River Rats/Transcript

(Before the opening theme song Tommy and Chuckie are on Betty and Howard's backs playing a wrestling-like game in the pool. Chuckie then pulls Tommy's arms causing Tommy to fall off Betty's shoulders and into the pool)

(Post the opening theme song Tommy resurfaces the water breathing heavily as he swims to the pool side as Betty, Howard, and Chuckie looked at each other before Betty went over to Tommy)

Betty: You okay Tommy boy?

Tommy: Yeah...uh...sure, of course I am. I'm fine.

Betty: Well you're looking a little pruned.

(Betty grabs Tommy's arm looking at his hand before the scene cuts over to Phil, who is siting on a lawn chair covering himself with a towel as video game noises could be heard)

Phil: Yes!

Betty: Aw jeez Philly you still playing that game? Even a train stops once in a while.

Phil: Uh I was just uh...testing these new batteries. Rest easy, they're in excellent working order.

Betty: Nice try, now put that thing down and get in the pool, we need another chicken to play chicken!

(Betty then squeaks like a chicken)

Phil: Yeah thanks for the invite but uh, i'm staying on land. Pools are so lame, the water just sits there.

(Tommy and Chuckie keep playing with the beach ball as Betty thinks to herself before going over and sitting on the pool ledge.)

Betty: So you want water that moves huh? I got just the ticket, we're going to the great outdoors!

(Phil doesn't listen as he keeps playing his game from under the towel)

Betty: Why you ask? White-water rafting!

(a video game crash sound is heard as Phil removes the towel off of himself)

Phil: That. Sounds. Awesome!

Tommy: Tote, have fun.

Betty: Nah I mean you guys too! Phil should have his buds along right?

(Chuckie throws the beach ball to Tommy but it flies past Tommy who wasn't paying attention)

Chuckie: Wow, um, but isn't the great outdoors where you know, spiders, snakes, bears, beavers, vultures, and their buds hangout? And about this white water?

Betty: Calm down Chuckster, being in the woods is great, and rafting is wall to wall fun. Yep I used to be a guide, trust me it's no more dangerous than-

(Tommy and Chuckie look to each other as Betty explains) 

(Betty is cut off as Phil suddenly cannon balled into the pool splashing Tommy, Chuckie, and Betty and even knocking off Chuckie's glasses)

Phil: CANNON BALL!

Betty: -being in a pool.

(The scene then changes to Phil and Chuckie in a raft in the DeVille's backyard as Tommy is spraying it with the hose so they could get the feel of rafting)

Chuckie: You know guys, now that I read my book, "Getting in Touch with Your Inner Raftsman", I'm kinda psyched!

Tommy: That a way Chuckie! Nothing to be scared of. Right Phil? (sprays Phil in the face with the hose)

Phil: Nothing but rafting trauma! (rocks the raft so hard that he and Chuckie fall out of it)

(As Betty is dusting off some river-rafting things, Chas enters the DeVille backyard while he coughs from all the dust)

Chas: It's duster then Dallas around here! (looks at some river-rafting equipment) My, look at all this stuff! Ooh, hook lines and sinkers! (chuckles) 

Betty: Orgh...

Chas: You know I used to be quite good at camping.

(Just then a bee flies around Chas's head, scaring him that he knocks down a circular cooler which Howard trips over and hits his foot on something hard, knocking down even more things)

Howard: Owrah!

Chas: Oh I'm so sorry, Howard.

Betty: Quite a show, Howay! Are you okay?

Howard: In a word: My foot hurts, my head aches and I can't get up! Do I have to go?

(Betty helps Howard up to his feet)

Betty: Nah, you stay home and hold down the fort. We'll do fine right boys?

Phil: Don't sweat it, dad. We're cool.

Chuckie: Yeah, how hard can nature be?

(Howard smiles and walks inside the house)

Chas: (clears his throat) You know Betty, the three to one child ratio could be a lot to handle. I'm uh, well not adverted to accompanying all of you into the wild. May help to have a man along. (adjusts pants)

Betty: Good idea! So who you bringing? (laughs and slaps Chas on the back) I'm just kidding Chazzy! You're no Howay but glad to you aboard! (shakes Chas's hand)

Chuckie: Yay! My dad's going!

Betty: So here's our crew! Get ready to rock and rafting!

Chas: Wow! Won't it be fun guys?

(Next scene is in the wilderness with Chas slapping away mosquitoes) 

Betty: Let's go go go! Tommy, we need more wood. Chuckie, chop chop with the tent! Phil, here is some rope.

