A Very McNulty Birthday/Transcript

[It's raining outside, Didi arrive with Tommy and Betty arrive with Phil and Lil]

Didi: Goodness! Look at this weather. I hope Timmy's party wasn't supposed to be outdoors [door opens]

Betty: Eh! Sorry about the rain there, Colleen.

Colleen: Oh, you call this rain? Last year, we had a monsoon. Even the pony got washed away. [Angelica brings a present]

Teddy, Todd, Ty, and Terry: Hi, Angelica!

Angelica: Yeah, yeah, I didn't come here to see you babies! Where's the birthday boy?

Timmy: [snatching present and shaking it] What'cha get me?!

Angelica: Oh, is it your birthday? Well, I hope at least they got goodie bags.

Didi: We'll get the kids settled in and help you move the party inside.

Timmy: All right, you squirts! It's my birthday and I wanna play.... caveman!

Tommy: That sounds fun!

Angelica: It sounds ok, [holds up her fist] but nobody better mess up my pigtails!

Timmy: You can't play anyway. or Susie, or Lil! [Lil gasps]

Susie: What? Why not?!

Timmy: 'Cause you're girls! And girls got cooties! Now scram!

''[Susie, Lil and Angelica leave, Timmy slams the door shut. Angelica gasps]''

Angelica: Ooh, I'm gonna get that Timmy McNulty! [holds up her fist again] I'm gonna tell his mommy he throwed up so he won't get to eat any birthday cake! Then I'm gonna let the air out of his tricycle tires! Then I'm gonna water balloon and squish his....! [sees a box of party stuff] Or maybe I'll just forget Timmy and have my own party. [she takes the party stuff box]

[Angelica, Susie, and Lil in Colleen's room]

Lil: Do we have to play all alone in here just because we gots cooties?

Angelica: Cooties aren't real, ya' dumb baby! Cooties is just a pigment of infatuation. [puts on a party hat]

Susie: Angelica! I don't think we're supposed to play with that stuff!

Angelica: Who said anything about playing with YOU, Susie? We're not here 'cause we're friends, you know. We're here 'cause we're GIRLS!

Susie: Just 'cause Timmy hurted your feelings is no esscuse to take it out on us.

Angelica: Timmy? Who cares about Timmy? He didn't hurt MY feelings.

Susie: Well, he hurted mine! And I wish there was something we can teach him a lesson.

Lil: Look! Fingerpaints! ''[she grabs a jar of paint and opens it, giggling as she puts her finger in the paint and puts it on her nose. Susie looks at the paint and gets an idea]''

Susie: Hmm. [chuckles]

''[In Timmy's room, the boys are playing cavemen on his bed. Camera pans to Tommy and Chuckie who are playing separately, bonking each other lightly with plastic bats]''

Chuckie: Tommy, what are cooties?

Tommy: I don't know, Chuckie. Uh.... maybe it's something girls are born with. Like Spike has fleas.

Chuckie: But no one tells Spike he can't play with us 'cause of fleas. What if the... the girls are really sick?

Tommy: Well, when I'm sick, my mom or dad brings me juice,

Chuckie: Yeah, you're right, Tommy. One of the grownups will probably bring them some.

Tommy: But, Chuckie, the grownups don't about the cooties or they never would have brought them to the party. I guess that means it's up to us! [gets up and heads to the kitchen]

Chuckie: Oh, why couldn't they just had fleas? [follows Tommy]

[In the kitchen, Betty places a bowl of juice on a table]

Betty: Oh, yeah! And then we got 10 inches of snow the day when Howard's office picnic. Had to wrap the kids in tinfoil and take shelter in a Kwanzaa hut.

Colleen: We had 10 inches of lava at me folks' anniversary. I told Collin we shouldn't we do an outdoor buffet in Hawaii.

Betty: Hawaii?! Oh, now there's a...

[pan to Tommy & Chuckie]

Chuckie: Wow, Tommy! That's the biggest cup of juice I ever saw!

Tommy: Ok, Chuckie. You go over there and do something to make the grownups to look at you while I get some of that juice.

Chuckie: Uh, how am I gonna do that?

Tommy: Hmm, [looks around the kitchen and sees the balloons] I know. Just pop one of those balloons.

Chuckie: [gasps] Pop a balloon?! On purpose?!

Tommy: We gotta help the girls, Chuckie, or they'll have cooties forever!

Chuckie: Oh, well, ok. ''[Chuckie grabs one of the balloons and tries squeezing it, then looks at Tommy who is signaling him to hurry up. Then tries straddling and whacking it, then bounces on it, then finally it pops]''

''[Didi gasps and goes to Chuckie. Chuckie cries while Tommy takes a cup and fills it with juice. Didi, Betty and Colleen comfort Chuckie while Tommy sneaks out of the kitchen]''

Betty: Aw, it's ok, pumpkin.

''[Chuckie stops crying and leaves the kitchen. Didi, Betty and Colleen look at each other and shrug. Tommy and Chuckie walk up to Colleen's room]''

Chuckie: Um, Tommy, I was just thinking, if we get too close to the girls, do you think we could get cooties?

Tommy: Maybe we should wear special clothes like the doctors on TV.

[shot of rain outside, then cut to Angelica and Susie]

Angelica: Looks like a monster to me,

Lil: Let me see! Let me see! [Susie hands a mirror to Lil] [gasps] Ooh, neat! I look almost as scary as Reptar!