Down the Drain/Transcript

(the episode opens with a shot of some water; a toy soldier is floating around in it, and Tommy picks it up; the water turns out to be bath water, and Tommy is playing in it, with his mother Didi watching; before long, Tommy crawls over to the drain plug and pulls it to watch the water get sucked down the drain; soon, however, he watches his toy soldier get sucked down the drain with the water; poor Tommy starts crying upon seeing this, getting the attention of Didi)

Didi: Oh, Tommykins, what's the matter? Did something scare you?

(Tommy cries some more as the camera zooms into the drain; cut to Chas' house; Didi parks her car in the driveway; Angelica rings the doorbell, and Chas opens the door)

Angelica: Hello, Mr. Chuckie's dad, sir! You're looking well! I see your hair has growed back! Can I play with Chuckie's toys?

Chas: Uh, sure, Angelica. They're in the... uh...

(Angelica runs right past him; enter Chuckie from the kitchen and Didi with Tommy from the front door)

Didi: Hi, Charles. (places Tommy to the floor and hands Chas the baby stuff she brought) Here's his diaper bag and his toys and his extra bottles...

Chas: Oh, great. Well, uh...

Didi: And his storybooks and his naptime tapes and his juice...

Chas: Good. See, I think...

Didi: And his animal crackers and his teething ring and his...

Chas: Didi! I'm sure we have everything Tommy will ever need.

Didi: Um... one little thing... (goes outside with Chas) We had a little trauma last night. Tommy's going through his "water rejection" stage.

Chas: Oh, yeah, I went through the same thing with Chuckie, and if there's one thing I know, it's how to get a kid to take a bath.

Didi: But, Charles...

Chas: Trust me, Didi. I'm an expert.

(cut to inside Chuckie's house)

Tommy: It's bad, Chuckie, real bad.

Chuckie: What? What's bad?

Tommy: Yesterday, when I took my bath, I think I almost got... I almost got... sucked down the drain.

Chuckie: You know, Tommy, I used to be just like you. I used to think I could get sucked down the drain. And then, one day, I heard a voice, a voice that told me the truth.

Tommy: What was it, Chuckie?

Chuckie: Come... Come and hear...

(cut to Chuckie's room; Chuckie is playing a song on his record player)

Singer: ''The water's your friend, the tub is your pal, You can't get sucked down the drain! The water's your friend, the tub is your pal, You can't get sucked down the drain!''

Chuckie: See, Tommy, isn't it great?

Tommy: Yeah, Chuckie! It's the bestest song I ever heard!

Singer: You can't get sucked down the...

(Angelica interrupts the song by hitting the record player with a toy baseball bat; Tommy and Chuckie gasp upon seeing her)

Angelica: So, you little babies scared of going down the drain, eh?

Tommy: No, Angelica. Why do you think that?

Angelica: Why else would anybody wanna listen to a dumb ol' song like that?

Chuckie: It's not dumb, Angelica! It's true! You can't never go down the drain!

Angelica: Ha! That's just what they tell you! But you know what? They're fibbing'! Of course, you can go down the drain.

Tommy: (gulps) You can?

Angelica: Sure. In fact, I heard about a kid who lived just a couple of streets away from you...

(fade to a kid running down the yard with his dog)

Angelica: (narrating) He was a happy kid, always ate his vegetables, always did what his mom told him, never thought twice about going down the drain...

(cut to the night)

Angelica: (narrating) ..until one night, when he was taking his bath...

(the kid pulls the drain plug, which gets sucked down the drain; soon, he starts getting sucked himself)

Angelica: (narrating) He tried and tried, but couldn't stop it!

(the kid's rubber duck gets sucked down the drain next)

Angelica: (narrating) It pulled him, and it pulled him, and the next thing they knew...

(the poor kid's parents and dog can only watch in horror as he disappears without a trace!)

Angelica: (narrating) He was gone!

(fade back to Chuckie's room)

Angelica: So, don't let 'em tell ya "You can't get sucked down the drain," cause you can... big time! (She leaves the room and closes the door; then she says to herself) Suckers! They bought it! (exit)

(back in Chuckie's room)

Tommy: What do you think now, Chuckie? Is the song true, or is Angelica true? (notices that Chuckie isn't responding) Chuckie? Chuckie?