(Chas ties to blow up an inflatable raft but has little to no success)

(Scene is on Phil who is sitting on a large rock, adjusting his baseball cap)

Betty: Philly, you're the knot captain. Read the manual. Learn the Box Knot, The Slip and The Cowboy.

Phil: Got 'em! Cowboy, slips and a box.

(Betty walks over to Chas who is still trying to inflate the raft. Betty takes the raft from Chas and blows it up in no time and hands it back to Chas)

Chas: Thank you.

(The scene is now on Chuckie looking at the unfinished tent and Tommy throwing wood into the fire pit)

Tommy: (examining the tent) Okay so it's all set up and ready! For what exactly?

Chuckie: Hey, don't you worry! I'm going to do it! I'm just getting the hang of this biz you call "nature" and it's nothing I can't handle!

Tommy: Glad to hear it. Now remember you're probably going to hear some sounds you're not used to.

(Phil burps loudly) 

Tommy: Like that! Ah, the exotic gross-faced disgusto bird!

Chuckie: Yeah right. No I mean it Tommy. Conquering nature's been on my "To-Do" list. So no matter how dangerous, icky (steps on top of a log) or how common Phil things get, I just decided to remain calm, cool and collected!

Tommy: (while giving Chuckie a fist bump) Solid!

(Chuckie jumps off log)

Chuckie: It also helps that you're here. Especially when we get on that river. (points to the stream) 

Tommy: (slightly nervous) Yeah... ugh hey! You better get working on that tent!

Chuckie: Ay-ay captain!

(After when Chuckie walks away, Tommy stares at the river)

Phil: (voice heard only) Tommy? Does this look right?

(Scene then shows Phil who has his wrist and foot tied in the rope)

Tommy: I think KNOT!

(Phil giggles)

Phil: Good one! (giggles again)

Chuckie: (voice heard only) Uh oh, guys? (scene shows Chuckie under the tent) I think I just zipped my jacket into the door. Little help?

Phil: (to Tommy) Shhh! (laughs and grabs Tommy's arm and they both walk away)

Chuckie: (still under the tent) Um guys? Uh oh...

(Chas, who has a tent over head, comes over to Chuckie)

Chas: I'll help you, Chuckie!

(Chas tries to get Chuckie loose from the tent but Chas falls on top of him)

(Next scene is around the campfire, everyone roasting marshmallows)

Betty: Ah, a perfect marshmallow. A perfect fire. A perfect night.

(Chas yells as he tries to put out his burning marshmallow -- displeasing Betty. Once he puts out the flames, he proceeds to eat his burnt marshmallow despite the awful taste)

Betty: Well the rafting should be a piece of cake! Hey, anybody got any good ghost stories?

Phil: (after he swallows a mouthful of marshmallows) I got one! I saw this in a TV show, "The World's Most Mysterious Mysteries", (Chuckie gulps) Yeah, there was this magic about people who go rafting that completely disappear! And later on, only their empty raft is found. Now, they're ghosts haunting the woods. (makes ghost noises that scare Chuckie) The end.

Betty: It sounds like a bunch of hooey.

Chuckie: (scared) You think so?

Tommy: Total Tall-talage, Chucko!

Chas: I agree. This is nothing to be scared of out here.

(An owl is heard, which scares Chas enough to jump onto Betty's lap)

Betty: (lifting Chas up) Agh, okay campers -- and Chas -- it's shut eye time! Early wake tomorro-ah!

(Betty puts out the campfire while the kids groan)

Chas: Um Betty? I don't suppose this is a camp site with a restroom?

Betty: Sure... you even got a choice -- (points at the trees) the oak or the pine!

(Boys laugh)

Chas: Anyone else need to use the -- uh the tree?

(Chuckie, Tommy and Phil pause and all head straight to the woods to pee)

(Next scene is where everyone is sleeping in their tents -- except for Chuckie, who is still awake due to being scared -- Tommy wakes up)

Tommy: Chuckie, you don't believe that stupid empty raft story do ya?

Chuckie: Me? Believe that made-up joke? Remember, I'm "cool, calm and -- (a noise is heard) WHAT WAS THAT?!

Tommy: A tree "Mr. Cool, Calm".

Chuckie: Oh. Anyway, what could happen? Besides you and me have been on adventures all our lives. I always end up okay when you're there.

Tommy: Yeah -- (pause) But we could bail if you want. I mean if you're scared?

