Real or Robots?/Transcript

(The episode begins with raining and lightning and the Pickles' house at night. The screen then moves to an experimental room of an evil scientist.)

Mad Scientist: At last, my experiment is almost complete. Soon I will replace every man, woman and child with my robots and take over the world! (Laughs evilly) 

(The screen then pans to Tommy and Chuckie watching a movie on T.V. of the mad scientist laughing. Tommy and Chuckie watch in horror as the mad scientist brings the robot to life via what appears to be a man via lightning power and then stands it upright by tipping the bed forward, as the robot begins to stand up it gradually starts to smile. As the robot begins walking toward a door, a boy opens the door and recognizes the robot as his father.)

Boy on T.V.: Oh, no! Dad! You're a robot! (Just as Tommy and Chuckie are about to watch the robot grab his son, Stu turns off the T.V. Tommy and Chuckie look up at him and gasp.)

Stu: This movie is way too scary for you kids. (puts down the remote) Come on now, it's time for bed.

(Chuckie followed Stu, but Tommy stayed behind, turned the T.V. back on, and got one last look at the movie as he watched in horror as the robot was carrying away his frightened son.)

(Stu tucked Tommy and Chuckie into Tommy's crib in Tommy's bedroom.)

Stu: Good night, Chuckie. Your mom and dad will come over and get you in the morning. Good night, Tommy. Sleep tight.

Chuckie: Tommy, aren't you sleepy?

Tommy: No, I'm thinking.

Chuckie: About what?

Tommy: Robots.

Chuckie: Don't think about that, Tommy. You'll get bad dreams.

Tommy: I can't help it, because maybe anybody can be robots.

Chuckie: Like who?

Tommy: Like anybody, Chuckie, like the mailman, or the man who sells ice cream, or even our own moms and dads

Chuckie: What?

Tommy: Yeah, maybe our real moms and dads will be taken captured to the planet Mars or something.

Chuckie: No, that can't be true.

Tommy: I don't know. Did you see how my dad looked when he turned off the TV? He didn't look like he usually does. He looked like a robot.

Chuckie: No, Tommy! Stop saying stuff like that! It's not true!

Tommy: Maybe not, Chuckie, but I can't sleep until I find out for sure.

(Cut to Stu and Didi's bedroom with Stu mumbling gibberish to himself.)

Stu: Lame nuts with the sewer system failed to make lame nuts.

Didi: Stu, honey, I'm worried about you. I think you've been working too hard lately.

Stu: I can have it anyway with a bunch of pliers.

Didi: Stu?

Stu: Huh? Okay, dear, I'll fix the blender first thing in the morning.

Didi: If you don't get a good night's sleep, you're going to start sleepwalking again like you did last summer.

Stu: Don't worry, Deed, I'm fine!

Didi: Okay, but I really worry about you, Stu. Last time you walked in your sleep, you rearranged your sock drawer and tried to make a 13-egg omelet on the kitchen floor.

Stu: All I need is a good night's sleep. I'll be fine.

(Stu kissed Didi on her left cheek as they fell asleep.)

(Cut back to Tommy and Chuckie back in the upstairs hallway outside of Tommy's bedroom.)

Chuckie: I don't know, Tommy. Maybe this isn't such a good idea.

Tommy: Shh! Come on. We got to find out.

(Chuckie ran into Tommy as the grandfather clock started ticking.)

Chuckie: What was that?

Tommy: It's just a clock, Chuckie. Come on.

(Tommy and Chuckie walked into Stu and Didi's bedroom with Stu snoring away in his sleep.)

(Tommy used his screwdriver under his ball to open up his crib, and they jumped down to the carpet.)

Tommy: Let's go.

(Tommy climbed onto Chuckie's back.)

Tommy: If he's a robot, then he doesn't need to breathe. Right?

Chuckie: Umm, ahh, I guess not.

(Tommy stuck both of his index fingers inside of both of Stu's nostrils inside his nose which woke him up seeing Tommy and Chuckie.)

Stu: Tommy!

(Stu carried Tommy and Chuckie back to Tommy's bedroom and crib.)

Stu: That Outha Fix This Broken Crib. Night Again, kids.

Chuckie: Well, that proves it, Tommy. Your dad's not a robot.

Tommy: That doesn't prove anything.

Chuckie: Huh?

Tommy: Did you hear the weird noises inside him while he was in bed? I bet he's got gears in him like that robot on TV.

(Tommy untied the string and used his screwdriver to unlock it.)

Tommy: You know what we got to do next.

Chuckie: I do?

Tommy: We got to go in there and open up his chest again.

Chuckie: Oh no!

