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Princess Angelica Gallery Transcript

[The episode begins with a close-up of a page of Angelica's Not So Grimm Fairy Tales coloring book as Angelica colors in it with a red crayon. She hums as she colors. She continues humming as she colors in another page with a yellow crayon, then another page with a blue crayon. As she continues humming and coloring, the page is revealed to have a princess on it, about to be crowned by a servant, and Angelica is coloring her dress blue.]

Drew: "Angelica!"

[Upon hearing Drew, Angelica colors outside the dress' lines, and onto the servant.]

Angelica: "Cynthia, look what you made me do! That's okay, I'm creative, I don't have to color inside the lines. I'll just make it a nighttime picture!"

[Angelica picks up a black crayon and colors on the page with it. Drew opens Angelica's bedroom door and walks in.]

Drew: "How's the cleanup coming, l..."

[The camera zooms out, revealing Angelica's bedroom floor to be covered with her toys.]

Drew: "Angelica, you haven't cleaned up any of your toys!"

[Angelica shows drew the picture she colored.]

Angelica: "Like my drawing, Daddy?"
Drew: "Sweetie, remember how Daddy and Angelica made a deal? Daddy buys Angelica the $400.00 video game set and Angelica cleans her room once a month?"
Angelica: "I didn't feel like it this month!"
Drew: "Listen, Angelica, whether or not you 'feel like it', your toys have to be put away! You got it?"
Angelica: "Got it! Starting next month."

[Angelica colors a page with a red crayon.]

Drew: "Angelica, this is the end of the line! I am afraid I'm gonna have to take some action! I'm... I'm... I'm gonna... I'm gonna talk to Mommy about your behavior."

[Drew walks away. Angelica jumps off her bed and follows him. In her office, Charlotte is walking on her treadmill with a built-in TV, and is on the phone with Jonathan.]

Charlotte: "Jonathan, I want my fax machine repaired today! I don't care if it's Sunday! It's Monday in Japan, and you can bet they're not sitting on their tushes in Tokyo!"

[On the screen, the TV Actor and Actress kiss each other, and a THE END card is shown. After the soap opera ends, a commercial for Sal Fusco, the Home Office King airs. In the commercial, Sal Fusco is holding a scepter in one hand and a broken toaster in the other. In the background, the words, HOME OFFICE KING can be seen on a sign.]

Sal Fusco: "Hi, friends! Broken toaster?"

[Sal waves his scepter over the broken toaster, turning it into a fixed one that pops two pieces of bread up. In the next scene, a broken TV set is shown.]

Sal: "TV on the fritz?"

[Sal waves his scepter over the broken TV set, and it shows him waving. In the next scene, a broken fax machine is shown ejecting paper at a fast speed.]

Sal: "Jammed fax machine?"

[Sal waves his scepter over the broken fax machine, and in the next scene, the fax machine prints the paper out like it should. Charlotte is impressed when she sees the commercial.]

Sal: "Call Sal Fusco, home office king! Call me day and night, seven days a week!"

[Sal waves his scepter, and cardboard lightbolts and a cardboard cloud fall down behind him. a sign that says, Sal Fusco HOME OFFICE KING 555-KING and the microphone boom fall in front of him.]

Sal: "Call 555-King! That's 555-K-I-N-G! Remember, I'll treat you..."

[Sal waves his scepter over his head, and his crown appears on his head.]

Sal: "Like royalty!"
Charlotte: "Look, why don't you call this guy on TV, the Home Office King?"

[Drew walks in as Charlotte hangs up her phone.]

Drew: "Charlotte, I..."
Charlotte: "What happened to good service, Drew? Just try and get a simple fax repair!"

[Drew points behind himself.]

Drew: "Charlotte, it's about Angelica."

[Unknown to Drew and Charlotte, Angelica is outside the office, eavesdropping on their conversation.]

Charlotte: "You mean our little princess?"
Drew: "That's exactly who I mean! Have you noticed that lately, Angelica's been acting like a real princess?"

[The camera zooms in on Angelica.]