Chuckie: Nope. It's actually kind of exciting in a "not-knowing-if-you're-going-to-live-to-see-another-day kind of way. (laughs) Just don't leave the tent okay?

Tommy: Okay. We should hit it.

Chuckie: (panicky) HIT WHAT?!

Tommy: Ah, the sack? 

Chuckie: Oh. Yeah. (takes off glasses) Tomorrow's is going to be great on that river -- thanks T. (falls asleep)

Tommy: For what?

(Tommy looks at Chuckie then at Phil who are both asleep -- Tommy lays back down to rest but never fell asleep. He remains his same position until morning)

Betty: Rise and shine boys! The raft is waiting, the river's here so get your sleepy butts in gear!

(Phil and Chuckie run out of the tent, leaving Tommy but he finally gets up and joins the others)

(Now in the raft...)

Betty: (demonstrating how to paddle) Remember dip, pull then repeat. Plant your feet and keep your seat. Okay, here's the plan: we paddle down the river through the easy level one waters -- maybe hit some level threes -- (Tommy gets nervous) Then in time we'll meet up with the truck that will take us back to this camp site. Now let's see; life-jackets on? Check! Tents put away, breakfast cleaned up? Check and check! Supply bags tied to the inside of the raft? Done! Right Phil?

Phil: Absolutely General Momma!

(Tommy stares at the river)

Tommy: (slightly nervous) That river's really big --

Betty: Sure is! And we're about to be a part of it! Okay, into the raft! (everyone walks to the raft) Come on slow pants!

(Tommy stops for a second)

Chuckie: Come on, Tommy! We're waiting!

(Tommy takes a few more steps but stops to stare at the water -- he thinks of a horrific flashback where he was a toddler who fell into a pond -- Tommy gasps)

Chuckie: Come on, Tommy! What's the problem?

Tommy: (slightly angry) There is no problem! (climbs carefully into the raft)

Chuckie: Are you sure you're okay?

Tommy: (yells) Yeah I'm sure! And stop looking at me like that!

(In the river...)

Betty: Okay fellas! We need to keep paddlin'! This is level one water, enjoy it.

Chas: (while paddling) Dip, pull then repeat. Plant your feet and keep your seat!

Phil: (while paddling) Dip, pull eat red meat. Plant some corn, peas and wheat! (giggles)

Betty: Yo, Chazzy! As paddle captain, tell me if you see any laterals, low waters or eddies.

Chas: Laterals, um -- eddies -- uh no I don't see any yet. I knew an Eddie once. Nice fellow. Had a unibrow --

(The raft enters the more rapid movement of the river -- Chuckie looks at Tommy, who is getting a tad scared. The raft moves a bit more and Chuckie gasps)

Phil: (puts up his paddle in the air) Whoo! Now we're rockin' and rollin'! Yeah!

(Phil hits a log in the river with his paddle which causes the log to hit a couple of rocks before sinking in the water. Phil prepares to paddle the raft but the paddle gets loose out of his hands onto the other side of the raft)

Betty: Tommy, grab it!

(As Tommy reaches for the paddle, he has another flashback -- of his toddler self drowning. Chuckie tries to grab it but has no luck. Then Chas tries but as he reaches for it, he falls into the river)

Chuckie: DAD!

Chas: HELP!

Betty: Oh boy, we got a jumper!

Chuckie: (panicky) Betty, Tommy! DO SOMETHING!

Chas: HELP!

(Tommy sticks his paddle in the river for Chas to grab onto. Chas reaches for Tommy's paddle but due to the current being too strong, he fails to but instead drifts further from the raft)

Chuckie: (still panicked) DAD!

Betty: (stands up and hands her paddle to Chuckie) Hold this boys, I'm going in!

(Betty jumps into the river after Chas)

Chas: Everything's okay, Chuckie!

(The three boys in the raft drifts further from Betty and Chas -- Betty notices a waterfall, which ended up being a small one)

Betty: Oh jeez! (calls to the boys) Push the paddles forward! Try to stop the raft! You're headed for level four!

(Betty and Chas part ways from the three boys in the raft)

Chas: CHUCKIE!

Phil: LEVEL FOUR!

(The boys scream as the raft hits level four waters and down a waterfall and continues down the rough stream)

Phil: Look out! A rock!

Chuckie: Let's paddle on the left side!

(All boys go on the left side of the raft to paddle to avoid hitting the huge rock in the river)

Chuckie: Branches! Duck!

