Family Feud | Gallery | Transcript |
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(The scene opens with the sound of howling, the screen is crimson until it pulls back revealing a uvula from a man's mouth, the mouth then growls ferociously exposing his teeth and curling his lips, it was Stu, Howard looks nervous as Stu is down on all fours growling still, the Pickles and the DeVilles are playing charades as the Rugrats watch from their playpen)
Tommy: Looks like he turned into an "aminal".
Chuckie: Yeah, like a wolf or something.
Howard: A horse? A dog? A cow? A reindeer? A piñata?
Stu: A piñata?!
Didi: This is charades, Stu. No talking.
Betty: And I'm not sure you should be making all those noises, either.
(Stu growls at Betty)
Phil: Why's he doing that?
Lil: He musta got something in his pants.
Howard: A lizard? Uh...
Stu: (howls): AWOO!
Howard: Oh, a wolf.
Stu: YES!
Didi: Stu, that's cheating!
Betty: (looks at her stopwatch): Ah, no sweat, Deed, they'll never make it.
(Stu now dances)
Chuckie: Now he's dancing with himself.
Tommy: I don't get it.
Howard: Wolftrot. "Skip to My Wolf". Stepping on wolves. Ah! Steppenwolf!
Betty: TIME! It's "Dances with Wolves".
Howard: Oh... I never saw that movie.
Stu: (goes angry): You must've heard of it.
Howard: I don't really like musicals.
Stu: (totally livid): IT ISN'T A MUSICAL, YOU IMBECILE!!!
Didi: Now, dear, it's only a game.
Stu: Well, why do I always have to get teamed up with Howard?!
Howard: Now, wait a minute! Are you calling me an imbecile?!
Stu: (sarcastically, looks at his watch): Say, very good, Howard--and that only took you fifteen seconds!
Howard: I don't have to stay here and be insulted! I'm gonna go home and--and do some filing! (leaves)
Stu: FINE! (leaves): I've had enough of this stupid game anyway!
(The door slams)
Phil: Hey, why's daddy leaving?
Lil: And why was everyone yelling?
Tommy: I don't know.
Chuckie: (has a bad feeling): I don't like it, I don't like it at all.
(Betty and Didi laugh)
Betty: Men. They're just like overgrown children sometimes.
Didi: You said it.
Betty: (wheezes from laughter): Oh, the way that husband of yours overreacted was really something.
Didi: Well, you have to admit: your Howard was just a little slow on the uptake.
Betty: (frowns): What're getting at, Deed? Stu was flailing around like a lunatic. I'm surprised my Howard was able to--
Didi: A lunatic? Stu was doing just fine. It's not his fault Howard hasn't seen a single movie since "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang".
Betty: (furiously): I LIKE "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang"! (gets up and takes the twins from the playpen): I'm not going to sit here and listen to you insult my taste in movies!
Didi: Well!
Chuckie: Uh-oh...
(Betty storms off slamming the door, scene cuts to Stu hammering a new wooden fence between the property lines of the Pickles and the DeVilles' homes, Tommy and Chuckie watch this from the window)
Chuckie: What d'you think he's doing?
Tommy: I don't know. But he's sure been acting funny ever since he had that fight with Phil and Lil's daddy.
(The two babies see Chas visiting Didi, who hands him gardening tools)
Didi: So! Betty wants her gardening equipment back? Fine! Take it! And while you're over there, tell her to return my recipe cards!
Chas: Whatever you say, Didi. Be right back. (Didi shuts the door, walks over to Stu): Whatcha doing there, Stu?
Stu: I'll tell you what I'm doing: I'm building a fence to keep out the fatheads!
Chas: I take it you mean Betty and Howard.
Stu: D'you know any other fatheads?
(Chas sighs miserably and leaves)
Chuckie: Boy, Tommy, your mom and dad are pretty mad at Phil and Lil's mom and dad.
Tommy: And you know what's worse? I don't think that Phil and Lil are gonna come over and play anymore.
Chuckie: Too bad we can't make the grownups be friends again.
Tommy: I know! The hello-phone! (grabs the telephone): Whenever my mommy uses it, Phil and Lil's mom always comes right over!
Chuckie: But how does it work?
Tommy: It's easy! You just push these buttons. (dials the number)
(Scene cuts to a teenage girl in her room kissing her boyfriend's picture, the phone in her room rings)
Teenage Girl: (answers it): Brad? (Tommy and Chuckie babble on the other end, laughs): Oh, Brad, I love it when you talk like a baby.
Tommy: Hmm... Let's try again.
(Dials another number which goes to a radio station, rock music is heard as the DJ answers it)
DJ: Congratulations! This is Radical Radio and you're our fourteenth caller which means you've won $5,000! Just stay on the line...
Tommy: (ends call): This isn't gonna work, Chuckie. There are too many different buttons.
Chuckie: Just try one more.
(Tommy pushes a button where Betty's name is, Betty hears the phone ring, the babies laugh until Didi snatches the phone away from them)
Didi: (to Tommy and Chuckie, glares): What are you doing?
