Angelica's In Love/Transcript

(the episode starts with a shot of a rainy sky as the opening credits roll; the rain turns out to be falling on the driveway as Drew's car passes by; inside Drew's car, Angelica is looking sadly out the window)

Drew: Did you have fun to-day at Cousin Tommy's house, sweetie?

Angelica: What? Oh, yes, daddy. I had loads of fun! (unbeknownst to Drew, her face falls; we hear her voice in narration) Fun? Sure, I really had fun. But that was before... before him. How do you begin to tell your daddy about him? About the boy that got away? About falling in love?

(flashback to Tommy's house a few hours ago; Drew is taking Angelica to the house)

Angelica: (narrating) It all started this morning when Daddy dropped me off at Aunt Didi's house.

Didi: Oh, honey! You're going to have so much fun to-day!

Angelica: (narrating) It was going to be the usual thing: Daddy heading for a weekend at the office, while I had to take care of the babies.

Drew: Now, play nicely, sweetie. (to Didi) Thanks again, Didi.

Didi: Sure, I'll walk you to the door.

(as soon as Didi and Drew turn their backs on Angelica, she grabs Phil and Lil by their shirts)

Angelica: Let's play a little game. It's called "pin the tail on the donkey," and you two can be the donkeys!

Tommy: Hey, Angelica! You leave them alone!

Angelica: Oh, yeah? Why should I?

Tommy: 'Cause there's a really big kid coming to-day--bigger than you even!

Angelica: Bigger than me? Ha! I'm not afraid of a bigger kid! (beat) How big?

Didi: (off-camera) Tommy! Your new friend is here!

(enter Dean, a kid dressed like a 1950's hoodlum and riding on a tricycle)

Angelica: (narrating) That was the first time I saw him. Dark glasses, shiny black hair, he was a four-year-old's dream on a five-year-old's bike. He pedaled up to me, ran a Reptar comb through his hair, lifted his glasses, and said...

Dean: Hi, I'm Dean.

(Angelica is enamored with Dean)

Angelica: (narrating) And I fell for him like a ton of blocks! I looked at him, and he looked at me. And then, he said...

Dean: (to Tommy) You must be Tommy. (passes by a shocked Angelica) I heard about you. A kid in daycare said you almost breaked out once.

Tommy: Well, it didn't really work or anything.

Dean: Heck, Tommy, it's not the things you do, it's the thinks you think.

Chuckie: Wow! Did you make that up?

Dean: Nope. I read it in Dr. Seuss. Have you guys ever heard of a book called The Cat in the Hat? It changed my life!

Angelica: (sighs) (narrating) I could tell Dean was in love with me, but maybe I'd have to let him know it. First, I tried the direct approach...

Dean: (to Phil and Lil) But don't you two ever get tired of doing everything together? I mean, don't you ever just want to be yourselves?

Phil and Lil: But we are ourselves.

(Angelica cuts in)

Angelica: Hi, there!

(Dean gasps to see Angelica)

Dean: (feeling flushed) Um, um, um... hi?

Angelica: (sighs as she sees Dean walk away)

(transition to Dean talking with Chuckie)

Dean: I'm telling you, Chuckie, there's no reason to be afraid of oatmeal.

Chuckie: It's not really the oatmeal I'm afraid of; it's that guy on the box with the scary hat!

(cut to Angelica looking casual)

Angelica: (narrating) Then, I tried the "helpless girl" approach.

(Angelica drops her Cynthia doll)

Angelica: (in an obviously fake voice) Oh, help. Help. I seem to have dropped my doll! I'm way too weak to pick it up myself!

(Dean and Chuckie are obviously confused at Angelica acting so weird, so Chuckie picks up Cynthia)

Chuckie: Here, Angelica.

Angelica: (sarcastically) Thanks, Chuckie! (snatches Cynthia from Chuckie's hand and walks away)

Chuckie: (to Dean) What did I do?