(Tommy went into his toy chest and got a flashlight and a pair of pliers. Tommy and Chuckie then walked to Stu and Didi's bedroom again.)

Chuckie: Let's go back. Please, I'm begging you.

Tommy: I'm going to crawl up on his chest. Here, Chuckie. You can hold the flashlight.

(Tommy then grabbed a footstool from under Stu and Didi's bed.)

Chuckie: Huh? Phew! You know, Tommy, we don't have to stay. We can go.

(Tommy climbed up onto Stu.)

Tommy: Shh! We got to find the bolts to open up the chest right. See? There they are.

(Tommy clamps the pliers onto Stu's nipples, causing him to wake up screaming, which makes Tommy and Chuckie scream too. Fade to Tommy and Chuckie back in their bedroom again, taped inside.)

Chuckie: I hope that you're happy now that your dad taped us into the crib! At least you believe he's not a robot?

Tommy: Nope, he must be a robot. That's how come he's trying to keep us in here. He doesn't want us to find out his secret.

(Tommy and Chuckie slide down from Tommy crib into Stu and Didi's bedroom one more time.)

Chuckie: Tommy, wait! We can still go back. It's not too late.

Tommy: Chuckie, I got to know if my dad's a robot! I got to find out once and for all!

Chuckie: Tommy, robots aren't real! They're just pretend! There's no such thing as robots!

(Stu woke up sleepwalking.)

Stu: (Moaning)

(Tommy and Chuckie screamed and ran away from Stu who was sleepwalking from Stu and Didi's bedroom all the way downstairs into the living room. Stu knocked over the lamp as they ran into the kitchen.)

Chuckie: You were right!

Tommy: He is a robot!

Stu: I got to eat first. I got to eat first. I got to eat something. I got to have something in my stomach. I got to have maybe something. I don't know. I got to have something now. Eggs I don't know. Cook me something. Thank you. Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen, and now for my next dish, I'd like to create the famous Stu Pickles omelet.

Chuckie: What's he doing?

(Stu put the bowl of spaghetti on Tommy's highchair.)

(Tommy and Chuckie are in the kitchen cabinets under the countertops near the floor.)

Stu: My lovely assistant Ramona will hold the bowl with my straight culinary magic. 1 potato, 2 potato, 3 potato, 6 potato, 14 potato, 16 potato, 119 potato.

Chuckie: What's he talking about?

Stu: Nine hundred potato.

Tommy: Must be some kind of robot code from Mars.

Stu: Drew? What are you doing here? This is my cooking show, Drew. You're not trying to steal my secret recipe are you?

Stu: Drew, come back here.

(Tommy and Chuckie ran away from Stu.)

Stu: Come back, Drew. I just want to talk to you.

(Tommy and Chuckie ran back into the living room.)

(Tommy turned back on the television and changed the channel.)

(Stu chased Tommy and Chuckie like a zombie.)

Stu: Hey.

Tommy and Chuckie: Whoa!

(Tommy and Chuckie hid behind the recliner.)

(Stu danced with the lamp and kissed the lamp and fell asleep upside down on the recliner. Tommy and Chuckie went back upstairs to Tommy's bedroom and climbed into and fell asleep in Tommy's crib. Didi noticed that Stu wasn't next to her in bed.)

Tommy: Uh!

Chuckie: Ahh!

Stu: Drew, 1 potato, 2 potato, 3 potato, 4.

(Didi turned on the light. She had her bathrobe on.)

Didi: Stu?

Stu: Where's Drew?

Didi: Are you okay, honey?

Stu: Yeah I guess so, Ramona.

Didi: Ramona? Who's Ramona?!

Stu: My assistant.

Didi: Oh, Stu! You've been sleepwalking again. Stu?

Stu: Oh, okay, dear. I'll fix the blender first thing in the morning.

(Stu and Didi went into Tommy's bedroom to check on Tommy and Chuckie and turned on the lights.)

Tommy and Chuckie: Huh?

Stu: They look so cute and innocent when they're sleeping.

Didi: Don't they just?

Stu: Now, this may sound crazy, but I dreamt that Tommy and Chuckie kept coming into our bedroom and trying to open my chest with a plastic screwdriver.

Didi: Oh, come on!

Stu: Yeah, like I was some kind of robot or something.

Didi: Oh, my goodness. How silly. Tommy loves you. He wouldn't do that.

Stu: Yeah, you're right. It was probably some crazy dream. You know, Deed, we're lucky to have such a great kid.

Didi: Like father, like son.

Stu: Ah, Deed.

Tommy: I guess you were right, Chuckie. My dad isn't a robot after all.

Chuckie: Yeah. But what about my dad?!

End of Episode