Chuckie's Bachelor Pad | Gallery | Transcript |
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[Sitar music plays in the background and we see red blobs of lava . Stu’s face appears, looking distorted. He watches the red blobs.]
Stu: I haven’t seen one of these babies in years. [It is revealed he is looking at a lava lamp on the counter in Chas’s kitchen. Cans of paint are nearby, and Stu, Chas, and Howard are all wearing attire for painting.]
Chas: Oh, this lava lamp goes way back. I got it when I first moved out on my own. If I recall, it was quite a hit with the ladies (chuckles).
[In a flashback, we see a younger Chas meditating with his lava lamp sitting beside him. His room has “Love and Peace” and other hippie-style posters on the wall. The door opens, startling Chas.]
Younger Chas: (gasps)
Chas’s landlady: Your rent’s due, Finster! [She starts to head out the door and then pauses.] Nice lamp. [She slams the door shut. Chas looks at his lava lamp. We go back to the present.]
Stu: Yeah, those were the days, weren’t they? I remember my first bachelor pad like it was yesterday.
Howard: Yes, indeed-y. Those were some madcap days.
Chas: Yeah, you could reach for the stars.
[Near the grownups, Chuckie, Tommy, Phil, and Lil are playing with blocks.]
Lil: Uh-oh! We “runnded” out of blocks!
Chuckie: Thay’s okay; I got lots more in my bedroom. Come on! [He gets up and exits the kitchen. His friends follow him.]
Howard: Well, I-I guess we should get back to work. Which room are we painting first?
Chas: Chuckie’s. But before we do that, I’ve got a few boxes that need to go out to the garage. [There is in fact a huge stack of boxes that nearly go up to the ceiling.]
Stu and Howard: (gasp)
[All of the items from Chuckie’s room, including his dresser and giant teddy bear, are now in the hallway. His other items are in boxes.]
Chuckie: Hey, guys, that’s my stuff! How come it’s out here?
Tommy: Kinda looks like somebody’s moving.
Chuckie: But-but my daddy didn’t say anything about that.
[The babies peer into Chuckie’s room and see that it has been emptied.]
Chuckie, Tommy, Phil, and Lil: (gasp)
[Chuckie runs to check his dad’s room.]
Chuckie: (panting) [He looks and sees that Chas’s room is the same as always.] (gasps) He still gots all his stuff in his room!
Tommy: Well, maybe he thinks it’s time for you to move out and get your own “belcher” pad, Chuckie.
Lil: Yeah! Like our daddies was talking about!
Chuckie: (gasps) You don’t really think my daddy wants me to move out?!
Tommy: Well, it kinda looks that way, Chuckie.
Chuckie, But I-I don’t think I’m ready to move out, you guys!
Lil: You are the “olderest”!
Phil: And the “biggerest”!
Chuckie: And I do know how to use my potty chair. And count most of my toes.
Phil and Lil: He’s ready!
Tommy: It’ll be an adventure, Chuckie!
Chuckie: Well, okay! If you guys think I’m ready! I guess I’d better get my stuff. [He struggles to pick up one of his boxes.] This is kinda heavy.
Tommy: Chuckie, maybe you’d better just take the ‘portant stuff.
Chuckie: Okay, well, let’s see. Um, I’ll need my happy hippo blankie, ‘course.
Phil: I got it! [He takes the blanket out of a box. The blanket has a picture of a hippo wearing a propeller hat, reaching up towards butterflies.]
Chuckie: And my cowboy lamp.
Tommy: Checks! [He takes the lamp, which has a cowboy hat as the shade, out of a box.]
Chuckie: And, um, my “favoritest” picture! [He looks at the picture, which is of him and Chas at the zoo, both of them holding ice cream cones and with ice cream on their faces.] (sadly) I guess you gotta leave home some time. Um, I just didn’t think it would be so soon. [He slowly starts to walk down the hall.]
Tommy: Come on, guys! We better help Chuckie find a new place to live.
[The babies stand in the backyard. Lil is holding a telephone, and the boys are all still holding the items they took out of the boxes.]
Phil: How ‘bout over there? [He points to a tree, with a hole in the trunk. Chuckie stands on Phil’s back and looks into the hole. Three little birds are inside, chirping at him.]
