Tommy's First Birthday/Transcript

[The episode begins with a black screen.]


 * Stu: "Good morning, Champ."

[''Tommy opens his eyes. He is in his crib as Stu and Didi hang a banner that says, HAPPY BIRTHDAY in yellow letters on it.'']


 * Stu and Didi: "Happy birthday, Tommy."

[Stu blows a noisemaker and throws confetti, which lands on Tommy, who is wearing a red shirt rather than the light blue one he would wear later throughout the series.]


 * Didi: "You're a whole year old today."


 * Stu: "And boy, have we got some great presents for you."

[''Tommy giggles as Didi picks him up. Didi then kisses him on his forehead. Tommy giggles as Didi lays him down on his changing table. She pulls up his shirt, and as Stu talks to her, she untapes Tommy's dirty diaper. Tommy coos as Didi changes his diaper.'']


 * Stu: "Wait till' he sees my present, Didi. Did I tell you about the Hoverama prototype?"


 * Didi: "Uh-huh, you did, Stu."


 * Stu: "Picture this, Didi. The body's thirty-six inches long and about four feet diameter and..."

[Before Stu can finish, Didi lifts Tommy's legs.]


 * Stu: "Yikes!"


 * Didi: "Oh, just put it in the pail, Stu, and hand me a fresh diaper!"

[''Stu picks up Tommy's dirty diaper and drops it in the diaper pail. After Tommy is put in a clean diaper, Stu picks up a pair of blue overalls. Didi puts Tommy in the overalls, which only cover his diaper.'']


 * Stu: "Anyway, the Hoverama's got three hundred pounds of lift and cruises at more than five miles an hour."


 * Didi: "Coochie-coo..."

[Tommy grabs Didi's earring and pulls on it.]


 * Stu: "It's got three reverse thrusters, and two on the back to turn the thing."


 * Didi: "Let go of Mommy's earring, honey! Ow! Ow ow ow!"

[As Stu continues talking to Didi, Didi walks out of Tommy's bedroom, carrying Tommy, who is still pulling on her earring.]


 * Stu: "It takes 3 D batteries, two AAs, a C, and one of those 9-volt guys, and that's not even including the remote control!"


 * Didi: "Mommy's ear's not a toy, honey!"

[''Didi walks into the kitchen, where Lou is standing on a ladder, putting up a decoration. Stu follows Didi into the kitchen.'']


 * Stu: "This toy is destined for big things. It's my greatest invention yet. I tell you, Didi, it's gonna put Pickles Toys on the map!"

[Tommy lets go of Didi's earring as Didi hands Tommy to Stu.]


 * Didi: "Okay!"

[Didi walks up to a bookshelf.]


 * Didi: "Let's see what the book says."

[Didi picks up a book that says, LIPSCHITZ GUIDE PERFECT PARENTS and flips through it.]


 * Didi: "Eating technique, age twelve months."

[''Stu opens a jar of strained carrots and pours it into Tommy's bowl. Didi walks up to Stu.'']


 * Didi: "Stu, we're supposed to distract Tommy with a little play acting."

[Didi hands Stu a space shuttle-shaped spoon.]


 * Didi: "We pretend that this spoon is actually..."


 * Stu: "A space shuttle?"


 * Didi: "Lipschitz knows best, Stu. Now, let's try it."

[Didi closes the book as Stu scoops up the strained carrots with the spoon.]


 * Didi: "Okay, Tommy, open the pod bay door!"

[Tommy flinches.]


 * Didi: "A little to the left, Stu."

[Stu moves the spoon to the left.]


 * Didi: "Stu, let's do the birthday checklist."

[Stu picks up the clipboard on the table.]


 * Stu: "Okay, shoot."


 * Didi: "Um, carrot brand cake with health nuggets."


 * Stu: "Check."


 * Didi: "Pin the tail on the donkey."


 * Stu: "Safety version with suction cups, check."

[Tommy gasps when he sees some pens in Stu's pocket.]


 * Didi: "The puppet show?"

[As Stu talks to Didi, Tommy takes a red highlighter out of Stu's pocket.]


 * Stu: "Oh, yeah. Puppeteers, stage, props, and puppets arrive at eleven."


 * Didi: "Perfect!"

[Didi and Stu kiss each other as Tommy chews on Stu's highlighter.]


 * Lou: "A puppet show for one-year-olds? Why, the little sprats aren't even gonna remember it!"


 * Didi: "They'll remember this one, Pop. Rated Number One by Birthdays Magazine!"

[Didi shows Lou an issue of BIRTHDAY magazine, with a picture of wizard and dragon puppets on the front cover, and the words, BEST BUY FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY BUCK in red letters below.]


 * Stu: And besides, do we want to be remembered as the family that settled for less?"

[Tommy reaches for the spoon.]


 * Didi: "Look out, Stu, or you'll get strained carrots all over your shirt!

[''Tommy swats at the spoons, spilling the strained carrots, though thankfully, not on Stu's shirt. Stu gasps.'']


 * Stu: "This isn't working! Wait! I've got an idea!"

[''Stu reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out a rubber duck. He squeezes it, and it squeaks.'']


