Mommy's Little Assets/Transcript

[''The episode begins with a view of what appears to be white water. The letters, S, O, and S float by, and what looks like a giant paddle appears and splashes the water. The splash is used as a transition to the next scene, revealing the letters to be alphabet cereal drenched in milk. Angelica scoops the letters, A and N onto Drew's tie, next to the letters, X, G and F.'']


 * Angelica: "A, N, X, G, F. Look, I spelled my name!"

[''Tommy is sitting in a high chair, wearing a bib. Charotte is at the counter, on her cell phone with Jonathan.'']


 * Charlotte: "How wonderful, dear! Finish your milk."

[As Charlotte talks to Jonathan, she operates the blender.]


 * Charlotte: "Now, Jonathan, I need the deal memo retyped by hand A.S.A.P.. Apparently, these people don't trust computers."

[The camera moves over to Angelica, who pours her milk onto Drew's tie.]


 * Charlotte: "Of course they'll sell, they have to sell!"


 * Drew: "Charlotte, have you seen my green paisley tie?"

[Drew pushes the door open and walks in, having found his tie on the table, covered in milk and cereal.]


 * Charlotte: "About that sort of thing, I've been waiting for this for days! Well, Yes, I... Well, I just let me have it! What? They call that a counter-offer? Let me tell you something,"

[''Drew wrings the milk and cereal off his tie, then puts it on his collar. As Angelica talks to him, he picks up his coffee mug on the counter.'']


 * Angelica: "Daddy, how come cousin Tommy is staying with us today?"


 * Drew: "Well, honey, your Grandpa's off fishing, and Uncle Stu and Aunt Didi are taking a little vacation."


 * Angelica: "How come?"


 * Drew: "Well, I guess sometimes grown-ups need to be by themselves for a while."


 * Angelica: "How come?"


 * Drew: "Because they don't always want children around when they're doing grown-up things."


 * Angelica: "How come?"


 * Drew: "Because... Well, I have no idea, sweetheart, it's a mystery."

[''Drew walks up to a newspaper, and picks it up. the headline, MONEY is on the front cover, and STOCKS are on the back.'']


 * Charlotte: "Kind of conservative, so, take down the Mapplethorpe and put up that hideous Norman Rockwell painting. Right, it's in the janitor's closet."


 * Angelica: "Watch me finish my milk!"


 * Charlotte: "Okay, Jonathan, I'll be in shortly."

[''Angelica pushes her glass of milk off the table, spilling it. Surprisingly, it doesn't shatter. Charlotte appears on the left side of the screen, and Drew appears on the right. Charlotte puts her cell phone in her briefcase.'']


 * Drew and Charlotte: "Honey, could you take care of that?"

[''The camera moves from the spill to Angelica, then to Tommy, who shrugs his shoulders at neither Drew nor Charlotte taking action to clean up the spill. Charlotte appears on the left side of the screen, and Drew on the right, as they both pick up their suitcases.'']


 * Drew and Charlotte: "Okay, I gotta run. Bye, honey, be good!"

[''Drew and Charlotte walk up to Angelica. They pat her on the head and kiss her, then walk towards the door and wave at Tommy.'']


 * Drew and Charlotte: "Bye-bye, Tommy!"

[''Drew and Charlotte walk out the door. Tommy and Angelica look at each other, as Drew and Charlotte walk back in and point at each other.'']


 * Drew and Charlotte: "I thought you..."


 * Charlotte: "Honey, you know I'm staging a takeover of Famous Ethel's cookie company!"


 * Drew: "Well, I'm bungee-jumping with the CEO of Cybersystems International! I can't take the kids up on the balloon with me, can I?"


 * Angelica: "I can take care of the baby, Mommy!"


 * Charlotte: "Of course you could, Sweetie, but Mommy and Daddy would feel better if you had a grown-up around."

[Charlotte turns to Drew.]


 * Charlotte: "Look, Drew. We're both successful executives, we can solve this. Let's brainstorm. What about Betty and Howard?"