(The raft continues down the river -- the raft tilts and Tommy is now in the river, hanging on at the right side of the raft -- about to go under water)

Chuckie: TOMMY!

(While under the water, Tommy has another flashback -- the flashback shows Tommy as a toddler, with Grandpa Lou, standing on a large rock beside a river, about to go fishing. Lou has a fish that is still alive in his hand. Lou lays it by Tommy's feet and Tommy chases after it. Tommy catches it but the fish wiggles out of his hands back into the river. Tommy again chases it. As he's chasing after it, he trips over a small rock and he falls into the water, about to drown. Tommy yells to his grandpa for help and Lou reaches for Tommy's hand)

Lou: (in Tommy's flashback) Tommy! Grab my hand, scout! Tommy! TOMMY!

(Flashback ends and the scene fades back to the present where Chuckie, who is reaching his hand into the water, yelling for Tommy to grab a hold of it)

Chuckie: Tommy! Tommy!

(Tommy grabs Chuckie's hand and Chuckie and Phil pull Tommy into the raft)

Chuckie: (to Tommy) Are you okay?

Phil: (panicky) MORE ROCKS! WATCH OUT!

(The boys grab onto the raft as the raft continues to go further down the rough river. As they are going down the steam, Phil's baseball cap flies off his head onto Chuckie's face. Chuckie tosses the hat aside)

Chuckie: More branches! Grab 'em!

(The boys grab a hold of some branches dangling over the river and onto dry land into a bush. The supply bags falls out of the raft and down the river and Phil tries to catch it but never does)

Phil: (walks back over to Tommy and Chuckie by the bush) (disappointingly) Sorry guys. I guess I should of learned my knots better.

Chuckie: (angry) YOU THINK?! (now worried) Oh, this is really bad. We're lost, we're soaked. I wish I knew where my dad was.

Phil: (sad) And my mom. (stands up and walks over to reclaim his hat)

Chuckie: Tommy, back there -- what happened?

(As there was a pause, a bird flies out of nowhere, frightening Tommy and Chuckie)

Tommy: Okay guys, we have to try and think positive. (turns to Phil) I mean if anyone can survive in this place that would be your mom, Phil! Remember that time she pulled that school bus out of that huge mud ditch by herself?

Chuckie: (chuckles) And with a cast on her arm!

Phil: She never dropped that pizza.

(Boys laugh at the memory)

Tommy: I think we're going to be fine. No one's hurt, we have the raft --

(Tommy gets interrupted a bird. The bird rests briefly on a nearby tree branch before flying away)

Tommy: -- and we're in this together.

(A few moments later....)

Tommy: (yelling) HELLO?!

Chuckie: (yelling) DAD?! BETTY?! (turns to Tommy) Does it sound like I have a cold?

Tommy: Just since the day we met.

Chuckie: Really? Huh. (yells) Dad?! DAAAAD?!

Phil: We got to get out of here!

Chuckie: And go where? My book says when you're lost you're suppose to stay put! I think?

Phil: Well sitting here is not going to help anything! I have to find my mom!

Tommy: Phil, we can't run! We have to conserve energy!

(Phil stops running to shrug and then walks)

Chuckie: Maybe we should take the raft.

Tommy: NO! Walk.

Chuckie: We have to stay near the river. I am sure about that!

Tommy: Near it but not in it.

(There is a pause as Tommy nervously glances at the river)

Chuckie: Tommy, is there something wrong? Uh, other than "We-could-die-from-too-many-ways list" factor?

Tommy: (angry) No Chuckie! And I wish you sto --

Chuckie: No, you stop! Every time I ask you, you do that! You've been acting funny since we got here. We never had secrets before and now sure it seems like a weird time to start.

Tommy: We did had a secret, Chuckie. I'm really scared -- of the water.

Chuckie: Sure! I mean that wasn't just any 'ol water!

Tommy: It doesn't matter. I'm scared of water okay? Since I was little.

Chuckie: (in disbelief) What? But we've been to the beach.

Tommy: Scared.

Chuckie: And the pool.

Tommy: Scared.

Chuckie: But I've seen you in water lots of --

Tommy: In, not under. I swear Chuckie, back there I thought I never come up. The truth is, I've been freaked about this trip from the beginning.

Chuckie: But why didn't you tell me?

Tommy: Oh I'm suppose to just say "Hi. I'm 10 years old and I'm scared of water?" It's not exactly you want people to know.

Chuckie: (stops walking while Tommy walks ahead) People?! Since when am I a people? And who cares if you're scared of something, I don't!