 * Didi: "Oh, I don't know, Stu. All my books recommend avoiding decoys."


 * Stu: "Trust me, Didi, you gotta let him know whose boss."

[Tommy puts the highlighter back in Stu's pocket.]


 * Stu: "Look over here, Tommy!"

[''Stu squeezes the rubber duck and it squeaks. Tommy giggles, then turns his attention to the TV on top of the bookshelf, which plays a commercial for HUSKIE'S CHOICE brand dog food. In the commercial, a white dog runs through the forest and up to his owner's house. The owner opens the door, and reveals that he has a can of dog food with the HUSKIE'S CHOICE logo in one hand and a dog bowl with the same logo in the other. When the bowl is full, he sets it down in front of the dog.'']


 * TV Commercial Man: "Huskie's choice. He'll run faster and jump higher. So good, you'll almost wish you were a dog!"

[''Tommy smiles when he sees the commercial. The white dog in the commercial jumps and barks excitedly. Tommy then looks down at Spike eating dog food from his bowl.'']


 * Didi: "Here's your chance, lunge!"

[''Didi walks away. Tommy coos and swats the spoon, spilling strained carrots onto Stu's shirt. Didi walks back to him.'']


 * Stu: "Oh, no! My favorite shirt!"


 * Didi: "Oh, dear!"

[''Didi and Stu walk away. As they talk to each other, Tommy reaches under his high chair and grabs a screwdriver, which was taped under the tray, which he uses to unbuckle the high chair belt and fall onto the floor.'']


 * Stu: "I paid seventy-five dollars for this shirt, it's a Georgio Lorenti!"


 * Didi: "I know, honey."


 * Stu: "It's irreplaceable!"


 * Lou: "Oh, for the love of Betsy, it's just a shirt!"


 * Stu: "You think the stain'll come out?

[As Stu and Didi talk to each other, Tommy crawls towards Spike's bowl.]


 * Didi: "Oh, I bet it will if we get at it quickly enough! Let me just get a sponge."


 * Stu: "Hurry, Didi, hurry! Every moment counts!"


 * Didi: "Here, I'll just..."


 * Stu: "Ow, that sponge is cold, Didi!"

[''Tommy licks his lips as he sees the food in Spike's bowl. before he can eat it, though, Lou picks him up and pulls him away.'']


 * Lou: "Just a minute there, scout. You don't want any of that. Eee-yucko!"

[Lou carries Tommy back to his high chair, and they both look down at the bowl of strained carrots.]


 * Lou: "What you want is some of the..."

[A bubble pops in the bowl of strained carrots.]


 * Lou: "I see your point."

[''Tommy coos sadly and looks at Spike's bowl. The doorbell rings as Didi has finished wiping the stain off Stu's shirt.'']


 * Didi: "I'll get it!"

[''Didi walks up to the front door. She looks at herself in the mirror, then opens the front door. On the other side are Betty and Howard. Howard is holding Phil and Lil, as well as Tommy's present in his arms.'']


 * Didi: "Hi, Howard, Hi, Betty, how are you?"


 * Howard: "Well,"

[Before Howard can finish, Betty slaps Didi on the back.]


 * Betty: "Swell, Deed. We are totally psyched for this birthday thing, aren't we, Howard?"


 * Howard: "Well, Betty..."


 * Betty: "Oh, don't mind Howard, Didi. He's just a little frazzed on account of all these kids!"


 * Howard: "Actually..."


 * Betty: "I mean, the twins are enough of an armload, and today, we got little Chuckster!"

[''The camera moves down to Howard's legs, revealing Chuckie to be hiding behind them. He then moves in front of them.'']


 * Betty: "Hey, you think we could just pen these pups?"

[In the living room, Tommy watches as Lou is on a ladder, putting up party decorations.]


 * Lou: "Puppet show for one-year-olds? Why, when I was a spud, we didn't have puppet shows!"

[''As Lou continues ranting, he climbs down the ladder. Didi and Betty walk up to him.'']


 * Lou: "If we wanted entertainment, we went out back and pulled up stumps!"

[''Didi picks up Tommy as Howard walks in. Lou walks away, but Betty walks up to him.'']


 * Lou: "Then we'd walk fifteen miles in the snow, to..."

[Before Lou can finish, Betty slaps him on the back.]


 * Betty: "Hey, there, old-timer! How the heck are you?"


 * Lou: "I've felt better!"

[Just then, the sounds of hammering and drilling can be heard.]


 * Betty: "Is somebody excavating downstairs or what?"


 * Lou: "That would be Stu tinkering with his hovawhatsit down there in his workshop."

[Lou, Didi, and Howard all run away.]


 * Betty: "The Hovawhat?"

[Lou puts up a banner that says, HAPPY BIRTHDAY in yellow letters.]


 * Lou: "Don't worry, you'll hear all about it."

[''The camera moves towards the basement door. It then cuts to a view inside the basement and moves down the stairs. It then moves over to Stu, who is holding a wrench, as he is working on the Hoverama.'']


 * Stu: "Tommy's gonna love this!"

