Beach Blanket Babies/Transcript

Chas: "What do you mean, Stu? They're the perfect pet; you don't have to walk them, you barely have to feed them, and they don't leave any nasty surprises in your slippers."

Stu: (sarcastically) “Hey Deed, we are the crowds."

Didi: (sighs)

[She hands her husband the blanket and Chas the flippers and floating tube]

Lou: “Don’t want them to get sunburned, do ya’?”

Chuckie: “Now what are we going to do, Tommy? The grown-ups won’t let us take the ‘Sea Moneys’ to the beach. This is so sad."

Angelica: “Do you babies know who lives at the beach?”

[Tommy and Chuckie both shake their heads as to rely no]

Angelica: “The Sandman!”

Tommy: “You mean the man who comes when you go to sleep?”

Angelica: “NO, the other sandman. He is a someone who's real mean, who hides in the sand and eats babies for lunch."

Tommy/Chuckie: (gulp nervously) “Babies?”

Angelica: “Little babies.. LIKE YOU!” (laughs wickedly)

Drew: It's not too crowded.

Chuckie: “Great. We look silly, we’re sticky and we smell like a coconut cream pie.”

Angelica: “Look at me! Look at me!"

Tommy: “Well, at least we don’t look like that.”

Chuckie: (points out the cooler) “Tommy look!”

[he and Tommy crawl over to it]

Tommy: “Alls we gotta do is push this thing down in the water. Come on.”

[Tommy and Chuckie get in position and push against the cooler as hard as they can]

[unfortunately, they’re unable to budge the heavy cooler. They stop pushing]

Chuckie; “Oh great; now what?”

[Lou then walks over]

Lou: (to Tommy and Chuckie) “Excuse me, scouts; gotta get something to ‘wet my whistle'."

(he opens the cooler, takes out a soda can for him to drink, closes the cooler and walks away whilst drinking from the can)

Tommy: (to Chuckie) We just need to wait until the grownups take more of the cans out so that the cooler gets easier to push.

[Chuckie sighs eagerly.]

[As time passes, we see the adults take more and more of the cans out of the cooler; eventually we see Didi fix herself a drink in a glass (rather than drinking right from a can) and add ice cubes from the cooler to it. However, a few of Chuckie’s sea monkeys also get into Didi’s drink with the ice cubes]

[Didi notices this, but only thinks they’re just dirt from the beach; and she pinches the helpless sea monkeys out of her drink and rubs them off her fingers and onto the hot, dry sand]

Didi: (out loud) “SAY EVERYONE, LET’S TRY AND KEEP THE LID CLOSED.”

Chuckie: (gasps in horror)

[Tommy puts his hand of his best friend’s shoulder]

Tommy: “Don’t worry Chuckie, we’ll save the rest of them."

Chuckie: "We have to hurry before it’s too late."

Lou: “Hey sports, be careful down there; you don’t wanna get squashed, do ya’?”

Boris: “I’m looking, i’m looking.”

Boris: “Minka, where’s the ‘bicycle’ bag?”

Minka: (sarcastically) “What do I look like here, your servant girl?”

[Tommy and Chuckie look at each other for a brief moment in response to what they’re seeing]

[Tommy and Chuckie they then run over to the cooler to try pushing it again; they push as hard as they can, and this time, they finally manage to get it moving towards the water]

[Angelica skips over]

Angelica: Look at me! Look at me!"

Tommy: (whispering) Chuckie, pretend we're not doing anything.

[Angelica pauses next to them]

Tommy: Angelica, your bathing suit looks very nice.

Angelica: “You didn’t see what I can do in it.”

Angelica: (starts running out into the shallow water and wading in it for a brief moment) “I can swim! I can swim!"

[she then runs back to Tommy and Chuckie and states enthusiastically to them]

Angelica: “Did you see!? I can swim!”

Tommy: “That was great Angelica.. we gotta be going.”

Angelica (suspiciously) “Hey, what are you babies doing anyway?”

Tommy/Chuckie: “Nothing.”

Angelica: “Oh yeah. what’s in here?”