(distracted with horror, Chuckie rips the record sleeve and screams at the top of his lungs; cut to Chas looking through his cabinet)

Chas: Now, let's see. Oh, look! (pulls two puppets from the cabinet) It's the Bathtime Puppet Friends! (as Mr. Water) Hello, Mr. Dirt! (as Mr. Dirt) Hello, Mr. Water!

(back in Chuckie's room, Tommy is pacing the floor)

Chuckie: What are we gonna do, Tommy?

Tommy: I'm thinking'! I'm thinking'!

Chuckie: Well, hurry!

Tommy: (gets an idea) I got it!

Chuckie: What?

Tommy: Your dad's gonna give us a bath to-night, right?

Chuckie: Right.

Tommy: And we don't wanna get sucked down the drain, right?

Chuckie: Right.

Tommy: So, all's we gotta do is... plug up the drain!

Chuckie: But, Tommy, how are we gonna do that?

Tommy: Got any Clay-Doh?

(cut to Chas playing with his puppets)

Chas: (as Mr. Water) Hey, Mr. Dirt. Let me introduce you to my friend, Mr. Soap! (as Mr. Dirt) Why, thank you, Mr. Water. Any friend of yours is a friend of mine.

(as Chas is playing with his puppets, Tommy and Chuckie sneak past him with some Clay-Doh in a Reptar lunchbox; as soon as they're in the bathroom, Chuckie helps Tommy into the bathtub)

Tommy: Hand me the stuff.

(Chuckie opens the lunchbox and hands Tommy the Clay-Doh)

Chuckie: Careful, Tommy. This stuff is tricky. You never know what it's gonna do.

Tommy: Don't worry. (the Clay-Doh container opens as he picks it up, causing both him and Chuckie to scream)

(Luckily, the Clay-Doh just rolls along the bathtub to the drain; Tommy then scoops out the Clay-Doh from the containers and stuffs it into the drain, using a mallet to pound it in and a knife to scrape it smooth; Chuckie then helps Tommy out of the tub)

Tommy: There! We did it!

Chuckie: But, Tommy, how do we know if it's plugged up for good?

Tommy: There's only one way to find out.

(Tommy goes to the bathtub and turns on the water, which fills the tub very quickly; Tommy and Chuckie watch this, as does Angelica when she enters the bathroom)

Angelica: Wow! Neat! Mr. Finster, Mr. Finster! Come look what the babies did!

(Chas enters the bathroom to see the bathtub filled to overflowing with water; he screams like a little girl; cut to the plumber's car outside Chas' house; cut to the plumber in the bathroom unplugging the tub with Chas watching)

Chas: Uh, is it bad?

Plumber: Not too bad. Of course, this is a house call, so it's gonna cost you.

Chas: A house call?! You're a plumber! What do you make except house calls?!

(cut to Tommy and Chuckie sitting at the sandbox; Angelica approaches them)

Angelica: Hiya, babies. Nice try with the Clay-Doh. Too bad it didn't work.

Tommy: Yeah. After we take our baths to-night, we'll be gone forever.

Angelica: Too bad you can't take baths in sand instead of water. Don't you think?

Tommy/Chuckie: Yeah.

Angelica: And the neat thing about sand is it can fit just about anywhere.

Tommy/Chuckie: Yeah.

Angelica: And sand is so easy to move. You just put it in your bucket, and away it goes.

(after a moment, Tommy gets another idea)

Tommy: Hey, Chuckie! I got it!

Chuckie: Yeah! Me, too!

Tommy/Chuckie: Sand!

(Angelica shrugs and smirks; cut to inside the house, where Chas is conversing with the plumber)

Chas: Uh, gee. I hope this wasn't too much trouble.

Plumber: No trouble at all. (hands Chas the bill)

(Chas groans upon seeing the bill and drops it)

Chas: Mr. Water! Mr. Dirt! Where are you?! (exit)

Tommy: (opens the door) The coats is clear. Come on.

(transition to Tommy and Chuckie filling the bathtub with buckets of sand)

Tommy: There! Now, there's no way we can go down the drain.

Chuckie: Yeah! This sure was a great idea. How did we think of it anyway?

Chas: Ah, here you guys are! (holds up his puppets) Now, I want you to meet Mr... (again screams like a little girl upon seeing the bathtub full of sand)

(The plumber is again called up to clean up the bathtub; cut to Chas pacing the floor; enter the plumber)

Chas: (in Mr. Water's high-pitched voice) Gee, thanks. (in normal voice) Oh, um, I mean, uh, thanks for coming back on such short notice.

