Chuckie vs. The Potty Gallery Transcript

[The episode begins in the Pickles' bathroom, with a close-up of a roll of toilet paper. Tommy pulls the roll down with his hand and giggles. He then pulls it again, and toilet paper fills up the screen as he continues giggling. The screen fades to black, then in the next scene, it is revealed that the entire bathroom floor is covered in toilet paper. Tommy, who is now covered in toilet paper, jumps and continues giggling until Didi runs in.]

Didi: "Tommy! Oh no, Snookums! That's for cleaning up messes, not making them." [Didi is now holding Tommy in her arm as she tosses the toilet paper in her hand onto the floor. She walks out of the bathroom, carrying Tommy. The camera zooms out, revealing the entire bathroom floor to be covered in toilet paper. In the living room, Phil and Lil are fighting over a toy robot as Didi carries Tommy by his armpits with both hands.] Now, you play out here with Phil and Lil, and before you know it, it'll be time for a nice nap!" [Didi sets Tommy down in the playpen.] "Now share, you two." [The doorbell then rings.] That must be Charles Sr. and Chuckie!"

[Didi walks towards the front door. Tommy pulls on the toy robot's head. He, Phil, and Lil all fall over as the toy robot rolls away. Didi, who is now at the front door, opens it. On the other side of the door, Chas is carrying Chuckie in his right hand and a clown potty chair in his left. He walks inside.]

Chas: "It can't be done, Didi, it just can't be done!"

[Didi pushes the door closed.]

Didi: "Oh now, Charles, don't get discouraged. Everybody gets potty trained sooner or later!"

[Chas walks towards the playpen and sets Chuckie and the potty chair down in it.]

Chas: "Not Chuckie, not my son! He's gonna be taking diapers to work with him in his briefcase!"
Didi: "Now, listen, Charles, I've been reading all about potty-training in Lipschitz, and it's really quite simple!" [As Didi continues talking to Chas, Chuckie walks sadly past Tommy, Phil, and Lil.] "So you just go off and have a good weekend. We'll take care of Chuckie and we'll make sure he uses his P-O-T-T-Y."
Chas: "His what? Oh. Oh, yeah. Well. Okay. But if there's any trouble, call the hotel!"
Didi: "We're not gonna have any trouble, we'll be fine!"
Chas: "All right. Bye-bye, Chuckie. Be a good boy for Didi and Stu, okay? Use your potty, and don't eat any earthworms!"
Didi: "Bye, Charles."

[Didi pushes Chas towards the front door.]

Chas:" Or breathe any noxious fumes!"

[Didi opens the front door .]

Didi: "Bye, Charles!"
Chas: "Or drink any radioactive waste!"
Didi: "Bye, Charles!"

[Didi pushes Chas out the front door.]

Chas: Or--"

[Didi slams the door in Chas' face.]

Didi: "My goodness, what a worrywart."

[Back at the playpen, Tommy, Phil, and Lil look down at Chuckie's potty chair. Tommy crawls towards it, and they all look inside.]

Phil: "What is it?"
Lil: "I don't know."

[Tommy grabs the handles of the lid with and pulls the lid off. He then puts the lid on his head.]

Tommy: "Maybe it's a hat."
Phil: "Nah, then what's the rest for?"
Tommy: "Maybe it's a big mush bowl."

[Tommy climbs into Chuckie's potty chair and ducks. He pokes his head out when he hears Chuckie.]

Chuckie: "It's a potty! You guys won't believe what they're trying to make me do!"

[Tommy is now out of Chuckie's potty chair as he, Phil, and Lil look at Chuckie.]

Tommy: "What, Chuckie?"
Phil and Lil: "Yeah, what?"

[As Chuckie talks, Tommy walks towards him and Phil and Lil crawl towards him.]

Chuckie: "They're trying to make me... uh... they're trying to make me... Oh, I can't say it!"
Tommy: "Tell us, Chuckie!"
Chuckie: "Uh, they're trying to make me use that!" [Chuckie points to his potty chair.] "Instead of my diaper!"
Phil: "Nah, that can't happen!"
Lil: "Yeah, how's it gonna fit in your pants?"
Chuckie: "Oh."

[Tommy crawls up to Chuckie.]

Tommy: "But Chuckie, they can't do that to you!"
Chuckie: "Well, they're doing it! They call it getting potty-trained! It's the worstest thing that's happened to me since my mom put me on the bottle!"
Lil: "What are you gonna do?"
Chuckie: "I don't know! I've tried everything!"
Lil: Maybe you could put a lot of napkins in your pants and use em' like a diaper!

[Lil pulls up her skirt, exposing her diaper.]