[''Stu turns the mechanism on the hoverama with his wrench. The screen fades to black, then to the next scene, where Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, and Lil are all in the playpen. Tommy is crawling, Phil and Lil are playing patty-cake, and Chuckie is playing with Tommy's ball, which jingles as it rolls. He then falls over. Didi, Betty, and Howard watch them as they play.'']


 * Chuckie: "Oh!"

[Chuckie stands up.]


 * Betty: "Frisky little critters, aren't they?"

[''Phil and Lil stand up. Outside, Spike can be heard growling. Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, and Lil all walk up to the window, and watch Spike as he is growling and chewing on a teddy bear.'']


 * Betty: "Uh-oh! Looks like Spike's gonna tear that thing's leg off!"

[''Betty points ahead. Didi walks up and stares in shock.'']


 * Didi: "Oh, no! Spike, Spike, down, boy!"

[''Didi, Betty, and Howard all run outside. Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, and Lil all look at each other.'']


 * Tommy: "Chuckie, Phil, Lil, I got just one word to say to you."


 * Phil and Lil: "What?"


 * Tommy: "Dog food."


 * Phil and Lil: "Dog food?"


 * Tommy: "Dog food. I tried to get some from Spike's bowl, but Grandpa stopped me."

[Tommy kicks his ball towards Chuckie, who picks it up.]


 * Chuckie: "Why would you want to eat that stuff?"

[Chuckie kicks Tommy's ball back to Tommy.]


 * Tommy: "Well, Spike eats it, and look at him!"

[''Tommy points at the window, which Phil and Lil run up to. Outside, Spike jumps into the flower bed and rolls around in it.'']


 * Tommy: "He can do anything he wants! He even gets to sleep in the flowers! Maybe, if we eat that dog food, we'll turn into dogs!"

[Tommy stares out the window as Lou is now outside, scolding Spike.]


 * Lou: "Shoo, shoo! Get out of those flowers!"


 * Lil: "You mean we could sleep in the flowers?"

[Spike jumps onto Lou and licks his face.]


 * Lou: "Down, boy, stop it! Stop it, Spike! Get off of me, you big galoot!"


 * Phil: "And lick people?"

[Spike walks away.]


 * Lil: "And wear a collar with our names on it?"

[Spike now scratches himself.]


 * Chuckie: "I don't know. Maybe it's not such a good idea. Dogs don't have it so good. They always get fleas and junk."


 * Phil and Lil: "Fleas? Let's do it!"

[Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, and Lil all walk towards the other end of the playpen, but stop when they see Didi and Betty.]


 * Didi: "Oh, I almost forgot to put on their little party hats!"

[''Didi puts a party hat on Tommy. Chuckie then pulls on the hat on his head, as do Phil and Lil with the hats on their heads.'']


 * Betty: "Those will stay on for, oh, three minutes tops!"

[''Didi takes a picture of Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, and Lil with her camera. Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, and Lil all rub their eyes, then she takes another picture.'']


 * Betty: "Hey, isn't it time to bust the piñata?"


 * Didi: "Let's wait till all the kids get here!"

[Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, and Lil all remove their party hats.]


 * Betty: "Well, who's missing?"


 * Didi: "Tommy's cousin, Angelica."

[Didi and Betty walk into the kitchen.]


 * Betty: "Oh, right, Angelica."


 * Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, and Lil: "Angelica?!"

[''The screen transitions to the next scene, which takes place in Drew's car. Angelica, who is wearing her party dress, is sitting in her car seat as Drew drives.'']


 * Angelica: "When we get to the party, Daddy, can I play with little Tommy?"


 * Drew: "Sure, Sweetie. Aunt Didi's baking a birthday cake, and there's gonna be a puppet show! Uncle Stu says it's the best one in the whole world!"

[''Angelica reaches for the present in the seat across from her. Drew then stops his car.'']


 * Angelica: "Ugh!"


 * Drew: "Well, here we are."

[''In the basement, Stu is humming as he wraps Tommy's present. The Doorbell Messenger Robot pops out.'']


 * Doorbell Messenger Robot: "Doorbell, doorbell, doorbell!

[''Stu rolls his stool up to the control panel, pulls a lever, and presses buttons. A TV screen with a camera moves up to him, and the screen turns on, revealing Drew and Angelica to be at the front door. Drew is now holding the present.'']


 * Stu: "Great, Drew's here!"

[''A TV screen with a camera moves up to Drew. Stu appears on the screen and waves to Drew and Angelica.'']


 * Stu: "Hey, big bro! Hi, Angelica!"

[Angelica poses innocently.]


 * Drew: "Where are you, Stu?"


 * Stu: "I'm down in the workshop, working on Tommy's present. Wait just a second, I'll be right up!"

[''Stu shuts off the screen. He then opens the front door and kisses Angelica on the forehead. Angelica giggles, then she and Drew walk in.'']


 * Drew: "So, what are you working on this time?"


 * Stu: "I'm glad you asked me that question, Drew. One word; Hoverama!"


 * Drew: "Hova-what?"

[''As Stu and Drew talk to each other, Angelica walks up to the playpen. Stu and Drew walk up to her, and Stu picks her up and puts her in the playpen.'']