(she peaks inside the cooler, but she only sees water, ice and cans of soda and doesn’t notice Chuckie’s tiny sea monkeys)

(Angelica closes the cooler and looks back at Tommy and Chuckie)

(Tommy and Chuckie both stare back innocently with smiles on their faces, Angelica glares at them suspiciously and Tommy and Chuckie both continue to stare back innocently)

Angelica: “You babies are really weird." (She then runs off.)

(Tommy and Chuckie sigh with relief that Angelica didn’t figure it out and they get back to pushing)

[CUT TO: Chaz is sleeping on the sand]

[Angelica walks over and decides to play a prank on him by burying him in the sand while he’s sleeping and begins to do so]

[Cut to: Tommy and Chuckie as they just manage to reach the edge of the water, but are unable to push it further and get it into the water;

[Chuckie stops to rest]

Chuckie: (to Tommy, who also stops to rest): “It wont’ move, it wont’ move! What are we gonna do now Tommy?”

Tommy: Chuckie, calm down. I have an idea.

[He and Chuckie walk a few steps away from the cooler]

Tommy: We’ll run at the cooler on “three”.

[The boys position themselves for a running start and Tommy shouts “Three!”]

[But before the two can start, Stu comes over in front of them (not minding the cooler), picks them up and takes them away to show them how to build “a good old-fashioned sandcastle.”]

[Didi then walks up to the cooler, asks herself how it got there, and then picks it up and takes it back to the group’s spot in the beach.]

[As Stu lectures Tommy and Chuckie and demonstrates by building a castle, Tommy and Chuckie then take their eyes off Stu and notice the cooler is under the table where Lou and Boris are playing a game of cards.]

[Drew then comes over]

Drew: Watcha doing there, little bro?

Stu: I'm showing Tommy and Chuckie “the finer points of sandcastle construction”.

Drew: “Hmm; ya’, well shouldn’t this outer wall be further from the central courtyard?”

Stu: “Heh, a lot you know; if you do that, they’re won’t be any room for the moat.”

Drew: “Moat? Oh, bother, you are out of touch. What’s current in sandcastles is more of a deconstructive treatment.”

Stu: “Like the ‘deconstructive treatment’ you gave my castle when I was 8?”

Drew: “Well, you stomped all over mine first!”

Stu: “Well, you poured sand down my shorts!”

Drew: “Well, you dropped a crab on my stomach!”

[Stu and Drew’s conversation when devolves into a brotherly argument, and neither of them notice Tommy and Chuckie crawling away and back toward the cooler]

[Cut to: Lou and Boris. Boris scoldingly asks Lou where the two of hearts is. Lou replies that he didn’t take the two of hearts]

[Boris then angrily tells Lou that he has to play a card if he picks it up]

Lou: (angrily) “Where’d you hear those rules; Budapest?”

[The two grandfathers don’t notice Tommy and Chuckie as they begin pushing the cooler toward the water again]

[as the two boys are pushing, Angelica decides to have some fun with them. She buries her left foot in the sand and pretends she’s desperately struggling to free it from the sandman she mentioned earlier]

Angelica: (screaming to the two boys) “HELP! HELP! HE’S GOT ME! THE SANDMAN’S GOT ME!”

Tommy/Chuckie: (gasp in horror)

[But Angelica then effortlessly pulls her foot out of the sand and runs past the two babies, laughing wickedly.]

Chuckie: “Do you think the sandman really almost got her?”

Tommy: “I don’t know; she might have made it up like the time she said your blanket was alive.”

Chuckie: Please don't remind me of that.

Tommy: “Come on, we gotta get the ‘Sea Moneys’ over that hill."

[He points out a mound of sand in their path]

[Tommy and Chuckie then resume pushing the cooler and they manage to get it almost to the top of the mound before it gets stuck]

Tommy: Chuckie, go around and pull.

[Chuckie walks to the other side, and suddenly sees his father’s unconscious head sticking out of the side of the mound as it’s now apparent that the mound of sand is that Angelica buried Chaz in as part of the prank she pulled on him]

Chuckie: (shouting) “DAAAAHHHHH!!! MY DAD’S BEEN DECAFFEINATED !!!”