Chuckie: "I tried it!"
Phil: "Maybe you could poop in your room and hide it in your toy box!"
Chuckie: "Tried it!"
Tommy: "Maybe you could just stop pooping altogether!"
Chuckie: "Tried it! It's no use! No matter what I do, it looks like I'm gonna have to be... potty-trained!"
Angelica: "Ha! You little babies really make me laugh! First you cry for your mommies every time you get a little wet!" [Angelica walks up to the playpen and unlatches the hook. She opens the playpen .] "And now, finally, you get to go without em' forever, and what do you do? Chicken out! What's the matter? Little baby scared to be without his diapers?"
Chuckie: "No, that's not it! I'm not scared. I, I just don't want to be potty-trained, that's all. It's just not right!"
Angelica: "Not right?! Ha! That's a good one! Don't you dummies know anything? Everybody who's anybody is potty-trained!"

[Angelica slaps her head.]

Chuckie: "Well, not me! I'm never gonna do it! They can't make me! I'm gonna wear my diapers forever, and no one is gonna stop me! Not my mom, not my dad! Not the present of the Benited Steaks!" (instead of United States) [Chuckie stands up and puts his right hand over his heart as the American Flag appears behind him. Fireworks even go off in the background.] "Because I..."
Tommy: "Chuckie?"

[Chuckie puts both his hands over the front of his pants.]

Chuckie: "I..."
Phil: "What's the matter, Chuckie?"
Lil: "What's wrong?"

[Chuckie now has his hands pressed against the front of his pants and his legs crossed.]

Chuckie: "I... I... I gotta go!"

[Chuckie starts crying with anguish. This gets Didi's attention, as she runs into the bedroom and picks Chuckie up with.]

Didi: "Oh, dear! This is it! Stu, hurry!"

[Stu runs in, and Didi runs past him.]

Stu: "What, Deed?"
Didi: "Get the potty, get the potty!"
Stu: "Where?"

[Didi is now holding Chuckie in her right arm as she points towards Chuckie's potty chair.]

Didi: "There!"

[Didi runs into the bathroom, carrying Chuckie. She sets Chuckie down, then pulls down his pants. Stu, who is carrying Chuckie's potty chair, is outside the bathroom door.]

Stu: "Now what?"
Didi: "Put it down."

[Stu sets Chuckie's potty chair down outside the bathroom door.]

Didi: "Not there!"

[Didi points near Chuckie.]

Didi: "Over here!"

[As Didi talks, Stu picks up Chuckie's potty chair and carries it into the bathroom.]

Didi: "Put it in the bathroom! Get me a washcloth!"

[As Didi continues talking, Tommy, Phil, and Lil hear her. They all run out of the open playpen and towards the bathroom.]

Didi: "Help me with his shoes! His diaper bag! Help me pull off his pants! Not his shirt, his pants! Oh, where's his 'No More Diapers' book? Hurry, hurry!"

[Stu runs in the bathroom as Tommy, Phil, and Lil are now standing outside the bathroom door. Chuckie is now sitting on his potty chair and Stu is holding the "No More Diapers" book. He hands the book to Didi.]

Stu: "Now what, Deed?"

[As Didi talks and looks through the book, a caption that says, JUST WAIT in blue letters can be seen on the right page, and a picture of a naked toddler sitting on a potty chair can be seen on the left.]

Didi: "Well, according to Lipschitz, we're supposed to wait righthere until he does his business, then give him plenty of praise so that he gets the right idea."

[Chuckie looks sadly up at Stu and Didi.]

Stu: "We just wait?"
Didi: "That's what the book says, we just... wait."
Chuckie: "Oh."

[The screen transitions to a view of a grandfather clock, with the minute hand on the XII, and the hour hand on the II. It then transitions back to Chuckie. Stu and Didi look at Chuckie, then they look at each other. The screen transitions to a view of the grandfather clock as the minute hands turns from the V to the VI and the hour hand is in between the II and the III. It then transitions back to Chuckie, who twiddles his thumbs, then to a view of two stacks of cards, one with a black ace of clubs, and a red three of hearts. Didi picks up the three of hearts.]

Stu: "Hmm. Got any fives?"

[The screen transitions to a view of the grandfather clock, with the minute hand back on the XII, and the hour hand on the III. It then transitions back to Chuckie, who is sucking on his thumb. Didi is looking through the "No More Diapers" book and Stu has fallen asleep. The screen transitions to a view of the grandfather clock, with the minute hand on the XII and the hour hand on the IV. It then transitions back to Chuckie, who yawns as he pats his chin. Didi is now in the bathtub and has fallen asleep. Tommy, Phil, and Lil are now in the bathroom, and Tommy walks up to Chuckie.]