Angelica: "A real princess?"
Charlotte: "Drew, that's great!"
Drew: "Great?"
Charlotte: "Don't you see? If Angelica's ever gonna make it in a male-dominated power structure, she's gotta eat, breathe, drink, and sweat self-esteem!"
Drew: "Uh-huh. Look, I know we've been blessed with a special little girl, but if we don't stop spoiling her, she's gonna suspect she really is a princess!"

[The camera zooms in on Angelica as she turns to face her Cynthia doll.]

Angelica: "Hear that, Cynthia? Wait'll I tell the babies!

[A view outside Angelica's house is now shown as the camera zooms in on it. It then transitions to a view inside Angelica's bedroom, where Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, and Lil all are.]

Tommy: "So, let me get this straight, you're a real princess?"

[The camera moves over to Angelica.]

Angelica: "Yeah, I heard my Mommy and Daddy talkin' and that's what they said! And then they said it was a secret, and I wasn't sposed' to find out!"
Chuckie: "I don't know, Angelica, if you're a real princess, how come you don't have a crown?"
Phil: "Yeah, and how come you don't live in a castle?"
Lil: "And how come your Mommy and Daddy aren't a king and a queen?"
Angelica: "Don't you get it? Those grown-ups downstairs, Mr. and Mrs. Pickles, or whatever their name is, they're not my real Mommy and Daddy, they're my evil steppartents!"
Tommy: "Then I'm not really your cousin?"
Angelica: "Sorry, Tommy, you're just a simple pheasant."

[Tommy frowns upon hearing this.]

Angelica: "My real Mommy and Daddy are a king and queen, and they'd never yell at me, or make me put away toys are do nothin' mean to me at all!"
Chuckie: "Um, Angelica, how do we know you're a princess?"

[The camera zooms out on Tommy.]

Tommy: "Hey, what if we do a test like in the fairy tales?"

[Tommy picks up Angelica's coloring book and flips through it. He turns it to a page with a prince climbing up Rapunzel's hair, and holds the page up to the camera.]

Tommy: "Look! We'll do the Princess Rapoozle test!"
Chuckie: "What's that?"
Tommy: "If Angelica's a princess, then we should be able to climb up her hair!"
Angelica: "Climb up my hair?"
Tommy: "Yeah! Princess Rapoozle had this prince climb up her hair practially every night!"

[Angelica stares in doubt.]

Tommy: "It's the only way we'll know for sure!"
Angelica: "All right, fine! Phil, Lil, climb up my hair!"
Lil: "Are you sure you won't get mad?"
Angelica: "Course I'm sure! Now go ahead, climb up my hair!"

[Phil and Lil shrug their shoulders in approval, then run towards Angelica and grunt as they pull on her hair.]

Angelica: "Yeow! Let go of my hair! Let go of my hair!"

[Phil and Lil let go of Angelica's hair, and Angelica falls back. She rubs her head in pain.]

Angelica: "Oof! Ow! What's the matter with you? That's no way to treat a princess!"

[The screen transitions to the next scene, where Angelica is on her bed, stacking a pillow atop a pile of blankets.]

Angelica: "Now, this is the Princess and the Pea test. It'll tell us for sure! Real Princess' spin is so soft, they can feel a pea through a whole lot of blankets!"
Lil: "I can feel it when Phil pees through a whole lot of blankets! Does that make me a princess?"
Angelica: "No, that just makes you both disgusting."

[Angelica jumps off her bed and walks up to the door. Chuckie walks up to her.]

Angelica: "Okay, Chuckie, where's that pea you were getting?"
Chuckie: "Uh, well... I kinda... got hungry on the way upstairs."
Angelica: You ate it?!"
Chuckie: "Well, yeah, but I... I found somethin' else on the kitchen floor! Will a fork work?"

[Chuckie hands Angelica a fork. Angelica rolls her eyes in disdain.]

Angelica: "Give me that!"