 * Stu: "It's a toy I invented for Tommy. It's got, I'm not kidding, three reverse fan thrusters, all mounted vertically, and then three on the back to turn the thing. Come on downstairs, I'll show you! I'm just now wrapping it up."

[''Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, and Lil all back away as Stu and Drew walk into the kitchen. Didi walks out, carrying a party hat and her camera. She puts the party hat on Angelica, then takes a picture of her. Angelica pulls Tommy and Chuckie towards her and smiles, then Didi takes a picture of all three of them together. Didi walks back into the kitchen, and Tommy rubs his eyes.'']


 * Tommy: "Um, um, hi, Angelica. Say, do you know anything about... dog food?"

[''Angelica pushes Tommy and Chuckie away. She then walks up to Tommy and grabs the suspenders of his overalls.'']


 * Angelica: "Listen up, Dummy. This may be your birthday, but when the presents are open, I get first dibs on the toys! What about dog food?"


 * Chuckie: "Tommy thinks if you eat some, maybe you turn into a dog."


 * Angelica: "You mean I could wear a collar with spikes on it?"


 * Phil: "And chase cats!"


 * Lil: "And howl at the moon!"


 * Angelica: "Could I even bite the mailman?"

[''Phil and Lil nod their heads, "Yes" in agreement. Angelica then lets go of the suspenders of Tommy's overalls.'']


 * Angelica: "Let's do it!"


 * Tommy: "Yeah, let's get some dog food!"

[''A fanfare plays, and the screen fades to black, ending act one. The second act begins with Tommy drawing on a piece of paper with a red crayon as Chuckie, Phil, Lil, and Angelica watch. He has drawn a picture of his plan to get food from Spike's bowl, as there are drawings of him outside the playpen, Phil and Lil in the playpen, Spike, and an arrow pointing to Spike's bowl. He puts a party hat on the paper. Spike looks around, then walks up to a carrot cake with one candle sitting on the table. As he pants, Betty sees him from the kitchen.'']


 * Betty: "That is one hefty hunk of health food."

[Didi paces nervously past Betty.]


 * Didi: "Puppets, puppets, puppets! Where are those puppets?"

[As Betty talks to Didi, Tommy jumps out of the playpen and walks into the kitchen.]


 * Betty: "Stay cool, Deed."


 * Didi: "Betty, my future as a mother depends on this party, and the party depends on the puppet show, and the puppeteers were supposed to be here, what? Thirteen, no, fourteen minutes ago!"

[The doorbell rings, and Betty walks up to Didi.]


 * Betty: "Maybe that's them now."

[Didi walks up to the front door.]


 * Didi: "Oh!"

[''Didi opens the front door. Jewish music plays as Boris and Minka are revealed to be on the other side. Minka walks in, pulls on Didi's cheek, and kisses her on the other cheek. Boris follows behind her.'']


 * Didi: "Oh! Hi, Mom! Hi, Dad!"


 * Minka: "And where is Tommy, may I ask?"

[''Tommy hums as he crawls up to Spike's bowl. Before he can get the food from it, Minka picks him up and pulls him away.'']


 * Minka: "There he is!"

[''Minka and Boris kiss Tommy. Minka then speaks yiddish at Tommy as she pulls on his cheek. Stu walks in, carrying his wrapped hoverama.'']


 * Stu: "Hi, Boris. Hi, Minka. Great, everyone's here! Let's open the hov... er... let's open the presents."

[''Tommy looks sadly down at Spike's bowl as Minka carries him into the living room. All the adults are talking indistinctly. Minka puts Tommy down, and Didi picks up Drew's present.'']


 * Didi: "Let's see. This one's from Drew."


 * Stu: "Come on, come on, come on! Can you move it over there?"


 * Howard: "Be careful!"

[''Didi sets Drew's present down in front of Tommy. She opens it, revealing a toy fire engine inside.'']


 * Stu: "Gee, Drew, do you really think this'll stimulate a small kid's imagination? I mean, what does it do? Heh! Where are the batteries?"

[''Tommy backs up as Phil and Lil run up to the toy fire engine. Lil grabs the front end and Phil grabs the back. They play tug-of-war with it, until Angelica walks up to it and takes it from them. They gasp as she carries it away.'']


 * Stu: "Ahem. Hey, Tommy, here's a present from your old dad! Watch this, Drew!"

[''Stu gets out of his chair and opens his present, revealing the Hoverama inside. A fanfare plays, then dies down as all the adults stare in confusion.'']


 * Boris: "What is that thing?"


 * Stu: "This is the hoverama."


 * Lou: "Stu, are you off your nut? Tommy's not old enough for that gizmo! Heh, heck, I'm not even old enough for it!"


 * Stu: "Anyone can work this thing, Pop! Here, let me show you!"

[''Stu reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a remote control. He pulls the lever back and forth, but the hoverama does nothing. He shakes the remote, and all the children and adults stare at him. Stu opens the back door of the remote, revealing there are no batteries in it.'']


 * Stu: "Oh. Heh, I guess I forgot the batteries! Heh. Now, where did I put those little..."