 * Drew: "Nah, they took the twins to the big tractor pull."


 * Charlotte: "Hmmm. They spoil those kids! Chas?"


 * Drew: "He went to a therapist's convention!"


 * Charlotte: "Chas isn't a therapist!"


 * Drew: "I know, he's hoping to find one!"


 * Charlotte: "Well, don't we know any sitters?"


 * Drew: "Well, yeah, but for some reason, we have trouble getting anyone to come back a second time!

[Charlotte looks down at Angelica, who grins deviously.]


 * Charlotte: "All right, all right, all right, why don't I just take them to work with me?"


 * Drew: "Are you sure?"


 * Charlotte: "They're good kids. I'm an organized 90's mom. How hard could it be?"

[''The camera moves to Tommy and Angelica, the latter grinning deviously, and clenching her fists. The screen transitions to a view of the MERGE CORP logo at the top of the building, and the camera moves down to the parking garage as Charlotte drives her car into it. Charlotte parks her car and opens the door. She picks up Tommy, and Angelica climbs out.'']


 * Angelica: "Mommy, do I get to help you work?"

[As Charlotte talks to Angelica, she picks up her briefcase and hands it to Angelica.]


 * Charlotte: "Absolutely, darling. You can be Mommy's executive assistant. Here, why don't you carry my briefcase?"

[''Angelica grunts as she carries the briefcase, which is very heavy. She sets it down and it opens. As she drags it along, papers unfold from it.'']


 * Angelica: "Tommy can't help, because he's just a baby."

[Charlotte is now outside the elevator.]


 * Charlotte: "Jonathan, I'm in the garage. I'll be in the office in approximately... forty seconds. Did you take care of..."

[Before Charlotte can finish, she is interrupted by Angelica, who pulls on her skirt.]


 * Angelica: "Mommy, does everyone here have to do everything you say?"


 * Charlotte: "Yes, honey, I'm the boss."

[Angelica pulls on Charlotte's skirt.]


 * Angelica: "Could you tell them they have to wear gorilla suits to work?"


 * Charlotte: "I could. Yes, Jonathan, I'm still here."

[Angelica pulls on Charlotte's skirt.]


 * Angelica: "And make them wear their underwear on their heads?"


 * Charlotte: "Shh. Honey, Mommy has something important to discuss with Jonathan."


 * Angelica: "And could you tell them they have to walk backwards all day?"

[As Angelica talks, she walks backwards, and bumps into a blue BMW car, setting off its alarm.]


 * Car Alarm: "Stand back! You are too close to the vehicle!"


 * Angelica: "Hey, Mommy, neat! A talking car!"


 * Car Alarm: "An alarm will sound in five seconds!"


 * Charlotte: "That's nice, sweetie." [to Jonathan] "What? Not you, Jonathan, you know I wouldn't call one of my employees 'Sweetie', at least not since the Clarence Thomas hearings."


 * Car Alarm: "Four, three, two, one!"

[The car alarm honks rapidly.]


 * Angelica: "Cool!"

[As Charlotte talks to Jonathan, Tommy cries in fear.]


 * Charlotte: "I can't hear you, someone's car alarm just went off! It's a blue BMW on level two, Jonathan, have it towed!"

[''Charlotte goes into the elevator, carrying the crying Tommy in her arms. Angelica follows her.'']


 * Charlotte: "What a good boy. No more tears now."

[As the elevator doors closes, the car alarm sounds get blocked off by the doors, and Tommy stops crying.]


 * Charlotte: "That's right, all smiles."

[''Angelica looks up at Charlotte and grins deviously. She then presses all the elevator buttons, causing the elevator to stop at every floor. Charlotte looks up at the floor lights on the elevator.'']


 * Charlotte: "Fabulous!"