[Angelica snatches the fork from Chuckie. She then walks away and places the fork under the pile of blankets. She then grunts as she tries to climb to the top of the pile, only for one of the blankets to unfold, and she screams as she falls to the floor. Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, and Lil all laugh as Angelica recovers herself from the pile and rubs her head in pain.]

Tommy: "You did it, Angelica, you're a real princess! You didn't even have to get all the way up the pile, and it still hurt!"

[The camera moves over to Chuckie.]

Chuckie: "But you guys, we didn't use a real pea!"
Lil: "Aw, now we'll never know!"

[Angelica flips through her coloring book.]

Angelica: "Okay, okay, one more test!"

[Angelica walks up to Chuckie and yells in his face, causing him to flinch in fear.]

Angelica: "And this time, nobody better eat any of it!

[Chuckie gulps. The screen transitions to the next scene, where Angelica is sitting on her bed, with her shoes off.]

Angelica: "It's just like Cindereller. If the slipper fits, it means I'm a princess! Tommy, bring in the slipper!"

[Tommy walks out of Angelica's closet, carrying a pair of reindeer slippers. He walks up to Angelica, who holds up her foot.]

Angelica: "Go ahed, Tommy, put it on me!"

[Angelica puts her foot in one of the slippers, and it fits. Angelica gasps in delight.]

Angelica: "It fits, it fits!"
Tommy: "Angelica, you're a real princess! This proves it!"

[Angelica puts the other slipper on, and walks across her bedroom.]

Angelica: "Well, I hope you babies are satisfied!"

[Chuckie walks up to Angelica.]

Chuckie: "I'm sorry we ever questioned you, Princess Angelica!"
Angelica: "I forgive you, Charles. In fact, I'm gonna let you be my royal footman!"
Chuckie: "Wow, thanks, Angelica! What do I get to do first?"

[Angelica is now sitting atop her dollhouse.]

Angelica: "The royal feet."

[Chuckie pulls the slippers off Angelica's feet. The screen fades to black, then to the next scene, where Angelica picks up her bag.]

Angelica: "Now help me pack, and hurry!"

[As Angelica talks, she puts a doll and a toy school bus in her bag. Chuckie runs up to her and puts a teddy bear in her bag.]

Angelica: "My real Daddy is probably gonna be here soon to rescue me and frisk me off to the palace!"

[Angelica runs away. Chuckie grunts as he tries to pick up the bag, but falls over. Angelica runs up to her door and signals the babies.]

Angelica: "Come on, servants! We're going downstairs to wait for the king!"

[As Angelica runs out the door, Chuckie grunts as he pulls Angelica's heavy full bag. Tommy, Phil, and Lil all follow him. The screen then transitions to the next scene, where they are all waiting near the window. Tommy hands Angelica a lollipop.]

Tommy: "Want a lollipop, Princess Angelica?"
Angelica: "Why, thank you, Thomas."

[Angelica takes the lollipop from Tommy and licks it. She, Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, an Lil all look out the window.]

Phil: "Where is he?"
Angelica: "Don't worry, he'll be here any minute."

[Angelica licks her lollipop again. A car drives across the road, and Angelica is about to finish her lollipop.]

Angelica: "Yep, any minute now, he'll take me away from my evil stepparrents!"

[Angelica licks the last of her lollipop, and the camera zooms in as she discards the stick in an ashtray. The screen transitions to some time later, where the ashtray is now filled with many sticks. The camera zooms out on Angelica.]

Angelica: "He's not coming. He's just gonna leave me here with the Pickles, and they're gonna make me clean up my toys and brush my teeth and never have any fun! My life is over!"
Lil: "That's too bad, Angelica."

[The camera zooms in on Phil.]

Phil: "Guess the king just forgot about you!"
Chuckie: "Maybe they had a rebolution."
Tommy: "No! He didn't forget! Angelica, you're a real princess, right?"
Angelica: "Yeah."
Tommy: "Well, I heard enough fairy tales to know! Princess might get taken away from their real parents,"

[As Tommy continues talking, Sal Fusco parks his truck in Angelica's driveway.]