[''As Stu searches for the batteries, Boris looks at Minka and mutters in yiddish. Boris and Minka then get off the couch and walk away as Stu is now sitting in his chair again, holding a party hat.'']


 * Didi: "Aw, Stu. I'm sure once you get it running, the hovawhatsis will be Tommy's favorite toy."

[''Didi rubs Tommy's head as Stu covers his head with his hands. Chuckie then takes the remote sitting on the armrest of the chair.'']


 * Didi: "Uh, say, why-why don't we open Howard's present?"

[Didi picks up Howard's present and opens it.]


 * Tommy: "Oooh!"

[Howard walks up to his present, which is a boxed Baby Monitor, that says, BABY TALK and 2 WAY CELLULAR on the box.]


 * Howard: "I-it's a two-way cellular baby talkie."

[Howard picks up the box.]


 * Howard: "You put this one in the baby's bedroom, and you take this one with you, so you can hear if the baby cries or something!"

[''Stu walks up to Howard. Drew and Lou are also standing near him.'']


 * Stu: "I've heard about those things?"


 * Howard: "Only this one employs the latest technology! You can even talk back to the baby hands-free!"


 * Drew: "Wow! Can I see it?"

[Drew picks up one of the baby monitors.]


 * Drew: "Squadron leader, this is Concrete Cowboy, do you copy, over?"

[Lou picks up the other baby monitor.]


 * Lou: "Uh, that's a big ten-four, cowboy! I copy you loud and clear! Say, this is kind of nifty!"

[Stu is now holding the instructions.]


 * Stu: "Listen, let's take em' out back, and see what these things can really do!"

[Stu, Drew, Lou, and Howard all walk away.]


 * Howard: "And here's a nice feature; these units are voice-activated, have a built-in loudness control, and come with four random featured channels."

[''Didi and Betty look at each other. Angelica and Chuckie are playing tug-of-war with the toy fire engine, and Phil and Lil are playing with a ribbon.'']


 * Lil: "Whee!"


 * Angelica: "Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!"


 * Didi: "Where's Tommy?"

[''Tommy crawls towards the kitchen, and sees Spike's food in Spike's bowl. A light shines on Spike's food, and the camera zooms out. Before Tommy can crawl into the kitchen, Didi grabs him and pulls him away.'']


 * Tommy: "Whoa!"

[Didi carries Tommy back into the living room.]


 * Didi: "Oh, you still have all these wonderful presents to open!"

[''Didi sets Tommy down in front of his presents. Tommy looks back at Spike's bowl, which a light shines on again. Tommy, not wanting to open his presents, but still wants to eat Spike's food instead, tears up, then cries. Chuckie, Phil, Lil, and Angelica all stare at him. Didi then picks him up.'']


 * Didi: "Yes, sweetie, yes."

[Didi pats Tommy on his back, then turns to face Betty.]


 * Didi: "This party's a disaster!"

[As Didi and Betty talk to each other, Didi paces back and forth to try to get Tommy to stop crying.]


 * Betty: "Aw, I wouldn't say that, Deed. I've never seen those men so happy!"


 * Didi: "But I never live up to being the kind of mother I want to be! You know, like those moms on TV!"


 * Betty: Come on, Didi, TV's TV. We're real!"

[The doorbell rings, and Didi gasps.]


 * Didi: "The puppeteers!"

[''Tommy stops crying and gasps. Didi sets him down, and runs up to the front door. She opens it, and a caterer is on the other side.'']


 * Caterer: "This the Pickles residence?"


 * Didi: "Are you the puppeteers?"


 * Caterer: "Do I look like one, lady? Put it in the living room, Leo!"

[As Didi talks to the Caterer, two caterers carry the stage into the house.]


 * Didi: "Well, if you're not the puppeteers, where are they?"


 * Caterer: "Invoice says, STAGE and PUPPETS. I don't see nothing about puppeteers!"


 * Didi: "But what good is a stage and puppets without puppeteers?"

[Stu walks up to Didi, holding one of the baby monitors.]


 * Caterer: "Sign here, Mac!"

[''The caterer hands Didi his clipboard and pencil. The paper on the clipboard says, '#62315 INVOICE For Delivery. To Didi Pickles, 1258, N. Highland. For Puppets, Puppet Theatre.' Didi signs the paper, and the caterers walk back to their truck.'']


 * Caterer: "Have a nice day!"

[Didi closes the door.]


 * Lou (heard over the baby monitor): "Now, that's a big ten-four there, saddle-trap!"

[Didi takes the baby monitor from Stu.]


 * Didi: "All men report to base immediately!"


 * Stu: "Gee, Deed, that's not the right lingo at all."


 * Didi: "Stu, we're in big trouble!"


 * Stu: "What, we're out of batteries?"

[Lou, Drew, Betty, and Howard all walk up to Stu and Didi.]


 * Didi: "No! Apparently we booked the stage and the puppets, but not the puppeteers!"


 * Lou: "Good, let's just get right down to eating' cake!"

[Drew and Betty look at each other.]


 * Stu: "Say, I got an idea! Why don't Drew and I do the show?"

