Angelica's Birthday Gallery Transcript

[The episode begins with a view inside Drew's mailbox. Drew reaches in and pulls out a bunch of letters. He then walks towards Angelica's bedroom, holding a pink letter that says, MS. ANGELICA PICKLES, BIRTHDAY GIRL in cursive letters. Inside her bedroom, Angelica looks at a picture of the Taj Mahal.]

Angelica: "You're right, Cynthia. This house does have the best pool."

[Angelica pulls down the picture.]

Angelica: "It might make a good summer home for the birthday girl."

[Angelica turns to face Drew.]

Angelica: "Oh, hello, Daddy. I put together a list of some last-minute suggestions."

[Angelica pulls down the list, revealing it to be a long one. The list falls towards Drew's feet.]

Angelica: "Remember, there's still valuable shopping time before my party!"
Drew: "Oh, look what came for you in today's mail, Pumpkin!"
Angelica: "Oh, boy! A birthday card! Ha!"

[Angelica excitedly runs towards Drew. She takes the letter from him and opens it, revealing a birthday card inside, with a picture of a girl flying a kite, and her dog following her, on the cover. She opens the card, but is disappointed to find out there isn't any money in it, so she tosses it on the floor. As Drew talks to her, she walks towards her bed and sits down on it.]

Drew: "Cupcake, you're so excited, you dropped the card on the floor!"

[Drew picks up the card and opens it.]

Drew: "Here, let me read it to you; Happy Birthday, little lady, you're a whole year older today, and everyone knows because it shows, You're a grown-up in every way."

[Angelica stares angrily, as Drew tears up reading the card.]

Drew: "Love, Grandma."

[Drew sniffles, then sits down on Angelica's bed.]

Angelica: "Aw, don't cry, Daddy, I'm sure Grandma just forgot to put the money in there. We can always call her and have her wire it over."
Drew: "No, no, it's not that, Muffin. It's just that Daddy's thinking about how his sweet baby girl is becoming a little lady!"

[Drew puts his hands on Angelica's shoulders.]

Angelica: "Well, of course I am, daddy! And pretty soon, I'll be a grown up, and do whatever I want!"
Drew: "Oh, boy, the years just fly by, don't they? Now that you're a year older, your mother and I will be able to treat you more like a grown up, and trust you with more responsibilities."
Angelica: "Sponsibilities? You mean, like, I get to stay up late and eat ice cream whenever I want?"

[Drew chuckles.]

Drew: "No, honey. Responsibilities means taking care of yourself. Doing things like clearing your own plate from the table, picking up your own toys, paying a mortgage...things grown-ups do."
Angelica: "Wait a minute, that doesn't sound like fun!"
Drew: "Well, maybe not, Cupcake, but part of growing up is doing things that you have to do, not just doing whatever you want. It's not all fun. There's a lot of hard work, too!"
Angelica: "Hard work?"

[In the living room, Charlotte is on her cell phone with Jonathan as a Reptar piñata is being hoisted up above her.]

Charlotte: "End of discussion on that one, am I right? And well, of course I am! Now listen, Jonathan, I told you I wanted the caterers here by noon! I don't want any excuses, this is my daughter's birthday!"

[As Charlotte talks, a caterer comes in with a cake the size of a wedding cake, with a figure of at the top. Grandpa Lou, who has his present to Angelica, follows behind him. Charlotte covers her cell phone to talk to Lou.]

Charlotte: "Angelica's upstairs, Pop."

[As Lou leaves, Charlotte continues talking to Jonathan.]

Charlotte: "And if that Karaoke machine doesn't work, it's going to be your head, Jonathan!"

[Back in her bedroom, Angelica looks sadly down at Cynthia as she brushes her hair. Lou walks in, kisses her on her forehead, and sets his present to her down on her bed.]

Lou: "Happy Birthday, honey!"
Angelica: "Thanks, Grandpa."

[Angelica opens her present, revealing a boxed tea set. The box says, DELUXE TEA SET in yellow letters. Angelica sighs unhappily.]

Lou: "Something wrong?"

[Angelica looks up at Lou.]

Angelica: "Grandpa, what's it like to be old?"
Lou: "Old? Hmmm, that's one doozy of a question there. Well, let's see."