[Chuckie then runs off screaming in sheer horror]

Tommy: “Chuckie, what happened?”

[but before he can get an answer, Chaz wakes up and rises out of the sand, and this frightens away Tommy who thought he was the sandman Angelica was talking about]

Tommy: (screams) “AAHHHHH!!! THE SANDMAN!”

[Chaz doesn’t notice the two frightened babies running off as he dusts himself off]

[But he then notices the cooler and asks himself what it’s doing there]

[he takes a can of soda out and drinks it, and he picks up the cooler and carries it back to the groups spot]

Meanwhile, Tommy catches up with Chuckie and they both stop and sit down near a wire mesh trash receptacle to catch their breath and get themselves together. Chuckie remarks that setting his “sea moneys” free sure isn’t easy, and Tommy adds in that he’s been thinking that perhaps the “sea moneys” aren’t worth all the trouble they’re going though, adding in that they’re just little specks. Chuckie replies in disappointment “Just little specks?” and adds in “When a grown-up walks past you and doesn’t even know you’re there; don’t you feel like ‘just little specks’?” Chuckie goes on: “When you’re not tall enough to open a door, or turn on a light, or get at the cookies, don’t you feel like ‘just little specks’?” Tommy tries to reply; but Chuckie continues before he can: “I don’t know about you Tommy; but for all the little specks out there, I’m pushing that thing down in the water!” Tommy, with his determination restored, adds in “Let’s go!” and the two march back to their mission.

While the babies are doing that,

[Cut to: Lou and Boris, and we find that their disagreement to the rules of the game has turned into a heated argument.

Boris: (angrily) “Friendly game, shmendly game; I’m telling you, when you pick up a card, you’ve gotta play this card!”

Lou: (angrily) “Oh you’re off your nut! I’ve played this game for over 15 years, and just because you pick up a card don’t mean you gotta put it down!”

[As Lou says this, Tommy and Chuckie get to the cooler (which is once again under the table) and push it out into the open without either grandfather noticing.]

[The argument between Lou and Boris starts to get even more heated as the two stand up and lean in each other’s faces with aggressive glares]

[Didi comes over]

Didi: Now, Pop, Dad, Its Just a game and there’s no reason to get upset.

[Cut to: Tommy and Chuckie stop pushing and think for a moment, though no one else takes notice of either of them.]

[Minka and Chas walk into the scene to help]

Boris: “Upset! Who’s upset!? Just because this old schmedrick called me a Numph?”

Lou: (aggressively) “schmedrick", Eh? I’ve got your schmedrick!”

[he and Boris attempt to take each other on physically, though Didi and Chaz hold the two back]

[Cut to: Tommy and Chuckie]

Tommy: I Got an idea.

[CUT TO: the argument between Lou and Boris]

Boris: (puts up his fists) SO, YOU WANT TO PLAY DIRTY, EH?

Minka: Boris, watch your blood pressure.

[Boris then grabs the entire deck of cards and tells Lou that he's got a card game for him]

Boris: IVE GOT A CARDGAME FOR YOU, MR. 15 YEARS!!!

Lou: OH YEAH? WHAT'S THAT?

Boris: “52 Pickup!”

Lou: AAHHH!!!! MY CARDS!!!!!!

Tommy: “yee-haw!”

Chuckie: "Oh, no!"

Tommy: “We did it, Chuckie! We did it!”

Chuckie: “I know, but I’m not sure they were ready; after all we’ve been though together, I’ll miss ‘em [and he sniffles sadly].”

Chuckie: “GOODBYE SPIFFY, GOODBYE SPOT, GOODBYE BINKY, GOODBYE OREO, GOODBYE LEFTY, GOODBYE MIKE!”

Chuckie asks: “You think so?”

Tommy : “Sure; ‘sea moneys’ belong in the sea. That’s where their real castle is, along with all the ‘sea bananas’ they’ll ever want.”

[The camera then begins to pan away from Tommy and Chuckie as they face the sunset]

Tommy: “You did the right thing Chuckie, and they’ll never forget you for it.”