Angelica the Magnificent/Transcript

(Opening scene: We see a red ball in a plastic cup held by Angelica Pickles during the opening credits. The cup is then covered with a lid.)

Angelica: Presto change-o!

(Angelica uncovers the lid, but nothing happens to the red ball. Tommy and his friends Chuckie Finster, Phil and Lil DeVille Ooh in amazement, though.)

Angelica: You dumb babies! It didn't work!

(The babies are in a play pen outside on the patio of Drew's house.)

Tommy: But it's still a real nice ball, Angelica.

(Chuckie nods in agreement.)

Angelica: Ha! You don't know the first thing about magic.

(She runs off with the ball and cup to try doing her trick somewhere else.)

Chuckie: What did she mean? What's the first thing about magic?

Tommy: (shrugging) I don't know.

Phil: Huh, guess Angelica was right.

(The kids' dads are busy building a storage shed from wood, nails and pipes. Howard is reading the instructions.)

Howard: Hmmm...

Drew: (to Chas) Well, I should have built this thing years ago. Finally, a place to put all that junk that won't fit in the back of the garage anymore. (He points at a pile of unneeded household items near him.)

Howard: I don't know, Drew. Aren't there people you could pay to come and do this sort of thing for you?

Stu: (carrying a small box) Come on, Howard. It's not like we're building the Taj Mahal Here. It's just a little storage shed. It won't take us more than an hour.

Drew: (pointing off-camera) Oh, look, isn't that cute? (Angelica is still trying her trick out, with unsuccessful results.) I bought Angelica a Wee Wizard magic kit.

Chas: Isn't she a little young for magic tricks?

Drew: Well, Angelica is highly advanced.

(Angelica slams the open cup on the ground.)

Angelica: YOU STUPID LITTLE BALL! WHY WON'T YOU DISAPPEAR?!

(She covers the cup again while Drew approaches.)

Drew: Is anything wrong, sweetness?

Angelica: (pointing to the ball) It won't disappear!

Drew: Well, maybe you need to sprinkle a little more fairy dust on it, peanut nose.

(He demonstrates sprinkling on "fairy dust".)

Angelica: Maybe I should just grind the stupid ball into fairy dust!

Drew: (handing her the cup) Oh, come on, honey. Give it another try.

Angelica: (sighing disgustedly) All right. (She covers the cup and "sprinkles" it. Drew sneaks the ball away from the cup while she isn't looking. Angelica uncovers the cup and sees that the trick "worked". She gasps in surprise.) I did it! I disappeared the ball!

(She runs off showing the other dads at work while Drew snickers behind a tree.)

Angelica: (jumping on a board the dads pick up) Look, everybody, I can disappear the ball!

Stu: (struggling) That's swell, dear.

Chaz: (ditto) Yeah, it's really... amazing.

Angelica: (jumping off and doing the trick again and again) Now you see it, now you don't, now you see it, now you don't, now you see it... (The dads are putting the board on the top of the shed.) You're not LOOKING!!!

(This summons gets their attention, and the board drops.)

Stu, Howard, Chas: Aaaaahhh!!!

(Lil carries her stuffed rabbit while she and the other babies are watching.)

Lil: Why's she so 'cited about disappearing that ball anyway?

Phil: Maybe she wants to get rid of it.

Tommy: (holding his teddy bear) She should give it to us, then. I still say it's a real nice ball.

(Angelica imitates a fanfare after showing the trick to the then-exhausted dads. Drew comes back into work.)

Drew: Uh, cupcake, the grown-ups have work to do. I say, don't you wanna show your very special trick to all your little friends?

(This gives the three-year-old a nasty plot and she quietly cackles.)

(Angelica opens her magic kit and puts on her wizard hat and cape to the babies in the play pen.)

Angelica: Okay, you babies, listen up. This is your lucky day, and you know why? I'll tell you why. (She then grabs her wand.) 'Cause today, you get to see Angelica the Magnificent!

Chuckie: (running to and cowering behind Tommy) Tommy, I'm scared.