Tommy: "Hey, Chuckie, are you okay?"
Chuckie: "Is it so much to ask, Tommy? Is it so much to ask? I just want things to stay the way they've always been!"
Phil: "Aw, come on, Chuckie, why are you acting like such a baby?"
Lil: "Yeah, they're gonna make you do it anyway, why don't you just go along with it?"
Chuckie: "Oh. Yeah, when it happens to you guys, maybe that's what you should do."

[Suspenseful music plays when Phil and Lil worry that they'll have to use the potty someday.]

Phil and Lil: "Happens to us?! Nah."

[Chuckie gets off his potty chair.]

Chuckie: "Well, I guess I don't have to go after all."

[The camera zooms in on Chuckie's face as we hear Chuckie peeing on the floor. He frowns, and looks down at the wet spot on the floor in front of him.]

Chuckie: "Uh-oh!"

[The screen transitions to the next scene, where Didi is holding a brush, which she uses to clean the wet spot with. Stu, who is holding a bucket, sets it down near Didi.]

Didi: "Thanks, honey."
Stu: "Anytime, Deed."
Didi: "You know, Stu, I just cant believe it. I mean, Chuckie was standing right next to the potty!"
Stu: "Aw, Deed, it was an accident! Lots of kids haven't been potty-trained at his age."

[Stu puts his hand on his head.]

Didi: "Really? Like who?"
Stu: "Well, uh, like me, for instance."

[Didi drops the brush in shock when she hears what Stu said.]

Didi: "You?! You mean you weren't potty-trained when you were two?"
Lou: "Two?!"

[Lou, who is now standing outside the bathroom door, with his hand on the door, laughs hysterically.]

Lou: "Shucks, we almost didn't get him into the boy scouts!"
Stu: "Aw, Pop!"

[As Lou talks, Stu walks ashamedly out of the bathroom, and past the couch, where Chuckie is sitting. Tommy, Phil, and Lil are all standing in front of the couch.]

Lou: "Why, I remember the time me and the Missus took the boys cross-country in the old..."

[Tommy looks at Chuckie.]

Tommy: "Gee, Chuckie, this potty-training stuff is tough!"
Chuckie: "I know, I know!"

[Phil and Lil put their hands on the cushion Chuckie is sitting on.]

Phil: "Yeah, I mean, how do you know when you have to go?"
Lil: "What's it feel like, anyway?"
Chuckie: "I don't know. That's really the hard part! I mean, sometimes I think I have to go, but I don't, and other times, I don't think I have to go, and I do! I really, really do! Oh! Now I'm so confused!"

[The camera moves over to Angelica, who is peering out the kitchen doorway, and laughing evilly.]

Angelica: "Perhaps we should do for Chuckie what my Mommy did for me!"

[Angelica runs up to the kitchen sink and pulls on the left faucet handle. This turns the sink on, and also triggers Chuckie's urge to pee.]

Chuckie: "Oh, no!"

[Chuckie jumps off the couch. He wimpers, and runs towards the bathroom, until Angelica turns the sink off, stopping Chuckie's urge to pee. Chuckie stops running and panting, then Angelica turns the sink back on, triggering Chuckie's urge again. Chuckie runs towards the bathroom, panting, until Angelica turns the sink off again, stopping Chuckie's urge. Chuckie stops running and panting again.]

Tommy: "What's wrong, Chuckie?"
Chuckie: "I don't know! I thought I had to go, but then I didn't!"

[As Tommy walks up to Chuckie, Angelica turns the sink on again, triggering Chuckie's urge again. Chuckie runs towards the bathroom.]

Chuckie: "And now I do,"

['Angelica turns the sink off, stopping Chuckie's urge, and causing Chuckie to stop.]

Chuckie: "And now I don't!"

['Angelica turns the sink on and off twice again.]

Chuckie: "Do! Don't! Do! Don't!"

[Chuckie falls on his stomach and cries as Angelica peers out from the kitchen doorway, laughing evilly. She then walks up to Chuckie]

Angelica: "Oh, Chuckie, you're funny! Don't you know that going to the potty's is what you have to do when you get old? If you don't know how do it, you can't never go to school, or drive a car, or join the army, or none of that fun stuff!"

[Chuckie looks over at Angelica and holds up his hand.]

Chuckie: "I don't care! As Bob as my witness, I'm never gonna use that potty again!"

[Chuckie stands up, and the screen transitions to a view of Tommy's bedroom window that night. Chuckie, who is now wearing a dark blue shirt, is trying to sleep in Tommy's crib, but he has a nightmare.]

Chuckie: "No! No, I don't want to go! You can't make me! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No!"

[The bars of Tommy's crib spin around Chuckie, beginning his nightmare sequence, which is done entirely in black and white. Tommy's bedroom turns into a jail cell, and Chuckie grunts as he lands on his bed. Phil and Lil, who are dressed like guards, walk up to the door of Chuckie's cell. Phil is holding a key, which he uses to unlock the door with. Chuckie gasps as Phil opens the door.]