Plumber: No. Thank you. (hands Chas the bill)

(Chas looks at the bill in disgust; cut to Angelica placing her Cynthia doll on the toilet seat)

Angelica: Isn't this a great Jacuzzi, Cynthia? Want me to turn the bubbles on? (flushes the toilet) Okay.

(cut to Tommy and Chuckie looking into the bathtub)

Tommy: There it is, Chuckie. After to-night, we'll be gone.

Angelica: What's wrong, babies? Giving up already?

Tommy: We tried everything, Angelica. We Clay-Doh'ed it up. We sanded it up. It's no use... unless you have an idea.

Angelica: Nope. You're goners. (approaches the toilet and says to Cynthia) Oh, boy, Cynthia! This is great! Those little babies really think you can get sucked down the drain! (flushes the toilet and accidentally drops Cynthia into the bowl) Pretty funny, huh, Cynthia? (notices that Cynthia is gone) Cynthia? CYNTHIA!!!!!

(The plumber is called up for a third time; this time, Drew drives into the Finster's' driveway; cut to inside Chas' house)

Angelica: (runs to her daddy Drew; sobbing) Oh, please! Oh, please! Just let her be okay! (Drew carries her to the bathroom while Tommy and Chuckie watch)

Chuckie: Boy, Angelica sure is upset.

Tommy: Don't worry about Angelica. She's a big kid. She won't care about some dumb old doll.

(Angelica's terrified scream proves them wrong; as she, Drew, and Chas watch, the plumber digs into the drain pipe to retrieve Cynthia)

Plumber: Here you go, little girl. (hands Angelica her Cynthia doll, now ruined)

Angelica: (screams with terror; leaves Chas' house, crying) It's true! It's true! You can get sucked down the drain! (exit with Drew attempting to console her)

(Tommy and Chuckie close the curtains)

Chas: Oh, boys! (Shows the boys his puppets) It's bath time!

(Tommy and Chuckie run away screaming)

Chas: What did I say? (running after the boys) Chuckie? Tommy? Come back! It's us! Um, I mean, me!

(Tommy and Chuckie run into Chas' room)

Chas: (enters the room to see the boys hiding under his bed) Boy! This is worse than I thought!

(fade to the bathroom; Chas has undressed Tommy and Chuckie and is bathing them both)

Chas: You see, you guys. The water's not scary. The water is your friend. Well, actually, it's just a random collection of molecules that are compressed into... (the phone rings) Oh, no! Who could that be? Now, you two stay right here. Don't move. I'll be right back. (leaves the bathroom to pick up the phone) Hello. Oh, hi, Drew. No, no, don't feel bad. (the doorbell rings) Come on in, Didi! Door's open! (back to Drew on the phone) Well, you know how kids are...

Chuckie: Well, so far so good, Tommy. Now, if we can just get out of this bath before my dad pulls that plug... (Tommy looks at the drain and makes a determined face) Tommy. Tommy, what are you doing?

Tommy: (gets up) I'm going' down there, Chuckie.

Chuckie: Why? You don't have to go down there! The drain's all plugged up! The bath's almost over!

Tommy: Sure, Chuckie. This bath's almost over, but what about to-morrow's bath, and the bath after that? Am I gonna be afraid forever?

Chuckie: Works for me.

Tommy: I gotta know, Chuckie, once and for all. Can you get sucked down that drain or not?

Chuckie: Oh, no. I can't watch! (covers his eyes)

(After a brief moment's hesitation, Tommy plunges his hand into the water and pulls the drain plug; he watches the water get sucked down the drain; upon placing his foot over the drain, Tommy laughs with joy upon realizing that you can't get sucked down the drain after all; as soon as Chuckie uncovers his eyes, Tommy sits on the drain and squeals)

Chuckie: (smiles) Hey! (crawls over to Tommy)

(cut to Chas conversing with Didi)

Chas: Look, Didi, about this bath thing, I...

Didi: Charles! You did it!

Chas: I did?

(we see Tommy and Chuckie playing in the bath water)

Didi: You cured Tommy of his water phobia!

Chas: Well, um... hey! I guess I did, didn't I?

Didi: You are an expert at getting a kid to take a bath!

Chas: Well... (chuckles; holds up puppet and says in a high-pitched voice) Gee, thanks! (laughs)

(just outside Chas' house, we see, through a window, Tommy and Chuckie continuing to play in the water as Didi and Chas watch)