| Baby Maybe | Gallery | Transcript |
|---|
[At Tommy's house, Angelica is on the floor looking at a "Cynthia Store Fashion Catalogue". She uses a red crayon to circle pages, presumably things she wants to buy.]
Angelica: (humming)
[Nearby, Spike is licking Tommy, who is lying on his back and laughing, along with Chuckie who is standing next to them. Phil and Lil are watching and are also laughing. Spike licks Chuckie, who stumbles backwards and steps on Angelica's catalogue, which flies into the air and lands on her head.]
Angelica: Hey! [She takes the catalogue off her head] Look, you stupid babies! [Chuckie retreats a bit.] If I gotta be cooped up here all day with you and the new babysitters, let's get one thing straight. [Spike backs away, whimpering.] Cynthia and I are very busy. [She grabs her Cynthia doll.] So leave us alone! [She walks away with Cynthia and the catalogue.] Hmmph!
Lil: How come your grandpa isn't our babysitter, Tommy?
Tommy: He went "fishies." But my Aunt Elaine and Uncle Ben will probably do the same stuff my grandpa does when he babysits.
Chuckie: We're gonna be left here alone with strangers? That's kinda scary.
Tommy: It's my Aunt Elaine and Uncle Ben. Me and Chuckie met them when we got married. 'Member, Chuckie?
Chuckie: Uh…I 'member cake.
[Betty is sitting on the sofa, drinking a cup of coffee. Didi walks into the room. She and Betty are both dressed up.]
Didi: Well, I love my little brother and his wife, but they are trying their hand at babysitting for the very first time.
Betty: Oh, you ain't just whistling' "Dixie", Deed. With no pups of their own, taking on five tykes could be rough sailing!
[Stu walks in, wearing a suit.]
Stu: Relax, you two; everything's going to be fine. [He picks a clown doll up from the floor. The doll's head pops off.]
Angelica: Mommy, wouldn't I look so beautiful in these dresses from the Cynthia Store? [She holds up the catalogue and shows Charlotte (who is wearing a red dress) pages with Cynthia wearing a wedding dress and a bathing suit.]
Charlotte: Now, sweetheart, you just got a new dress last week. The answer is no.
Angelica (disappointedly): Huh!
[The door buzzer sounds. Didi answers the door.]
Elaine: Hi! We're here! And ready, aren't we, Ben? [She has a shopping bag from "Baby World" on her arm.]
Ben: Hi, Sis. [He walks in carrying a posterboard under one arm.] Hi, Mr. Pickles.
Betty: I'm Betty. Pleased to meet ya. [She gives Ben a slap on the back. Ben looks unsure about the situation he's getting into.] And good luck!
Elaine: Ben and I can't wait to get started. Right, Ben?
Ben: (gulps) [Didi looks concerned]
Elaine: Don't worry about a thing, Didi. I've got everything worked out on my chart. Ben?
Ben: Hmm? [He holds up the chart. It says "Babysitting To Do List" and lists six hours of scheduled activities].
Elaine: See? "Getting to Know You" time: 11:00 to 11:10, "Peaceful Play" time: 11:10 to 11:30, "Quiet Story" from 11:30 to 11:40 and- you get the idea.
Didi: Well, the babies are right over here. You remember Tommy, Chuckie, and Angelica.
Betty: And this twosome's Phil and Lil. [Elaine bends down and looks at Tommy.]
Elaine (in a "baby talk" voice): Oh, just "wook" at the widdy biddy babies! They are so cute! We are going to have the bestest wittle time, and I brought you pretty new outfits because I just wuv baby cwothes! [She takes a pink dress with yellow ribbons out of the shopping bag.]
[Chuckie walks over to Tommy.]
Tommy: See? Isn't she nice?
Angelica: Babies don't care about clothes! They’re just as happy nakey! I'm the one who should be getting the new outfit! [She watches as Elaine holds up Tommy.]
Tommy: (Giggling happily)
Angelica: What am I: Chopped sliver?
[A car horn sounds outside. Betty looks at Charlotte.]
Betty: Oh, boy, there's the guys. We better get moving.
Charlotte: Chop chop! We don’t want to miss the overture. [She walks over to Angelica, who is brushing Cynthia's hair.] Bye, sweetheart. You be good. [She pats Angelica on the head. Angelica closes her eyes and turns her head.]
Angelica: Hmm!
Elaine: We're so happy to get to know you babies because, well, Ben and I want a wittle baby of our very own! [She walks away. The babies glance at each other, looking a bit confused.]
Angelica: Hmm… A baby of their own, huh? Heh, heh, heh! Well, we'll just see about that!
Tommy: See, you guys? I told you my Aunt Elaine and Uncle Ben were real nice! You was worried for nothing'!
Angelica: Oh, I don't know about that.
Tommy: What do you mean, Angelica?
Angelica: Well, your Aunt Elaine said she wanted a baby, right?
Lil: Uh-huh. She wants to be a mommy!
