The Word of The Day/Transcript

(Opening title pops on screen. After a few seconds, the title vanishes and screen cuts to black)

(We see a familiar shape coming from the left until it fill the entire screen)

Angelica: Move your big bald head, you dumb baby!

(The camera zooms out from the moon until it reveals Tommy's head in front of the TV.)

Tommy: Oh, sorry, Angelica. (Miss Carol's Happy House show starts on the TV. Angelica runs up to the TV and stares at it) Angelica?

Angelica: Shhh! Miss Carol's on. You know she's my favoritest TV person and my biggest fan. I'm mean, oh, you know. Shhhh!

Miss Car: Good morning, children. We have a terrific, fun-filled show for you today. But first, are you ready to hear Miss Carol's super duper fun phrase?

Children: Yeah!!

Miss Carol: Okay, let's ask Shannon, our Happy Helper. (to Shannon) What does Miss Carol think of her kids?

Shannon: (while Angelica copies her) She thinks they're all Fun-a-riffic.

(The Audience cheers in amazement.)

Miss Carol: That's right! Now, Monday starts a brand new month, and you know what that means: a brand new Fun Phrase. And...

Shannon (sighs sadly) A new happy helper.

Miss Carol: And we'll all miss you. (a man comes in with a train full of cards before dancing away) But right now, it's time to reach into our big barrel of postcards and see which of our loyal happy house viewers to get a chance to audition to be a new happy helper. Ready to pick them, Shannon?

Shannon: I guess so... (she opens the door and picks one postcard)

Miss Carol: Kim Koleman... (Shannon hands Miss Carol another one) ...Samantha Lipton...

Tommy: Angelica, what's a audition?

Angelica: Audition is when they decide to add me to the show. Now be quiet!

Miss Carol: ...and Angelica Pickles.

(Angelica screams in joy and runs to find Charlotte as Tommy falls backwards)

(Later at the KSBG Television Studio...)

(Angelica is sitting on stage with Stephanie)

Stephanie: Okay, Angelica, are you ready?

Angelica: Mm-hmm.

Stephanie: All Right. First of all, a happy helper has to be familiar with our show.

Angelica: Oh. I watch the show every day.

Stephanie: Well, that's good. Do you think you could  lead the Happy House marching band?

Angelica: Just's watch. (Angelica does some marching with some marching noises)

Stephanie: Ohh, very nice. That's enough. Okay, Angelica. Now, how about the Happy House Weather Watch?

Angelica: Ohh. I love this part!

Stephanie: Okay, Angelica, make it rain at the Happy House!

(Angelica picks up a shape of a frowning rain cloud and puts it above the house)

Angelica: Ta-dah! Rainy Randy!

Stephanie: That's excellent! And finally, the Fun Phrase. What does Miss Carol think of her kids?

Angelica: She thinks they're all FUN-A-Riffic! (Stephanie falls backwards in surprise. Charlotte beams with joy.)

Stephanie: Well, that's all. You did a great job. Be sure to watch the show tomorrow to see if you're one of our finalists.

Angelica: Thank you. (She runs up to Charlotte to get a hug) Wasn't I great, Mommy? I was a bestest kid in the whole a-dition.

Charlotte: Of course you were, sweetheart! Mommy is very proud! (They hug each over, until the phone rings Charlotte answers) Jonathan? Yes, good. Make a note of that.

(Charlotte's voice fades as Angelica sees Miss Carol going into her studio room. Angelica goes to her room, where Miss Carol struggles to get her hat off. With her top of her hair shaped like her hat, she shakes her hair back to normal. Stephanie enters...)

Miss Carol: (groans) Aren't you done picking that new happy kid thing yet? (Angelica peeks behind the door) Look, I've got more important things for you to do, all right? You have to make an appointment for my facial, fire my hairdresser, and cancel that meeting with my fan club!

Angelica: She's so wonderful!

Stephanie: Sorry, Miss Carol. I promise, I'll get the auditions done right away. But, the writers have come up with a new Fun Phrase.

Miss Carol: (sighs disapprovingly) Yeah, thrill me.

Stephanie: Now, when you ask "What Does Miss Carol think of her kids?",  they'll respond: "She thinks they're all Swell-O-Matic!"

