night.
And thanks, you guys.
You really saved the day.
So there wasn't any monster?
Nope, I guess not.
But look on the bright side.
At least nobody got eated.
Randy: Hi, Alisa-- looks like you did a good job.
Alisa: How was the rock opera?
Randy: What's this table doing in front of the cellar door?
Um, susie, are there no monsters anywhere?
Of course there are monsters.
Just not in our basement.