[''The elevator dings as it stops at every floor. The camera moves down to Angelica, then cuts to a view outside the building, moving slowly as the elevator stops at every floor. Inside the elevator, Charlotte stares impatiently. The screen then transitions to a view outside the building, and the camera moves slowly as the elevator stops at every floor. Inside the building, Jonathan is pacing nervously, until the elevator reaches the top floor. Jonathan, Charlotte, and Angelica all walk in.'']


 * Jonathan: "You said forty seconds! I thought you'd been abducted by ecoterrists again!"


 * Charlotte: "This is my nephew, Tommy!"

[Jonathan waves at Tommy, then gasps when he sees Angelica, who looks up at him, smiling.]


 * Jonathan: "You brought her?"


 * Angelica:" I told you I'd be back!"

[As Charlotte talks to Angelica, she carries Tommy towards her office door.]


 * Angelica: "Honey, could you give Mommy's briefcase to Jonathan?"

[''Angelica gasps and clamps her hand over her mouth, as she suddenly realizes she left Charlotte's briefcase in the elevator. The elevator doors begin to close, and Charlotte gasps.'']


 * Charlotte: "Stop that elevator!"

[Charlotte pushes Jonathan, who jumps into the elevator as the doors close, getting stuck between them.]


 * Jonathan: "Ooof!"


 * Charlotte: "It better not be scuffed!"

[''The screen transitions to a view inside Charlotte's office. On the table are a globe with various flags all over it, and charts that say, MARKET SHARES, MARKET DATE, COMPETITION SHARE, and BIGGER IS BETTER, MERGE CORP. Charlotte and Jonathan walk past the table.'']


 * Charlotte: "Is the presentation ready?"


 * Jonathan: "It took me fourteen cup of coffee and an all-nighter, but it's done!"

[Charlotte, Jonathan, and Angelica walk into a room, where a model of the town in its current condition is shown on a rotating table.]


 * Jonathan: "This is the model of the town in its current condition..."

[''Angelica stares in awe at the model of the town, believing it to be a toy. Jonathan pulls the lever, rotating the table to a model of the town as Famous Ethel's Cookie World Entertainment Park.'']


 * Jonathan: "And this, is the town after we transform it into Famous Ethel's Cookie World Entertainment Park, the cookiest place on earth!"


 * Charlotte: "Excellent work, Jonathan!"

[The camera moves to Angelica, who goes on the model.]


 * Angelica: "Mommy, can I play with the toy town?"

[As Charlotte talks to Angelica, she grabs her by the support of her dress and gets her off.]


 * Charlotte: "This isn't a toy, honey! It's a very expensive model that Mommy needs for work! Mommy will buy you your own toy town later!"

[Angelica glares angrily as Charlotte and Jonathan walk away.]


 * Angelica: "But I want it now!"

[''Jonathan opens a door that says, CHARLOTTE PICKLES PRESIDENT on it, and Charlotte walks in. Angelica runs past Jonathan, who gasps. Inside Charlotte's office, two fish are swimming in a tank with a decoration that resembles a dollar sign. Charlotte walks past the tank.'']


 * Charlotte: "Good morking, Vesko! Good morning, Bosky!"

[Angelica walks up to Charlotte.]


 * Angelica: "Mommy, can't we play with the toy town?"

[The camera moves over to Charlotte.]


 * Charlotte: "Now, darling, I told you, it's not a toy!"

[''Charlotte picks up a folder from her desk. She then sets Tommy down on the floor and sits down on her chair.'']


 * Charlotte: "Okay, Jonathan, let's run down the strategy for this morning's meeting."


 * Jonathan: "Now, the first order of business..."

[''Angelica pops up, knocking all the folders out of Charlotte's hands. Charlotte gasps.'']


 * Angelcia: "Mommy, when I grow up, can I have the same work as you?"


 * Jonathan: "Uh, as I was saying..."

[The camera moves down to Charlotte and Angelica.]


 * Charlotte: "Of course you can, sweetie."


 * Jonathan: "Okay, once again..."


 * Angelica: "Mommy, what do you do?"


 * Charlotte: "Let me put it this way. A corporation is like a big, hungry monster. My job is to find plenty of smaller, weaker monsters for it to eat."