(Dean shrugs; transition to Angelica)

Angelica: (narrating) Then, I tried the "hard-to-get" approach.

Dean: See, Tommy, you start with preschool, then there's kindergarten, and then you go to college.

Tommy: Oh.

Angelica: (emerges from the sandbox) You can't have me! You can't have me! You CAN'T HAVE ME!

(confused, Dean ignores her)

Tommy: So, that means, when you're in kindergarten, you're almost a grown-up.

Dean: Nah. You gotta be ten or eleven before you're a grown-up.

Angelica: (narrating) Dean just didn't understand the ways of love.

(Angelica sighs; Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, and Lil watch in amazement)

Lil: I think something's wrong with Angelica.

Phil: Yeah. She didn't pick us up by our shirts, or pour sand in our hair, or bump our heads together, or anything.

Chuckie: I wonder what's wrong with her.

Tommy: Let's go find out.

(the babies walk towards Angelica)

Tommy: Uh, hi, Angelica. Is something bothering ya?

Angelica: No, nothing. Nothing except... love.

Phil: Love? You mean like how you feel about your mom when she burps ya?

Lil: Or how your kitty feels when you pull him by his tail?

Angelica: I mean, real love! L-U-V! The kind between a boy and a girl! (the babies gasp) It's Dean. I love him more than... than... than milk and cookies.

Chuckie: Even Oreos?

Angelica: But he doesn't even know I'm alive. It's like... it's like... when you wanna play with Spike, but all Spike wants to do is eat dog food.

Tommy: Well, maybe you should do what I do: just take his bowl away and climb on his back.

Angelica: (sigh) It's no use. You'll never understand! I'll never love again... at least not 'til first grade.

Tommy: Wait! I got an idea. You want Dean to pay attention to you, right?

Angelica: Yeah?

Tommy: Well, when I want my mom to pay attention to me, I cry a lot, like I'm in trouble. Maybe if Dean thought you were in trouble, he'll pay attention to you.

Angelica: But I'm not in trouble.

Tommy: Well, we could make it look like you are.

Phil: I know! We could pretend you lost your favorite bottle!

Lil: Or maybe your mommy's gonna wash your hair!

Chuckie: Not that! It's way too scary!

Angelica: No, it's gotta be something that really looks dangerous! After all, I'm playing the most dangerous game of all...

Chuckie: Musical chairs?

Angelica: No, dummy! Love!

Tommy: It's too bad you can't do like those cowboys on TV.

Angelica: What do you mean?

Tommy: Well, whenever a cowboy meets a girl, she's always on a runaway wagon, and the cowboy guy has to save her.

Chuckie: But how are we gonna get a runaway wagon?

Tommy: (after a moment, he gets an idea) I know.

(cut to Angelica seated in a wagon, to which Spike is attached)

Angelica: Help! Help! This dog is going wild! I'm sure I will crash! (she sees that Dean isn't paying attention) Come on, you guys! Pull! (Phil and Lil pull Spike's collar in opposite directions) Help! Help!

(cut to a fly climbing upon Spike's back; Spike shoos it away with his tail, causing it to sting him; Spike, feeling the pain, goes crazy and runs around, pulling the wagon and causing Angelica to scream)

Chuckie: Hmm, looks like it's working. (Tommy, Phil, and Lil nod in agreement)

(cut to Dean working on his trike, when he hears Angelica's screams)

Angelica: Help, Dean! HELP! (Dean, seeing Angelica on the runaway wagon, gets on his trike and springs into action) Help, Dean! HELP! (Spike leaps over the fence, causing the wagon to break down two posts) Save me, Dean!

Dean: Just hold on, Angelica! (rides up to the runaway wagon and leaps onto Spike's back) Whoa, fella! Whoa! (his actions calm Spike down and stop the wagon)

Angelica: Dean! You saved my life!

Dean: Ah, it was... it was... Say, Angelica...

Angelica: Yeah?

Dean: You know, you look kinda nice... for a girl, I mean.