Betty: (scoffs) What's it to you, Di-- (the phone clicks) That gal's got a lot of nerve! (dials back the number)
(Didi puts the two babies back in the playpen, they gasp hearing the phone ring)
Didi: (answers it): Hello?
Betty: Real mature, Didi! Aren't we getting a little old for prank phone calls?
Didi: WHAT?! (The phone clicks) Oh, that woman makes me so angry! (hangs the phone up)
Chuckie: What happened, Tommy?
Tommy: I don't know, but I think we made things worse. (Chuckie goes sad) Wait a minute! When my mommy and daddy get mad at each other, daddy brings mommy a present. That always makes the fight stop.
Chuckie: You think we should give Phil and Lil's mom a present?
Tommy: Yeah, but it's gotta be something really good.
Chuckie: How 'bout a teddy bear, or a box of worms?
Tommy: (scratches his head): Nah, this had to be extra-super good. Wait! I got a idea.
(Scene cuts to Tommy and Chuckie going to a jewelry box on the shelf, the babies open it)
Chuckie: Ooh!
Tommy: Wow! (takes Didi's favorite earrings): My mom really likes these. I bet Phil and Lil's mom would like 'em, too.
Chuckie: Are you sure your mom won't mind?
Tommy: 'Course not. She wants to be friends with Phil and Lil's mom again. We just gotta help 'em out. (gives Chuckie the earrings)
Chuckie: Hmm... (puts them in his pocket)
(The scene cuts to Chas walking to the Pickles residence from the DeVilles' place, Didi answers the door)
Chas: (hands Didi a little box): Betty wants her Ultimate Aerobics workout tape back.
Didi: Hmph! (looks at the recipe cards in the box and leaves)
Chas: (sees the two babies coming down the stairs, waves): Hey-ya, Chuckie! You wanna come with me? Spend some time with Phil and Lil?
Didi: (comes back with the video tape): By the way, tell her I want my Tupperware sampler pack back! (crosses her arms)
(Chas sighs exasperatingly and leaves, Tommy waves, scene cuts to Chuckie visiting Phil and Lil, as Chas leaves, Chuckie pulls out the earrings to the twins)
Phil and Lil: Ooh!
Chuckie: Me and Tommy thought if your mom got a present from Tommy's mom, then they could be friends again.
Phil: Wow! That's a bootiful present!
Lil: Yeah, mommy'll love it!
Phil: Let's put it someplace where she's gonna find it! C'mon!
(The three babies place the earring on the kitchen counter)
Betty: Thanks for the tape, Chuck. Hey, sure I can't interest you in a cup of Joe?
Chas: Oh, just the Tupperware, thanks.
(Betty opens the refrigerator and takes the Tupperware sampler Didi wants back, she opens and sniffs it)
Betty: Whew! This one been in here since our Bicentennial Party!
(Scene cuts to the twins rummaging in the dresser drawers)
Phil: (takes a gold wristwatch): I got it, Chuckie!
Lil: It's perfect!
Phil: (gives it to Chuckie): Take that back to Tommy's, and then the grownups'll stop fighting for sure.
Chuckie: What is it?
Phil: It's a time.
Lil: Grownups wear it on their hands and then they go...
Phil and Lil: (gesture look at their wrists, in unison): Look at the time!
Chuckie: Oh...
(Scene cuts to Chas talking to Betty in the kitchen)
Chas: Betty, I don't mean to butt in, but don't you think this silly fight has gone on long enough?
Betty: Huh, when the Pickles are ready to apologize, I'm ready to watch 'em grovel. (leaves)
(Chas sighs unhappily, Chuckie walks over to him, Chas picks him up and they both leave, Betty walks over to the counter and sees Didi's earrings)
Betty: Oh, Howard, they're beautiful!
Howard: (walks in, confused): Huh?
Betty: (hugs him): The earrings! (puts them on): And I was sure you'd forgotten our anniversary!
Howard: Oh... Of course not, dear! I'd never forget our anniversary again--not after what happened last year.
Betty: Ha, ha! Silly dear!
Howard: Sure glad you like them.
(Scene cuts back to the Pickles residence, Chas has already given back Didi's sampler)
Didi: (sniffs at it): Hmph! What was she keeping in here, rotting fish sticks?
Chas: Look, guys, I--I still don't how this all began, but don't you think it's time you people got over this silly feud?
Stu: I'd be more than happy to call the whole thing off, if what's-his-name next door would just do one little thing for me.
Chas: What's that?
Stu: Erect a twenty-foot billboard on his lawn that says, "Home of the Fatheads"!
Chas: Well, at least I'm getting plenty of exercise. (leaves)
(Scene cuts to Tommy and Chuckie in the living room at a magenta armchair)
Tommy: This is my daddy's favorite chair. He'll be sure to see the time here.
Chuckie: I hope this works, Tommy. I'm tired of the grownups fighting.
Tommy: Me, too. (places Howard's wristwatch on the side table): I wanna play with Phil and Lil again.
(The two babies hear Chas talking to Stu)
Chas: Uh, it's not important who started it as who's mature enough to stop it.
Stu: (sarcastically): Right, Chaz. Why don't you go check out a few more of those "Mister Rogers" reruns? (Chaz sighs in disappointment and leaves, suddenly, Stu sees the wristwatch on the table and takes it) Hmm... Hey, Deed, where'd this watch come from?
