Little Dude/Transcript

[The episode starts with Lou playing golf with Tommy.]

Lou: Hmm...

[Lou is staring at the golf ball.]

Lou: Pickles needs this 10-foot puck for a birdie in the championship.

[Didi is looking for Tommy.]

Didi: Pop?!

[Lou hits the golf ball and it crashes into something offscreen.]

Lou: Fiddlesticks.

[Didi is in the kitchen putting things in the diaper bag.]

Didi: Pop? Pop, have you seen Tommy?

Lou: Tommy who?

''[The golf ball rolls past Spike. The golf ball goes into a cup. Tommy is cooing and giggling. Tommy claps his hands. Tommy throws the golf ball to Lou.]''

Lou: That a boy, Tommy. Good arm.

''[Tommy claps his hands. Didi finds Tommy.]''

Didi: There you are.

Lou: Hey! Where are you going with my caddy?

Didi: You don't have to babysit today, Pop. I'm taking Tommy to school.

Lou: School? The little fella is only one year old.

Didi: It's just for a visit, Pop. I'm teaching the kids how to diaper babies so I'd bring Tommy in as a...a learning aid.

Lou: You mean an experiment. He's nothing but a monkey to you people.

Didi: Say good-bye to Grandpa, Tommy.

[Tommy waves bye to Lou.]

Lou: So, who's going to caddy for me?

Didi: Maybe Spike wants the job.

[Didi and Tommy leave.]

Lou: Spike, fetch.

[Lou hits the ball to Spike, who just flops over and sleeps.]

Lou: Oh, fiddlesticks.

''[At the high school, as funky music plays, students rush to their classes as the bell rings. In DidI's home economics class, once the students are all seated, Didi holds up Tommy.]''

Didi: This is a baby!

All: Ah...

Didi: His name is Tommy, and he's one year old. Are there any questions before we move on?

[Steve raises his hand.]

Steve: I got a question. What's that smell?

[Didi sniffs Tommy's diaper.]

Didi: Oh, um, I'm glad you asked that question, Steve. Our next topic is: how to change a dirty diaper.

All: Eww!

Didi: Any volunteers?

Students: Uh-huh! Oh, wow, man!

[No one volunteers.]

Didi: How about extra credit?

[Several students volunteer to come up but none have the courage to change Tommy.]

-Uh...eww

-Eww!

Steve: Whoa! I dare you to stick your face in it. That is one bodacious load!

[Then enters Ramon, a cool teenage boy with a biker-esque appearance.]

Ramon: He's mine.

-It's Rocko!

Boy #1: Oh, man.

Boy #2: I thought he got...

Didi: Is there something you'd like to share with the class, Ramon?

[Without saying a word, he removes Tommy's dirty diaper, rolls it up, and tosses it over his shoulder where the other the other students hastily toss it to one another.]

-Yeck!

-Eww!

-Gross!

[Steve throws it into a trash can.]

Steve: Yech!

''[Ramon then wipes, powders, and tapes a fresh diaper onto Tommy's bottom. After this Tommy grabs Ramon's sunglasses much to the shock of the class.]''

Ramon: Very cool.

-Whew.

Ramon: (takes a comb and "knights" Tommy) I dub thee... Little Dude.

[The bell rings, signaling it's time to change classes.]

Didi: Thank you, class--and thank you, Ramon.

Ramon: Don't mention it, Mrs. P. I got a brother his age, so I'm used to it. See you around campus, kid. [leaves the classroom]

[Shortly after, three of Didi's female students, including one in a red dress with dirty blonde hair named Kirsten, one in a purple dress with black hair named Pamela, and one with green pants and a BH sweater with brown hair named Stephanie, come up to Didi and Tommy...]

Kirsten: Mrs. Pickles, can we play with Tommy for a while?

Pamela: We'll be careful, we promise.

Kirsten: Please, Mrs. Pickles.

Didi: Well...

Pamela: Can we? Say yes?

Didi: Okay. I need to take a lunch break anyway, Bring him to me at the faculty lounge if he gets fussy. (to Tommy) You be a good boy, sweetie. (kisses) Mmm-wah!

[The girls wander around campus gossiping with Tommy.]

Kirsten: So I told him, "like forget it. You know what I mean, get real for once. I'm a human being too, you know".

[The girls notice the football player they were gossiping about.]

Kirsten: Oh, my gosh. There he is--number 12!

[Number 12 walks up to the girls.]

Number 12: Who's the kid? Your new boyfriend?

