Cuffed/Transcript

[In Drew and Charlotte's kitchen, Drew is wrapping presents.]

Angelica: [gasps excitedly] Daddy, can I have the handcuff set?

Drew: Sorry, sweetheart, but these gifts aren't for you; they're for all the poor unfortunate children at the orphanage.

Angelica: I don't need all the toys; I just want the handcuffs.

Drew: Sorry, Angelica.

Angelica: [pleading] But, Daddy, those kids won't miss one present; they're orphans. They're not used to getting presents. You don't want to spoil them, do you?

Drew: Honey, when it's your birthday, you can have all the presents you want.

Angelica: [emotionally hurt] Ohhh.

[Drew walks out, Angelica follows.]

Drew: Oh, Angelica, I forgot to tell you; your little friend, Chuckie, is coming over to spend the afternoon. I want you to be nice to him this time.

Angelica: But, daddy, he's no fun; he's just a baby.

Drew: [Putting the gifts on the top shelf of a closet] That doesn't mean you can cover his glasses in peanut butter.

Angelica: He didn't mind, daddy; he thought it was funny.

[The door bell rings.]

Drew: Oh, that must be Chuckie now.

Angelica: Oh, great, the dumb kid with the goofy hair.

[Drew answers the door to see Chas and Chuckie]

Chas: Hi, Drew.

Drew: Hi, Chas. Hi Chuckie.

Chas: Thanks for watching Chuckie for me.

Drew: Sure.

Chas: Well, I gotta run. I don't want to be late for my Arthur Murray class. We're starting the samba today. [to Chuckie] Bye, Chuckie; be a good boy.

[Chas dances away, singing "Di di di hup dup dup dowadawa"]

Drew: [yelling to Chas] Don't worry about a thing, Chas; we'll take good care of Chuckie. [shuts the door] Won't we, Angelica?

Angelica: Oh, yes, Daddy; we'll have the bestest time.

Chuckie: [Gulps] Look, Angelica; I'm sorry I had to come over. You don't have to play with me or anything. I'll just sit here by myself on the floor 'til my daddy comes back.

Angelica: Never mind that, Chuckie; there's an old saying, "When life hands you a lemon, make apple sauce".

Chuckie: Huh?

Angelica: I need your help. Now listen: we're going to sneak out into the hallway and go into the closet and get that handcuff set before my mommy and daddy can give it away to the orphans.

Chuckie: [confused and indignant] Handcuffs? Orphans? I don't know what you're talking about, but if I did, I wouldn't think it was a very good idea.

Angelica: Well, get over it, Chumley; this is a dog eat dog-food world; there's givers and takers, and me, I'm a taker, now come on.

[Chuckie follows Angelica through the house to the bottom of the stairs.]

Angelica: Now you stay here and be the lookout. I'm gonna go into the closet and get that handcuff set. Now if anybody comes, yell.

Chuckie: Okay, Angelica.

''[Angelica goes to the closet, opens it, gets out a small step ladder, climbs up and takes a present from the pile on the top shelf. Suddenly, Chuckie yells, startling Angelica who shoves the present back in the closet, climbs down the ladder, puts it away, shuts the closet door and runs to Chuckie.]''

Angelica: [puffing from running so fast] What happened?

Chuckie: I saw something.

Angelica: Was it my mom?

Chuckie: No.

Angelica: Was it my dad?

Chuckie: No.

Angelica: Well, what was it?

Chuckie: A mouse.

Angelica: A mouse? Where?

''[Chuckie points under a couch. Angelica walks over and pulls a sock from under it. She is annoyed, but grins maliciously.]''

Angelica: Does this look like a mouse to you?

Chuckie: No.

Angelica: What does it look like?

Chuckie: A sock.

Angelica: Do you know why it looks like a sock?

Chuckie: [scratching his head] Uh...

Angelica: [yelling] BECAUSE IT IS A SOCK!! [throws sock at Chuckie] Now this time, wait here and don't make a noise unless you see my mommy or daddy coming, got it?

Chuckie: [remorseful] Okay, Angelica.

Angelica: Grrr!

[Angelica walks to the closet again and is just about to get the present when Chuckie arrives.]

Chuckie: Angelica.

Angelica: What?

Chuckie: Do you need any help?

Angelica: No I don't need any h- HEY. What are you doing here? You're supposed to be the lookout!

Chuckie: I got lonely.

Angelica: You dumb baby!

Chuckie: [The present falls from the closet almost hitting Chuckie] Aaaaaah!

Angelica: Shh. [closes the closet, picks up the present and runs] Come on.

''[Chuckie follows Angelica to her room where she pulls him in and shuts the door. Angelica then begins to frantically open the present.]''