(Miss Carol puts her feet together to block her view of Stephanie.)

Miss Carol: Aw, you call that that Fun Phrase? I'll tell you the real Fun Phrase. She thinks they're ALL LITTLE--

(The last word is censored by a passing utility van's horn. Angelica is thrilled when she hears that)

Angelica: Wow! If that's the new Fun Phrase, then I'm the onliest kid who knows it. Oooh, Miss Carol will be really happy when she hears me say it.

(She runs from the door into the screen, with her arm covering it.)

(Later at Angelica's house, Tommy, Chuckie, Phil and Lil are in the playpen while Didi, Charlotte and Angelica watch Miss Carol's Happy House)

Miss Carol: And our third and last finalist will be, Angelica Pickles.

(Angelica gasps in delight and smiles)

Charlotte: (hugs her) Oh, honey, I knew you were going to be a star!

Miss Carol: Now remember, all of our finalists will appear on the show tomorrow and will introduce the new Fun Phrase. See you then!

(Angelica turns off the TV in joy)

Angelica: Oh mommy, I'll need shiny shoes, and my prettiest dress, and you have to do my hair up real pretty, and make sure it-

Charlotte: Don't worry, sweetie. I'm sure Miss Carol will think you're Fun-a-Riffic. (To Didi) They call that the Fun Phrase.

Angelica: No, mommy, the real Fun Phrase is: She thinks we're all little-

(Cut outside the house when the last word gets censored by a truck blaring its horn followed by Charlotte's terrified scream)

(We cut back inside the house where we see Charlotte has fainted with Didi fanning her with some papers)

Angelica: Oh, Mommy, I knew you'd be a-cited for me. Oh, I gotta go tell Cynthia. (runs off) Cynthia!

Charlotte: (terrified) What should I'll do? Should I wash her mouth out with soap? Is that toxic? Should I use toothpaste?

Didi: Now, Charlotte, I know that was a little... shocking. But, but let's not overreact. Perhaps we need some professional advice. It's my new Lipschitz Electronic Pocket Reference. Isn't technology great? First I just type in the bad word... (looks disgusted when she types it) ...and voila! Here's the answer. (German accent) "Ven ze child is bad vord saying, you simple sit ze child down and calmly tell ze child zat ze vord is unacceptable". You see? It's zat--I mean, that easy.

(Next shot shows the babies in their pen looking confused)

Chuckie: I don't get it. How can a word be bad?

Tommy: I guess a bad word is a word that people don't wanna hear.

Phil: Oh! Then I know a really bad word: Bath!

(Later at Angelica's house, her parents have a serious talk with her)

Drew: So, sweetheart, since your Fun Phrase has a bad word in it, it would make mommy and me happy if you just didn't say it anymore.

Angelica: Well, which word is the bad one, Daddy?

Drew: (nervously) Well, it's--I mean it's the w-- Look, maybe it would just be better if you didn't say ANY of those words anymore, Angelica.

Angelica: Is it "We're"?

Drew: Angelica!

Angelica: Is it "All"?

Charlotte: Angelica, you are not to say that word again!

Angelica: Is it "Little"?

Drew: (even angrier) Angelica! If you say that word one more time, we are not going to take you be at Miss Carol's show!

Angelica: (gasps) Oh, you mean it's--

(A shot of a man with his noisy jackhammer is seen drilling the road outside her house, drowning out the word followed by Charlotte's terrified scream)

(We cut to Angelica crying in her room at night)

Angelica: And now I can't be on the show--and I don't even know what that word means!

(Angelica continues crying clutching Cynthia as the camera zooms in on a poster of Miss Carol)

(Cut to the kitchen, Angelica walks in with a remorseful look to her parents)

Angelica: Mommy, Daddy, I'm sorry I said the bad word when you told me not to. And I promise if you let me be on Miss Carol's Happy House, I'll never ever say it again.

Drew: (smiles) Oh, all right. (looks at his watch) If we leave right now, Charlotte, we can still get there on time.

Angelica: Oh, thank you, Mommy! Thank you, Daddy! I'll go get ready!

Charlotte: (smiles) And I'll call everyone!