Angelica: And, she said she wanted to get to know you. So, maybe they're here to find a baby to take home with them!
Phil: (gasps and looks around) But there's no "extreme"” babies here!
Angelica: That's right!
Chuckie: Oh, no! That means they're gonna pick one of us! Oh, I hope it's not me. I'd never understand a thing she'd tell me to do. What's "widdy biddy", anyway?
Phil: Well, I don't want to go with her, neither! [He looks defiant.]
Lil: What are we gonna do, Tommy?! [She clasps her hands together and looks worried.]
Tommy: Uh, well, uh… If they're-they're here to pick a baby, they'll probably only want the bestest baby. So, all's we gotta do is be the worstest baby, and they won't want us. [He sees a book on the floor called "The Big Book of Opposites" and picks it up. Whatever they wants us to do, we just do the "opsipit."
Lil: Oh-kay! What's "ospitit?"
Tommy: You know; ossopites! [He holds the book upside down and opens it to "Fast and Slow"] Like, big and small, [He turns to "Happy and Sad"] hot and cold, chocolate and menicine…
Phil: Bugs and trucks! [rimshot sounds]
Tommy: First, we gots to find out what they wants us to do, so we can do the "ossopite." Wait here.
[In the kitchen, Elaine stands in front of the chart while Ben pours milk into bottles. Tommy comes into the kitchen and hides under the table to hear what they're saying.]
Elaine: One more minute of peaceful play, then our 10-minute quiet story time before lunch. Isn't this fun, Ben? They're such good babies and so quiet!
Ben: Our baby will be nice and quiet, right, honey?
[Tommy is back in the living room with his friends.]
Tommy: So, when they comes in, we gots to yell and scream as hard as we can!
Phil: Neat!
Elaine: Hellooo!
Chuckie: (gasps)
Elaine: Who wants a nice, quiet story?
Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, and Lil: (all scream, cry)
Ben (comes running): What is it? What's wrong? Why are they screaming? Elaine, make them stop!
Elaine: I don't know how! Um, once upon a time…
Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, and Lil: (screaming and crying)
Ben: Maybe their diapers need changing. Babies like that, don't they?
Tommy: (stops crying and gasps)
Elaine: But that's not until 12:45!
Ben: Well, we gotta do something! Let's get the diapers! Lots of them! [He runs off, pulling Elaine with him.]
Tommy: Okay! Guys! Guys, stop! [Phil and Lil stop crying and grab onto Chuckie, who is continuing to cry. He stops.]
Chuckie: What'd I miss?
Tommy: I hearded them say they wants babies who likes their diapies changed.
Chuckie: Thank you, Potty! Thank you, thank you!
Tommy: Phil, Lil, this may mean a diapie rash, but here's what we got to do… [Phil, Lil, and Chuckie gather near Tommy.]
Angelica (smiles deviously): Hmm.
[In Tommy's room, the babies run away from Ben and Elaine, the latter wearing goggles and rubber gloves.]
Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, and Lil: (yelling)
Elaine: Come back here! Stay still! [Chuckie crouches down against the wall, watching as Tommy and the twins continue to run. Elaine picks up Phil and puts him down on the changing table. Phil kicks his legs and flails his arms.] Ben, quick! The powder! [Phil's diaper flies into Ben’s face. This causes baby powder to fly out of the container Ben is holding, and land on his face and shoulders.]
Ben: (gasps)
[In the kitchen, Elaine crosses out "Quiet Story" on the chart. That allotted time has been replaced with "Diaper Change."] Elaine: Well, now that they're all finally changed, I think this would be the perfect time to put them in their new outfits. [Ben sits at the kitchen table, looking frazzled.]
Ben: (gasps)
Elaine: I'm sure they'll love that!
[Angelica looks at her Cynthia catalogue while the babies are chased by Ben and Elaine.]
Angelica: (humming)
Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, and Lil: (yelling)
[Holding the pink dress, Elaine stops and shakes her head with her eyes closed while Ben continues to chase the babies, holding a suit.]
Elaine: (sighs)
[Ben sits down at the kitchen table again.]
Ben: We did it. They're all dressed. I think I'll just… ya know, take a little breather. [He slumps face down on the table. Elaine looks at her chart again.]
Chuckie: I just… don't feel like me, Tommy. [He is wearing a "Little Lord Fauntleroy" style suit, complete with ruffles and with shiny black shoes.]
Tommy: I know what you mean, Chuckie. [He is wearing a onesie with pink bunnies on it and bunny slippers.] I'm all snapped in. If I ever had to get nakey in a hurry, I'd be in big trouble.
[Lil is wearing the pink dress with gold ribbons and Phil is wearing a t-shirt that says "Slugger" on it as well as jeans and a blue baseball cap.]
Phil: Can't get any worser than this.
Elaine: Oh, babies!
Phil and Lil: (gasping)
Elaine: We're coming to get you for lunch! But remember, you're wearing your new outfits, so you need to be very, very, neat. Okay?