Angelica: [while opening the present in excitement] Here it is, here it is! It's my very own handcuff set! It's mine, mine, mine, mine, mine! [Laughs]

[Angelica holds up the handcuffs.]

Angelica: Look at these shiny new handcuffs!

Chuckie: What do you do with them, Angelica?

Angelica: Oh, you can do lots of things, um, like, I can pretend I'm a policeman and you're a bad guy and I can handcuff us together like this.

''[Angelica puts the handcuffs on to herself and Chuckie. They're on Angelica's left wrist while they're on Chuckie's right wrist.]''

Angelica: See? Pretty neat, huh?

Chuckie: I guess so.

Angelica: What do you mean "you guess so"? These are the neatest toy in the whole wide world.

Chuckie: Uh, how do you take them off?

Angelica: Oh, that's easy. You use the key and open up the lock! Now let's see.

[Angelica looks through the packaging for the handcuffs for a key, only to find no key.]

Angelica: They wouldn't sell it to a kid without a key, would they? Uh-oh.

Chuckie: Uh-oh.

[Angelica starts pulling at the handcuffs, hoping she and Chuckie can just pull them off while grunting in frustration.]

Chuckie: Why don't you just get the key?

Angelica: Because there is no key, you cheesehead!

Chuckie: Why not?

Angelica: How should I know why not? It's probably back at the handcuff factory. Some bozo probably forgot to put it in the package.

Chuckie: I didn't know Bozo worked at the handcuff factory.

Angelica: Do me a favor, just don't say anything for a while.

[Chuckie lets out a few frustrated whimpers.]

Angelica: This piece of junk!

Chuckie: I guess it's not such a neat toy after all.

Angelica: You! This is all your fault!

Chuckie: Me?

Angelica: That's right. If you hadn't come over here, I never would have snuck into the closet and got that handcuff set in the first place.

Chuckie: But, Angelica...

Angelica: [screaming] And now we're stuck together!

Drew: [offscreen] Angelica!

Angelica: [gasps]

[Drew comes in to check on her.]

Drew: Everything all right?

Angelica: Oh, yes, Daddy; everything's fine. Young Charles and I were just sharing and playing nicely.

Drew: Great, muffin.

[Drew shuts the door leaving Angelica and Chuckie to play alone.]

Angelica: [whispering] Shew! That was close!

Chuckie: I don't wanna be stuck together, how are we gonna get these handcuffs off?

Angelica: Hmmm, give me a minute.

''[Angelica and Chuckie quickly pace around the room, trying to come up with an idea. Suddenly, Angelica has a plan!]''

Angelica: We need a key, right?

Chuckie: Right.

Angelica: Well, there's plenty of keys in this house, one of them's gotta work.

Chuckie: Maybe?

[Angelica rolls her eyes at him with a look of disapproval.]

Chuckie: I think right.

''[Chuckie and Angelica go all over the house, grabbing up every key in sight, taking every key off the hooks on the walls. Using a yard stick, they grab at the ones they can't reach. Soon, they've collected them all and are about to head back to Angelica's room.]''

Angelica: Come on, one of these has got to work.

[Back in Angelica's room, she attempts to use one of the keys on the handcuff set.]

Chuckie: Ow! That hurt!

Angelica: It's gonna hurt worse, if you don't hold still! Stupid key!

[We cut to a view of the rug on the carpet where the pile of keys grows incredibly large, until all of the keys they have collected are in the pile.]

Angelica: Ah, whose dumb idea was this, anyway? This stupid handcuff toy! They'll put anything on TV just to sell it to little kids; what a ripoff! Hey, wait a minute!

[Angelica is now frantically looking through a toy chest.]

Angelica: I know it's in here somewhere.

''[Soon, she comes across her toy blowtorch and mask. She puts on the mask and gets to work.]''

Chuckie: [covering his eyes with his one free hand.] I can't look.

''[Angelica attempts to use the toy blowtorch; she vainly hits the flame to the handcuffs, only for the flame to fall off on to the floor. Chuckie picks it up.]''

Chuckie: Angelica?

Angelica: What is it?

Chuckie: It's not even hot!

Angelica: [tossing the toy blowtorch aside and growing frustrated] This piece of junk. Wait! I've got another idea!

[Now, she attempts to use the prongs of an electrical plug to pry at the key whole on the handcuffs.]

Chuckie: Angelica!

Angelica: What?

Chuckie: What if you miss?

Angelica: I'll crush your hand.

[Drew overhears Angelica's screams of pain from outside the door, Angelica's aim misses and the prong hits her hand.]

Angelica: Ow, oooh, ow!

Chuckie: You missed.

Angelica: [grumbling] I know I missed!

[Drew comes to the door and peaks inside.]