[As Charlotte talks to Angelica, Tommy climbs up a statue and onto a bookshelf.]


 * Angelica: "Neat! Does this monster eat babies, too?"


 * Charlotte: "No, of course not!"

[Tommy picks up a silver trophy, then falls over onto a gold one.]


 * Tommy: "Aaaah!"

[''The gold trophy Tommy knocks over causes a chain reaction, which knocks a silver trophy onto the floor, shattering it. Angelica gets off Charlotte's lap, and Charlotte runs up to Tommy and picks him up. She then stares in shock when she sees Angelica climbing a statue of a woman carrying the Earth.'']


 * Charlotte: "Aaaah! Angelica, no!"

[Angelica knocks the statue over.]


 * Angelica: "Ugh!"

[''Angelica falls off the statue, which breaks open the fish tank, spilling the water onto the floor. Jonathan, Charlotte, and Tommy all gasp, the former two in fear, and the latter in amazement. Jonathan, who is now holding Tommy, runs up to the fish that have been washed onto the floor.'']


 * Charlotte: "Jonathan find somewhere to put the fish!"

[Charlotte pushes Jonathan away, then puts her hand on her head with her eyes closed.]


 * Charlotte: "Deep healing breath, deep healing breath!"

[''Angelica picks up the fish, one in each hand, and Jonathan holds out a pitcher of water, which she puts the fish in. She laughs nervously as she does this.'']


 * Charlotte: "Jonathan, don't we have some sort of employee daycare center?"


 * Jonathan: "Uh, actually, you nixed it."


 * Charlotte: "Well, I'm un-nixing it! How's a working mother supposed to get by around here?!"

[Charlotte walks up to her desk and picks up the folders.]


 * Jonathan: "Shall I reschedule your meeting with famous Ethel?"


 * Charlotte: "Of course not! I've been planning this little coup too long to put it off now! Angel, you'll be a good girl for Jonathan, won't you?"

[Charlotte walks away.]


 * Jonathan: "Me, but..."


 * Angelica: "Mommy, can't I come with you?"


 * Charlotte: "If you're a good girl, Mommy will let you come to work with Daddy tomorrow! Ciao, Jonathan!"

[''Charlotte closes the door. Angelica then looks up at Jonathan.'']


 * Angelica: "Jonathan, I would like a glass of water."

[Jonathan looks up at the fish in the pitcher.]


 * Jonathan: "Uh, sure, okay."

[Jonathan sets Tommy down near Angelica.]


 * Jonathan: "Now, you two just stay here."

[Jonathan walks away, and out the door.]


 * Angelica: "I thought he'd never leave!"


 * Tommy: "Angelica, what are we doing here? Shouldn't we be at the playground or something?"


 * Angelica: "Are you kidding? The toy town is better than any playground! Now, let's make like a tree and get out of here!"

[''Angelica walks towards the door, with her hand behind Tommy's back. They then walk out the door.'']


 * Tommy: "Are you sure this is okay?"


 * Angelica: "Course! My Mommy's the president! Come on!"

[''Angelica walks away, and Tommy follows her. jonathan walks in, carrying a plate with two glasses of orange juice, with orange slices on them.'']


 * Jonathan: "Angelica, did you want sparkling or... uh-oh!"

[''Jonathan sees that Tommy and Angelica are no longer in Charlotte's office. In the board room, Charlotte is at the table, talking with Ethel and Abe. As Ethel talks to Charlotte, Abe drinks coffee from a mug.'']


 * Ethel: "I gotta tell you, we just got a small little company. A big execitive like you proably don't have the time to coddle it like we do!"


 * Charlotte: "Let me assure you, my coddling credentials are flawless!"