(Birds chirping)
Chuckie: I don’t think so; it’s kinda crowded in there.
Lil: Hey! Maybe that could be your “belcher” pad, Chuckie! [She points to a cardboard box that says, “Happy Toddler Paint: A division of Lipschitz Industries.” Chuckie puts his picture down and tries to squeeze into the box.]
Chuckie: Um, I don’t know; it’s kinda small! [Groaning and grunting]
Tommy: Hey, what about over there? [He points to the garden shed. A sunbeam falls onto it, and angelic voices sound. Chuckie opens the door to the shed and he and his friends all walk in.]
Chuckie: It’s awful dark in here.
Tommy: Don’t worry, Chuckie. We “bringed” your lamp. [He turns the lamp on.]
Lil: (gasps) I think it’s beautiful!
Chuckie: I don’t know… (sniffs) it smells funny.
Tommy: It’s okay, Chuckie. We’ll help you fix it up! [He puts the lamp down on a table.]
[Chas, Stu, and Howard are painting the walls of Chuckie’s bedroom. A boombox is on the windowsill, playing disco music. The grownups are beatboxing to the music.]
Stu: Do-do-do! Do-do-do-da-da-do! Yeah! Ahh! Ahh! (beatboxing)
[Chas taps his foot and beatboxes. He and Stu do a disco style dance. Howard jumps down from his ladder and does dance moves.]
Howard: Hey! Ow! Give it to me! Take me to brink! Wanna make me sweat! Ooh! [He does the splits and rips his pants.] Ooh! [He falls backward.]
[In the shed, Chuckie makes some drawings on the wall with crayon. Phil walks in and puts some flowers into a boot. He then puts the boot onto an upside-down bucket. Tommy puts a toy record player onto the table with the cowboy lamp and the picture of Chuckie and his dad. Lil puts the telephone onto a shelf.]
Chuckie: Gee! My belcher pad looks pretty good! Now that I gots my own place, What am I supposed to do?
Tommy: What do you feel like doing?
Chuckie: Well… (gasps) oh my gosh! You gots your shoes on the furnitures! [Chuckie’s happy hippo blanket is on a reclining chair, which Phil is lounging on (still wearing his shoes.)]
Phil: Aw, it’s alright. It’s your furnitures. You can even walk on it if you want. [He walks on the chair and blanket, leaving footprints behind.] (humming) [He jumps off.]
Chuckie: I can?
Tommy: Sure. Now that you gots your own place, you can do whatever you want!
Lil: Yeah, Chuckie! You can have friends over for dinner. [Phil and Tommy nod at each other. Phil rubs his stomach and licks his lips.]
Phil and Tommy: Hmmm!
Lil: Or make lots of noise! [She kicks a watering can.] Or leave the door open and let all the bugs come in! [She opens the door and a spider crawls in.]
Phil: Look, a spider! [He picks up the arachnid.]
Tommy: Hey, Chuckie, maybe you can keep him for a pet!
Chuckie: Um, no, I don’t like pets with that many legs.
Lil: That’s okay. Now that you gots your own place, you can have any pet that you want!
[The babies are looking at a pick plastic flamingo in the yard.]
Chuckie: I think I’ll call him “Bob!” [He pets “Bob”, who tips over.] (gasps) Uh, sit, Bob.
Tommy: You sure picked a good pet, Chuckie.
Chuckie: Thanks, Tommy.
Tommy: Gee, Chuckie, you’re practically all growed up now that you got your own place!
Chuckie: Hey! I know what I want to do! Have a birthday party!
[Chuckie plays a “Kiddie Hop” record on his record player, and dances. The twins jump up and down on the reclining chair.]
Phil: Ah! Oofh!
Lil: Boing! Boingedy-Boing!
[Tommy watches Phil and Lil as he eats a banana. As Phil continues to bounce on the chair, he eats cookies. Chuckie eats chocolate pudding with his hands. He “feeds” Bob some pudding, putting some on the flamingo’s beak. Everyone jumps around (the twins on the chair and Tommy and Chuckie on the ground.]
[Animal crackers are scattered around their box on the floor. Phil is sleeping on the reclining chair, with a swollen stomach, while Lil is sleeping on the floor.]
Phil: I ate too much.
Lil: I jumped too much.
Chuckie: Boy, what was the bestest party I ever had, huh, guys?