Drew: Everything okay, princess?

Angelica: Oh, hi, daddy, Chuckie and me were having a screaming contest. We were so loud we didn't even hear you come in!

Drew: Oh, that's nice. Uh, Chuckie's daddy is on his way over, so Chuckie should start getting ready to go.

[Drew closes the door.]

Angelica: Uh-oh, time's running out!

''[Chuckie and Angelica try a number of different things to try to get the handcuffs off. Everything from rolling over the handcuffs with a toy car, to slamming them into a door frame with the door closing on the handcuffs, to pouring purfume sprays on the handcuffs. Each plan sadly failing, until they finally give up, now lying side by side on their backs on the bedroom rug.]''

Chuckie: What do you think it will be like being stuck together forever?

Angelica: Well, we'll have to go everywhere together, and probably get married, and whenever we go out people will say, "There goes Angelica, the girl who's stuck to the dumb kid with the goofy hair".

Chuckie: Well, at least we'll never be lonely.

[Angelica sighs]

Chuckie: I guess this isn't a good time to mention I need to go potty.

Angelica: Forget it.

[The doorbell rings.]

Drew: [from off-camera calling in the distance from downstairs] Angelica, Chuckie, Mr. Finster's here.

Angelica: Oh no!

Chuckie: Angelica...

[Angelica picks up a puppet off of the floor and slides it over the handcuffs.]

Angelica: Now just stay close and let me do the talking.

[Chuckie refuses to move from the floor.]

Angelica: Would you come on?

Chuckie: But, Angelica...

Angelica: Come on!

Chuckie: But, Angelica... [followed by babbling]

''[The two kids rush out of the room and run downstairs. Now in the entry hall, Chas is at the door, and Drew is next to Chuckie and Angelica, who have the puppet in between them.]''

Chas: Hi, Chuckie, did you have a nice time?

Angelica: Mr. Finster, can Chuckie spend the night?

Chas: Oh, not tonight, Angelica, we really have to go.

Angelica: Well, could I spend the night at Chuckie's?

Drew: Maybe some other time, Princess.

Angelica: But, I don't want him to leave.

Drew: [sternly] Now, Angelica, Chuckie and Mr. Finster have to go!

Angelica: [pleading] I can't leave him, I can't I can't I can't! Wait!

[As she's screaming this, she and Chuckie are pulling away from one another, stretching the puppet to its limits, about to nearly rip it in half.]

Angelica: Wait, Chuckie can't go.

Drew: But, Angelica, why in the world not?

Angelica: Because, I'll miss him too much. You were right, daddy, I did have a lot of fun with Chuckie today, and we got to be bestest friends!

Drew: Well, I think this playtime together did them a lot of good, don't you think?

Chas: I'll say.

Angelica: So, can Chuckie just one night, please, please?

Drew: What do you think, Chas?

Chas: Well, okay, if it makes the kid happy.

Angelica: [rejoicing] Oh, thank you, thank you! Come on, Chuckie.

[Angelica and Chuckie race back upstairs to her room and slam the door shut behind them.]

Angelica: That was close!

Chuckie: Wow, Angelica, that was really nice! It's gonna be fun sleeping over and being bestest friends.

Angelica: Wise up, mush-brain, now that was lying. Now what were you babbling about before?

[Chuckie shows his clinched fist to Angelica, where he opens his hand and reveals the key that came with the handcuff set.]

Angelica: Where did you get that?

Chuckie: I found it before under the puppet.

Angelica: Why didn't you say anything?

Chuckie: You wouldn't let me.

Angelica: [undoing Chuckie's side of the handcuffs with the key] Oh, you make me so angry! Now listen, Chuckie, I don't wanna hear a word from you. No matter what I do, no matter what happens, never speak to me again.

Chuckie: [saddened] Okay, Angelica.

''[Chuckie leaves the room as Angelica sighs and moves her arm with the handcuffs still on it slightly, causing the empty side of the handcuffs to get stuck to her bed post. Angelica gasps.]''

[Angelica then tries to reach for the key that's now on the floor, only it's out of her reach.]

Angelica: Chuckie, come in here! Chuckie? Chuckie? Come back, Chuckie, come back!

Chuckie: [refusing] Oh, no, Angelica. I know when I'm not wanted.

Angelica: Please, Chuckie, I didn't mean it! Oh, Chuckie, oh, buddy, oh, pal, we can be friends again! I'll let you play with Cynthia, I'll give you Cynthia! I'll give you my chocolates, You can take Fluffy! Come back, Chuckie, come back!

[The word 'back' yelled by Angelica is echoed as the camera pans upward towards the ceiling to give a full view of the room with Angelica still screaming for help as she remains attached to her bed with the handcuffs.]

THE END