The Trial/Transcript

(Opens with Tommy's lamp "Mr Fluffles" shining and spinning around a room. After a couple of spins, it begins to fall. Then we cut to the kitchen where Didi is with Betty and Tommy is being fed.)

Didi: Open up, Tommy. (A loud crash is heard and Didi grabs Tommy and runs with Betty to where they find the broken lamp.) Oh, Betty, that was Mr. Fluffles, Tommy's favorite lamp.

Tommy: WAAAAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Didi: There, there sweetie.

(Betty picks up Chuckie, Phil and Lil and places them in the playpen, while Tommy continues his usual bawling, then Angelica enters dragging a blanket.)

Angelica: [sounding tired] What happened? I was taking my nap and I heard a loud sound.

Didi: Oh, honey, one of the babies broke the lamp Uncle Stu made for Tommy.

Angelica: Awww, Mr. Fluffle-uffles?

Didi: I'm afraid so, honey.

Betty : [helping clean up the mess] You know, I saw a lamp just like that one at "Baby World" last week; let's call 'em and see if they still got any.

Didi: [vacuums up the pieces] Great idea, Betty.

(The parents leave the room.)

Tommy: I loved my clown lamp like a brother, and now he's gone. Why my lamp? Why? He never hurt anybody. He just shined his light on stuff and smiled.

Angelica: Aw, quit bellyaching. Forget about your dumb old clown lamp; your mom's in the other room buying you a new one anyway.

Tommy: I don't want a new one! I want my old one!

Chuckie: Tommy, it's goned.

Tommy: Then I want to know who did it. [pointing] Which one of you broke my lamp?

Angelica: Well, Tommy, there's one way to find out. We could have a trial.

Tommy: What's a trial?

Angelica: Here I'll show ya... [Setting up a mock court room] Tommy you sit in this chair; since it was your clown lamp, you get to be the judge.

Phil & Lil: The Fudge?

Angelica: NO! JUDGE! Can't you babies talk right? [gives Tommy his toy hammer] And here's your gravel. Just hit it on the table and say "Order, Order!"

Tommy: Order, Order!

Angelica: NOT YET! [picking up some toys] See these teddy bears ? They're the jerky.

Phil & Lil: The Jury ?

Angelica: Not the Jury; the Jerky! At the end of the trail the jerky guys whisper to each other, then one of the story-tellers goes to jail. Now since I'm the smartest person here, I'm gonna be the persecutor.

Phil: Why can't we be the persecutor ?

Angelica: Watch it or I'll make you the jerky!

(The trial now begins.)

Angelica: For my first witless I call....PHIL and LIL!

Phil & Lil: [Gulp] Us?

Angelica: Just stand up.... O.K. now raise your hands. Do you swear to tell Ruth all Ruth and nothing but Ruth so help you Bob? [Phil & Lil look at each other confused] Just say you do.

Phil & Lil: You do.

Angelica: Now say your names.

Phil: But Angelica you know our names.

Angelica: Say them for the jerky!

Phil: Phil.

Lil: Lil.

Angelica: Where were you on the night of June six?

Phil & Lil: Huh?

Angelica: Just answer the question, Yes or No ?

Phil: Yes.

Lil: No.

Angelica: Ah-ha! So you DID break Tommy's lamp!

Phil: No.

Lil: Honest.

Phil: We would never break Tommy's lamp.

Angelica: Ah ha ha ha! A likely story.

Phil: But we didn't do it.

Angelica: Then why don't you tell us, in your "own words", just what happened?

Phil: We were playing "you're it".

(Scene moves to a flashback as Phil and Lil describe what happened.)

Lil: Phil was it.

Phil: Naw. Lil was it.

Lil: Nuh-Ah. Phil was it.

Phil: You were it, Lillian.

Lil: No, you were it, Philip.

Phil: You!

Lil: You!

Phil: You!

Lil: You!

(Flashback ends as Tommy interrupts)

Tommy: Order, Order! Maybe you guys should talk about the clown lamp instead of who was it.

Phil: Sorry.

Lil: Yeah, Sorry.

Flashback resumes.

Phil: Anyway, we ran over to the lamp and started playing Ring Around the Rosie.

Lil: We went round and round.

Phil: And round.

Lil: And then we let go.

Phil: We ran and we ran.

Lil: And we ran some more.

Phil:  'Til suddenly we heard it. [The lamp crashes].

Flashback ends.

Lil: And that's all we saw.

Angelica: A very good story, but it isn't the whole story, IS IT!?

Phil: What do you mean?

Angelica: You know EXACTLY what I mean don't you, Phil?

Phil: Well......

Angelica: Isn't there another story you'd like to tell us Lil?

Lil: Ummm..

Angelica: Like what really happened.... [Flashback of Angelica's story begins] You did start by playing a nice game of "ring round the rosie", but soon the game stopped being so nice. Faster and faster you spin and even faster until you really got dizzy and then you let go, but when you did something you didn't expect happened. YOU KNOCKED THE LAMP!!! So you ran away, and you didn't stop running until you heard a crash. [ Flashback ends  ]. And that's how YOU broke the lamp!