Tommy: Angelica, what are you gonna do?

Angelica: (preparing her ball trick) I'm gonna do a magic show!

Tommy: Oh. See, Chuckie, it's just a magic show. What's a magic show?

Lil: I know! She's gonna pull a rabbit out of her hat! I seen it on TV!

(The other babies jump and cheer in excitement and are about to watch Angelica's show.)

Angelica: (showing her cup to them) This is an even better trick! (She performs the trick to them.) Ali Baba, alakazee, ollie-ollie-osten-free, free, free!

(The ball once again disappears.)

Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, Lil: (amazed) Wow!

(Angelica picks up the cup, but when she does, however, the ball drops from the outside bottom. Tommy gasps, and Angelica notices the bouncing ball.)

Tommy: Wow, Angelica, that was a really, really good magic show.

(Chuckie and Phil nod in agreement.)

Angelica: I'M NOT FINISHED!! (The boys are taken aback at this.) For my next trick, I will...

Lil: (showing her rabbit) Pull a rabbit out of your hat?

Angelica: NO!!!

Lil: (moaning) Oh.

Angelica: For my next trick, I will make my magic wand float in thin air. (She ties two pieces of string at each end of her wand and ties them to her middle fingers without having the babies look.) Alakazam, Alakazoom! (She picks the clearly-seen strings and wand up and "performs" the trick.)  Ta-da!

Lil: (noticing with the boys) It's hanging from a string.

Angelica: Is not!

Lil: Is, too.

Angelica: Oh, yeah? Well, now I'm gonna make my magic wand disappear, just like the ball.

Lil: (shaking her head) You didn't disappear the ball. (pointing to it) It's sitting right there by your feet. (Angelica notices this.) And when are you gonna pull a rabbit out of your hat?

Tommy: Yeah!

Phil: Come on!

Chuckie: We want the rabbit.

Angelica: (pulling hat off and stomping it) I can't pull a rabbit out of my hat!

Lil: (whining) Oh, I thought this was supposed to be a magic show.

Angelica: (fed up with her) Maybe I ought to make you disappear, Lil!

Tommy: Wow!

Phil: Neat!

Chuckie: Could you really do that, Angelica?

(Angelica glares at the babies, but then looks at the dads putting a metal roof on the in-progress shed. This gives her a nasty idea.)

Angelica: Sure, I can. Wait here.

(She walks off. Chuckie has second thoughts on this.)

Chuckie: Maybe this isn't such a good idea, Lil.

Lil: Aw, I'm not scared. Being disappeared might be fun.

Chuckie: I don't know.

Phil: (assuring him) Don't worry, Chuckie, she can't disappear Lil. She can't even disappear a little ball.

(Angelica returns with an empty cardboard box and opens it. She gives a nasty smile while looking at the babies. She then unlocks the hatch on the play pen and lets the babies out.)

Angelica: (taking Lil's rabbit away) This'll be the bestest trick I ever done. (sprinkling some dirt over Lil) But first, I gotta put some fairy dust on you.

Lil: (covering her face) Hey!

(Angelica then pushes Lil into the box and closes it. The boys gasp in amazement as Angelica taps her wand on the top of the box. Lil covers her ears. She then opens the box as Angelica continues tapping.)

[ Transcriber's note: The gasp is recycled from "Ice Cream Mountain".]

Angelica: Wowie-zowie-bo-bowie, fee-fye-fow-mowie, kablowie!

(As Angelica recites her magic words, Lil notices a fluttering butterfly and giggles. The butterfly flutters into the box. Another butterfly flutters by and Lil crawls, following it.)

Angelica: Lil, I command you to disappear!

(Angelica opens the box and unknowingly shows the butterfly that entered into it.)

Tommy, Chuckie, Phil: Wow.

Angelica: Well, there you have it. Lil's disappeared, all gone, no more Lil. (suddenly realizing) No more Lil?! I did it! I disappeared her!

Tommy: (holding Lil's rabbit) Wow!

Phil: (as Tommy hands the rabbit to him) You disappeared Lil!