[In the kitchen, the babies throw their food at Ben and Elaine, splattering the whole kitchen in the process. Spike catches some of the food in his mouth. Ben and Elaine are covered with food. Ben helplessly looks at the chart, which is also being pelted with food.]
Elaine: What are you doing? Forget the chart! [She picks the chart up and throws it down to the ground.]
Ben: What are we going to do, Elaine?
Elaine: How should I know?! I can't take it anymore! (shrieking) [She and Ben run for cover.]
Elaine: (crying)
[Holding her glass, Angelica innocently wipes her mouth with a napkin, and then walks over to Elaine, who is standing with her head in her hands and crying. Food is still flying.]
Angelica: Gee, Elaine. It's hard to understand widdy, biddy babies, isn't it?
Elaine: Uh-huh.
Angelica: I mean, I understand 'em. I was a widdy, biddy baby. A long time ago. Hey! I think I could help you.
Elaine and Ben: You could?
Angelica: Sure. You see, I'm someone the babies look up to- well, adore. I can get them to do anything. And because I think you're so nice, I'll make sure they're good.
Ben: You would do that for us, Angelica?
Angelica: Of course I will!
Elaine: Oh, thank you! Thank you! [She gives Angelica a hug.]
Angelica: Oh, yeah, there is this one wittle, itsy-bitsy thing you could do for me.
Elaine: Name it.
Angelica: A trip to the Cynthia Store after the grownups get back. [She holds up the Cynthia catalogue.]
Elaine: Done.
Angelica: Oh, goody! (giggles) Now, you two go inside, and leave everything to me. [Ben and Elaine run out of the kitchen.]
Angelica: Well, you babies don't have to worry about Ben and Elaine taking one of you home. As a matter of fact, they don't even want a baby anymore. Not ever. [She walks away with a mischievous expression, obviously pleased with herself. In their highchairs, the babies all look sad.]
Lil: Elaine doesn't want to be a mommy?
Phil: Ever?
Chuckie: All cause of what we did?
Tommy: Aww. I think I feel kind of sad.
Chuckie: Me too, Tommy.
Lil: Me too, Chuckie! [She starts to cry.]
Phil: I'm hungry! [He licks some food that he has in his hand.]
Tommy: You know what, guys? I think we was too good at doing the "osopits." We gave babies everywhere a bad name! So, there's only one thing to do! We got to go in there and show Uncle Ben and Aunt Elaine that babies aren't bad!
Lil: Yeah!
[In the living room, which is also splattered with food, Angelica is sitting on the sofa looking at her catalogue. Sitting beside her are Ben and Elaine, who both are still covered in food and look very worn out.]
Angelica: And this dress, and those shoes… (babies laughing) [Angelica gasps and glares at the babies who jump up onto the sofa. Tommy and Chuckie sit and cuddle with Elaine, while the twins do the same with Ben.]
Elaine: How did you…? Oh, look how sweet they are now, Ben!
Ben: Angelica, you really did it!
Angelica: Hmm, I did, didn't I? Um, what do you think of the matching hat?
[The door opens, and Didi, Stu, Charlotte and Betty walk in, while Chas, Howard, and Drew stay outside.]
Didi: Hi, we're back!
Stu: See there, Deed? You worried for nothing. Everything's just fine. Except for everyone's clothes, and the couch, and the carpet, and the walls!
Betty: So, you two still thinking' about some cubs of your own?
Elaine: Um, maybe we're not quite ready for children. Unless, of course, they're all like Angelica. She's wonderful!
Charlotte: Mommy's so proud of you, Angelica! [She gives her daughter, who is being held by Ben, a hug.]
Angelica: Oh, Ben! The Cynthia Store?
Ben: Oh, of course! Let me ask your mother. [He puts Angelica down and walks over to Charlotte.]
Tommy: Thanks, Angelica! You saved us!
Angelica: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ben: You're coming with us, Angelica. I'll get your coat. (He walks away and Angelica smiles excitedly.) [The babies all appear shocked to hear what Ben said.]
Tommy: Did you hear that?! It was all a trick! They want a baby! And they're takin' Angelica! We got to stop them!
Chuckie: But how, Tommy? [Tommy grabs some of the food off his outfit.]
Tommy: They don't want a messy baby, right? [Chuckie and the twins also hold globs of food. They run up to Angelica and start throwing food at her.]
Angelica: Huh? [As she gets pelted, she falls to the floor and starts bawling loudly.]
Charlotte: Ah, poor Angelica! Ben, Elaine, you'd better go on home. A trip to the Cynthia Store tonight is out of the question. She's going right home for a bath. Come on, darling. [She takes Angelica by the hand. Angelica throws a dirty look back at the babies as she's escorted from the house by her mother.]
Chuckie: Well, we saved her.
Tommy: It's the leastest we could do for our good friend Angelica!
[Angelica looks back again at the babies, who stand on the porch, waving happily at her.]
THE END