[''Ethel and Abe look at each other. In the computer room, executives are typing on their computers while a man with a red marker is on the ladder, marking the lines on a chart that says, PROFIT. Tommy crawls behind a computer and picks up a piece of paper, which says, CONTRACT, $1,000,000, and places it in the shredder. Angelica rawls up to a computer, twhich has the rates for IBM, CBN, ABD, FDC, and LLJ. She types on the computer, and signs that say, '''SELL! SELL! SELL!''' appear onscreen. The excecutives grumble indistinctly and type on their computers upon seeing this, and the man with the red marker draws a line down. Back in the board room, Charlotte points at a chart with a red line that goes up.'']


 * Charlotte: "But fundamentally, I think our presentation speaks for itself, and deep down, I think you want your company to grow!"

[''Jonathan runs up to Charlotte and whispers indistincly in her ear. Charlotte gets up and pushes Jonathan.'']


 * Charlotte: "What?! If anything happens to them, I'll..."

[Ethel and Abe look at each other in concern.]


 * Charlotte: "Please excuse me a moment. Jonathan will show you around, while I see to a minor crisis. Jonathan, I was just telling them what a caring, personal company this is."

[''Charlotte runs away and shuts the door. Ethel and Abe look at Jonathan in confusion. Jonathan walks up to the fax machine and pulls out a piece of paper that says, MERGE CORP, "JUST THE FAX".'']


 * Jonathan: "Um, this is our fax machine. Our company letter is rather clever, it says, 'Just the Fax'. Heh heh heh."

[Ethel and Abe stare at Jonathan.]


 * Jonathan: "You know, like the, uh, TV show, Just the Facts, Ma'am. Heh heh."


 * Ethel:" We think television is evil."

[''Angelica and Tommy run into the room with the model of the town. Tommy gasps when he sees it.'']


 * Tommy: "There it is!"


 * Angelica: "Let's play!"

[''Tommy and Angelica giggle as they run up to the model. They climb onto it.'']


 * Angelica: "Now, I'll be the Amazing Gigantic Girl, and you be the townspeople."


 * Tommy: "What do I do?"


 * Angelica: "You run and scream while I try to stomp you!"

[''Tommy gasps. Angelica picks up two figures. One of a police officer, and another of a nurse.'']


 * Angelica: "Hello, Sheriff Bob. Nice night. Why, yes, it is a nice night, Nurse Nancy. Nice and quiet. A little too quiet. Wait a minute, what's that up there? Oh, no! It's the Amazing Gigantic Girl! Aaaah!"

[''Angelica tosses the figures aside. She then stomps on some of the houses.'']


 * Angelica: "Ha! Roar! Grrr!"


 * Tommy: "Aaaah! Aaaah!"

[Angelica scares Tommy, causing him to stumble back, fall off the table, and pull the lever that switches the sides of the model around.]


 * Angelica: "Aaaah!"

[''Tommy watches as the table spins the model with the two sides around. Angelica disappears behind the Cookie World side. Meanwhile, Charlotte runs down the hall, looking for Tommy and Angelica.'']


 * Charlotte: "Angelica? Tommy?"

[''Charlotte stops when she gets to the water cooler, which has the two fish in it. She gasps when she realizes where they might be.'']


 * Charlotte: "The Cookie World model, of course!"

[''Charlotte runs up the door to the room with the Cookie World model in it and pushes it open. Inside, she finds Tommy on the floor in front of the lever.'']


 * Charlotte: "There you are, Tommy!"

[Charlotte picks Tommy up.]


 * Charlotte: "Where's Angelica?"

[''Tommy pulls the lever, causing the table to spin the model around, revealing Angelica to be on the now-destroyed Cookie World side. Charlotte gasps when she sees this.'']


 * Charlotte: "Angelica!"


 * Angelica: "I tried to stop him, but he was out of control!"

[''Angelica points at Tommy. The camera moves over to the doorway, revealing Jonathan, Ethel, and Abe to be in it. They have seen everything.'']


 * Charlotte: "Angelica, didn't Mommy tell you this wasn't a toy?"


 * Angelica: "Um, I don't remember!"