[Lou sits down on Angelica's bed.]

Lou: "First, your back starts to go, and it's tough to get out of bed in the morning. And then it's the hearing, and then the teeth, and the eyes, and... well, before you know it, you're eating tapioca and getting sponge baths! Hmm... come to think of it, old age does have its good points!"
Angelica: "Is that gonna happen to me?"
Lou: "Happens to everyone, I'm afraid. Take my advice and enjoy the best years of your life while you can! Oh, to think I was at Woodstock! Those pesky kids sure made a racket, though! Scuse' me a sec."

[Lou gets off of Angelica's bed and walks towards the door.]

Angelica: "Where are you going, Grandpa?"
Lou: "Let's just say it's another part of getting old!"

[Angelica gives a worried stare. Back at the living room, presents and decorations are being set up. As Charlotte is talking to Jonathan on her cell phone, two caterers are pushing and pulling a goat behind her.]

Charlotte: "What do you mean, 'No Russian Circus'? I thought you lined that up months ago! Hold on."

[Charlotte covers her cell phone and turns her attention to the caterers.]

Charlotte: "Take that out back to the tent, will you, boys?"

[Charlotte turns her attention back to Jonathan. As she talks, two more caterers put up a cutout of a Dummi Bear.]

Charlotte: "Now, Jonathan, listen; you tell those circus people we had a verbal contract, and if they ever want to work in this town again, they'll make sure not to cancel a Charlotte C. Pickles deal!"

[Jonathan talks unintellgibly to Charlotte.]

Charlotte: "What? 'Deported'? They can't be deported until after the performance, can they? This is an outrage!"

[The camera zooms in on Charlotte's mouth. Back at Angelica's bedroom, Angelica talks to Cynthia.]

Angelica: "Well, Cynthia, it looks like it's all over for us."

[Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, and Lil walk into Angelica's bedroom. Tommy has his hands behind his back.]

Tommy: "Hi, Angelica. Um, we have something for you."

[Tommy reveals that he is holding Spike's overturned food bowl, with a literal mud pie in it.]

Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, and Lil: "Happy birthday!"

[Several worms crawl in the mud pie, and Tommy giggles.]

Tommy: "It's a mud pie!'
Phil: "It's our favorite flavor; mud!"

[Angelica sighs unhappily.]

Chuckie: "Don't you like it, Angelica?"
Angelica: "No, thanks. I'm too old for that silly kid stuff."
Chuckie: "Too old?"
Angelica: "Yeah. I got sponsibilities now."
Phil: "Sponsibiliries?"
Angelica': "That means I'm not allowed to have fun anymore for the rest of my life!"
Tommy: "But Angelica, it's your birthday!"
Phil: "Yeah, on your birthday, everybody's gotta be nice to you, and give you presents,"
Lil: "And you get to blow out all the candles and make a special birthday wish,"
Chuckie: "And then, you get to eat cake and ice cream until you throw up!"
Angelica: Oh, Chuckie, sweet, simple Chuckie, the only thing that would make me happy is to never get a year older as long as I live!"
Lil: "What do you mean?"
Phil: "Gettin' old's fun!"
Angelica: "No, no, little Phil. Getting old is nothing but misery and woe."
Tommy: "Wow. It's too bad you can't stay little like us."
Angelica: "Yes. It's too bad I can't stay little like... Wait a minute, that's it!"
Chuckie: "Uh-oh!"

[The screen transitions to the next scene, where two dolls are shown; a rabbit doll with a purple shirt, and a baby doll with a green and blue blouse, and a green and yellow bonnet. Angelica takes the rabbit doll's shirt and the baby doll's bonnet. She then goes to Charlotte's vanity and takes a container that says, YASUM. She then goes to the babies' diaper bag, reaches in, and pulls out a rattle and a pacifier. She then reaches in again, and pulls out a diaper. She opens her bedroom door, then closes it. Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, and Lil walk up to the door as Angelica opens it again. They all gasp when they see Angelica.]

Lil: "Angelica! You growed down!

[Angelica is revealed to be dressed like a baby. Specifically, she is wearing the baby doll's bonnet, the rabbit doll's shirt, the pink blush on her cheeks and the diaper from the diaper bag. She is also holding a bottle and sucking on the pacifier from the diaper bag. She pulls out the pacifier out of her mouth.]