(Cut to Miss Carol's Happy House, Stephanie is with two kids named Timmy and Kim)

Stephanie: So, when Miss Carol says "What does Miss Carol think of her kids?", what do you say?

Timmy and Kim: She thinks we're all Swell-O-Matic!

Stephanie: Very good! You're going to do just fine. (sighs) Where is that Pickles girl? (Angelica and her parents run in just in time) Oh, Angelica, you made it. Perfect. Mr. and Mrs. Pickles, you can take your seats in the audience. (Stephanie takes Angelica on stage with Timmy and Kim, Angelica gasps seeing her parents wave at her) And we're live in 5, 4, 3, 2...

(The On Air sign flashes with music beginning the show)

Miss Carol: Good morning, children!

(Cut to Stu, Grandpa Lou, and Didi watching on the TV)

Kids: Good morning, Miss Carol!

Miss Carol: Today's that special day here at my Happy House when we pick my new Happy Helper. (Timmy briefly picks his nose) This month, we're going to decide who gets to be the new Happy Helper by seeing who's best at saying our new Fun Phrase. (the kids cheer) Timmy, you'll be the first to say it live in front of millions of viewers! (the camera closes up to Timmy, and he gives a nervous look) What does Miss Carol think of her kids?

Timmy: (in a state of shock, stammers) Hubba... hubba... hubba-hubba...

(Timmy continues until he is paralyzed, annoying Miss Carol)

Miss Carol: (goes back to smiling) Okay, well, thanks for coming in, Timmy. (goes to Kim, whom smiles happily) All right, Kim, why don't you try? What does Miss Carol think of her kids?

Kim: Um, um... (runs off crying) I WANT MY MOMMY!!!!!

Miss Carol: Okay, Angelica, I'm relying on you. Tell everyone the new Fun Phrase. What does Miss Carol think of her kids?

Angelica: (nervously) She thinks, um, we're all little... uh...

(She mumbles as her parents panic making "don't say it" gestures)

Miss Carol: (losing her patience) Okay, Angelica! If you love Miss Carol at all, you will tell us right now, (shouting): WHAT DOES MISS CAROL THINK OF HER KIDS?!!

Angelica: (inhales triumphantly) SHE THINKS WE'RE ALL LITTLE---

(Her last word gets censored by Charlotte's horrified scream)

Drew: (covers his eyes in shock) OH, NO!

(Cut to Tommy's house, Stu covers his ears, Didi dividend gasps and covers her eyes, and Grandpa Lou covers his mouth)

(Cut back to Miss Carol's Happy House)

Miss Carol: That's it! Get her out! Get her out of here!

Angelica: (yelling) But that's what you said! But you said it, Miss Carol!

Miss Carol: (loses it) You're right! You're right, you know that? You're right! (throws down her microphone) I have said it before and I will say it again! (laughs deviously) YOU ARE ALL LITTLE--

(Her last word gets censored by a long beep from a color bar test pattern shown on the control room screen, the two camera crew members are stunned before looking at each other)

(Cut back to the stage, Stephanie and the producer are stunned as well)

Angelica: See?! See?! She did say it!

(Cut to Angelica's house, Angelica watches TV, Miss Carol has apparently been dismissed and has been replaced by Stephanie, who hosts with Timmy, still paralyzed with stage fright)

Stephanie: (happily) Whoo! I had a lot of fun today, and I hope you did, too. I'd like to thank my new Happy Helper, Timmy, for a fun, fun, fun time here on Miss Stephanie's Happy House!

(Angelica, who is disappointed for what she did, shuts off the TV, the babies walk up to her)

Tommy: Well, Angelica, we just wanted to let you know that we're sorry your mommy and daddy wouldn't let you be a TV star.

Lil: Yeah, all on the count of that word.

Phil: What's that word mean anyway?

Angelica: (sadly sniffles) All my daddy would tell me is that it makes some peoples feel bad--and I'm not a-posed to say it. So just leave me alone, you dumb babies!

Chuckie: Um, Angelica, you know, uh, when you call us dumb, it makes us feel bad.

Tommy: So, uh, maybe 'dumb' is a bad word, too.

Angelica: All right, all right. I won't call you dumb babies... (smiles to the screen) ...much.