| Cool Hand Angelica | Gallery | Transcript |
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(There is a closeup of the Carmichaels' house, and a paper airplane swoops by. Susie shows Angelica and the babies some of the stuff that she's going to be using at day camp)
Susie: And that's my water container, and those are my energy cookies, and that's my insect "pellant" for the big, fat icky bugs! There's always bugs when we go to camp.
Lil: Neat!
Angelica: Big deal...
Tommy: Wow, day camp sounds great, Susie. I wish we could go.
Susie: You're too little, Tommy. Day camp is fun, but it's real hard too?
Angelica: Hard?! Ha, that's a laugh. Camp is for kids who can't handle real life.
Susie: It is too hard, Angelica! You get to climb over things, and go to scary woods, and play lots of hard games. You don't even get to go to the potty indoors.
Angelica: I can do all that day camp stuff standing on my head. They'd probably make me boss of the place my first day.
Susie: You think so, Angelica?
Angelica: I know so.
Susie: Well, too bad you're not coming to day camp too.
Angelica: Yeah, too bad. Then you'd see something.
Susie: Hmmm... (Susie thinks of an idea)
(Angelica is eating malted milk balls.)
Charlotte: Oh, that's a terrific idea. Angelica could use a little socialization.
Angelica: Huh? Hmm... (Angelica takes a handful of malted milk balls, and eats all of them at once.)
Drew: What was that about?
Charlotte: Well, that was Lucy Carmichael. Apparently Susie's going to day camp this summer, and when Angelica heard about it, she got really excited. Lucy thought we'd might wanna enroll her too.
Drew: Oh, that's great. She'll love it. (Drew takes a sip of his coffee)
(Cut to inside Angelica's room...)
Angelica: (screaming) I DON'T WANNA GO TO CAMP!!!!
[She breaks down crying uncontrollably.]
Drew: But Angelica, honey, This will be a great experience for you, and your friend Susie will be there! (To Charlotte, whispers) Maybe we should make her go.
Charlotte: Daddy's right dear, you're gonna have a wonderful time. (To Drew, whispers) Now Drew, remember, we decided we were going to take a firmer hand with her.
Drew: (To Charlotte, whispers): I know, but... (To Angelica) Listen, angel, sometimes we all have to do things we don't want to do, because they're good for us.
Angelica: (sniffles, spoiled tone) Not me, daddy. I'm special.
Drew and Charlotte: (disapprovingly, in unison): She's going...
(Angelica is on the day camp bus, with suitcases beside her. The kids on the bus are all talking and laughing, and they're very excited to go to day camp, while Angelica isn't.)
Angelica: Well, Cynthia, this is another fine mess you gotten us into. You always have to open your big mouth, don't you?
Les: Okay, everybody. Let's sing a song.
Kids: Yay!
Angelica: Oh, please...
Boy 1: (singing): 🎶 Packed my white bread and salami! 🎶
Other Kids: (singing): 🎶 Packed my white bread and salami! 🎶
Boy: 🎶 Then said bye-bye to my mommy! 🎶
Other Kids: 🎶 Then said bye-bye to my mommy! 🎶
Boy: 🎶 She and Daddy cut me loose! 🎶
Other Kids: 🎶 She and Daddy cut me loose! 🎶
Boy: 🎶 With a canteen full of apple juice! 🎶
Other Kids: 🎶 With a canteen full of apple juice! 🎶
(The bus finally arrives at Ferris Island day camp. The kids are excited as they jump off the bus all laughing. But Angelica is struggling with her suitcases.)
Jack Bubble: Welcome to Ferris Island. Like it or not, you're gonna be spending the next 4 hours here. So let's get one thing straight right from the start: I'm in charge. My name is Jack Bubble, Mr. Bubble to you. Anyone who makes fun of my name, they'll be peeling sunflower seeds the rest of the day. What's all this then?!
Angelica: It's my stuff, Mr. Bubble, sir.
Mr. Bubble: You won't be needing any of that. We provide the stuff here. Les, take these personal items away.
Angelica: Hey, that's my stuff!
Mr. Bubble: You'll get a receipt. (Mr. Bubble and the kids all leave)
Susie: Hi, Angelica! Welcome to day camp!
Angelica: I guess I have you to thank for this, huh?
Susie: Yeah, isn't it fun?
Angelica: Fun? You call this "fun"?
Susie: Yeah, and pretty soon, we're going to have swimming lessons over there in the lake.
Angelica: You mean, I have to get in that yucky, mucky water with all those smelly little kids?
Susie: Uh-huh. And then, we're going on a hike through the woods!
Angelica: (disgusted): Ewwwwwwwww! Won't we all get sweaty and dirty and stuff?!
Susie: Yup! And then, we'll get to play on the obstacle course!
Angelica: Look, Susie, I think I'm just gonna skip all that stuff.
Susie: Really? Mm, well, okay. See you later!
Angelica: (sighing) I wonder where they keep the cookies around here. (takes a walk and bumps into Les)
Les: And where do you think you're going, young lady?