Angelica: (gasps) I do?

(Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, and Lil watch as Dean and Angelica gaze at each other)

Phil: How come Dean and Angelica are lookin' at each other like that?

Lil: Yeah. They look kinda sick...

(transition to Dean strumming on a one-string toy guitar)

Dean: (singing) Now, I know my ABC's Next time won't you sing with me?

(Dean again strums the string)

Angelica: That was beautiful. Usually, that song seems so educational to me.

Dean: Angelica...

Angelica: Yes, Dean...

Dean: I've got this poem that makes me think about you. Wanna hear it?

Angelica: Oh, Dean-o! You can read?

Dean: Sure. I'm advanced.

Angelica: Oh, read it to me! Read it to me!

Dean: (sets aside his guitar and takes out a piece of paper to read the poem) See Spot run. Spot runs fast, Run, Spot! Run!

Angelica: Wow!

(cut to the interior of the Pickles' residence; Didi and Betty are washing dishes)

Didi: Isn't that cute?

Betty: Reminds me of Howard and yours truly back in 3rd grade! Used to sit behind him in class pokin' him with my index finger!

Didi: Really?

Betty: Yep! Took him twenty years to figure out it was just my way of sayin' "I like you."

Didi: Hm.

(cut to Dean and Angelica having a tea party with Cynthia)

Angelica: More milk? (pours some milk into Dean's cup)

Dean: Thanks.

Angelica: And how about you, Cynthia?

Dean: Angie...

Angelica: Yes, Dean-o?

Dean: Do you think we could be alone for a second?

Angelica: But, Dean-o, we are alone.

Dean: No, I mean... (points to Cynthia)

Angelica: Oh... (tosses Cynthia) Yes, Dean-o?

Dean: Well, I just wanted to tell you...

Angelica: What, Dean-o?

Dean: Well, you make me feel... funny.

Angelica: What do you mean? I don't have cooties.

Dean: No. Not like that. Like... like I could do something... crazy.

Angelica: Crazy?

Dean: Like... ride a bike without training wheels, or eat a couple of snails, or...

Angelica: Yes?

Dean: Or...

Angelica: Yes?

Dean: Or... (gazes at Angelica)

Lil: What are they doing?

Tommy: I don't know. It looks like they're gonna eat each other's faces, or something.

(the babies watch as Dean takes off his sunglasses and prepares to kiss Angelica; suddenly, a woman's voice breaks the mood)

Dean's Mom: Dean! Where are you?

Dean: See you later, Angelica.

Angelica: What do you mean?

Dean: It's time I was moving on.

Angelica: Is it another woman?

Dean: Yeah... my mom. (he rides off on his trike to his mother)

(Angelica looks on and starts crying; Tommy, Phil, and Lil approach her)

Lil: We're sorry, Angelica.

Phil: Yeah, we can tell that you really liked Dean a lot.

Angelica: (enraged) Liked a lot?! I'll show you what I like a lot! (picks up Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, and Lil and begins to pound them!)

(the flashback ends; Drew's car is still going down the driveway, but it's no longer raining)

Angelica: (narrating) Losing Dean was the hardest thing that ever happened to me. I felt like a toy without batteries. But love's like that sometimes. As Bob is my witless, I'll never fall in love again...

(Drew and Angelica return home and get out of the car)

Drew: Hey, there's our new neighbors.

Jacqueline: 'Ello. You must be Drew Pickles. I am Jacqueline Toumond.

Drew: Oh, hi, Jackie. Pleasure to meet you. Uh, this is my daughter, Angelica. (notices Jacqueline's son) Oh, who's this?

Jacqueline: Oh! Allow me to introduce my son, Jean-Claude.

Jean-Claude: 'Ello, monsieur Pickles! 'Ello, Angelique-a. I am, how you say, pleased to meet you. (kisses Angelica's hand) I think I'm going to like it here in America.

(Angelica smiles at Jean-Claude, and romance blossoms again...)