Chuckie: (noticing the butterfly) No, she didn't. Look! (Angelica notices the butterfly fluttering out of the box and away.) She turned Lil into a butterfly.

Angelica: (nervously) Right. Th-that's what I meant to do-- I turned her into a butterfly.

(The boys gasp.)

(Drew and Howard are picking up another board for the shed and carry it while groaning.)

Drew: For Pete's sake, Howard, could you hold that still?

Howard: It's just a little storage shed, huh? (They don't notice Lil running under them, following the butterfly.) I knew this would turn into a living nightmare.

(As Lil continues following, she runs into a bush and other butterflies flutter from it.)

(Back to the rest of the kids.)

Phil: (to Angelica) Um, don't you think you oughtta change her back now?

Chuckie: Where is she?

Tommy: (pointing) There she goes.

(The butterfly they think is Lil flutters away.)

Angelica: I think she likes being a butterfly. Well, gotta run.

Tommy: No! We gotta catch Lil so you could change her back! (The boys run after it.) Lil!

Phil: Lil, wait!

Chuckie: Lil, come back!

(Angelica walks off with a proud look on her face.)

Angelica: (stopping for a bit) What a great wand!

(Drew and Howard are still grunting and carrying the board. They don't notice Tommy, Chuckie and Phil walking under them, looking all over for the butterfly they think is Lil.)

Howard: Professional builders, they call them. In some civilized countries, they have unions and everything.

(The boys walk near the bush and see the butterflies that flutter above it.)

Chuckie: Tommy, how are we gonna figure out which one is Lil.

Tommy: Lil, where are you?

(The girl in question is still in the bush playing with a worm on a leaf.)

Lil: I'm right here!

Phil: (gasping) Which one said that?

Tommy: (pointing) That one!

(The butterfly the boys were following flutters over Chuckie's nose. Chuckie tries to grab it, but it flutters to the grass. He tries again, and this time, he succeeds.)

Tommy: Come on. Let's get her back to Angelica before it's too late.

(The boys run off with their butterfly before Lil comes out of the bush.)

Lil: Where'd everybody go?

(Angelica, meanwhile, is playing with her wand.)

Angelica: (addressing herself while imitating her parents) "Angelica, share your toys." Zap! You're disappeared! "Angelica, time for a nap." Pow! You're gone! (She then walks off cackling.) I can't wait to take this thing to preschool.

(The boys come in with their butterfly, getting her attention.)

Tommy: We got her, Angelica.

Phil: Now you gotta change my sister back.

Angelica: Yeah? Says who?

Chuckie: Come on, Angelica, we miss Lil.

Angelica: Say "please".

Tommy, Chuckie, Phil: Please.

Angelica: Say "pretty please".

Tommy, Chuckie, Phil: (getting a bit impatient) Pretty please.

Angelica: Say "pretty please with sugar on top and ice cream in the middle of..."

Tommy: (impatient) Angelica, change her back!

Angelica: Sheesh, okay, okay. Put her in the box.

(Tommy and Chuckie run to the box and open it, with Chuckie putting the butterfly into it.)

Angelica: (wondering what the magic words were again) Now, how did that go? Uh... (She waves her wand over the box.) Hocus-Crocus, silly locus! Humphrey-Bogus, out of focus! (She opens the box, and nothing happens to the butterfly.) Uh, let's try again. (Tommy glares at her while she waves her wand again.) Eenie, meenie, minie, mucus! In-a-gadda-da-vida, pucus! (She opens the box again, but still, nothing happens. She then addresses Phil.) Look at it this way, Phil-- now you get twice as many toys.

Phil: You can't change her back?

Angelica: Hey, I tried.

Phil: But I want my sister!

Angelica: And I want a pony. You can't always get what you want.

Tommy: (getting real angry) Angelica, when the grown-ups find out you disappeared Lil, you're gonna be in big trouble!

Angelica: (realizing) Uh-oh. I-I never thought of that. (She walks to Phil.) Hey, Phil, why don't you wear a ribbon in your hair for a while and pretend to be Lil?