 * Charlotte: "Not only did you wreck a very expensive model and ruin an important business deal, but you disobeyed me, and set a bad example for your cousin! Now, if you were the boss and one of your employees behaved like this, what would you do?"

[''Angelica stares sadly and sniffles. Tears roll down her eyes.'']


 * Angelica: "Are you gonna fire me, Mommy?"


 * Charlotte: "No, of course not, Angel."

[Charlotte picks up Angelica and sets her down.]


 * Charlotte: "You're my baby girl, and nothing can change that, but from now on, when you want something and I say no, what are you going to do?"


 * Angelica: "Ask Daddy?"


 * Charlotte: "No, honey, you're gonna be a good girl and do as you're told, okay?"

[''Charlotte pats Angelica's head. Angelica wipes the tears from her eyes and nods, "Yes".'']


 * Ethel: "Well, it looks like we picked a bad time for business."

[Charlotte stares in shock upon hearing this.]


 * Ethel: "Why don't we get back to you folks with our decision?"

[Abe backs towards the door as Ethel walks towards the doorway.]


 * Jonathan: "But the presentation..."


 * Ethel: I think we've seen enough."

[''Ethel and Abe walk away. Jonathan then runs up to Charlotte.'']


 * Jonathan: "So, do you think they're going to accept your bid?"


 * Charlotte: "No, Jonathan, I don't think they're going to accept my bid. And one more thing, Jonathan; call security and have them escort you off the premises."

[Angelica stares up in shock.]


 * Jonathan: "I don't understand, what do you mean?"


 * Charlotte: "You're fired!"


 * Jonathan: "Oh, well, that's pretty clear."

[''Jonathan runs away. The screen transitions to a view above Angelica's house later that day, as Drew parks his car into the garage. Inside Angelica's house, Angelica teaches Tommy to fetch.'']


 * Angelica: "Spike knows how to fetch, and you can learn, too! Now, fetch!"

[''Angelica reveals a cookie behind her back, and tosses it aside. As tommy walks up to the cookie, Drew opens the door. Angelica walks up to him.'']


 * Angelica: "Daddy!"

[Drew kisses Angelica on the forehead.]


 * Drew: "Hello, Princess! Where's your Mommy?"


 * Angelica: "In the shower. She said she has to wash away the stench of failure!"


 * Drew: "Uh-oh."

[Charlotte, who is now in a green shirt, jacket, and pants, walks down the stairs.]


 * Drew: "Bad day, dear?"


 * Charlotte: "A living nightmare!"

[''The doorbell rings. Charlotte opens the front door, revealing Jonathan to be behind it.'']


 * Charlotte: "Jonathan, what are you doing here?"


 * Jonathan: "I'm sorry to bother you, but Famous Ethel called me and insisted that I bring her by!"

[Jonathan runs in, and Ethel and Abe follow behind.]


 * Charlotte: "Look, Ethel, I'm sorry about the way things went today."


 * Ethel: "Sorry, I gotta tell you, Abe and I were so impressed with your maternal instincts, we decided to sell to your company!"


 * Charlotte: "But, how..."


 * Ethel: "Now, why don't you and your husband come out and celebrate with us?"

[Drew stares in shock, then smiles in approval.]


 * Charlotte: "I'll get my coat! By the way, Jonathan, you're not fired."

[Charlotte walks away.]


 * Jonathan: "I'm not?"

[Charlotte walks back.]


 * Charlotte: "No, in fact, I've decided to give you a promotion."


 * Jonathan: "A promotion? Vice-president?"


 * Charlotte: "No, you're going to be the supervisor of our new company daycare center!"


 * Jonathan: "You're kidding."

[Charlotte walks up to the front door, which Drew is holding open.]


 * Charlotte: "And you can start by looking after the kids while Drew and I go out tonight."

[''Charlotte closes the front door. Angelica and Tommy grab Jonathan's hands.'']


 * Angelica: "Boy, Jonathan, are we gonna have fun!"

[''Suspenseful music plays as Angelica gives a devious toothy grin. The screen irises out on her, ending the episode.'']