Graham Canyon/Transcript

''[The episode begins with Tommy playing with a toy car. He is making motor noises.]'' [Angelica is next to Tommy in the car, holding her doll Cynthia.]

Angelica: Cynthia, everybody wants to play with you, but only I get to.

Drew [outside of the car, cutting Angelica off]: Oh, cupcake...

Angelica: Yes, daddy?

Drew: Now you be a good little girl and obey your Uncle Stu and Aunt Didi, okay?

Angelica: I will daddy.

[Angelica sticks her tongue out as Drew turns his attention to Stu and Didi, who are seated in the front about ready to pull out of the driveway.]

Drew: You sure this is no problem, Stu?

Stu: Heck no, Drew.

Didi: Angelica wants to go and Tommy will have so much more fun at the Grand Canyon with a little playmate along.

[Drew goes on talking with Stu and Didi in the background.]

Angelica: Did you hear that, Cynthia? We have to sit in the car and take care of a little baby all the way to the Grand Canyon. Ick!

Tommy: Angelica?

Angelica: What?

Tommy: What's the Graham Canyon?

Angelica: Not Graham Canyon, Grand Canyon. Don't you know anything? Aunt Didi.

[Back in the front of the car...]

Didi: Oh, don't worry, Drew, it'll be fine.

Angelica [shouting]: Aunt Didi!

[Didi gasps]

Angelica: What's the Grand Canyon?

Didi: Well, uh, it's an enormous, big place with red walls, and a little water in the middle, and when we get there, we'll ride donkeys to the bottom!

Angelica: Oh.

''[Stu switches on the engine of the car and they pull out of the driveway as Drew waves goodbye. Later, they drive out on to the highway as the sun rises. The car speeds down the highway, and as it comes into view, we hear Stu and Didi singing.]''

Stu and Didi: ...Old McDonald had a farm, E-I-E-I-O!

[On the last O, Didi and Stu sing in harmony, with Stu going down an octave and Didi going up an octave.]

Didi [staring out the window, amazed at the sights]: Oh, it's so beautiful out here!

Didi [to Tommy]: Isn't it beautiful, Tommy?

[Tommy sits in the back seat, sucking on a bottle.]

Stu: You know, Deed, Tommy's a pretty lucky guy to be seeing the world at his age.

Didi: Okay, Stu, your turn to pick a song.

Angelica: Everybody wants to dress you for the party, Cynthia, but only I--

Tommy [cutting Angelica off]: Angelica?

Tommy: What, dribble face?

Tommy: Is this the Graham Canyon?

Angelica: No..dummy.

[The car continues to speed down the highway.]

Angelica: I know, Cynthia, let's start a club. It's called a club for all people whose name isn't Tommy.

Tommy: Angelica?

Angelica: What?

Tommy: How much further to the Graham Canyon?

Angelica: A lot further.

Angelica [to Cynthia, as she shakes the doll up and down.]: You heard me, Cynthia, you're cranky, and you need a nap, so take a nap!

[Angelica tosses Cynthia down to the floor.]

Angelica [Rolling her eyes up, thinking]: Hmmm...

[She gets an idea.]

Angelica: I know of a game that even you can play, Tommy. Let's color with markers!

[Stu and Didi are heard singing "I've Been Working On The Railroad" in the background.]

Tommy: But we don't have a coloring book.

[Angelica spots the map in between the two front seats and picks it up.]

Angelica: How 'bout this?

[Angelica starts coloring all over the map.]

Stu and Didi [singing]: Dinah won't you blow, Dinah won't you blow your horn?

Didi [singing solo]: Someone's in the kitchen with Dinah, someone's in the kitchen I know.

''[Angelica continues to scribble all over the map while Stu and Didi continue singing in the background. Meanwhile, a purple marker has fallen between the babies seats and Tommy tries to reach down to the floor to pick it up, but he can't reach it.]''

Angelica: Now we need...purple!

[Angelica reaches down and picks up the marker that Tommy was reaching for.]

Didi [still singing solo]: Goin' to run all day. [spoken] Sing along! [continues singing] I'll bet my money on de

Stu: Deed, Deed? Would you check the map? I think the turn to the Grand Canyon is coming up.

Didi: Already?

Stu: Yeah, I think it's a little bit after Arizona.

Didi: But that was at least an hour ago. I'd better look.

[Realizing that she had been scribbling all over the map, Angelica folds the map back up and quickly thrusts it back in its spot between the front seats before getting caught, just as Didi picks up the map and unfolds it to take a look at their route.]

[Didi studies the map, but mistakes Angelica's scribbles for the lines of the road on the map.]

Didi: An hour past Arizona. We must be... (points) here. (Notices something) Oh! There's Mount Footstool, and there's The Devil's Arm Chair.

[As Didi is pointing these things out, both are in clear view outside the car window.]

Didi: Then we want to turn, (pointing at the line Angelica drew) right here.

[The breaks screech and Stu turns at a fork in the road.]

Didi [singing]: She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes. She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes. She'll be coming around the mountain, she'll be coming around the mountain...