Kirsten: You are so immature.

[Kirsten puts Tommy on a truck behind them.]

Number 12: Hey, Kirsten you going to come watch me practice tonight?

Kirsten: Why should I?

[The truck drives away.]

Number 12: You won't be watching your little boyfriend. Will ya?

[The girls turn around.]

Kirsten, Pamela and Stephanie: Oh, my gosh!

''[The truck stops elsewhere on campus giving Tommy the chance to get off. Back with the girls.]''

Kirsten: Okay. We'd better split up. Pamela, you take the gym. Stephanie, the library. He can't get very far. I mean he doesn't even know how to walk yet. Does he?

''[Just as they are splitting up Tommy crawls behind them and waves goodbye. At the gym there is a student practicing basketball. Pam walks by looking for Tommy. Tommy walks into the gym looking at the kid playing basketball, who is constantly missing. Tommy exits the gym, dropping a banana peel in the process.''

-Ugh!

''[As the basketball player is preparing for his next shot he slips on the banana peel, falls and crashes offscreen, but manages to actually make a basket in the process! In the library we see Tommy walking on one of the bookshelves. He accidentally steps onto someone's pile of books, but quickly jumps back to the shelf.]''

Tommy: Whoa...whoa, ho, ho...

[But the student with the book slips, knocking down several shelves in a domino effect and almost hitting the librarian.]

Librarian: Whoa...

[Tommy then finds his way to the auto shop class where Ramon ls practicing car repair using a welding torch.]

Ramon: Did the lunch bell ring a minute ago?

Auto Shop Teacher: 20 minutes ago, Rocko. Take a break would ya?

''[As Ramon is leaving he drops his comb and Tommy picks it up. He is about to return it to Ramon but he throws a towel on to Tommy without noticing him. The girls are then seen meeting up again after failing to find Tommy.]''

Pamela: Do you think this will affect our grade?

Kirsten: Pamela, don't panic. Think like a baby. Now, if you were a baby, where would you go?

''[Stephanie crawls around on the floor to get into character while her friends give her an annoyed look. Inside the cafeteria.]''

-Hey...

''[Tommy is under one of the tables eating a cup of pudding. He reaches up to the table for another cup when he accidentally hits a spoon, sending a glob of pudding flying. He accidentally hits the same football player from earlier ("Number 12"). "Number 12" is angry.]''

Number 12: I just had this...WASHED! Who's the wise guy?

''["Number 12" sees Ramon eating pudding. He responds by throwing mashed potatoes at Ramon. Silently, furiously, Ramon and "Number 12" take turns smearing each other with food until "Number 12" hurls a pudding cup at Ramon, who ducks in time...]''

Larry: FOOD FIGHT!

''[The pudding cup hits Larry on the side of his head, and then everyone in the cafeteria but Ramon and "Number 12" engages in a massive food fight. The two simply glare at each other. Under one of the tables, Tommy fingers some of the splattered food, until "Number 12," notices and grabs him from under the table.]''

Number 12: You again?!

Ramon: Hold it!

[Ramon points at them as the food fight comes to a sudden halt, takes Tommy from the football player.]

Ramon: I'll take that.

[Ramon leaves the cafeteria with Tommy and turns to face all the other students...]

Ramon: Okay.

[Everyone resumes the food fight as Ramon and Tommy exit the cafeteria).]

[The girls run up to Ramon and Tommy.]

Kirsten: Tommy? I'm so glad you found him!

Pamela: Is he all right?

[Tommy has retaken Ramon's sunglasses.]

Ramon: Naturally. He's the little dude.

''[Kirsten takes Tommy from Ramon, and he got his sunglasses back. Ramon and Kirsten look into each other's eyes and see stars, falling for one another. Didi then finds them all.]''

Didi: Oh, there you are. I've been looking all over for you. Was he any trouble?

Kirsten: Let's put it this way, Mrs. Pickles: we have a much better idea of what it's like to have children.

Pamela: Totally.

Didi: That's nice.

Ramon: See you around, gang...especially you, little dude.

[Later in the evening, Didi and Tommy are at home, and Tommy is eating dinner.]

Lou: How'd everything go today?

Didi: It was very educational, wasn't it, Tommy?

Lou: So, what did you learn in school today, scout?

[Tommy responds by throwing mashed potatoes at Lou who laughs.]

Lou: I'm telling you--that kid's got an arm on him. Oh, what an arm. What an arm.

[End of Episode]