Chuckie: (shaking his head in disagreement) Uh-uh, won't work, Angelica. Then who would be Phil?

(Angelica snaps her fingers.)

Phil: Angelica, this is important, Lil's my sister. (begging) You can't just make her disappear forever!

Tommy: You better go tell the grown-ups what you did!

(Angelica now stands at a crossroads, as she has no choice.)

Angelica: (sighing disgustedly) All right, all right.

(She walks off, ditching her hat, and sees that the dads are almost done with the shed while the boys look at the box.)

Angelica: (tugging Drew's apron while he applies another board) Daddy! Daddy!

Drew: (grunting) Uh, sweetheart, Daddy's busy. Is this important?

Angelica: Um... (She looks at the boys, then clasps her hands innocently.) No.

(Lil picks up Angelica's hat and looks into it. She moans not finding a rabbit in it, before addressing the boys.)

Lil: What's Angelica doing?

Chuckie: She's going to tell the grown-ups how she made you diss...

(The boys are excited to see her again.)

Tommy, Chuckie, Phil: Lil!

Phil: What was it like to be disappeared?

Chuckie: Did it hurt?

Tommy: Did you like being a butterfly?

Lil: You guys have been watching too many cartoons.

(Back to Angelica and the dads. The shed is now finished.)

Drew: Guys, job well done.

Stu: Yep, piece o' cake.

Drew: (to Angelica) Now, cupcake, what is it?

Angelica: I gotta tell you something, Daddy! I, I...

Drew: Yes?

Angelica: I...

Drew: Yes?

Angelica: THE BABIES DUG A HOLE AND BURIED LIL IN IT!

Stu, Drew, Howard, Chas: What?!

(The dads notice the open and empty play pen.)

Stu: Who let the babies out?

Angelica: Well, I did. (The dads look at her.) But the rest was all their fault!

(The dads are then relieved when they see the babies walk to them. They pick the babies up, while Angelica is a bit confused but relieved.)

Howard: There you are! Come here, kids! What happened?

Chas: Where were you children?

Angelica: Lil, I'm so glad to see you! Was it cold underground?

Drew: All right, Angelica, I think you've been watching too many cartoons. Maybe it's time for a nap.

Angelica: (Gasp!) No! I'm not taking any nap! Um, um... (waving her wand at Drew) Kalamazoo! Poof! (Nothing. She waves her wand again.) Sholem-Aleichem!

(Again, nothing. Drew taps his foot at her and picks her up while adressing Howard, but not before she tosses her wand up in the air.)

Drew: I'm sorry, Howard. I don't know what's gotten into her.

(Drew carries her to the inside of the house while she shouts.)

Angelica: NO! NOOOOOOO!!!! I WON'T TAKE A NAP! PLEASE! ANYTHING BUT A NAP! DADDY!!!

Drew: Angelica, stop it. Come on, now, come on. (Angelica starts wailing.) Angelica!

(Tommy picks up the wand.)

Tommy: Look what I got!

Chuckie: Tommy, be careful with that!

(Stu lays a hand on Howard's shoulder over the acomplishment of the finished shed.)

Stu: See, Howard, I told ya'. Piece o' cake. A professional shed builder couldn't have done a better job.

Howard: (unsure) I don't know, still looks kinda unstable to me.

Stu: Are you kidding? (laying a hand on the shed by its side) It's as solid as a rock.

(A screw comes off.)

Tommy: (waving wand at shed) Kalamazoo!

(The shed falls to pieces.)

Chas: Uh-oh.

(The babies gasp. Howard looks at the shed's remains. Tommy lowers the wand as Howard walks to Stu and Chas.)

Howard: Guess it's a little early to start celebrating, huh, guys?

Stu, Chas: (moaning) Right.

(Tommy looks at the wand for a moment.)

Chuckie: (walking to Tommy) Tommy, why'd you do that?

Tommy: (tossing the wand away) Chuckie, there are some things even a baby shouldn't fool around with.

Chuckie: Oh.

(The episode ends with the two babies looking at the wand on the grass.)