Phil: It was the onliest party you ever had.
Tommy: Yeah, but it was great, Chuckie! [Tommy has his diaper on his head.]
Chuckie: (gasps)
Lil: (giggles)
[Tommy takes the diaper off his head and hides it behind his back, embarrassed.]
Chuckie: So, what do you want to do now? How about we take a bubbly bath, or climb up on the roof and look at the stars?
Lil: There is not’s no stars out right now.
Chuckie: Oh. Well, we could look at the birdies. Whaddya say, guys?
Phil: Can I throw up first?
Stu: Tommy!
Howard: Phil, Lil!
Tommy: Uh, that sounds like fun, Chuckie. Um, but I think we gots to go.
Chuckie: Oh, gee, do you hafta?
Tommy: Yeah, but don’t worry. We’ll come back and climb on the roof with you tomorrow.
Chuckie: Well, okay.
Phil: Thanks for the cookies. Bye, I had a lovely time.
Lil: Yeah, we’ll come again soon. [Tommy and the twins leave the shed. Chuckie walks over to the door and watches them as Stu and Howard pick up their children and walk away.]
Tommy, Phil, and Lil: (giggling and cooing happily)
Chuckie: Okay. Thanks for coming over, you guys. [He closes the door.] Okay, well... (sighs) That was a fun day we had, wasn’t it, Bob? [He stands Bob back up and sits down beside him. Bob simply “stares” back.] My favoritest part was the music and jumping on my new bed. [He picks up the “Kiddie Hop” record.] How ‘bout you? [Bob tips over and lands with its beak in the chocolate pudding.] Yeah, I liked the chocolate pudding, too. [He stands Bob back up, and the pudding drips from his beak.] No, no, really, Bob. I like living on my own. (gasps) [He picks up a banana peel from the floor.] ‘Cept there’s no one around to help clean up. [He puts the flowers back in the boot, which is lying on the floor and puts the boot onto the bucket.] And there’s no one to talk to, neither. I mean, no offense, Bob, but you’re made of plastic. [Just as he picks up his blanket, the wind starts to howl outside.] (gasps) [He runs, panting. As tree branches tap on the window, Chuckie cowers under his blanket.] And there’s no one to make you feel better when you get scared. [He looks at the picture of him and Chas.]
[Chas is outside, talking to Stu and Howard, who are getting into their cars and driving off.]
Chas: Thanks for the help!
Stu: No problem, Chas!
Howard: Just call! [Phil and Lil wave goodbye to Chas. Chas waves as the cars leave.] (Stu honks)
Chas: Okay, Chuckie, time for your nap. Chuckie? [Chas runs into the backyard.] Chuckie! Where are you? Chuckie! Where are you?
[Chuckie is in the shed, still cowering under the blanket. He hears Chas and takes off his blanket.]
Chuckie: (gasps) Hey, Bob! I think my daddy’s comin’ to visit! [He runs to open the shed door.]
Chas: Chuckie, where are you? [He notices Chuckie.] There you are. I’ve been looking all over for you. [He walks up to Chuckie, who looks lovingly at his dad.] It’s time for your nap.
Chuckie: (gasps) [He sadly turns around to head back into the shed. Chas comes up to him and puts his hands on Chuckie’s shoulders.]
Chas: Plus, I have a big surprise for you when we get inside. [He picks up Chuckie and carries him from the shed. The screen briefly goes black.] Okay, Chuckie, you can open your eyes now. [Chuckie opens his eyes, and we see his redecorated room from his perspective. Everything is back where it used to be, and his walls have been painted green, with pictures of farm animals.]
Chuckie: (gasps excitedly) Wow!
Chas: We spent all day fixing it up for you. So, little guy, how do you like it? [Chas puts Chuckie to bed, wrapped in his hippo blanket. Chuckie notices the lave lamp, which is on his bedside table.]
Chuckie: (gasps)
Chas: Would you like to use this for your nightlight, Chuckie? You know, Daddy’s had this a long time. [He gives Chuckie a kiss.] I guess some day, you’ll move into your own place too, Chuckie. [He turns off the lamp on Chuckie’s dresser.] But not for a long, long time. [He leaves the room.]
Chuckie: (sighs happily) [Chuckie looks at his lava lamp and then closes his eyes.]