[As Didi is singing, Stu makes several twists and turns on a very mountainous dirt road, screeching the tires and breaks every so often at sudden turns in the road.]

Angelica [chewing some gum and talking to Tommy]: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. I get to have some gum! (Mumbles as she chews) You don't get any 'cause you're a baby. You'd just swallow it.

Didi: I wonder if maybe we took a wrong turn?

Stu: How could we? It was right there on the map.

''[Just then the car hits a large bump and stops dead in the road. Just as it hits the bump, Angelica swallows her gum.]''

Stu [muttering]: Oh, no.

[Stu tries to restart the car again with no luck.]

Stu [much louder this time.]: Oh, no!

Didi: My goodness! Are you alright, Tommy? Angelica?

Angelica: Did you wreck the car, Uncle Stu?

Stu: Now, let's not panic.

Didi: Everyone's fine, Stu.

Stu: I'll just get out and have a look.

''[Stu gets out of the car and takes a look at the left front wheel. Nearby, two mechanics spy the recent car trouble.]''

Ace: Well, looks like we got ourselves another customer, Eddie. Eddie: Yep.

Ace: Told you that chuck hole was a good idea.

Eddie: If you hadn't gone and dug it, we'd never get anyone to stop here.

[The two men cackle sneakily as they approach Stu who inspects underneath the hood.]

Eddie: Car trouble, mister?

[Stu bumps his head on the bottom of the hood as he looks up to see the mechanics.]

Didi: Oh, thank goodness, Stu, mechanics!

Stu: And a garage. Are you open?

Eddie: Twenty-four hours a day.

Stu: Great, my car won't start.

Ace: Engine trouble I suspect.

Eddie: Most likely.

Stu: Can you fix it?

Ace: I reckon. Probably gonna cost you though.

Stu: Of course! Will you, take any of these?

[Stu unfolds a wallet of traveler's checks.]

Eddie: Mister, Ace and me will fix up your car real good. So why don't you guys just go on into the diner and get something to eat.

[Eddie points over to a diner that's right next to the garage.]

Stu: Good idea; we haven't even had breakfast yet.

Eddie: Best food for at least twenty miles.

''[Didi starts getting out stuff she'll need from the car just as three bottles fall out of Tommy's diaper bag to the ground. Tommy looks around the area with amazement, as he wanders towards a stack of large tires in the garage.]''

Didi [in the distance]: Angelica? Tommy?

Didi [now right behind Tommy]: Tommy! That's no place for you, sweetheart.

[They enter the diner.]

Didi [to a waitress]: Good morning.

Waitress: Grab a seat, be right with you.

''[Stu, Didi, Tommy and Angelica find a booth and sit down. Stu and Tommy are on one side with Didi and Angelica on the other.]''

Didi [feeding a cracker to Tommy]: Here you go, sweetie.

''[Tommy chews and swallows the cracker. Stu starts browsing the menu, while Didi signals for the waitress. Tommy and Angelica peer underneath the table at each other]''

Tommy: Angelica.

Angelica: What?

Tommy: I saw it!

Angelica: Saw what?

Didi [getting the waitress's attention]: Oh, M'am, excuse me.

Waitress: Yeah?

Didi: Could you bring us two booster seats for the children?

Waitress [with a pie in her hand]: Sure, deary. Just need to cut a slab of this here pie and then...

[Just then, the pie falls into Didi's lap, splattering all over her shirt]

Didi: Oh!

Waitress: Sorry honey, these old hands just ain't what they use to be.

Didi: [trying to wipe off the pie] Oh, it's all right. It's just a little stain.

Waitress: Uh-huh.

Didi: It'll come right out.

Waitress: Well, just come back to the kitchen and we'll clean up that pie in a jiffy.

Didi: Oh, all right. Stu, could you watch the kids while I'm gone?

Stu [still looking at the menu]: Sure, honey, everything's under control.

[Stu goes back to studying the menu, reading some of the choices out loud to himself.]

Tommy [grabbing at Angelica's hand and pulling her out of the booth.]: Come on.

[The two kids leave the table, Tommy still dragging Angelica along behind him.]

Tommy [more forcefully this time around.]: Come on!

Angelica: Wait a minute! Where are we going?

Tommy: The Graham Canyon.

[He looks at the mountain of tires and other items in the garage, giving Angelica the idea that they're really close.]

Angelica: Wow!

[Tommy and Angelica observe the scene, and we are shown that the mechanics are working on the Pickle's car..]

Eddie: Found the problem, Ace. Loose distributator's cap. [he screws it back in.] Fixed 'er.

Ace: Now, what do you say we put in a whole new engine, Eddie?

Eddie: I reckon that'd cost a bundle, Ace.

Ace: I reckon the next idea, Eddie.

''[They both share a devious laugh and continue working.]  [Now at the pile of tires...]''

Angelica: Okay, now we climb to the top.

Tommy: How come?

Angelica: So we can ride to the bottom on the donkeys like your mom says!

Tommy: But where are the donkeys?

Angelica: They must be at the top. Come on!