Tommy: "Princesses might have to live with evil stepparents, princessess might even be made to clean up their toys, but whenever there's a princess in trouble, sooner or later, she gets rescued!"

[Sal opens the door to his truck and walks out.]

Tommy: "And Angelica, you're gonna get rescued, too!"
Angelica: "I'd like to believe you, Tommy, but you're just a baby! The fact is, I'm doomed to live out the rest of my days with a bunch of ordinary..."

[Before Angelica can finish, the doorbell rings. Chuckie looks out the window.]

Chuckie: "Look!"

[Chuckie points out the window, and Angelica, Tommy, Phil, and Lil all look out it.]

Angelica: "It's the king!"
Lil: "Wow! Look at his car!"

[The camera zooms in on the crown on Sal's truck.]

Phil: "It's even got a crown on it!"

[The light shines off the crown. Angelica stares in delight. Charlotte opens the door, and Sal is revealed to be on the other side.]

Sal: "You Mrs. Pickles?"
Charlotte: "Uh, yes, and you must be..."
Sal: "Sal Fusco, Home Office King! Now, where's the fax?"

[Sal walks in, and Charlotte leads him to her office.]

Charlotte: "Uh, uh, right this way."

[Angelica, Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, and Lil all stare at Sal. Angelica points at him.]

Angelica: "That's him, that's the king!"
Chuckie: "I don't know, Angelica. He didn't look very much like a king!"
Lil: "Yeah, where's his crown?"

[The camera zooms in on Phil.]

Phil: "And his robe?"
Angelica: "Don't be nincompoops! He's in disguise! This way, he can go wherever he wants and the common people will never bother him! Now, come on, help me get my stuff out to the royal car!"

[Angelica walks up to her bag.]

Tommy: "You're really leaving?"
Angelica: "Of course, I'm going to the castle!"
Chuckie: "Don't you want to say goodbye to your Mommy and Daddy?"
Angelica: "Nah, they never let me do anything fun! Now, help me get out of here while I still can!"

[Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, and Lil all walk up to Angelica. Angelica walks into the kitchen and peers out the doorway. She looks around, and when she sees the coast is clear, she walks out and signals the babies, who are all grunting as they struggle to pull her heavy full bag. Angelica opens the door to her driveway, where she sees Sal's truck. She runs up to the back doors, and opens them. The camera zooms out, revealing a lot of office equipment inside.]

Tommy: "Wow, it sure looks fancy!"
Angelica: "Only the best for the princess! Come on, help me in!"

[Angelica climbs into the truck, and Tommy and Chuckie push her up. Phil walks up to Tommy and Chuckie.]

Phil: "Hey, Angelica, can we come with you to the palace and play with all your diamonds and furs?"

[Lil walks up to Chuckie.]

Lil: "And ride on the royal ponies?"
Chuckie: "And watch the royal telebision?"
Angelica: "Sorry, that stuff's only for princesses! But hey, I tell you what; you babies can have my old room with all that junk in it!"
Phil: "Wow!"
Lil: "Thanks, Angelica!"
Angelica: "Course, you gotta clean it up once a month! Now scat before somebody sees you, and I get caught!"

[Angelica closes the doors.]

Tommy: "Hey, Angelica!"

[Angelica opens the door and peers out.]

Angelica: "Get out of here! You want me to get caught?"
Tommy: "I just wanted to say... I'll miss you!"

[The camera zooms in on Tommy.]

Chuckie: "Me, too!"
Phil and Lil: "And me, too!"
Angelica: Well, maybe someday, you babies can come and play at the palace!"

[Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, and Lil all frown.]

Angelica: "Hey, babies, kneel down for a second!"
Chuckie: "Angelica, the last time you made me do this..."
Angelica: "No, Chuckie, I wanna knight you guys!"

[Angelica holds up her Cynthia doll.]

Chuckie: "I'm scared of the dark!"
Angelica: "No, no, no! Knight you! You know, make you important people!"
Lil: "Like princesses?"
Angelica: "Well, not quite, but close. Now go ahead, kneel!"

[Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, and Lil all kneel. Angelica knights Phil with her Cynthia doll.]

Angelica: "Sir Phil, eater of Earthworms!

[Angelica knights Lil with her Cynthia doll.]

Angelica: "Lady Lil, loudest screamer in the land!"

[Angelica knights Chuckie with her Cynthia doll.]

Angelica: "Sir Charles, Fraidy Cat Extraordinaire!"

[Angelica knights Tommy with her Cynthia doll.]

Angelica: "And Sir Thomas, the bravest baby of them all!"
Tommy: "Wow, thanks, Angelica!"
Angelica: "My pleasure, Sir Thomas! Now I gotta go! Bye!"

[Angelica closes the back door. Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, and Lil all wave goodbye.]

Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, and Lil: "Bye!"
Tommy: "When you learn to write, drop us a postcard!"
Angelica: "Okay, Tommy!"
Tommy: "There she goes, Angelica the Princess!"

[The front door opens. Tommy turns his attention to it.]

Charlotte: "What do you mean, a hundred bucks?"
Tommy: "Quick!"

[Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, and Lil all run away and hide in the bushes.]

Chuckie: "Yeah!"

[Sal and Charlotte walk out to Sal's truck.]

Sal: "Hey, that's what you pay for quality!"
Charlotte: "Just to look at it?!"

[Inside Sal's truck, Angelica talks to her Cynthia doll.]

Angelica: "Well, we did it! It's a princess' life for me, Cynthia! Nothin' but video games, ponies, and chocolate chip cookies!"

[Sal gets in his truck and closes the door.]

Charlotte: "Have it back tomorrow morning! I need it tomorrow!"
Sal: "Yeah, don't they all?"

[Sal backs his truck out of the driveway, and Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, and Lil all peer out of the bushes.]

Tommy: "Wow, she's really leaving."
Chuckie: "I hope she'll be happy with King Sal!"
Phil: "Hey, let's go check out her toys!"

[The camera moves over to Lil.]

Lil: "Yeah!"

[Sal drives his truck down the road. Inside, Angelica is talking to her Cynthia doll.]

Angelica: "Cynthia, this palace thing is gonna be great! I'll just be sittin' on my throne and readin' comic books all day long, and best of all, I won't ever have to see those evil stepparents again!"

[Angelica stares at Cynthia.]

Angelica: "'Miss em'? Why would I miss em? All they ever did was make me clean up my room! And read me bedtime stories and... kiss me good night and... take care of me when I'm sick and... Oh, Cynthia, I've made a terrible mistake! What do I do?"

[Angelica stares at Cynthia.]

Angelica: "Good idea, Cynthia!"

[Angelica runs up to the front of the truck and bangs on the wall.]

Angelica: "Help! Let me out of here! Help, Mr. King person! Help!"

[Sal stops his truck and turns around. The screen transitions to the next scene, where Angelica is in the living room, talking to Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, and Lil.]

Angelica: "So, things at the castle got kinda boring, and I decided to come back home!"
Tommy: "But you're still a princess, right?"

[Angelica walks up to Tommy.]

Angelica (whispering): "Let's just let that be our little secret! Okay, Tommy?"
Charlotte: "Thanks for bringing her home, Sal!"

[Drew, Charlotte, and Sal all walk through the hallway.]

Charlotte: "Sorry about the trouble!"
Sal: "Eh, no trouble at all! When you spend as much time around home office equipment as I do, you learn a thing or two about kids!"

[Sal pulls out Charlotte's fax machine.]

Sal: "Oh, yeah, and your fax just needed another roll of paper!"
Charlotte: "How silly of me!"
Sal: "That'll be a hundred dollars, please!"
Charlotte: "What?!"

[Angelica runs up to Drew and hugs him.]

Angelica: "Oh, Daddy! You're the best daddy ever!"
Drew: "And you're the sweetest little girl, Princess!"
Angelica: "Daddy, can I ask you a favor?"
Drew: "Anything you want, Princess."
Angelica: "Don't call me 'Princess'."

[The screen fades to black, ending the episode.]

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