Angelica: I was just gonna go find the cookies.
Les: (sing-song): I don't think so...
(Cut to the American flag waving, and Angelica and the kids are hiking and marching in place, but Angelica is marching the wrong way. She eventually does march the right way. Then it cuts to the kids playing on the obstacle course, but Angelica is running late, which makes Les shake his head in disapproval.)
(Then later, it's lunchtime, and the lunchlady gives Angelica some yucky orange-like food, which disgusts Angelica.)
(Then later, it cuts to the Arts & Crafts room, where a woman named Madge is their art teacher, and she's checking out some of the kids' art creations, and they're making stuff out of Popsicle sticks.)
Madge: Good! Very good! (She talks to a boy who made a Popsicle stick robot.) Outstanding! Keep up the good work, kid. Hmm... (She talks to another boy who went a little overboard with the glue and the popsicle sticks.) Went a little overboard with the pasting, didn't ya, Junior? Good! Good! (She sees some kids who made some other stuff like a Popsicle stick castle, and a Popsicle stick airplane, then she cuts to Angelica who made something very unusual.) And what do you call this, little girl?
Angelica: It's... a present for my daddy. Actually it's... um... What I was trying to do was... I thought...
Madge: (displeased): What we have here is a failure to communicate.
Angelica: Huh?
Madge: And who is this?! Your little friend? Did she help you build this... this thing?!
Angelica: (angry): HEY! Gimme back Cynthia!
Madge: (smiles evilly): You'll get her back... when you prove you can handle Popsicle sticks like a real camper! (She shows Angelica a creepy popsicle stick hand.)
(Angelica gasps, screams long and loud, grabs Cynthia back and runs away extremely fast. Madge looks out the door.)
Madge: I don't get it! Kids usually love that joke. (She shows her real hand and waves the Popsicle stick hand.)
(Cut to the outhouse, where there are flies buzzing on top.)
Angelica (holding nose) They won't find us in here, Cynthia, at least I hope not. Oh Cynthia, what have I done to deserve this? Where did I go wrong?
Boy: (knocking on door): Is anybody in there?
Angelica: No!
Boy: Good, cause I really gotta go. (opens door) Hey! I thought you said there's nobody in here.
Angelica: There isn't, now get outta here, kid!
Boy: Whatcha doing in here?
Angelica: (scoffs) I'm hiding out, okay?! So scram!
Boy: Hiding out?! (interested) Wow!
Angelica: Yeah, well...
Bodhi: My name's Bodhi, can I hide out with ya?
Angelica: Um... it's kind of a one-kid hiding place.
Bodhi: (sniffles sadly): Okay, I understand. You don't want me here. You don't have to say anymore, I get ya.
Angelica: Good, now get out of here! Somebody might see ya!
Bodhi: (smiles): Hey, you want some juice or something? Maybe some cookies?
Angelica: Look, will you just-- (smiles): Cookies?!
(Cuts to Angelica who has a lot of snacks and comic books in the bathroom with her, she's eating cookies and drinking apple juice, and she also has cupcakes and eclairs, and potato chips, and stuff like that, and she also seems to be quite enjoying herself.)
Angelica: Mmm-mmm...! Comic books, cookies, juice... this is the life, eh, Cynthia?
Bodhi (opens door) I got you some gum, Angelica.
Angelica: Good job, Bodhi. (Bodhi closes the door) The kid might not be too bright, but what can I say; I like him! (She chews the gum and she seems to be making a bubble gum bubble.)
(Just then, Bodhi is struggling to get Angelica some ice cream.)
Les: (suspiciously): Now where can that little fella be going with all that ice cream?
Bodhi: (panting)
Les: Well, now, what's this?
Bodhi: (smiling nervously): I don't know...
Les: Hmm... looks to me like ice cream, a very great deal of ice cream. Is it yours, young man?
Bodhi: I don't know...
Les: Could it be the camp's ice cream?
Bodhi: I don't know...
Les: Hmm... (He hears Angelica giggling in the bathroom) And what do you suppose is in there?
Bodhi:: Poop? (Les finds Angelica eating cookies in the bathroom)
Angelica: Huh?! (Angelica is now in trouble, and Les takes Angelica and Bodhi)
Les: (to Bodhi): You may return to your union. (to Angelica) And as for you, I think a little visit to Mr. Bubble is in order.
Angelica: (terrified): But I can't explain! (Cuts to a very terrified Angelica who's in Mr. Bubble's office, who's walking left and right)
Mr. Bubble: Angelica Pickles... "Pickles". What nationality is that?
Angelica: Uh... I... I think it's American, sir.
Mr. Bubble: American, huh? Well, we had some trouble with your type. A set in independence streak. Bad for discipline, bad for moral. But I don't think we shall be having any more trouble with you, shall we, Miss Angelica Pickles?
Angelica: Oh no, sir.