''[Tommy and Angelica proceed to climb up to the top of the stack of tires. As Angelica goes climbing up one, it pulls off the pile and she falls in the lower one as the one she pulled off falls on top. Just as Tommy climbs up on the other side, Angelica sticks her head out from the tires and glares at him. Tommy then goes to stand but loses his balance and falls into the middle of the tire he's standing on, as Angelica walks past him. Then both of them are slowly walking alongside the tiles on a small ledge, as Angelic looks down briefly and continues but soon reaches a clear stack of tires.''

Angelica [from the top of the stack]: What a view!

Tommy: [comes up behind Angelica but almost falls in the tire she's standing on, as he looks around] But there aren't any donkeys.

Angelica: That's okay. You can be the donkey and I'll be the driver.

[Tommy crouches down and Angelica climbs on top of his back.]

Tommy [spotting their car down below]: Hey, look down there, Angelica, that's our car.

Angelica: [gasps] I just remembered, I left Cynthia in the car! She must miss me terribly. Let's go back and get her? Giddy up!

''[Angelica starts shaking Tommy, causing the stack of tires to shake and fall down, as one tire catches on a hoist and lowers down. Angelic then grabs the tire as Tommy hangs on her waist, then looks down at the tumbling pile of tires, before they go falling causing Angelica and Tommy to go flying towards the car.]''

Ace: Did you hear something? ''[as the kids scream as they charge towards the car. And fly into the cab as Angelica's feet hit the steering wheel, causing the horn to go off. Startled, the mechanics hit their heads on the bottom of the hood]''

Ace and Eddie: Ow!

[Inside the car, Angelica and Tommy are sitting on the driver's seat as Angelica finds Cynthia on the floor of the car.]

Angelica: There you are Cynthia. [picks up Cynthia] You musn't scare me like that.

[One of the mechanics dodges an out-of-control tire fallen from the stack..]

Angelica: I think that bad man wants Cynthia! He's not gonna get her. Let's run! [turns on the windshield wipers]

Eddie: [turns around to the sound of the wipers running] WHOA!!

''[Angelica grabs Tommy's hand and Angelica hits Cynthia against a button that turns on the radio in the car. Just as Angelica runs out the passenger side door, dragging Tommy with her, as Ace is looking inside the car from the driver's side]'' Ace: How the blue blaze did you start the... [an out-of-control tire slams into Ace's back, sending him flying into the car] YOOWW!!! [then he flies out the other side of the car as it starts rolling forward and hits the ground] OW! Angelica: He's coming! Let's hide up here! [climbs onto tool bench]

Eddie: [slowly backing away from the car as a tire lands on him] That car is haunted!

[Angelica then pulls Tommy onto the bench, knocking over a can of Garage Lube, which then lands on the floor and starts pouring out oil, as Ace then gets to his feet and then starts slipping on the oil]

Ace: Ew! Wha... ''[then a tire flies in and hits him in the head] YOW!! [loses his footing, and then slips and falls on him back]'' Oof!

Angelica: Come on, Tommy, come on, Cynthia, let's go eat lunch.

[Angelica and Tommy flee back to the diner where Stu is still reading the menu to himself.]

Stu: Mmm-hmm. South of the border order. Jalapenia meatloaf smothered in mole sauce, with a side of bean dip. Nah.

''[As Stu is still reading the menu, the Waitress returns with Didi, her clothes spic, and span. Didi takes a seat while the Waitress takes out a notepad.]''

Waitress: So, what's your pleasure?

Stu: Huh? [Stu looks up from the menu to see the waitress and Didi has returned] I think I'll have the... patty melt. Oh, hi, Deed.

[Just then the mechanics enter the diner and approach Stu and Didi's booth.]

Ace: Mister Pickles, I wonder if you would accept a free repair job?

Stu: Huh?

Eddie: Yeah, we fixed your car, no charge. We even threw in a complimentary air freshener.

Didi: Why, how nice of you.

Eddie: Yeah, now, we got a lot of other repair work waitin'. You see, and we were wondering if you would mind just getting' in your car and getting' back on the road.

Eddie: Soon.

Ace: Real soon.

Eddie: Please?

[The Pickles leave the diner and pile back into the car.]

Didi: My, you sure meet some wonderful people out on the road.

Stu: Yeah, I guess so.

[They soon arrive back at the exit to turn back on to the main highway...]

Stu: You know, I was thinking, do we really want to go all the way to the Grand Canyon?

[Didi spots a sign for the Clam Canyon.]

Didi: Oh! Look, Stu. Why don't we go to the Clam Canyon instead?

[Later, at the Clam Canyon, everybody is watching the other people go down water slides while Tommy and Angelica eat ice cream while Stu and Didi split a bucket of clams.]

Angelica [humming]: Here you go, Cynthia.

[Angelica tries to give her doll some of her ice cream, while making noises to make it sound like Cynthia is eating it.]

Stu [with his mouth full]: This food was worth the whole trip.

Didi: I'll say, you never know where you'll find good seafood.

Tommy: You know, Angelica, this Clam Canyon is great but I think I had more fun at the Graham Canyon.

Angelica [impatiently]: It's Grand Canyon. [to Cynthia] Cynthia, it's impossible to teach babies anything.

[End of episode.]