[Drew turns to face Stu and waves his hands in disapproval.]


 * Drew: "Oh, no! Not this investment banker!"

[Lou walks up to Drew.]


 * Lou: "Remember what happened the last time you boys put on a show?"


 * Stu: "Aw, heck, Pop. My arm healed, and Drew sees almost perfectly out of that eye! Besides, we were eight or nine years old then. Come on, Bro, we can do Fairy Tale Finales!"

[Stu walks up to Drew and nudges him with his elbow.]


 * Drew: "Well..."


 * Stu: "Great! Everyone to the living room!"

[''Stu points at the living room, and he and the rest of the adults walk into it. Betty, Howard, and Didi, who is holding Tommy, all sit on the couch. Phil and Lil sit on the floor, and Angelica scooches next to them. She bumps into Lil, who bumps into Phil.'']


 * Lil: "Ugh!"

[''Stu and Drew are now behind the stage curtain. Stu opens the curtain, and pulls out a puppet of a jester.'']


 * Stu (in a high-pitched voice): "Ahem. We now present for your entertainment, the climactic scene from the classic, Little Red Riding Hood.]

[Stu pulls the jester puppet down.]


 * Stu (in a high-pitched voice): "Knock knock knock!"

[Drew pulls up a puppet of the wolf dressed as Little Red Riding Hood's Grandmother.]


 * Drew (in a low-pitched voice): "Who's there?"


 * Stu (in a high-pitched voice): "It is me, Little Red Riding Hood!"


 * Drew (in a low-pitched voice): "Uh, um, come in!"

[Stu holds up a puppet of Little Red Riding Hood.]


 * Stu (in a high-pitched voice): "Grandma, what big eyes you have!"


 * Drew (in a low-pitched voice): "Why, thank you."

[Everyone stares blankly at Stu and Drew's performance.]


 * Stu (in a high-pitched voice): "Grandma, what big ears you have!"


 * Drew (in a low-pitched voice): "Yes, they're for hearing!"


 * Stu: "No, no, it's 'The better to hear you with, my dear!'."


 * Drew: "No, it isn't!"


 * Stu: "Of course it is!"


 * Drew: ""I beg to differ."

[Stu's Little Red Riding Hood Puppet smacks Drew's Wolf Puppet on the nose.]


 * Stu: "Hey, don't get uppity with me, okay?"

[As Stu and Drew argue, Didi and Betty stare in disapproval.]


 * Drew: "Uppity? Are you calling me uppity?"


 * Stu: "Yeah, 'cause you are uppity! You were uppity the last time we did this, too, but at least then, you knew your lines!"


 * Drew: "Hey, I didn't want to do this in the first place, it was your idea!"

[''As Stu and Drew continue arguing, Tommy climbs off the couch. He walks up to Chuckie, Phil, Lil, and Angelica, and signals them to follow him.'']


 * Tommy: "Ugh!"


 * Stu: "Oh, yeah, right. You always blame everything on me!"


 * Drew: "That's because you've always been a whiny little brat!"


 * Stu: "Brat?! Whiny little brat?!"


 * Drew: "Yeah, always breaking my stuff, and then running to Dad like a crybaby, and then I try to stop you!"

[''Tommy walks up to the kitchen door and opens it. He stares in shock at Spike's bowl, which is now empty. As he walks up to Spike's bowl, Spike pushes the kitchen door open and walks out it. Chuckie, Phil, Lil, and Angelica all walk up to him, thinking he's Tommy.'']


 * Chuckie: "Tommy?"


 * Phil: "It works! He's a dog already!"


 * Chuckie: "What's it like being a dog, Tommy?"


 * Phil: "Are you gonna chase some cats?"


 * Lil: "And poop all over the backyard?"


 * Angelica: "The Mailman's coming soon. Are you gonna bite him?"

[Spike licks Lil's face, and Lil giggles.]


 * Lil: "Stop that, Tommy!"

[Spike walks back into the kitchen.]


 * Angelica: "Wait, Tommy!"


 * Phil: "We want to be dogs, too!"

[''Chuckie, Phil, Lil, and Angelica walk into the kitchen. Chuckie looks at Tommy, who stares sadly at Spike's empty bowl.'']


 * Chuckie: "Tommy, you changed back!"


 * Tommy: "Changed back from what?"


 * Chuckie: "A dog!"


 * Tommy: "Nope, I never was a dog. Spike already ate all our dog food."

[''Spike's bowl is revealed to be empty. Lil then tears up.'']


 * Lil: "But I wanted to sleep in the flowers!"

[''As Lil cries, Spike walks up to her. He then looks at Angelica.'']


 * Angelica: "And I wanted to bite the mailman!"

[Tommy shrugs his shoulders, then looks up at a can of Huskie's Choice brand dog food on the top shelf, which he then points to.]


 * Tommy: "Look up there!"

[Back in the living room, Didi, Betty, and Howard continue staring as Stu and Drew continue arguing with each other.]


 * Stu: "Those were my baseball cards, mine! And you traded them to Whitey for that stupid hat!"