Mr. Bubble: We're gonna make a camper out of you, Angelica. It's not gonna be easy, and it's not gonna be fun. (sits down) But we're going to do it. Pickles, that's what we do here in Ferris Island. And may I say, we do it very well. (uses his walkie-talkie) Les?
Les: (opens the door) Sir?
Mr. Bubble Take Miss Pickles to... the kickball field.
Angelica: (gasps) (Cuts to Susie and some of the kids playing kickball.)
Les: (to Angelica): Don't you wanna play kickball with your little friends?
Angelica: (to Les, whispering): My daddy's a bazillionaire! Get me outta this, and you can have a million dollars!
Les: (thinks about it): Oh... (seriously) Get out there, kid! (to the kids): Children, this is Angelica. She would like to join your game. (Susie smiles, but the other kids don't, who's very unsure of Angelica)
Boy 1: She can be on your team.
Boy 2: NO WAY!
Susie: Come on, Angelica. You can be on our team. You know how to play?
Angelica: Course I know how to play. It so happens I'm an excellent kickball player.
Boy 1: Move in! She can't kick for beans! (Angelica tries to kick the ball, but she falls down and misses.)
(Cuts to Susie and the kids swimming in the lake.) (Angelica is struggling to get into the water)
Susie: (giggling) Isn't this fun, Angelica?
Angelica: Yuck... (she gets splashed on with water) Ugh...
(Cuts to Angelica, Susie and the kids playing tug-of-war.)
Angelica: (grunting): It's... so... dumb...! (Cuts to Susie and her half grunting)
Kids: ONE... TWO... THREE! (they pull the rope, and Angelica screams, and falls into the mud.)
Boy 2: (angry): Face it, kid. You're never gonna be a camper.
Susie: (remorseful): I'm sorry, Angelica. Maybe some kids just weren't meant to be campers.
Angelica: (seriously): NO! As Bob as my witless, I am gonna be a camper! I AM!
(Cuts to Angelica and the kids marching in place)
Susie: (off-screen): Left! Left! Left, right, left!
(Cuts to Angelica playing kickball, and this time she kicks the ball perfectly)
(Cuts to Angelica playing on the obstacle course)
Susie: Come on Angelica, you can do it!
(Cuts to Angelica chasing a chicken (which is a reference to the 1976 film Rocky) which makes Susie shrug her shoulders.)
(Cuts to Angelica and the kids marching in place again, and kicking the ball, and also playing tug-of-war, and she plays perfectly, which makes the other kids fall in the mud.)
(Cuts to Angelica and Susie celebrating, because Angelica is now a real camper.)
Susie: YOU DID IT, ANGELICA!
Angelica: I did, didn't I? I guess I'm a real camper now, huh?
Susie: (giggles) Yep, Angelica, you sure are.
Angelica: I told you I'd be boss of this place in a day!
Mr. Bubble: (through PA system): Angelica Pickles! Please report to Mr. Bubble's office immediately! That is all.
Susie: Uh-oh...
Les: All right, kid. (sends Angelica to Mr. Bubble's office.)
Kid 2: (smiles): Hey Angelica! I was wrong, you are a camper!
Mr. Bubble: I didn't think you'd make it, Pickles, but I was wrong. Camp seems to have had its effect.
Angelica: Yes, Mr. Bubble, I believe it has.
Mr. Bubble: Yes, well, be that as it may, I'm afraid there's been... a change.
Angelica; A change, Mr. Bubble?
Mr. Bubble: Yes, a change of plans. (uses his walkie-talkie) Les, have them come in now. (It turns out to be Drew and Charlotte who came to pick up Angelica early) (Angelica gasps)
Drew: I'm sorry that you have to leave a little early today, pumpkin. But we're having dinner at Uncle Stu and Aunt Didi's.
Angelica: Leave?! But I don't wanna leave!
Mr. Bubble: I'm sorry, it's... out of my hands.
(Cuts to Angelica, Drew and Charlotte getting ready to leave until they see Susie, Bodhi, and all of the kids standing in front of them.)
Angelica: (runs to Susie): Susie, they're making me...
Susie: (sadly): I heard... we all heard.
(Angelica is getting ready to leave with Drew and Charlotte, with Charlotte grabbing her arm and they bring Angelica's items, as Bodhi, Susie, and all the other kids chant Angelica's last name "Pickles" out of respect for Angelica, and when the kids are chanting Angelica's name, she feels like she's on cloud nine and starts smiling, and she's very happy she got to attend camp. And Madge waves goodbye to Angelica with the Popsicle stick hand. And Madge, Mr. Bubble and Les are waving their arms with the kids.)
Bodhi: (chanting): PICKLES! PICKLES! PICKLES!
Bodhi and Susie: (both chanting): PICKLES! PICKLES!
Kids: (all chanting): PICKLES! PICKLES! PICKLES! PICKLES! PICKLES! PICKLES! PICKLES! PICKLES! PICKLES! PICKLES! PICKLES! (echoing): PICKLES...!
(episode ends)