Angelica: I sure did! Now I'm just a wittwe tiny baby again, and no one can give me any sponsibilites or nothing!

[Angelica giggles as she walks across her bedroom. She kicks a ball with a star on it, then collapses onto a giant teddy bear.]

Chuckie: "Can Angelica really do this?"
Tommy: "I don't know, Chuckie, but things will sure be different around here if she's gonna be a baby again."
Lil: "Yeah, if she's a baby, she'll be one of us!"
Phil: "And if she's just one of us, maybe she can't push us around anymore!"

[Lil points at Phil.]

Lil: "Or steal our toys anymore!"
Chuckie: "Or make us wear those frilly panties!"

[Chuckie points at Tommy, Phil, and Lil, who all stare at him in shock.]

Chuckie: "Um, I don't want to talk about it."

[Back at the living room, Charlotte walks past a ladder, where a caterer is putting up streamers. She walks up to a caterer, who is herding two sheep.]

Charlotte: "Take the sheep out back! Didn't I say all the farm animals go in the tent? And don't skimp on the streamers! Let's have lots of color! Lots and lots of color!"

[Chas and Howard, who are dressed like clowns, walk through the front door.]

Chas and Howard: Ta-da!

[Charlotte turns to face Chas and Howard.]

Charlotte: "Howard, Chas, you look so... so funny."
Howard: "Thanks, Charlotte. We're bringing back our old clown act for Angelica's party!"

[As Howard talks, the camera moves down to his and Chas' shoes, revealing Howard's big toe to be sticking out of one of his shoes.]

Charlotte: You are?
Chas: "Sure! When we were in school, Howard and I made all of our spending money off of birthday clown appearances!"
Charlotte: "You did?"

[As Chas talks to Charlotte, he pulls on his bow tie, then nudges Howard with his shoulder.]

Chas: Yeah, I guess you could say we clowned our way through college, huh, Howard?

[Chas and Howard laugh, and Charlotte gives them a pity laugh.]

Charlotte: "Well, I've really got enough enertainment for today, so..."
Chas: "Just give us one minute before you say no! We'll give you a quick preview right here!"

[Chas and Howard walk up to Charlotte. Chas reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out a tape recorder. He presses a button on it, and circus music plays. He then pulls on his bow tie again.]

Chas: "Presenting, the Amazing Flubbo, and his sidekick, Looney Boy!"

[Chas pulls on Howard's neck tie. Howard yelps as the neck tie rolls back, but Charlotte is unamused. She sighs, and Chas reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out a balloon. Chas inflates the balloon and shapes it into a dog. He lets go of it, and it flies across the living room and out the front door. Charlotte is still unamused, and looks at her watch.]

Chas: And now, for our next trick...

[As Howard reaches into his pants pockets, Charlotte taps her foot impatiently. Howard is now juggling bowling pins as Chas is now on a unicycle, balancing a stick with three cream pies on his nose. Chas bumps into Howard. They both scream as they fall over. Two of the cream pies fall on their heads, and the bowling pins bounce off the pie plates.]

Chas: "Oops."
Howard: "Smooth move, Flubbo!"

[Charlotte laughs hysterically.]

Charlotte: "Okay! Okay! You've got the job! The kids will love this routine!"

[Back at Angelica's bedroom, Angelica is sucking on the pacifier as Tommy talks to her.]

Tommy: "So, let me get this straight; you're gonna act just like a baby?"

[Angelica pulls the pacifier out of her mouth.]

Angelica: "You got a problem with that?"
Tommy: "No, but that means you can't do a lot of stuff!
Phil: "Like playing big kid games,"
Lil: "Or crossing the street,"
Chuckie: "Or eating solid food!"
Angelica: "No problem, it'll be easy!"
Chuckie: "I don't know, Angelica, I'm not sure you can do it!"

[As Angelica talks to Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, and Lil, she paces back and forth angrily.]

Angelica: "Oh, yeah? Just give me any baby thing to do, and I'll do it just as good as any of you!"

[Tommy, Phil, and Lil all look at each other. Tommy walks up to Angelica and picks up the bottle in front of her.]

Tommy: "Okay, Angelica! Why don't you get some milk?"

[Angelica takes the bottle from Tommy.]

