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Beauty Contest Gallery Transcript

[The episode begins with Tommy on a rocking horse wearing a cowboy hat in front of the TV. A cowboy show is on the television]

[ We then cut over to Lou who is reading the paper ]

Lou: Dag-Bird Democrats.

[ Lou then flips to an advertisement for the little miss lovely contest, a local beauty contest ]

Lou: Hm, Little Miss Lovely contest first prize for the baby girl a boat load of toys, and for the proud father. The Kingfisher 9000 now that's a fishing boat, to bad Tommy's not a girl

[ As Lou looks up at Tommy he see's him as a girl, with long blonde hair, and dressed in a dark blue skirt and shirt ]

Lou: Hello Tommy!

[ We then cut to Lou going down to the basement where Stu is working on his latest toy ]

Lou: Hello Stu

Stu: Hello Pop

Lou: Stu do you ever wish Tommy was a girl

[ Stu stops what he is doing and looks at Lou confused ]

Stu: Come Again?

Lou: I was just wondering what Tommy look like in a dress

Stu: Pop what are you talking about?

[ Lou takes out the paper to show Stu ]

Lou: Well I was just reading the paper, and I came across this Little Miss Lovely contest you know for baby girls

Stu: And?

Lou: and I was thinking maybe we could dress Tommy up like a girl and enter him in the little miss lovely contest this weekend what do you say?

Stu: Are you off your nut! Nobody's going to cross-dress my boy and stick him in some beauty contest.

[ Lou then show the first prize to Stu ]

Lou: First Prize

[ We then cut back to Tommy who is still on his rocking horse. When grabbing his cowboy hat he falls off the rocking horse. Stu and Lou then enter and grab Tommy ]

[ We then cut back to the basement were Lou is putting a blond wig with a purple bow on Tommy ]

Lou: How about this one?

Stu: Ya, and check out this party dress.

[ Stu proceeds to display the dress which is dark green, and also has a purple bow ]

Stu: Goes great with the blonde wig huh pop

Lou: Nope to gaudy, if you ask me the pants suit has more of that feminine edge

[ Lou then display the pant suit which is a yellow and green dress ]

Stu: Maybe we should take another look at that retro 60's flip wig

[ Stu shows the wig ]

Lou: Say how about a yellow-wig wag with a spoon

Stu: Ha?

Lou: A yellow wig-wag with a spoon

[ Lou shows Stu a magazine with an advertisment for the product which is a special lure ]

Lou: Troat fishing in America weekly says it the best lure for bug-eyed carp

Stu: Bug-eyed carp

Lou: Right out there in the middle of lake Wikey-Walkey

Stu: In our Kingfisher 9000

[ All of a sudden the doorbell alarm from Tommy's First Birthday goes off. It it Betty at the door with Phil and Lil.]

[Didi opens the door]

Didi: Oh hi Betty

Betty: Hiya Ded mega long day. Hey lets pen these pups and brew some java hah

[Stu and Lou put Tommy in the playpen with his wig still on]

Betty: Howdy boys

[Stu notices the wig and proceds tio takes it off of Tommy. He then hides the wig from Betty]

Stu: Oh hi Betty we're just of to

Lou: Rotate the tires we'll be back in an hour

[Stu and Lou then leave, and Betty puts Phil and Lil in the playpen as well]

Didi: Oh you've just got to try my new vaneze roast Betty

Betty: That the stuff that comes in those little cans

Didi: No it comes in little premeasured packets. they disolve after a minute or so.

Betty: Hah what will they think of next

[ With the adults gone Tommy talks to the twins about what happend in the basement]

Tommy: Somethings going on in here. Daddy and Grandpa are acting oretty weird.

Phil and Lil: What do you mean

Tommy: Well they keep talking about fishing which had something to do with me wearing a wig and dressing up like a girl.

Phil: Whats a wig?

Tommy: I think it's this little furry animal that sleeps on your head

Lil: Howcome you gotta dress up like a girl to go fishing?

Tommy: I don't know, I wish I did'nt have to I don't think I look so good as a girl.

Phil: Ah it's no big deal Tommy

Lil: Ya me an Phil trade places all the time

Phil: And nobody ever notices

[Lil then gives bow to Phil]

Lil: Okay no watch

[Phil then proceeds to cry which brings over Betty and Didi. Betty then picks up Phil trying to comfort him]

Betty: Ah whats a matter with my beautiful baby girl. Ah the girls seem to cry more then the boys at this age.

Didi: Mh

[Phil stops crying and Betty puts him back in the playpen and taps Lil on the back]

Betty: Ah my big brave baby man. Guess there okay Did now where were we

Didi: Well we were talking about the differences between men and women

[When Betty and Didi leave Phil gives the bow back to Lil]

Phil and Lil: See

[As Tommy stares at the twins we cut to the next morning as Stu and Lou are talking Tommy and a box full of supplies to the car]

Stu: Quiet Pop don't slam the door

Lou then proceeds to slam the door anyway ]

Stu: I told you not to slam the door!

Lou: Well dag nabbet you made me nervous

Stu: Okay okay I jost don't want Didi to find out abot the contest

[ As Stu says that Didi opens the door to see what Stu and Lou are doing ]

Didi: Where are you guys going?

Stu: Ah where just heading off

Lou: to do things

Didi: Oh

Stu: You know manly things

Didi: But what about Tommy did you bring enough diapers, and a bottle, and baby wipes, and something to play with.

[ As Didi is talkng Lou is looking into the box of supplies ]

Lou: Its all here

Didi: Oh well okay, I wonder if they remembered his rice crackers.

[ Lou and Stu arrive at the Little Miss Lovely Contest. In the parking lot Stu takes out the party dress from earlier and puts it on the front seat. While Lou proceeds to put makeup on Tommy. The makeup covers the entire screen, and next we see Tommy completely dressed as a girl. He is seen next to another girl lifting up his dress looking at what is under it, he is wearing white panties underneath. In addition to the dress he is wearing the blonde wig, as well as matching shoes with bows on them just like his dress. The girl standing next to him sees what he is doing and stares at him. Tommy lets go of the dress and blushes in embaressment.]

Backstage attendent: Okay you'll be the first to go on now Cindy-Lou stand right here

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