 * Drew: "Yeah, I traded 'em, and I'd trade 'em again! If you wanted 'em so bad, you shouldn't have left 'em in my room!"

[Lou shows up, holding a puppet of the Woodsman.]


 * Lou: "That's enough out of both of you! Break it up, or I'll tan both your hides!"

[''Lou hits Stu and Drew's puppets with his Woodsman puppet. Back in the kitchen, Chuckie is calling out to Tommy.'']


 * Chuckie: "How bout' now?"

[The camera moves up to Tommy, who is sitting atop Angelica, who is standing atop a stacked pile of pots and pans on the counter.]


 * Tommy: "Ugh, ugh! Still can't reach it!"


 * Angelica: "Ugh! Ugh! What do you weigh now, twenty-five pounds? Ugh! I can't go any higher!"


 * Chuckie: "Wait!"

[''Chuckie pulls out the remote to the hoverama. He then reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out a pair of batteries. He puts them in the remote, closes the door, switches the remote on, and pulls the lever. Back in the living room, Stu and Drew are still arguing with each other, unaware of the Hoverama flying away.'']


 * Stu: "That was my bike! I earned it with my paper route!"


 * Drew: "It was still usable! I only bent the handlebars a little! And that was on account of what you did to my skateboard!"


 * Stu: "Skateboard? *SKATEBOARD?!?!?"

[Didi gets off the couch and walks up to the stage.]


 * Didi: "Okay, let's agree to disagree. Stu, you shouldn't have wrecked Drew's skateboard, Drew, you shouldn't have bent Stu's handlebars."


 * Boris: "What's the matter with you, Didi? Let the boys argue."

[Chuckie flies the Hoverama intro the kitchen, and up to Tommy.]


 * Tommy: "Push it forward, Chuckie!"

[Chuckie pushes the lever forward.]


 * Tommy: "Little to the left!"

[Chuckie pulls the lever back, causing the Hoverama to turn its antenna towards the can of dog food.]


 * Tommy: "Little more! Just a little more!"


 * Phil: "He said 'more', Chuckie!"

[''Phil pulls the lever from Chuckie, causing the Hoverama to lose control. It knocks the can of dog food over and bends its antenna, which then latches onto the suspenders of Tommy's overalls.'']


 * Tommy: "Whoa-oa, whoa!"

[Angelica loses her balance.]


 * Angelica: "Aaaah!"

[Angelica grabs onto Tommy's feet, pulling him down.]


 * Tommy: "Whoa!"

[Chuckie, Phil, and Lil stare in shock, and the can of dog food falls onto the Hoverama.]


 * Tommy: "Whoa!"

[Chuckie pulls the lever, which pulls the Hoverama back and forth.]


 * Tommy: "Whoa! Whoa!"


 * Lil: "Now look what you've done! Let me fix it!"

[Lil snatches the remote from Chuckie and pushes it forward, which moves the Hoverama forward.]


 * Tommy: "Whoa!"


 * Angelica: "Yaaa!"

[''Angelica lets go of Tommy's feet, and lands in a bag of flour, which turns her white. Lil then pushes the lever back, and the Hoverama flies Tommy all over the kitchen.'']


 * Tommy: "Whaaa!"

[''Tommy kicks the lever on the refrigerator's ice dispenser, spilling ice all over the floor. As Angelica wipes the flour off her dress, Tommy flies towards her.'']


 * Tommy: "Whoa!"

[Chuckie takes the remote back from Lil.]


 * Chuckie: "Don't worry, I'm gonna bring him in over water!"

[The Hoverama flies Tommy towards the sink.]


 * Tommy: "Whoa-ho!"

[''Tommy grabs the sprinker of the sink. He pulls on it, and it sprays water everywhere.'']


 * Tommy: "Whoo! Whoa-ho!"

[Tommy lets go of the sprinkler, which spins and sprays water everywhere.]


 * Tommy: "Aaaah! Aaaah-ha, whoa!"

[Chuckie continues operating the remote.]


 * Chuckie: "We'd better try another pass.

[Phil and Lil stare angrily at Chuckie, with their arms crossed.]


 * Tommy: "Whoa!"

[The Hoverama flies Tommy through some jars on the kitchen shelf, causing him to knock them over.]


 * Tommy: "Aaaah-ho!"

[The Hoverama flies Tommy up to a stack of dishes, which he grabs and knocks over, causing them to fall on the floor and break.]


 * Tommy: "Whoo!"

[''Tommy then steps on the mixer, which sprays cake batter on the camera. The Hoverama stops, and Tommy is hanging from it by the suspenders of his overalls, holding a single dish. As Phil and Lil argue with each other and Angelica stares up at Tommy, the camera moves across the kitchen, revealing all to be a big mess.'']


 * Lil: "I think you'd better try lower this time."


 * Phil: "No, higher!"


 * Lil:" "Lower."


 * Phil: "Higher!"


 * Chuckie: "Please! I'm trying to concentrate!"

[The hoverama flies Tommy, who drops the dish on the floor, towards the kitchen door.]


 * Tommy: "Whoa! Door! Door!"