Angelica: "Milk? No problem!"

[Angelica walks up to the door and opens it.]

Angelica: "Daddy!"

[Chuckie, Phil, and Lil all walk up to Tommy, who has his arms crossed in disapproval.]

Tommy: "Ah, ah, ah! No talking to the grown-ups!"
Angelica: [calmly] "Oh."

[Angelica screams. Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, and Lil all shudder as Drew runs in.]

Drew: "Angelica, are you all righ..."

[Drew turns to face Angelica, shocked when he finds her dressed like a baby.]

Drew: "What the dickens? Angelica, what are you doing dressed like that? What's going on here?"

[Drew walks angrily up to Angelica.]

Angelica: "Oh, I'm fine, Daddy, but I would like some..."

[Before Angelica can finish, Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, and Lil all have their arms crossed and nod their heads, "No" in unison. Angelica gets on her knees and gurgles and coos like a baby.]

Angelica: "Um, moo! Moo! Moo-moo!"
Drew: "Now, if you want something, you talk like a big girl, not a baby!"

[Drew takes the bottle from Angelica and walks away.]

Angelica: "Moo-moo!"
Drew: "Okay. How bout' if you change out of those diapers, while Daddy gets you some milk?"
Angelica: "Moo-moo! Moo-moo!"

[Drew shrugs in disdain, then leaves. Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, and Lil walk up to Angelica.]

Angelica: "Ha! Now that's service!"

[Drew walks down the stairs, and towards Charlotte.]

Drew: "Charlotte, you're not gonna believe this; Angelica's crawling around her room, dressed like a baby, I mean, she won't even speak to me!"
Charlotte: "Drew, I really am busy." 

[As Charlotte talks to Drew, she walks towards the stairs as three Chinese acrobats walk in; two men, and one woman.]

Charlotte: "I've gotta go out back and check on the chocolate swan sculpture, and the Chinese acrobats are here!"

[The female chinese acrobat gets on the male acrobats' hands. They toss her in the air, and as she flies, they jump back. They catch her, then hold out their arms. Charlotte speaks chinese, then a caption that says, "I'LL BE RIGHT THERE" appears on the screen below her. The acrobats all take a bow.]

Drew: "Well, what should I do with her? Whenever she wants something, she just cries!"
Charlotte: "Drew, relax, it's just a phase. It's her party, and she can cry if she wants to!"

[As Drew talks to Charlotte, he walks back up the stairs.]

Drew: "Well, I'm gonna go see if I can at least get her to put on her vanzetti party dress. I mean, she always likes getting dressed up!"

[Back at Angelica's bedroom, Angelica is holding a bottle as she jumps up and down, crying like a baby. Drew is holding a white and light blue dress.]

Drew: "Please, honey! It's such a pretty dress! And I'm sure it costs a lot of money!"

[Angelica stops crying as Drew hands her the dress.]

Drew: "There. That's better."

[Angelica tosses the dress on the floor, then jumps on it, screaming furiously.]

Drew: "Oh!"

[Back at the living room, children pass by Charlotte, who is once again on her cell phone. The children include Belinda from "Showdown at Teeter-Totter Gulch", Dean and Jean-Claude from "Angelica's In Love", and Susie.]

Charlotte: "Nice to see you, glad you could make it. Uh-huh, presents over there on the table, that's right, uh-huh!

[Charlotte points to the table, then turns her attention to Jonathan.]

Charlotte: "Oh, by the way, Jonathan, we haven't recieved your present yet!"

[Angelica, Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, and Lil, are now in the playpen.]

Tommy: "Well, I got to admit it, Angelica, so far, you're doing great!"
Angelica: "Told you I could do it!"
Drew: Here's the birthday girl, kids!

[Drew, Susie, Dean, and three of the children from "Showdown at Teeter-Totter Gulch" all walk towards the playpen.]

Dean: "What are you doing, Angelica?"
Susie: "Yeah, you look like a baby!"

[Angelica gurgles and babbles like a baby as she puts the pacifier in her mouth. Belinda is now standing next to Dean.]

Dean: Huh?
Charlotte: Kids! Time for the piñata!

[Susie and Jean Claude run towards the piñata.]

Susie: Cool! Come on, you guys!