Didi: (sees it, dries a dish): Hmm... Must belong to pop.
Stu: Kinda nice. (puts it on) Huh. Well, maybe I'll head back to the yard to reinforce that new fence.
(Tommy and Pickles frown and look at each other knowing their plan is not working, scene cuts to Friendship Park, Chas and Chuckie are with Didi, Stu and Tommy)
Chas: (sighs): Sure is a great day for a stroll in the park.
Didi: I just know the kids are going to enjoy...
Stu: Oh, no! (sees the DeVilles)
Chas: (waves to them): Hi, Betty! Hi, Howard!
Betty and Howard: (flatly): Hello, Charles.
Stu: (glares): What are they doing here?
Chas: Well, they probably brought their kids to play.
Didi: That is so like them. Well, we won't let them ruin our day. Come on, Stu.
(they leave)
Betty: Huh! Seems like they'll let just about anybody in a park these days.
Howard: You're so right, dear.
(Phil and Lil watch as the Pickles and the Finsters walk past them)
Didi: Well, at least some of us know how to behave in a civilized-- (gasps seeing Betty wearing Didi's earrings, incredulously): MY EARRINGS!!! THOSE ARE MY FAVORITE EARRINGS!! What are you doing with--
Betty: What're you talking about?! Howard gave me these!
Howard: HEY, THAT'S MY WATCH!!!
Stu: You're mad! It belongs to my father!
Didi: I never suspected you'd be capable of stealing!
Howard: Betty a thief?! That's an absurd proposition!
Stu: YOU'RE AN ABSURD PROPOSITION!!! I've had enough of this stupid...
(The Pickles and the DeVilles get into a heated argument, as this continues, Tommy gestures the three babies to come with him, they walk into the meadow of the park)
Lil: Aren't they ever gonna stop bein' mad?
Tommy: Doesn't look like it.
Phil: We might never ever get to go to each other's houses again.
Tommy: Maybe we gotta run away.
Chuckie: Run away?
Tommy: Yeah, to some place where we can play together all the time. (sun rays shine down from the clouds and a butterfly flutters along) Some magical land where people don't fight and everyone lives in peace.
Chuckie: Where's that?
Tommy: I think maybe it's over there by that trashcan. (points at dirty trash in the wastebaskets) C'mon!
(The scene cuts back to the Pickles and the DeVilles' heated argument)
Stu: WHAT ABOUT THE TIME YOU BORROWED MY GOLF CLUBS, AND BENT MY PUTTER?!
(Chas gasps noticing that the babies are gone)
Didi: AND ANOTHER THING, BETTY!!! DON'T FORGET THE TIME YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TAKE THE KIDS--
Chas: (panics): HEY, THE KIDS!!!! WHERE ARE THE KIDS?! (the parents hear this and continue arguing to each other, screams): LOOK AT YOU!!!! DON'T YOU SEE WHAT YOU'VE DONE?!!! (the Pickles and the DeVilles go guilty) While you've been insulting each other and bringing up every petty difference from the past, you've forgotten about your children, the most important thing in your insignificant lives!! (the Pickles and the DeVilles go sad realizing he is right, breathes heavily): You ought to be ashamed!
Howard: Charles is right. Our behavior has been absolutely disgusting. I'm a failure and I've let everybody down! Why, I should be--
Betty: (shoves him): Yeah, yeah, whine later, little man! We gotta find the kids!
Didi: Let's go!
(They do so, Howard goes to a public restroom and tries to open the door until Didi shows up and politely removes the latch)
Howard: Thanks, Didi.
Didi: (smiles): Don't mention it, Howard. (they open the door) Hmm...
(The babies are not in there, the water is heard running, scene cuts to Stu climbing a tree until he slides off)
Stu: I--if only I could get up there, I could see the whole playground.
Betty: Oh, let me give you a leg-up, Stu! (helps Stu up a branch)
Stu: (sees the Rugrats, gasps): Betty! Quick! They're over there by the trashcan!
Betty: (runs off): This way! They're near the trashcan!
Didi: My heavens! There could be broken glass in there!
(The parents run to them)
Chas: (crawls out from the playground tunnel): Wait for me!
(The parents clamor happily and embrace their children)
Didi: (happily): Thanks, Betty. You saved the day.
Betty: Ah, well, it was Stu who spotted them.
Chas: Well, I guess we've all learned a lesson here, haven't we?
Didi: That's right. When you get caught up in petty differences... (looks at Tommy): ...you forget what's really important in life.
Betty: Ain't it the truth, Deed.
Howard: I, for one, am ashamed that I acted like such a stubborn mule.
Stu: And I'm sorry I called you a fathead.
Betty: (as everyone leaves): Say, how 'bout we head back home for a fresh cup o' Joe, huh?
Stu: I'll bring the Monopoly set. And, Howard, I'd be honored to have you as my partner.
Howard: (laughs): Oh... (goes confused): Wait a minute. You called me a fathead?
(The parents and the babies harmoniously leave the park as a butterfly flutters by ending the episode)