[''As Chuckie operates the remote, Phil and Lil run past him and up to the kitchen door. They push it open, and the Hoverama flies Tommy out it. Back in the living room, Didi pets Stu's Little Red Riding hood puppet.'']


 * Didi: "Now you, Stu. Don't hold back."

[Stu sniffles.]


 * Stu: "Tony Bow-wow was my favorite stuffed toy."

[As Stu sniffles, the Hoverama flies Tommy into the living room.]


 * Stu: "Wh-why'd you have to go and...... tear his ears off?"

[The Hoverama flies Tommy over the cake, and Spike, who is staring up at it.]


 * Drew: "It was wrong, Stu. I was only four. Can you forgive me?"

[''Spike looks up at Tommy, and as Drew sobs, the Hoverama's antenna breaks. Thankfully, Tommy lands on Spike.'']


 * Tommy: "Oof!"

[''The Hoverama lands in the cake. All the adults turn their attention to it. Stu and Drew immediately stop crying as they lower their puppets and peek out from behind the stage.'']


 * Didi: "Oh, no! My cake!"

[Didi runs up to the cake.]


 * Didi: "The party is ruined, my perfect carrot cake is destroyed, and the puppet show is a total disaster!"


 * Howard: "Actually, I thought it was a very spirited performance!"

[Didi and Betty stare angrily at Howard.]


 * Howard: "Oof, just kidding."

[Tommy climbs off of Spike.]


 * Tommy: "Oof!"

[''Tommy giggles as he walks up to Didi. Didi picks him up, and Stu walks up to them.'']


 * Stu: "Great party, huh? Too bad about the cake, though."

[''Stu walks up to the cake. He pulls the Hoverama out, which gets cake all over his shirt.'']


 * Stu: "Oh, no! My other favorite shirt!"

[''Jewish music plays as Boris walks up to the cake. He sticks his finger in it, and tastes it. Minka then walks up to him.'']


 * Boris: "What kind of cake is this? It should have been chocolate! In the old country, you never had a carrot cake at a birthday party!"

[''Minka sticks her finger in the cake and tastes it. She then turns to face Boris.'']


 * Minka: "This isn't the old country, or haven't you noticed, Mr. Chocolate Cake?"


 * Boris: "For your information, Yenta, chocolate cake is international!"


 * Minka: "Oh! Suddenly, he's Mr. International!"

[''As Boris and Minka argue with each other in yiddish, Lou walks up to the can of dog food on the floor. He picks it up, then looks down at Spike. He pulls out his pocket knife, which he uses to open the can. Didi then walks up to Boris and Minka, who are still arguing with each other.'']


 * Didi: "Dad, you're right, we should have had a chocolate cake! Mom, you're right, it's none of his business!"

[''Lou pours the dog food from the can onto a plate, then sets the plate on the floor. He walks away, and Spike sniffs the food. He isn't hungry right now, so he walks away. Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, Lil, and Angelica all walk up to the plate of dog food. They each grab some of the dog food and eat it. Everyone, except for Lil, finds out it tastes terrible, and Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, and Angelica all spit it out while Lil licks her lips.'']


 * Phil: "You know, I kind of like it!"


 * Angelica: "When's this stuff start working, anyway?"


 * Chuckie: "Maybe it takes a while."


 * Tommy: "Wait a minute, I felt something! Woof woof woof!

[Tommy gets on his hands and knees and starts acting like a dog.]


 * Angelica: "Woof! Woof! Arf! Grrrr! Woof! Woof!"


 * Tommy: "Woof! Woof! Woof!

[Phil and Lil start scratching themselves.]


 * Lil: "Hey, I think I got some fleas!"


 * Phil: "Me too!"

[Chuckie gets on his hands and knees.]


 * Chuckie: "I can't wait till' we grow some fur! Awoo!"

[''Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, Lil, and Angelica all act like dogs and crawl around in a circle. The camera moves up to Boris and Minka, who are still arguing with each other in yiddish, then to Stu, Didi, and Lou. Stu looks down at Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, Lil, and Angelica, who are all acting like dogs, and smiles at them. He then taps Didi on the shoulder. Didi looks down happily, and Boris and Minka stop arguing. They walk up to Didi, Stu, and Lou.'']


 * Stu, Didi, Lou, Boris, and Minka: "Awww!"

[''Stu, Boris, and Minka all walk away as Didi pulls out her camera, and hands it to Lou. Stu, who is holding the hoverama, walks up to Didi, as do Boris, Minka, Betty, and Howard. Lou takes a picture of them all, which is used as a transition to the photo, which is revealed to be part of a photo album. The camera moves past more pictures from the episode, including one of Angelica holding Tommy and Chuckie in her arms, the messy kitchen, and Tommy and Spike near what's left of the cake. The camera then zooms out, revealing more pictures, incluidng ones of Phil and Lil wearing Party Hats, Stu and Drew's puppet show, Angelica, and Tommy having fallen asleep at the end of the day. The pages say, TOMMY'S FIRST DAY in cursive letters. The photo album closes, revealing it to have THE PICKLES FAMILY ALBUM written on the front cover. The screen fades to black, ending the episode.'']