Susie Sings the Blues/Transcript

A stereo is playing music. Angelica is singing while dogs are barking.

Angelica: Quiet!

The barking stops.

Angelica: Everybody's a critic

The barking resumes.

Girl: (voice) Four, three, two, one!

Rock music is playing. Susie is singing.

Angelica: Hang it up, Susie. You sound like Fluffy the day after she licked the tinsel off the Christmas tree

Susie: Oh, that's so sweet, Screechelica

Beverly: That is some voice you have. I'm Beverly Jones. I manage singing talent. It's a little rough around the edges, but you definitely have something there. Are you repped?

Susie: Thanks. Uh, repped?

Beverly: You know, do you have an agent?

Susie: Well, no, but...

Angelica: If you're looking for real talent, plant it and dig it

Angelica puts Beverly into a chair and starts singing.

Susie: I used to like that song

Beverly: Well, call me if you're interested

In the hall way.

Man: Pick up those feet, Alvarez. Hands out of pockets, Boyer. Pulaski, did I say you can slouch?

In the cafeteria.

Tommy: Those are the guys who spread the mashed-potato flakes on the soccer field, then set off the sprinklers

Chuckie: Slam Bang Pangborn will put them in evil holds he learned when he was a pro wrestler, like the inverted double gut wrench

Tommy: Their detention's going to brutal

Chuckie: Yeah, but it's proof they took a risk. Sure they're paying the price, but they lived on the edge. Not me. I make safe, boring choices

Tommy: Not so boring. You got your lactose-free cottage cheese, your white bread with the crusts sliced off, your, uh, vanilla ice cream

Chuckie: See? I'm vanilla. Crustless Vanilla Finster. I was going to get the chocolate-mango swirl bar, but no, I chickened out at the last minute. Story of my life

Tommy: Actually, you usually chicken out the first minute, but, hey, be tight with that

Chuckie: But I want to be tight with a different Chuckie. A Chuck! A Chuck who takes risks, a Chuck who flirts with danger. I'm going to start messing up. You with me, Tom?

At Java Lava.

Chas: Well, I crunched and recrunched the numbers, Betty, and technically speaking, unless we bring in more customers, we're toast

Betty: What you need is a gimmick like weight machines. (gasps) The Glutinator 8, 000--been using it three times a week. Go ahead, pop a cup of joe on top of that puppy. It won't spill a drop

Chas: Oh, uh, thanks

Angelica: If you really want to fill this joint, hold a talent night. People love to be entertained. You want to pack them in? You need to introduce a great undiscovered singer, who, by the way, you've known since she was practically in diapers

Chas: Hmm. You're right. We'll get Susie Carmichael

Angelica: Huh! I was talking about me--great undiscovered singer--me

Chas: Oh, well, uh, I suppose we could put you on before Susie, and...

Angelica: Before?! I'm no opening act

Chas: But I don't think...

Betty pushes Chas to the ground.

Betty: (whispering) Have you cracked your nut?

Chas: (whispering) Well, actually, Betty, I think it was my spine

Betty: (whispering) This is Angelica you're dealing with. You really want to shut her off? Plus, if you put her on before Susie, there'll be no after

Chas: (whispering) Got it?

Chas stood up.

Chas: Well, how about I put you on after Susie?

Angelica: Believe me, they'll be relieved when I take the stage

Angelica left.

Betty: Nice work, Chas

Chas moans.

Chas: Oh, thanks. Uh, Betty, would you mind taking me to the emergency room? Again

At Susie's house.

Randy: A career as a pop singer?

Lucy: Oh, Susie, be realistic. Your career choice should be something that puts all your talents to use

Susie: It does. I sing, I dance, and I think I can really make it

Lucy: So do thousands of girls, sweetheart. But so much of it is based on luck

Randy: Look, Susie, it's not like we don't think you're a wonderful singer. We just don't want you to get hurt

Lucy: These are the years you should be devoting to your academic talents--you know, for the future that will bring you success