Phil: Nooooo!

Lil: We did knock the lamp when we ran by, but, but we didn't break it!

Phil: Honest!

Angelica: No, maybe you didn't, and besides, there was someone else in the room when the lamp broke wasn't there?

Phil & Lil: Who?

Angelica: Yes who? Who could have knocked over the lamp and then left you to get in trouble....could it have been CHUCKIE?!

Chuckie: NO, NO !

Angelica: That's the poopeatrator, I call Chuckie to the stand......Do you swear to tell Ruth and all that stuff?

Chuckie: Do I have ta?

Angelica: You can tell he did it.

Chuckie: I didn't break it! [Tommy hits his gavel ] Huh?

Tommy: Just tell your story, Chuckie.

Chuckie: I was just watching Phil and Lil play when it happened. [Flashback of Chuckie's story starts] They were playing "ring round the rosie" and it looked kinda dangerous so I just sat on the floor and watched 'em. Then they ran away, that's when I knew I was all alone. Then I heard a noise from behind me, I turned around and there it was....a MONSTER! I ran and ran and ran and ran, but I could here it thumping right behind me so I hid under the couch. (Flashback ends)

Angelica: But that isn't really the whole story, is it, Chuckie?

Chuckie: W-wwhat do you mean?

Angelica: When you were sitting there watching Phil and Lil play, you started thinking about... bad ideas, didn't you, Chuckie?

Chuckie: I don't know what you're talking about.

Angelica: I think you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about Chuckie! That lamp! You wanted to push it more much more, didn't you Chuckie?

Chuckie: NO!

Angelica: Yes! You wanted to push it till it fell over! You wanted to break the clown lamp!

Chuckie: [Cracks under pressure] It's true! It's true! I wanted to break that lamp! I wanted to break it 'cause it was scary! I'm bad, Tommy, real bad!

Angelica: Ladies and Gentlemen of the jerky, Chuckie broke the lamp.

Chuckie: NO! I thought about breaking the lamp; I even wanted to, but I didn't do it.

Angelica: LIAR!

Tommy: Order, order! If Chuckie says he didn't broke the lamp, then he didn't broke the lamp.

Chuckie: But Tommy, if I didn't do it, who did?

Tommy: Well, we don't know who broke the lamp, but we do know who did not broke the lamp. Phil and Lil could not broke the lamp on account of they were playing on the other side of the room. You couldn't have done it 'cause your head was hiding under a pillow. Angelica couldn't have broke the lamp 'cause she was taking her afternoon nap, and I couldn't have broke it 'cause I was..... HEY! Wait a minute! Angelica, didn't you already take a nap this morning before you came over?

Angelica: Umm, I took two naps today.

Phil: But Angelica, if you were taking a nap, how did ya know how fast we "ring around the rosied"?

Angelica: Well....

Lil: And how did you know we hit the lamp when we ran away?

Angelica: Umm......

Chuckie: And, and how did you know all the other stuff you knowed?

Angelica: I, I...

Tommy: Angelica did it? You mean you broke my lamp?

Angelica: Oh brother! Do I have to tell you babies everything? All right, I admit it; I'm the one who broke the lamp and I don't care! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

Tommy: But why Angelica? Why did you do such a bad thing?

Angelica: Why? I'll tell you why. [flashback begins] It all started in the hallway, I was looking for a crayon so I could draw on the wall, and blame it on you Tommy, ha ha ha. And then I saw him, Chuckie sitting there by the closet watching Phil and Lil play some stupid little game, the kind of game babies play but don't invite the bigger better kids to play which really makes me mad. So, I found your Halloween mask lying on the ground, Tommy. I picked it up and put it on and then I attackled him. Chuckie yelled like a fraidy-cat and ran away. That's when I saw it, that stupid clown lamp with its stupid face, and its goofy nose, and that STUPID smile. I wanted to make sure he never smiled again. [she knocks the lamp over on purpose; the flashback ends on the lamp shattering] That's right, I did it, and I'd break it again if I had the chance! But you know what? There's nothing you babies can do about it 'cause you can't talk, ha ha ha! I did it! I did it! I DID IT!

Didi: ANGELICA! [Angelica turns to see Didi and Betty glaring sternly at her]

Angelica: Oops. I didn't do it! I didn't do it!

Betty: We heard the whole thing, Angelica.

Didi: So YOU broke the lamp, young lady! [Picks up Angelica, and carries her into the kitchen] Well, you can just sit in the kitchen with us until your father gets back.

Phil: What do you think they'll do to her?

Lil: Do you think she'll go to jail?

Tommy: I don't know.

Angelica: [screaming from the kitchen] No! Not the chair! NOT THE CHAIR! [Angelica is strapped into a high chair] Hmph.

Chuckie: Does this mean the persecutor did it?

Tommy: Yep, I guess the persecutor's the poopatrator this time.

(Episode ends with the spirit of Mr. Fluffles overlooking the room)