Thief Encounter/Transcript

Tommy: I was sleepwalking. Do you seriously think I'd go out in public like this?

Policeman: If I had a dime for every Joe who blamed his crime on sleepwalking, I'd be a rich man. Well, maybe not rich, but I'd own a boat.

Tommy: I... guess you've got yourself a thief.

Policeman: Yes, we do, son. We're gonna have to take you downtown. Actually, we're already downtown, so we're gonna have to take you... here.

Dil: I didn't steal anything. I swear.

Betty: Okay, I'll bite. If you didn't take those things, then who did?

Dil: (Looks at Tommy) I'm taking the Fifth.

Betty: (To Chas) Figures - he already took everything else.

Lil: Chuckie, make yourself useful and quiz us on words from the dictionary. Tommy, I do not want to oversleep and miss the test tomorrow. Did you set the alarms?

Tommy: All seven of them.

Chuckie: (About Dil) Did he admit it?

Tommy: Nope, he pushed the "I'm innocent" act. I'll have stay up all night and catch him.

Chuckie: How do you expect to pull an all-nighter when you can't even stay awake during the least boring school activity?

Tommy: What's that?

Chuckie: Lunch - that thing you're wearing.

Angelica: (About Bernadette) I want to return it.

Susie: Return what?

Angelica: It.

Susie: She's not a shirt, Angelica. She's a human being.

Angelica: That's up for debate.

Tommy: Calm down, guys. How bad could it be? You show up with your number-two pencil, fill in some ovals, and try not to stare at the mole on the neck of the guy in front of you.

Phil: What kind of mole? Big? Small? Three-dimensional? Hairy? You have to be more specific. I need to be prepared!

Mr. Beaker: On Friday, the entire fifth-grade class will be taking a standardized test. (All students gasp)

Mr. Beaker: This is not just any test. This is the mother of all tests. (Students gasp again)

Mr. Beaker: The one from which all other tests run in fear. (Students gasp again) Mr. Beaker: Compared to this test, the other tests are just testettes.

Phil: Oh, no!

Mr. Beaker: Oh, yes.

Betty: You boys seen Rufus anywhere?

Tommy: (Softly) Who's Rufus?

Betty: Garden gnomes don't vanish into thin air.

Dil: I'm sure Rufus will call if he's in trouble.

Betty: As I was saying! Everytime, there's something new missing from my yard!

Mr. Beaker: Before I took the test, I looked like this. (Shows students a picture of him with huge muscles, all students gasp)

Bernadette: So tell me what those you-know-what's were.

Angelica: There weren't any.

Angelica: I'm telling you, she's pure evil. And trust me, I know evil when I see it.

Susie: You do have a point there.

Angelica: ... She's such a BRAT!

Susie: Look who's talking.

Tommy: I saw the bike.

Dil: Is that some kind of code? Okay, I ate the banana.

Didi: Who fed Spike Brussels sprouts?