Phil: "Okay, Chuckie, it's time to go!"

[Phil and Lil walk up to Chuckie.]

Lil: "The chair is waiting for yas!"
Chuckie: "But, but, I'm too young to go!"
Phil and Lil: "Not anymore!"

[Phil grabs Chuckie's right arm , and Lil grabs Chuckie's left arm . They carry Chuckie out of his bed by his arms.]

Chuckie: "Oof!"

[Phil and Lil carry Chuckie out of his cell by his arms. As they walk past more cells, Chuckie stares at grown men wearing nothing but their diapers, and laughing evilly. The leftmost one has a beard, and Chuckie gasps. The screen transitions to the next scene, where Phil and Lil are now walking behind Chuckie, who walks up to Tommy, who is dressed like a priest. He is holding a book that says, THE GOOD BOOK in both his hands.]

Tommy: "Is there anything I can get for you, my son? Any last requests for you now?"

[Tommy holds up his hand as Chuckie gets on his knees.]

Chuckie: "But it's not right, not right, I tell you! Don't let em' make me do it!"

[Chuckie grabs Tommy's hand and pulls Tommy towards him, causing Tommy to drop his book.]

Tommy: "Oh, now, now, don't be being a baby, my son. What's the little people think?"

[Chuckie looks down at miniature versions of Stu, Didi, and Chas. Didi is holding a book, and Chuckie sighs.]

Chuckie: "I'll try. I'll try!"

[Tommy is now holding Chuckie's hand as they, Phil, and Lil walk towards a door with a sign that says, THE CHAIR on it. A rat runs past the door, and the door lifts. Chuckie looks inside and sees a giant toilet. Angelica is standing to its right side, with a mask over her face, and is holding a plunger in her right hand.]

Chuckie: "Aaaah! No!"

[Chuckie tries to run away, but Phil and Lil grab him and carry him towards the chair.]

Chuckie: "No! No! Not the chair! Not the chair!"

[Tommy looks at Chuckie as Phil and Lil grunt and toss Chuckie onto the toilet.]

Chuckie: "Ugh! Wait!" *pant* "Listen, listen!" *pant* "I'm only two!"

[Angelica laughs evilly.]

Angelica: "Everybody's gotta go someday!"

[Angelica laughs evilly as she removes her mask and grabs the chain's handle .]

Chuckie: "No! Please! Not that!"

[Angelica pulls on the handle, causing the toilet to flush Chuckie down it.]

Chuckie: "Help! No!"

[As Chuckie's nightmare sequence ends, Chuckie wakes up.]

Chuckie: "Yaaah!"

[Chuckie pants heavily, then stops. He puts both his hands on his face.]

Chuckie: "Wow! I really gotta go!"

[Without hesitation, Chuckie runs into the bathroom and sits on his potty chair. He sighs with relief as he pees into it. Meanwhile, Stu and Didi are asleep in their bed, but when he hears the sound of Chuckie peeing in his potty chair, Stu wakes up.]

Stu: "Huh?"

[Stu walks towards the bathroom, then opens his eyes and gasps in surprise when he sees Chuckie using his potty chair properly for the first time.]

Stu: "Didi! He did it! He did it!"

[Didi runs in.]

Didi: "Did what, Stu?"

[As Stu talks, Chuckie gets off his potty.]

Stu: "Look, Deed. He got out of bed all on his own, he came in here, and he did it!"

[Stu looks into Chuckie's potty chair, which is now filled with Chuckie's pee. Didi then looks in.]

Didi: "I'll say! Bravo, Chuckie!"

[Stu nudges Chuckie with his fist.]

Stu: "Way to go, Chuckie, you little potty animal!"

[Just then, Angelica walks in, with her hand over her eye, and her other hand over the wet spot on her pajamas.]

Angelica [crying]: "Aunt Didi, I had a accident!"

[Tommy, who is now out of his crib, peers behind Angelica. Didi puts her hands on her head in dismay.]

Didi: "Oh, no! Stu, hurry! Angelica's wet her P.J.'s!"
Stu: "Not another one!"

[Stu smacks his head. Angelica cries as Didi carries her out of the bathroom, and Stu follows next to her.]

Didi: "Come on, now!"

[As Angelica continues crying, the camera zooms in on her mouth. Tommy walks up to Chuckie. He looks in Chuckie's potty, then puts his hand on Chuckie's left shoulder.]

Tommy: "Welp, ha ha, like they say, 'Everybody who's anybody is potty-trained'!"
Chuckie: "Yep, and I'm a anybody now!"
Tommy: "You sure are!"

[Tommy puts his hand on Chuckie's shoulder, then the camera zooms out on them both. The lid of Chuckie's potty appears over both of them, then the screen fades to black, ending the episode.]

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