[Angelica frowns as Drew and Dean look down at her.]

Drew: Are you sure you're not coming, Angelica?
Dean: "Yeah, don't you want to get all the chocolates for yourself like you did at my party?"

[Angelica groans in disdain.]

Drew: "Okay, then."

[Drew and Dean walk towards the piñata. Angelica stands up to look out the playpen.]

Charlotte: "Ready, kids? Drew, lower it down!"

[Susie, Dean, Jean-Claude, Prudence and one of the kids from "Showdown at Teeter-totter Gulch, are all below the piñata. Drew turns the winch, which lowers the piñata. The children cheer as the piñata is lowered. Angelica watches, and growls. Susie now has a blindfold over her eyes. She hits the piñata, but doesn't hit it very hard.]

Angelica: "She'll never get anywhere with those sissy swings! I'm going out there!

[Angelica tries to climb out of the playpen, but Lil stops her. Angelica only pokes her foot out]

Lil: "Wait, Angelica!"
Phil: "You can't do that!"

[The scene cuts to the back of Angelica's diaper. She peeks over her shoulder to face the babies as she puts her foot back into the pen.]

Angelica: "Well, piñata's my favorite game! I always get all the chocolates!
Tommy: "Look, if you want to be a baby, you gotta do baby things!"
Chuckie: "And we'd never be allowed to do anything like that!
Phil: "So, if you don't want to have sponsibilieries..."
Angelica: "All right, all right, you made your point!"

[Angelica sits down and puts the pacifier back in her mouth. One of the kids from "Showdown at Teeter-Totter Gulch" is now blindfolded and hits the piñata. He has better luck than Susie, as several pieces of candy fall out.]

Angelica: "I'm gonna miss all the chocolates!"
Chuckie: "By the way, Angelica, you can't have any of those little candies, either. They're too dangerous for babies!"
Angelica: "What? Why?"
Tommy: "Well, we might put em' in our nose or something!"

[Angelica, who is now holding a bottle, walks up to Tommy and sits down near him.]

Angelica: Sounds like a few dumb babies have gone and ruined things for everyone! You can't do anything fun! I mean, look at me! I'm sitting here in a diaper, drinking from a bottle!
Chuckie: "It may not look like much to you, Angelica, but it's our world, and it's all we know!"
Angelica: "Yeah? Well, I'm not gonna play by your little baby rules anymore! Look out, piñata, here I come!"

[Angelica stands up. She bounds out of the playpen and races towards the piñata. She pants and pushes the children out of the way, as she takes the stick and uses it to tear the leg of the piñata off. Candy falls out of it, and the children cheer.]

Charlotte: "Good job, Angelica! That's the old Pickles killer instinct!"

[Angelica and the children scoop up the candy. Angelica takes the candy from one of the children. Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, and Lil peer out of the playpen.]

Chuckie: "I guess getting old isn't so bad after all."
Phil: "Yeah, you get bigger and stronger,"
Tommy: And you get to eat chocolates,"
Lil: "And hit stuff with sticks!"
Chuckie: Yeah, I can't wait to get old!"

[Angelica and the children continue scooping up candy, until they hear Charlotte.]

Charlotte: "Look, kids! It's Flubbo and Gooney Boy!"

[Chas and Howard walk in. Angelica, Susie, and Belinda all sit down.]

Howard: That's Looney Boy!"

[Chas looks down.]

Chas: "Hey there, kiddies!"

[Howard is now holding a bicycle horn.]

Howard: "Say, Flubbo, what are you doin'?"
Chas: Oooh, I'm looking for the birthday girl!

[Chas grabs Howard by his ankle and pulls on it, causing him to fall over.]

Howard: "Whaa!"

['Chas now juggles three cakes, as Howard, who is holding a mallet, hits Chas on his foot with it.]

Chas: [screams] "Aaaah!"

[Chas tosses the cakes into the air. Howard laughs until one of the cakes lands on his head. Chas laughs until another cake lands on his head. Angelica and all the children laugh until the third cake lands on Angelica's head. The children all continue laughing, and Angelica throws bits of the cake at Belinda and Susie. She laughs with them, and as Chas and Howard eat the cakes on each other's heads, the camera moves down to the figure of Angelica on the cake. The screen fades to black, ending the episode.]

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