Tommy: (stops walking to look at Chuckie) Yes you do! I'm not suppose to be the scared one. You even said "When I'm around, things are suppose be okay!" (walks closer to Chuckie) So if you knew I was scared then you'd really be a wreck. More than usual.

Chuckie: (crosses his arms) That's dumb!

Tommy: Huh?

Chuckie: Worrying about me instead of spilling the beans. You think being scared is something you couldn't tell me? ME? HELLO! Tommy's best friend! Everybody's scared of something. You're still Tommy and I still feel safer when you're around. (Tommy smiles) Okay maybe not boogie-boarding.

Tommy: (laughs, gives a thumps up) Thanks C.

Chuckie: For what?

Phil: Come on guys! Catch up!

(Tommy and Chuckie give each other quick fist bumps and then run to catch up with Phil)

(Next scene is with Betty and Chas -- Betty is carrying Chas on her back while she uses a stick to smack down small vines and branches)

Betty: All we have to do is follow the river down and we'll meet up with the boys in no time.

Chas: I hope you're right. Betty, is this really necessary?

Betty: Yep, you're slowing me down.

(Back with Tommy, Chuckie and Phil) 

Chuckie: Look! Smoke means fire, fire means people! Maybe it's my dad and Betty!

Phil: Choice number one, number two would be the middle of nowhere restaurant free food day!

Tommy: Either way, let's go!

(Boys walks forward to the smoke)

Chuckie: I bet they're waiting for us with food, warm clothes!

Phil: (takes off cap) Burgers, fries, milkshakes! Keep them coming big fat shake! I need the real things no fakes! Burgers, fries, milkshakes! --

(Phil then accidentally trips over a small rock in the ground and falls down a hill into the river. Once in the river, he tries to grab onto a large rock but slips off and wanders further down the river and then grabs a hold of branches)

Phil: HELP!

Chuckie: We gonna get down there and get him! Fear not. HANG ON PHIL! I'll go Tommy! (Tommy continues to shake with fear)

(Chuckie prepares to go down the hill but chickens out)

Phil: HELP! HURRY! HELP ME!

Tommy: Oh man. HOLD ON PHIL!

Chuckie: Tommy!

(Tommy slides down the hill)

Chuckie: You can do it Tommy!

(Tommy looks at Phil and he has another flashback of himself as a toddler nearly drowning)

Lou: (in Tommy's flashback) Tommy! (reaches in the water -- the scene fades to Chuckie reaching in the water, helping Tommy out of the water)

Phil: HELP TOMMY! HELP!

Betty: Jump Tommy! Get Phil!

Phil: MOM!

Betty: HANG ON PHILLY! GET HIM TOMMY!

Phil: HELP!

(Tommy jumps into the river, after Phil, as Phil continues to cry for help. As soon as the branch Phil is grabbing onto snaps, Tommy grabs his hand in the nic of time. Tommy pulls Phil to a rock to hang on)

Tommy: Oh man, oh man. (to Phil) Are you okay?

Phil: I guess (pants) Let's get out of here!

Tommy: Grab onto me, Phil!

(Phil wraps his arms around Tommy as Tommy grabs a branch)

Phil: (spots his cap on a wig) MY HAT! WAIT, MY HAT! (let's go of Tommy to snatch is hat)

Tommy: ARE YOU CRAZY?!

(Tommy pulls Phil back, who is happy now that he has his hat. Tommy tries to grab a nearby branch but it's too far away so he and Phil, who still has his arms wrapped around Tommy, go under the water and then grabs the branch which leads the two to safety. Betty pulls them onto the dry land)

Betty: Alright, there we go, there we go! (to Phil) Are you okay there Philly? (Phil nods and Betty hugs him)

(Tommy sits near, panting and Chuckie gives him a thumbs up and Tommy returns it)

(Chas screams and falls into the river. In no time Betty, Phil, Tommy and Chuckie grab him and lift him up to the ground)

Chas: Close one! Thanks guys.

Phil: (to Tommy) Thanks T.

Tommy: You got it, Phil. I would say it was nothing but man I'd be lying.

Betty: Whoa! Talk about your adventure! (Betty then hugs all three boys) Wait until I tell Howay! (chuckles) On second thought better not. He once got quesy washing his face!

(Final scene shows the crew in the raft, wandering peacefully down the river. A bird flies above and snatches Phil's baseball cap) 

Phil: MY HAT!

THE END.